Place to Belong, a (9 page)

“You know, Arnett, we need to do some talking yet about your proposal.” Ransom shook his head. “I just—”

“Now, don't you go ruining a perfectly good meal. We'll talk about that another day. I got me some ideas too.” He looked to Mavis. “I think every meal is better than the one before it. Can't begin to tell you how much it means to me to be part of this family.”

“Dan, you are welcome, but we do need to talk about your proposal. Ransom . . . well, each of us, is giving this a lot of thought, and I'm sure we'll come up with something that works for all of us.”

“I already have what works for me. Far as I'm concerned, it's a done deal.”

Mavis shook her head. “Stubborn old coot.”

“That's right and don't you be forgetting it.” The twinkle in his fading eyes belied any sternness he tried to convey.

That evening, when they all gathered in the big room, each busy with his or her project, Ransom turned to Lucas. “I have something I've been thinking on and I'd like to talk to you and get it off my chest.”

“In here or the kitchen?”

Ransom narrowed his eyes, thinking. “I guess in here because the others have heard me blast you with my other thoughts.”

Mavis watched her two sons. Lucas appeared to be relaxed, but the tension line in his jaw was tight. And Ransom shifted in his seat, not really comfortable either.
Lord, keep this pleasant, please,
she entreated. These two had gone at it before, many times with less incentive than this. She'd prayed then too.

“What?”

Ransom heaved a sigh. “I just want to ask your forgiveness again for insisting that you didn't really love Cassie but were doing your usual flirting around.”

“Thanks, brother.” Lucas narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

“No, please, I really mean this. If you still plan to marry Cassie—”

“I do.” He smiled at Cassie. “As soon as she agrees.”

“Then you have my blessing, like I said before. And I wish you all God's blessings.” He took another breath and smiled at both of them.

Mavis watched Cassie shake her head. It appeared she was still not ready to accept Lucas's proposal. Would she ever? Pride in her eldest son made her smile. He had come a long way when he could ask for forgiveness like this. He'd always had a hard time admitting when he might be wrong.
Please, Lord, lay your hand of blessing upon this union. She's like my daughter already, and this would just make it perfect. And if they lived over on the other ranch, what more could I ask for
? She smiled at her eldest son. Other than a good wife for him too. A woman who would think he was the greatest man that walked on this earth or at least in this valley.

Wherever she is, O Lord, bring her to us.

M
aybe I should just agree
, Cassie thought.

Everyone had gone to bed, but when she couldn't sleep she had returned to Mavis's chair by the fireplace, a light shawl wrapped around her shoulders. After stirring the coals, she'd added wood to the fire and now sat staring into the flames. If only she had been watching Lucas's face when Ransom announced his blessing. Why couldn't she just accept that and make this final? What would be wrong with marrying Lucas? He said he loved her, and she knew she loved him, but the problem was the way she loved him. As a brother, not as a husband. And that was a huge problem. Surely that would come with time. She remembered a Romanian couple that performed with the show for several years. It had been an arranged marriage. They had not even met before the wedding, and they were doing all right. Surely so could she.

She and Lucas could live in Arnett's house, and that way the brothers could run both spreads effectively.

All the family would benefit if she would only say yes.

God, Mavis says to ask you and I have, but I don't hear any answers. But then, I don't think I've
ever
heard you answer.
As
she thought about this, she observed that there were people in the Bible who married because it was the best thing, not necessarily for the kind of love she had seen between her mother and father. God had blessed those marriages.
Dear God, would you bless this one?

Would she regret it later?

She'd not thought about that before. Marriage was forever, but was her assumption true that she could learn to love Lucas forever?

The look on Ransom's face when he gave his brother the blessing floated through her mind. Was he doing that out of duty, or did he wholeheartedly believe it?
Think, Cassie
, or would it be better to stop thinking? Leaning back in the chair with a heavy sigh, she watched the dancing flames. Pictures of her mother and father flashed through her mind. While her parents had always included her in whatever they were doing, she knew they'd rather be together than with anyone else. Close together, touching . . .

She paused. They had hated to be apart. How many times had she heard her mother say,
“Your father will be back in a minute”
? Or an hour. And if longer than that, she touched the locket she always wore with their pictures in it. The treasured locket. Gone now.

