Play Me to Infinity (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 3) (12 page)

The next day, I woke up feeling chipper, and walked with an added bounce to my step.  That was until I attempted to play a trick on Nicole by jumping up from behind and surprising
her.

“No… It’s just… It’s fun… I’m having lots of fun, Dani, but… No, it’s not that at all.”  I heard her talking to my sister.  “It feels weird talking to you about this.  I know I always talk to you about everything.  It’s just…”  Her face was in her hand and she sighed.  “Yes, of course I like him!  I’d be crazy not to.” She continued.  “Yeah, I’m scared as hell…  What?  Fine.  I said fine!”  She groaned.  “No, no… I can’t.  Dean?  I can’t,
Dani.  There’s too much… it’s too much.  It would never work.  You can’t be serious.  You know what… never mind.  I’ve got to go.  Your brother is about to get here and- well, no.  I don’t know what I’ll say to…”

Without her noticing me, I made my way to my office and shut my door.  I couldn’t listen to any more.  Everything was blowing up in my face, or so it seemed.  I hadn’t even finished executing my plan with Danica’s help, and now I wondered if it was even worth it, based on what I had heard.

I had a delivery planned for later today, but now I wondered if cancelling everything would be better.  I could just take her CD and dump it on her desk and let her know that I was the one who’d held on to it all these years and be done with it all.

Maybe that’s what I should have done all along.

A soft knock on my door sounded and Nicole poked her head in.  She smiled in greeting.  “You’re later than usual.”

“Slept in.” I got up and stuffed my travel laptop into its bag.  “I’ve got to go.  I just came in to grab a few things.  Can you cancel my meetings for today?”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just not feeling well.”

Nicole nodded.

I made to leave.

She grabbed my arm to stop
me, but I shook her off.  “Don’t. I’m fine.”  I kept my gaze averted.  “Call me if something urgent comes up, otherwise, have a good weekend.”

I left the office like I had a fire up my ass and headed straight home.

When I got there, I was shocked to find Danica’s car in my driveway.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh wow!  Nikki didn’t lie when she said you weren’t yourself.”

“She called you?”

“Why wouldn’t she?  She’s worried about you.”

“I need you to go.  I’m in no mood to entertain.”

“Then you’re lucky that I’m in a mood to talk.”

When is she not?
I snorted my annoyance.

I left her in the driveway and stuck my key in the front door to let us in when Danica’s words stopped me in my tracks.

“She’s falling for you, you know.”  I didn’t answer.  “You’ve got her against the ropes.  She’s fighting it and she’s covering it up good, too.  If I didn’t know her well, I would have believed everything she told me this morning.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t catch the entire conversation, but I understood plenty.”  I gestured for her to come in.

“She’s playing it off like it’s all fun and games and that you two are just friends.  I know both sides of the story, and from what I can see, it’s not a game to either of you,” she said.  “So my question is, what are you going to do about it, because I don’t think Nikki can do anything.  She’s too scared and her past with Dean is too fresh.”

I ran my hands through my hair.  “What can I do?”

“Fight! Tell her how you feel.”

“You know how she is.  It took her months after my move here before she believed me about the whole player thing.  She’ll never believe me with this either.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.”

“We had a plan… I had a plan at the end of this whole thing.  I just don’t know if it’s worth it.”

“Do you like her?”

I shook my head.  “I love her, Dani.”  I groaned and hung my head, my elbows leaning onto my knees.  “I’m doing this all wrong!  She should be the first to know that, not you!”

“You’re right about that one.”

“Which?”

She sat down beside me and grinned.  “That you’re doing it all wrong.”

When all was said and done, my deliveries were never cancelled.  Instead, I switched things up.  Thanks to Danica and her cupid playing abilities, I had renewed ambition.

I picked up my phone and texted Nicole.

I need you to pick some documents up for me at Dani’s.  Jake’s holding on to them.  Can you bring them over?

Within seconds, I had my reply.

Okay.  I’ll handle it on my lunch break.  How’re you feeling?

I smiled.

I’ll be better when I see my package.

Let me explain what I did…

I’d instructed Danica to head to the office and sit down with Nicole in order to discuss the proper financial allocations for the Fleishman project.  A messenger was tasked to get to Nicole before she left the office on her errand, delivering a single red rose, accompanied by the remaining verses of my poem, and two CDs containing two more of her songs.

