Poison Heart (13 page)

‘What is it?’

‘Look,’ he urged.

I reached across and pulled the photograph towards me. It wasn’t quite in focus, but it was clear enough to see Luke and me, locked in an embrace. It did take me by surprise – not the fact that we were hugging, but how intimate we looked.

I immediately tried to defend myself. ‘It’s not what it looks … I hug Luke all the time. Where did you get it?’

‘It was posted on the college noticeboard this morning. Lucky I was one of the first in.’

My mind was whirring and jumbled, trying to keep pace with Genevieve. On Friday she’d played the trick on Nat, on Monday my art folder was ruined and now Merlin thought I was two-timing him, plus the news of my deceit would be around the college. Genevieve told me yesterday that she hadn’t even started yet, and it looked as if her threat was sincere. How could she wield such power over me?

‘There’s something else, Katy,’ Merlin continued gravely. ‘You and Luke were together all day Saturday, but you said you had to stay in with your mum.’

To play for time I tucked into my jacket potato, but I hadn’t realized how hot it was and had to drink the milkshake all at once to cool my mouth. I hadn’t mentioned my day with Luke, and there was only one way he could have found out. I licked the strawberry cream from my lips, wishing we could go back a few weeks when everything was so bright and new.

‘You know when I said people might … imply things about me, things that aren’t true. Well, that’s the sort of stuff I meant.’

Merlin nodded, but without approval. ‘What’s so secret?’ he asked. ‘Why didn’t you talk about it?’

I couldn’t tell him the truth. Being evasive was the only solution, a sort of damage-limitation exercise.

‘I’m helping Luke with something and that’s why I didn’t tell you. You know he’s a journalist … well … he’s investigating someone. It’s not exactly undercover work, but it’s not something to shout about.’

‘Maybe someone’s investigating you,’ he commented drily.

I grimaced. ‘Can’t imagine who.’

Merlin didn’t know about my ruined art folder, so I filled him in on the details and how it couldn’t have been an accident. He sat chewing this over, making sympathetic noises, but he still hadn’t touched me. I knew how awful it would feel if he had spent a whole day with another girl and lied to me, so I couldn’t blame him for being like this, and in a way his jealousy was flattering. I stood up, leaned across the table and kissed him full on the lips, breathing in paint and something unique that was indefinably Merlin.

‘I would never do anything to hurt you, and I’d never be unfaithful … that’s despicable.’

Merlin leaned back on the leather bench and the tension visibly drained from him. ‘Sorry for the interrogation, but it’s been eating me up.’ He placed one hand in the middle of the table, fingers apart, and I placed mine on top.

The ice was broken between us and I plucked up the courage to ask, ‘Who told you about Luke and me going out for the day?’

For just a couple of seconds guilt crossed Merlin’s face and he rubbed his nose awkwardly. In the end he had to come clean.

‘It was just an innocent remark,’ he murmured. ‘No harm intended. Genevieve wanted to go shopping to buy Nat’s present, but she couldn’t reach you. Your mum must’ve mentioned where you were.’

No harm intended! Genevieve had malice coursing through every vein in her body, but I was the only one who could see it. I couldn’t blame Mum either. The only solution was to lead the double life and turn into a kind of split personality. I forced myself to talk and act normally with Merlin.

We walked back via the canal. There were a couple of brightly coloured barges passing and I thought how great it would be to travel all year long, never in the same place, sleeping above deck when the weather was hot. Merlin must have seen the wistful look on my face and put both arms tightly around me.

‘We could live like that … be gypsies.’

For a minute I blocked Genevieve and everything else out, imagining Merlin and me alone, with no one to cause any misunderstandings.

‘We wouldn’t need much money,’ I agreed. ‘You could paint and I could make clothes or do alterations or … anything really. No one would bother us.’

