Playing With Her Heart (26 page)

“Don’t run on me,”
he says in a casual voice, but I know there’s real meaning beneath
it.

“I won’t.”

He takes a step closer.
“I fucking want you so much,” he whispers in a rough scrape, and
heat surges through me, centering between my legs. I’m sure my
cheeks are turning that rosy pink that lets him know I feel
completely the same, and I’m about to inch closer to feel more of
this heat, when I see another blonde approaching him. It takes me a
few seconds to place her, but when I do my veins turn to ice, and I’m
sure my mouth is hanging open.

She’s so gorgeous,
and she’s so poised. With perfect cheekbones, deep brown eyes that
could melt any man’s cold heart, and the body of a Victoria’s
Secret angel she stops at Davis, and flashes a classy smile.

“What a delight to
see you again, Davis.” Then before he can even respond, she leans
in and gives him a kiss on the cheek. I’d love to peel her off of
him, but I’m too shocked to say anything, too embarrassed to even
move.

“Madeline,” he says
coolly, as if he’s completely unsurprised to see her.

“I just arrived in
town two days ago to start rehearsals for the Steve Martin play.”

He nods. I seem to
recall her being cast, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. Then
he introduces me, and it’s as if I’m having an out-of-body
experience, because everything about this moment is completely
surreal. Davis, introducing me to the woman he was once in love with.
The actress he fell hard for. The one person who singlehandedly broke
his heart. I’m split between the desire to throttle her for hurting
him, and the bizarre wish to thank her for leaving him so that I
could have him now, three years later.

Instead, I simply go
along with the pleasantries, shaking
her
hand. It’s a lovely
hand, a soft hand, but I still feel as if I’m touching an eel,
because it’s her hand. She shoots me a gorgeous smile and it’s
almost enough to seem real, but I can tell it’s her red-carpet
smile, her professional smile. That’s all. Nothing more. She
doesn’t even say
nice to meet you
. Her focus is only on
Davis, yet she’s not looking at him as a former lover. Instead, she
seems all business.

“Have the Pinkertons
got in touch with you about…” She pauses and shifts her eyes to
me as if she doesn’t want to say what it’s about, and I get the
message. She doesn’t want me around for their work conversation.
“Because I think it sounds like a brilliant idea.”

“Yes, they have.”

“Well?”

I’m so agitated right
now that I need to make an exit. “Oh, look. I see my friend Reeve.
I need to catch up with him about where we’re running tomorrow.”

And I walk away,
pushing past other people. A tiny bead of sweat slides down my spine,
and I doubt it’s because I’m hot. It’s more because I’m
embarrassed. She’s the woman who wrecked him. She’s the reason he
didn’t want to date me. She’s here, and she has something private
to discuss with him.

I bump into Alexis.

She rolls her eyes.
“You’re here?”

“Honestly. Now is not
the time, Alexis. So don’t even start with me.”

I continue on, looking
for Reeve or Shelby, but I don’t see either of my friends. So I
figure a bit of fresh air would do me good. I eye the doorway and
count down the seconds till I reach it, like I’m finishing a
marathon, when Davis’ sister cuts me off. It’s like I’m being
cornered everywhere I go.

“Hi. I’m Michele
Milo,” she says and extends a hand. First Madeline. Now Michele.
Women connected to Davis everywhere I turn. It’s like whiplash. I
don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to attend this
event.

“Hi Michele. I’m
Jill. I’m in the show.”

“I know who you are,”
she says, and then she rests her palm against my arm and it’s a
strange gesture. But she tips her forehead to the stairs, suggesting
we’re to head up to the second level. I go along with her.

“Listen, I know how
my brother feels about you.”

“What?” I don’t
have to act confused, because I am. I’m surprised he’d talk to
anyone.

“You have to know
that he’s the most important person in the world to me. The last
thing I want is for him to be hurt again. So if you’re not serious
about him, if this is some kind of career move, if you’re going to
use him, then please, I’m asking you woman to woman, to leave him
now.”