Cassie's mind would not shut down, so she used a coal from the fireplace to light one of the kerosene lamps. She drew the handkerchief she was hemming from under her failure at knitting and continued the tiny stitches. She had embroidered a monogrammed LE in one corner. Fancy stitching she could do, so these would be her gift to the men on her list—the two Engstroms, Micah, and Mr. Arnett. No, just Arnett. She'd designed—in her mind at least—a reticule for Gretchen and a bookmark with “The joy of the Lord is your strength” on it for Mavis. Something for Runs Like a Deer still eluded her. She should have started months ago.

A pang of longing ripped into her heart. How her father would have loved bringing his wife and daughter to this place! What a shame that he had never left the show during the off-season and come here, at least for a visit.

That led to thoughts of the future. What if she joined a show or made guest appearances at shows during the season to make enough money to add to the ranch, not just pay for her own supplies? She'd heard Ransom talk of adding more cattle, and with the joining of the two ranches, there was now enough land to do that. How many acres that meant, she had no idea, but he'd also talked of Appaloosa horses like her father had dreamed of and new machinery—breakdowns were hard on everyone, or so Mavis said.

Money. So much of life revolved around money, mostly never having enough. Or any at all, in her case. The yard of linen she had purchased to make her Christmas gifts had taken her last cash, but Mavis's scrap bag did not have what she needed. She knew she could put it on the ranch credit or on her own, but the totals owed were so horrifying already that she couldn't do it.

If she were to agree to marry Lucas, would he go along with her ideas? He'd already said he would travel with her and manage her affairs. But would he? Could he? Mavis had stated unequivocally that Lucas would not travel with her unless they were married. She said she would come along when needed. That meant they'd need money for more railway fares, hotel rooms, meals. The list not only seemed unending, it kept lengthening.

“Go to bed.” The sound of her voice made Othello, who was sleeping at her feet, raise his head. “It's all right, fella, just talking to myself.” She reached down and stroked his head and then, setting her needlework aside, got up to add wood to the fire. She'd never reacted to things like this before—not able to sleep so staying up, dressed and awake. She folded the finished handkerchief and laid it on top of another in her sewing basket, another gift from Mavis.

Receiving gifts and never having anything to give in return ate at her. Here at the ranch she was doing all the receiving from all of them. That had to change!

Mavis found her in the morning sound asleep in the chair, the fire burned to embers but nowhere near out. She shook Cassie's shoulder. “Cassie, child, wake up and go to bed.”

“No, I can't.” Cassie blinked and, sitting up, blinked again before rubbing her eyes. Where was she? The fireplace, Mavis, Othello whining and nudging her with his nose. “Oh, I'm at the ranch.”

“Yes. Where else would you be?” Mavis peered into her eyes. “Cassie, are you all right?”

“I think so. I . . . I guess it was a dream.”

“A dream? Why are you sleeping out here?”

“I dreamed I was . . .” Cassie paused. “I couldn't sleep, so I decided to work on my Christmas gifts. I guess I finally did fall asleep.” She stretched her neck from side to side and shivered. She shivered so hard her teeth chattered. Guess she really was cold. How come she'd not awakened?

Mavis pulled her own shawl off the back of the chair and wrapped it around Cassie. “I'll get this fire roaring. It is already warming up in the kitchen. You dear child, a body could freeze out here when the fire goes down.” She stirred the lively embers and added kindling, seeing the flames lick it joyfully. “Although from the looks of this, you've not been asleep long.” After adding more wood, she turned again to Cassie. “I think you should go to bed for a while. Good way to warm up. And get some sleep.”

Cassie stretched her arms over her head, shivered and yawned, stretched some more and then yawned again while shaking her head. “I must have slept long enough. I better get going on the pancakes.”

Mavis grumbled as she let the dogs out through the front door, but Cassie ignored it. She truly did not feel like going to bed. She had too much to do, and it felt like she had an answer. She needed to talk with Lucas—and soon.

The kitchen was indeed warmer, and standing next to the stove, beating eggs into the risen sourdough, she became even more certain. She had to tell Lucas. Should she do this first, or should she make a general announcement like Ransom had last night? What was best? How come she felt so certain now and had dithered before? Had God really spoken to her in that dream that had already faded from her memory, leaving only a feeling of certainty? If that was what this was.