She’s on her way to pick up the package.
Danica texted.

Everything was coming to a head with perfection.

My doorbell rang and my pulse kicked up, knowing who stood on the other side of that door.

“Come in.” I tried to relax into the couch with the stereo on low, but still audible.

“I’ve got what you asked me to get.” Nicole rushed into the living room, waving the sealed envelope, but stopped dead in her tracks with a gasp as she heard the music.

“Mike?” Her voice had gone breathless, her eyes glossy.  I crossed the floor to her, taking her into a tender hug.  “It’s you, isn’t it?” she said into my chest.  “Please tell me that it’s you, because I’ve been wracking my brain about this; about how we’ve been together quite a bit lately, how our fights aren’t as frequent, how you haven’t been jealous one bit, and even happy when I tell you about all of these deliveries.  It’s not normal.”  She
pulled away to look at me.  “Whenever I think about the last time I saw that CD, I’d been spending a lot of time at your place.  Dani was helping me deal with things, and Mom was broken and… the CD was always in my bag until one day, it wasn’t.”

I took a deep breath and sucked it up.  It was time.  “You caught me.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“You stole it?”

“No.”  I kissed the top of her head. “I found it under Dani’s bed while I was looking for some of my CDs.  She used to steal my music, remember?  I thought it was one of my mixes, so I took it and kept it.  I love these songs, honey.  I had no clue who the artist was, but I’ve listened to your music a lot over the years.”

“But it wasn’t yours to keep,” she said, her tone sharp.

“Nic, I didn’t know whose it was.  It didn’t seem like anyone missed it, because no one asked me about it.”

“Where is it?” she demanded.  “Why didn’t you just give it back when you knew it was mine?”

“It was a way of keeping you with
me,” I said with simplicity.
  Yeah, and if you wanted to keep things simple, you would have burned yourself a copy of the CD and handed her the original.
  “Just like you didn’t believe me about the player thing, I doubted that you’d believe me if I told you I felt something more than lust or friendship for you.  So I decided to do something special to prove it.”

“Don’t you think that should have been up to me to decide?” she asked.  “Instead, you made me think… God, I don’t know what to think!”

“You seemed to have enjoyed it as it happened!” I bit back.

“Yeah, when I thought about it being someone else.”

“So you’re disappointed.”  I harrumphed.  “I should never-”

She shook her head.  “I should go.”

“Nic…” I began, but she pulled out of my arms, and all I wanted to do was pull her back in until she saw the truth, until she gave into how I felt for her, until she felt the same.  She hadn’t given it time to sink in.  She didn’t give me time to let me explain myself and how hard I had fallen for her over such a short amount of time, either.  There was so much left to say.

“I have to go.”  She turned to let herself out.

Please don’t!
  But my mouth couldn’t speak what should have been said.

Her car door slammed and its engine revved and before long, silence engulfed my house and I knew she was gone.

Standing with nothing but Nicole’s words surrounding me, my brain began to process.

I had to do something.

There’d be no more waiting.

There’d be no more watching life as it passed me by, while everyone else seemed to get their happily ever after.

I knew what I wanted, and whether she knew it or not, Nicole was it for me.  She’d just have to deal with that fact, and if I had to, I’d spend whatever time she gave us convincing her that we were made for each other.

It was time for me to fight.

I drove the ten minutes to Nicole’s house, breathing a sigh of relief when I found her car in the driveway.  I hadn’t worked out what I was going to say, but I knew I had to speak with her and not let everything go unresolved.  God help me, but I was going to wing it.

I knocked on her door.  I rang her doorbell.

“Who is it?”

“It’s
me.”

“Mike, I can’t talk to you right now.”

“I
know!” I said, looking at my feet.  I guess I wasn’t going to get through her door.  An idea crept into my head.  “I just need you to listen.”  I ran back to my car, sat in it and started its engine.  Grabbing my cell, I dialed her number.

“Listen to what?” she asked through the receiver, and I could hear the emotional exhaustion in her voice.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same.

The first track of her songs began to play through my car speakers.