I feel like she just
dropped from the sky, like she's some sort of benevolent superhero,
because there’s something kind in her voice. Kind, but determined.

“I don’t know what
to say.”

“If you care about my
brother at all, please think seriously about what you’re doing,”
she implores me. “I don’t want him to go through that again. He
doesn’t do anything halfway, Jill. He doesn’t do his job halfway,
and he doesn’t do relationships halfway. He’s nothing or he’s
all in. So unless you’re there with him, unless you’re all in,
please get out before you hurt him.”

I glance over at Davis
and he’s still with Madeline. We’re too far away for me to guess
at what they’re saying, but he’s not trying to get away from her,
and he’s not looking for me.

“I don’t want to
hurt him. I care about him. But he’s with her right now.”

Michele narrows her
eyes. She looks like she’s about to bum rush Madeline and tackle
her from behind.

Then a loud voice fills
the room. “What an honor to be here tonight.”

Michele and I turn to
the small stage to see Jane Black with a microphone in hand. “I’m
still waiting for my chance to star in a Broadway musical, so any of
you big name producers, just call me up. Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m
all about the singing, and tonight we have a very special song for
tonight’s event. Have you all heard of this musical called
Once
?”

The crowd cheers its
answer, and Michele claps half-heartedly too as she scans the room
for her brother. But he’s no longer with Madeline, and my heart
goes cold with the possibility that they could be alone together.

“I thought you might
have,” Jane continues. “Would anyone want to hear Tony Award
winning Broadway star Michael Cerveris, who originated the role of
Tommy, sing a bit of "Falling Slowly" with me?”

The room erupts into a
chorus of yeses.

“Well, you should all
grab a girl, grab a guy, grab a friend, and dance.”

Then Michael joins Jane
on stage. He has a guitar slung around his chest, and begins plucking
the first notes from the romantic song first made famous in the movie
before it became a musical. The notes pierce me, even in the midst of
all this strangeness, of Michele’s protective warnings, and
Madeline’s appearance out of nowhere and now two gorgeous voices
stamp out all the confusion and I feel the music doing what it does.
Touching me, even though I don’t want to be affected by anything
right now. As Jane’s gorgeous voice fills the room, Michael’s
beautiful baritone layering into hers, I see Davis walking toward me.
Purposefully, deliberately, with a sly little grin on his fabulous
face. He walks up the steps and finds me with Michele.

“Michele. I’m going
to need to take Jill away from you right now.”

He turns to me and
offers his hand. “Dance with me.” He holds my gaze with his deep
blue eyes and says it with such tenderness that I simply nod a yes.
He takes my hand, and pulls me away from his sister, and soon my
hands are on his shoulders and his are on my waist.

“Are you enjoying
yourself?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why do you think?
Because of
her
.”

“It was about work.
The Pinkertons are considering doing a movie of
World Enough and
Time
and they approached me about directing, and they’re
talking to Madeline about reprising her role.”

“Do you want to do
it?”

“I’m not sure.
That’s what Madeline was asking about with me. She was trying to
convince me, but I’m not entirely sure I want to go back to
something I’ve already worked on.”

“Was she convincing?”
I ask and I can’t hide the jealousy.

“Are you jealous?”

“Yes,” I say,
letting my irritation show. I want him to know that I don’t like
her being around. He’s mine.

“Why?”

“Why do you think?”

“Say it, Jill.”

I sigh heavily, then
manage to get the words out. “Because I don’t want anyone else to
have you. Just like how you feel about me.”

He lowers his voice
more, his words only for me. “Nobody else has me. Nobody else will.
Nobody else can.”

I close my eyes for a
moment. There are too many warring emotions in me, battling with each
other. “Your sister told me to stay away from you,” I tell him,
because I know he loves his sister, but I want to know too that he
disagrees with her directive.

“Did she?”

I nod as we sway in a
small circle.

“Are you going to
stay away?”

“It doesn’t seem
that way, does it?”

“Don’t stay away,”
he says, his strong hand on my waist bringing me a bit closer to him.