He pulled me down on to the nearest bench and pressed his face to mine, our noses touching, like Eskimos. He squeezed my arm so hard I knew there’d be bruises tomorrow, but I didn’t care. Neither of us spoke for ages. I wanted time to stop, right then, and keep this moment. But it was tinged with sadness because I was treasuring time with Merlin as if it had already ended.

‘I see you everywhere,’ he whispered. ‘In the street, around every corner, when you aren’t really there. You’ve
bewitched me, Katy. I’ve never felt this way about any girl before.’

For a second his words conjured a horrible image in my mind – Genevieve with her beguiling beauty and strange ability to be everywhere. I screwed up my eyes, eager to banish it from my thoughts.
I’ve never felt this way about any girl before
. This was
me
Merlin was talking about. He wasn’t comparing me to Genevieve at all.

‘Me neither,’ I answered shyly, and then realized what I’d said. ‘I mean, I’ve never felt this way about any guy.’

‘You know I said you had a glow when I first met you – I think it was love at first sight.’

I wound my arms around his neck. ‘I felt it too.’

‘Say it then,’ he pressed.

‘You say it first,’ I squealed, overcome with nerves.

He blew out slowly, looked around and swallowed hard. ‘Katy … I love you.’

I was too shy to look at his face. My head burrowed somewhere into his armpit as I whispered, ‘I love you too.’

Merlin moved his lips to my ear. ‘But will you love me forever?’

‘Of course,’ I answered straight away.

‘Even when I’m as old as Luke?’

I tickled his ribs. ‘He’s only twenty-one.’

‘That’s ancient,’ he mocked, unfastening his jacket and enfolding me inside.

Merlin loves me, Merlin loves me, Merlin loves me
.

A voice inside my head chanted with insane happiness
and then I pinched myself to make sure this was real. I was suddenly consumed by the realization that it could have been so different and how close I’d come to losing him.

I took a deep breath. ‘Merlin, we should plan our night away and not put it off any more.’

‘What about this Friday?’ he said immediately. ‘Maybe … you could arrange an alibi for then.’

My stomach lurched. ‘This weekend? But … my coursework needs attention.’

I felt rather than saw his disappointment and could have kicked myself. My arms circled his waist as my heart beat faster. ‘Maybe … if I can … I mean yes … yes, I will.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘You can arrange it?’

‘Sure,’ I answered impulsively. ‘We should live for the day and just … go for it.’

‘Live for the day,’ he repeated, and almost crushed the life out of me.

‘I’ve already set the scene with Mum … told her Hannah’s parents are going away soon and she doesn’t want to be alone.’

‘I’ll arrange the booking,’ Merlin replied eagerly. ‘I’ll have to pretend to be eighteen, but that’s no problem. Are you OK, Katy? You’re trembling.’

He reached for my hand, and our fingers threaded together. ‘Promise me you won’t stop believing in me,’ I whispered, so faintly that he didn’t even hear.

Genevieve was the first thing I saw in class that afternoon, sitting with her self-satisfied smile and rearranging her curls. I strode over, unable to stop myself from taunting her.

‘Sorry I wasn’t home when you called,’ I announced with feigned regret. ‘You wanted to go into town with me to look for Nat’s present. What about after college today?’

I wanted Genevieve to know that I was on to her and force her to invent reasons why she couldn’t go, but incredibly she turned her iridescent eyes on me and said lazily, ‘OK Why not?’

This was awful. I opened my mouth to retract the offer, but Hannah was already behind us and had heard my suggestion. I quickly asked if she was free to come with us, but she had to pick her little brother up from school. What had I done? After spending every moment trying to avoid Genevieve, I’d invited her to go shopping with me. For once I couldn’t blame her; I’d walked right into this one.

The bus driver did an about-turn. ‘Hello, girls. Thought I was seeing double for a minute.’