“You hear that?” I asked her and didn’t expect a response, but I got a sigh.  “That song is what drew me in to you.”  I skipped to the next track.  “This one… it helped me through a tough time in my life.  When Mom died, this song meant the world to me and kept me together.”  Next.  “This one lulls me to sleep, but not because it stinks.  On nights when my brain was too busy worrying about exams, the next big football game, or work, it soothed me enough to relax and fall asleep.  It still works.  Hell, I’ve been using it since
Austin, because all I do is think about you, Nic, and I’ve been having a hell of a time trying to sleep unless you’re next to me.”  Next.  “This one is my favorite.  Actually, I have two favorites now, but this one was the first.  I managed to convince Tracey to use this song for our wedding dance.  I wish I hadn’t.”  I could have sworn I heard a groan on the other end of the line, making me regret my words, but I needed honesty.  “She accepted because it meant so much to me.  I just never realized that the words matched what I wanted and not what I had.”  Next.  “This one makes me happy, because I realized it was you I’d been listening to when I heard you singing that first night I dropped by.  I can’t help but smile when I hear this song, because all I see when I listen to it is you, and how you have so many dreams you have yet to see realized… dreams I want to help you achieve.  And that leaves me with this one!” I hit the next button one last time.  “This song is my official favorite of favorites by
you, Nic.  When I hear this song, it brings me back to the night I realized I loved you for the first time.” I heard her gasp in the phone.  “You were wearing my shirt, looking natural, content and comfortable… completely in your element.  You were perfect to me in that moment, Nicole.  That was the song that sealed the deal.  It’s when I knew that I needed you in my life.”  I swallowed hard.  “I don’t want you to say anything just yet.  I just wanted to say my piece and let it simmer.  At the risk of losing you altogether, I’m leaving your CD on the doorstep.  Even if it means losing the one and only piece of you that I could ever have.”  I exited my car and propped the item against the bottom of her door, keeping my phone to my ear.  “I’ll be at home if you need me.  Trust me when I say I never meant to upset you with what I did.  I love fighting with you, but not about things like this.  I love you, Nicole.”

I hung up and jumped into my car, shifted it into reverse, and peeled away before I lost the nerve.

I felt so empty, so confused.  Lost.  I needed to do something to get my mind off of things.  A swim seemed like a good idea.  I hadn’t done laps in my pool in weeks.

Not bothering to lock the door as I walked through the threshold, I stripped off my clothes, shedding one layer at a time until I was standing naked as the day I was born by my pool’s edge.

Numb.

I dove in, feeling the cool water wrap around me, making my outsides feel just as chilled as my insides.

I don’t know how long I was swimming for, and I don’t care.  There was no one to be around, no appointments, no places to go.  The only person I cared to see was in her home, locked away, battling emotions I had no clue what they entailed.

“You must be one pissed off son of a bitch!” I heard when I surfaced at the end of a lap, my muscles aching with exhaustion.  Ben sat on a poolside footstool, leaning onto his knees with an assessing gaze.

“Or a sorry one.” I tried to catch my breath.  “What are you doing here?”

“Danica called me.  She’s been trying to get a hold of you, but you haven’t picked up.”

“So you know?”

“Your sister filled me in on enough.  It explains why I haven’t seen you in a while.”  He smirked.  “I take it that it didn’t go so well.”

“Yeah, well, I should have known it wouldn’t work.”  I snorted.  “I thought this time was going to be different.  It’s bad that it took me a long time to figure out that Tracey wasn’t the one for me, but this…”  Fuck, did it hurt on a new level.

Ben nodded in understanding.  “Listen, I’ve got to go and get a few orders sorted out before the dinner rush, but drop by later, we can talk.”

“Maybe.”

“If you’re not there by ten, I’m hunting you down.”

“Right.”  My chuckle was humorless.

“Seriously, man.”  He turned at the entrance from the patio and looked at me.  “It’ll be fine.  Something tells me that if she’s as smart as she is, she’ll figure it out, and she’ll be back.”

“I won’t hold my breath.  I
don’t think it’s what she wants, she’s too fucking scared.”

“Scared is a good reason, but not good enough.”

“Practice what you preach, Carpenter.  Wasn’t it you who’s been telling me that you’re not interested in dating women because you’re scared?”

“Not scared, try petrified.”  He gave me a dry chuckle.  “I found my love and lost her, man.  I’m not in a rush to do it
all over again.”

“Later.”

“Remember, no phone call or no showing your ass means I’m popping by to be your drinking buddy at quitting time.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“By the way, put some clothes on.”  My first real laugh of the day escaped and my best friend took his leave.