“I should ignore your
sister?” I ask, as if I’m challenging him, because I am. I don’t
like all these women who have their hooks into him in different ways.

“Ignore her.”

“What about
Madeline?”

“It’s just work. I
don’t feel anything for her anymore. How could I?” he says with
such certainty, such confidence. “Everything I feel is for you.”

A heady feeling swoops
through me, and I don’t know what it is. It’s so different from
how I felt about Patrick for so long. It feels like I’m flying, and
like I’m being cut open at the same time. As if I can feel all the
good things and all the awful things at once. I don’t know what’s
going on, especially since he moves his hand from my waist to the
open V on my back. He doesn’t say anything, and my mouth is too dry
to speak. He strokes my back with his finger, sending shivers
radiating across my skin.

“You’re touching
me,” I say in a low voice, as Jane and Michael sing about falling
so deeply you can’t go back. The song might as well have been
written for me right now. I can’t go back to who I was. I can’t
go back to my carefully constructed self. But more than that, I don’t
want
to return to the Jill I was before. I have to be this new
person who doesn’t have a mask or a costume to hide behind. If I
want to have the things on the other side, I have to start anew. “Do
you think everyone knows?” I ask.

“Knows what?”

“How we feel.”

“How do you feel?”

“I think you know,”
I say, and we haven’t once looked away from each other. The
connection between us is so intense it’s like nothing else exists
but us and this tiny little patch of the Terrace Room where we barely
move our feet, and dancing is just a euphemism for being able to
touch each other in public, even if it’s only a hand on a shoulder.
But that bit of contact with him makes me tipsy.

“I think I’d rather
hear it from you.”

“Davis,” I say, but
that’s all. I can’t get any more words out.

“This song,” he
says and now there’s a touch of nerves in his voice. But he pushes
through them. “This song is for you. I asked them to sing it for
you.”

And that’s when I
know. That’s when I feel it all through my body and my heart and my
mind. I feel
everything
. Like all the pieces that encased my
pretending heart shear off and splinter to the ground, leaving me
with only the real thing, because these words, this song about two
people falling in love is all too true, and all too real, and there’s
nothing fake about it, and nothing happening from afar. It’s
happening right here, to me, and I can barely even comprehend how I
might feel when there are no more walls. But I need him. I need to be
close to him. I need to touch him.

“I can’t be on this
dance floor with you right now.” I can hardly get air. I’m
overcome with all these feelings crashing through my body.

“Are you okay?”

“I need to be alone
with you for a minute.”

He places a hand on my
lower back and guides me out of the Terrace Room, down the hall and
to a nearby bathroom. He opens the door, shuts it and locks it. He
looks me over like he wants to kiss me senseless from head to toe.
Everything is electric between us as I wait in that sliver of a
moment for him.

Then he leans into me,
pushes one strap off my shoulder and kisses my bare skin. I am
light-headed and woozy. I want so much more, but even the slightest
touch sends me into another world. He rains hot shivery kisses all
along my shoulder and to my neck, blazing a trail up to my ear.

“Are you finally
going to put me out of my misery?” I might be begging, but I don’t
care. I’m beyond ready for him. The question is—is he ready for
me?

His lips brush my
earlobe, and I think he’s about to whisper a
yes
in my ear.
Instead, he breaks the contact and pulls back to look at me, his dark
eyes seeing me as I truly am. As the woman who wants only him, and he
finally knows it, and finally believes it. He is as stripped bare as
I am right now with this need we have for each other that’s become
so consuming. I am on edge, holding my breath for an answer.

“Yes. Tonight.”

Tonight.

It’s finally going to
happen. The possibility of being with him is terrifying and thrilling
at the same time. Then we smash into each other and we kiss in a
frenzy, as if we are claiming each other, marking this moment when
everything is so completely clear between us. His hands are on my
face instantly, and his tongue is searching my lips, my mouth, and I
can’t get enough of him. I want to crawl up him, and wrap my legs
around him, and slam him into me. Instead, he pushes me against the
wall, trapping me with his body, the way I like it.