This was downright annoying – even strangers noticed how alike we’d grown. Close up, I could see even more similarities. We had similar coats, of course, and Genevieve had changed her hair to a side parting like mine and copied my make-up. I didn’t wear much eyeshadow and I liked dark shades of lipstick because they suited my pale complexion. I must have lost weight over the last few weeks because my jeans now rested somewhere around my hips, which made us look even more alike. Genevieve didn’t seem bothered, but I was and toyed with the idea of taking off my coat, except that it was cold and a fog had descended. It was wet, choking, and so thick that it was in my mouth, the same taste left by fireworks after they’ve fizzled out.

‘So what sort of stuff does Nat like?’ Genevieve asked when we got off the bus. People stared at her. I was
conscious of that, and knew there was something that made her stand out from the crowd, just like Merlin.

I decided to make my own mischief. ‘What about a scarf and hat?’

Nat hated hats of any kind because her hair was so wild, and she always said that scarves made her think of scarecrows and old people.

Genevieve fixed me with her cool unblinking stare. ‘You think she’d like that?’

‘Love it,’ I lied.

‘Suppose I could manage that. Why isn’t she having a party?’

I grinned to myself, thinking back to last year, dancing until dawn and then jumping into the town fountain on our way home. I caught a terrible cold and was off school for a week, but it was well worth it.

‘Her mum forbade it after her sixteenth. It got a bit … er … wild, so this year’s is just a civilized lunch.’

‘Can’t imagine wild around here,’ Genevieve grunted sourly.

It was only late October and the shops were already full of Christmas things, their windows decorated with fake trees and even faker snow – boxes tied with string, cardboard cut-out roaring fires and all the tinsel and baubles you could ever want. It was cheesy, but still made me feel as excited as if I was seven years old. I followed Genevieve into a craft shop, shivering at the thought of my first Christmas with Merlin.

She chose some wool in an awful bottle-green colour, which I knew Nat would hate. She was a hippy, dippy sunshine kind of girl. I’d already made an oversized cushion embroidered with yellow and orange cats because she was mad about them. It was mean of me, but I couldn’t stop grinning to myself imagining Nat trying to look thrilled when she unwrapped Genevieve’s present and then having to wear the scarf and hat so as not to offend her.

‘OK … that’s that,’ I muttered as we left the shop. ‘There’s nothing else I want so … I’ll just make my way home.’

Genevieve spluttered with disbelief. ‘Don’t pretend like this, Katy. You really can’t tear yourself away from me.’

‘I’m only here for Nat … I don’t choose to be near you.’

Her voice was as smooth as silk. ‘Admit it. You engineered this. You might not know it, but your subconscious wants to get close to me.’

I was beginning to learn that Genevieve inverted the natural order of things; she could make out that white was black and vice versa. I had to stop a red mist from taking hold so I regulated my breathing and tried to picture Luke’s face telling me not to let her rattle me.

‘Be careful what you wish for,’ Genevieve breathed, looking up at the sky. ‘You wished for the perfect boyfriend and you got Merlin … and you wished for a special person in your life. Here I am, Katy. Someone who understands you … perfectly.’

This was way too close to the truth. I
had
wished for a boyfriend, and for the best friend I’d never had.

She slowed down and studied her reflection in a window. ‘Have you had enough yet?’

‘Of what?’

She didn’t answer and continued to stare in the glass, but this time at me. ‘How does it feel, Katy, to watch your life trickling away? Scarcely a ripple and you’ll be gone. Hardly anyone will notice.’

‘Merlin knows the photograph means nothing,’ I told her. ‘So that little scheme of yours failed.’

She tapped the side of her head. ‘He says he knows … but he’ll see it in his mind’s eye and never quite escape, no matter how hard he tries. Images are so powerful, we see them even when we don’t want to.’

‘He trusts me completely.’

Her voice was hypnotically assured. ‘It only takes one small seed of doubt to grow and spread until the whole thing is rotten. All trust eroded.’

I wondered if she was referring to Nat and those awful love spells. Nat, who would always suspect that I had gossiped about her. I clenched my fists, trying to block out the pain.

‘You’re growing weaker all the time, Katy.’

I extended my arm. ‘Just get away from me, Genevieve.’