She moved the now-solid can of saved grease down from the warming shelf onto the stove so she could add melted lard to the batter.

“I found Cassie asleep in the chair,” Mavis announced to the men as they headed for the barn and the chores.

Cassie shrugged off their comments, not willing to let go of her train of thought. They could have the wedding on or around the New Year. That would give them a little time to get ready, not that she could see much need to get ready. Her mind leaped back to the package she had stored in the now burned wagon. The locket of her mother's to wear during the wedding. A treasure beyond measure, almost all that was left to her except memories. The thought brought tears to burn her eyes again, tears from a well she'd thought had long ago drained dry.

“Cassie, what is it?” Mavis asked softly.

“I just remembered the locket of my mother's that burned in the fire. It had a picture of my father in it and when he was off on one of his trips, my mother would stroke the locket.” Because he wasn't there to be touched.

She'd tell Lucas when the men came in for breakfast.

She'd stopped shivering, but now she felt her hand shake. This
was a rather momentous decision. Was she doing the right thing? Surely if this was God's message to her, it was the right thing. The breath she sucked clear to her toes didn't help a whole lot.

“Cassie, are you all right?”

“I will be.” Cassie could feel Mavis studying her. “Should I start frying these now or wait until they . . .” The sound of boots being scraped on the back porch made her smile. Guess that was an answer. She dipped batter out of the bowl held in the crook of her arm and poured circles on the griddle. She'd already tested the heat of it by dripping water on it and seeing the drops dance and jump.

Mavis turned the ham steaks and stirred the browned potatoes before transferring the food to serving platters and bowls. Dishes of applesauce already sat on the plates around the table.

“Sure smells good in here,” Arnett said as he hung his muffler on the tree. “I could smell breakfast clear to the bunkhouse. Made me rise from my bed and follow my nose right here.”

“Good. Now figure a way to bottle that, and we'll all be rich.” She set the platters on the table while Cassie watched for the rising bubbles in the frying batter and flipped the first batch over to cook on the other side. By the time Gretchen slid into her chair and the men sat down, she had the first platter ready. Mavis took that and Cassie poured the next batch. Only by counting the circles could she keep her mind from screaming off to the coming pronouncement.

When they'd all had enough, she set the remaining batter aside, moved the griddle to the top of the reservoir, and took her chair. Before she could even butter her pancakes, she said, “I have an announcement to make.”

Get this over with. Do it now.
She nodded to the voices in her head and looked at Lucas. “I will marry you like you asked, and I was thinking the wedding could be sometime around the first of the year.”

Lucas didn't smile or nod or anything. “Are you sure?” he asked softly.

Cassie paused only to draw a breath. “Yes.”

Gretchen let out a whoop, Ransom nodded, Arnett slapped his palms on the table, Mavis instantly looked incredibly happy, and Lucas . . .

Cassie waited, her heart thundering, holding her breath. Maybe this wasn't right. Had she made a mistake after all? Why, oh why?

The smile started at the corners of his mouth and moved up his face. “Good. That is wonderful.”

Cassie let out her breath, dizzy from the holding. Her muscles unclenched, making her aware she'd not realized she was holding all of herself in abeyance of his answer. Why had he hesitated? Did he own a streak of cruelty she'd not realized?

“I just had to be sure,” he said, rising to come around the table. He kissed her cheek and the top of her head. “Thank you. Your wish is my command.”

Cassie felt a giggle rising but swallowed it. Gretchen reached over and squeezed her fingers. “Now I'll have a real sister. Oh, Cassie, this is so absolutely perfect. I was hoping and praying, and then I was afraid you would say no and leave, and I . . .”

Mavis put an arm around both Cassie's and Lucas's shoulders. “
Lord God, thank you, and I pray you bless these children of mine
.” She sniffed and licked her lips. “Right now I am about as happy as I know how to be. Not sure that even hearing the vows could make me happier. What a way to start this new day. Oh my word, we have so much to do.”

Ransom groaned. “There goes the work on the mine.” He wore a sort of smile, but it was nowhere near the happy smile that glowed on his mother's face.