Positive/Negativity (29 page)

“Yes, bear. Please stop worrying.”

“I’m not worrying. I just can’t see what’s going on from here, and I want to be on top of things,” he said angrily. He was exasperating.

“You’re a control freak,” I told him. “Everything’s fine. I’ll meet you and Aimee tonight, and we’ll have a nice, relaxing dinner and a good weekend. Maybe then you’ll just chill out.”

“Call me before you leave, baby. It’s a long drive by yourself.” Declan’s tone changed from forceful to concerned.

“I promise I will,” I reassured. I could hear his care for me in his voice, and it warmed my heart. “Talk to you soon.”

The last of the men were leaving for the weekend, and the window subcontractor was walking to the door with me when my cell phone rang again.

“Yes, Declan?” I answered. It wasn’t Declan and the male voice was very formal. “Oh, no, I’m sorry he isn’t. What?
Oh my dear God…”

…and for the next few hours, God helped Aria as she made the drive through the mountains and to the lake…

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Make you Feel My Love – Adele

“Lacey’s dead…”

I heard Carter repeating those words over and over in my head. He continued to speak through his tears but I didn’t retain many of the details. My mind struggled to recall his words as I drove to their home. I didn’t hesitate to go there immediately after the Trooper called as I was already packed to meet Declan there. Once they put Carter on the phone, everything blurred.

My only reply was, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

My car was parked outside Declan’s building when I received the call. I tried to phone him, but it kept going to voicemail, and this wasn’t a message to leave in someone’s voicemail. His battery was dead, or he wasn’t getting a signal. At least we were both on our way to Carter, and that was the goal no matter how we got there. Maybe it was better that both Carter and I were unable to reach Declan. He’d learn the tragic news soon enough when he reached the lake.

I was almost at my destination, and I couldn’t remember having driven that far. Shock must have had that effect on me. I remember doing the same thing when my dad passed away. It was happening now and I just kept repeating Carter’s words over and over in my mind. I knew that I’d learn the details, but somehow, I was hoping this was a terrible mistake.

As I pulled into the driveway, I saw Carter and Lacey’s cars, two State Trooper cars, and Declan’s car. He must have heard me approaching the house because, as I turned off the ignition, he walked out the front door and ran toward me.

“Are you okay, baby?” he asked, searching my face.

I could only nod as my eyes began to mist over.

“Please tell me that this has been a horrible mistake?”

His eyes filled with tears of their own as he spoke with a broken voice, “I only wish I could…” and his voice trailed off.

“Declan, I’m so sorry,” I said as I held him close, and he placed his face into my hair.

“I was concerned about you driving here by yourself when Carter told me that he’d spoken with you. I was afraid to call you because I didn’t want you to try and answer your cell if you saw that it was me calling,” he said as he looked me over from head to toe as if inspecting me for damage.

“I’m fine, but I want to go in and see Carter.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, draping his arm around me as we solemnly walked to the house.

There was not a speck of joy in this house as we entered. No air of lightness, not even a slight smile. Even Cody didn’t seem her exuberant self as if she knew that something was amiss. She lay curled in a circle by the feet of Carter, and she didn’t get up when I entered the room; she just raised her eyes to me.

I quietly walked over to Carter and knelt down in front of him, putting my hands on his knees. Looking up into his handsome face, he appeared to have aged twenty years.

“Hi,” I said very softly.

“Hi,” he replied; then he reached his hand out to place it on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” I said as I squeezed his knee.

I heard a noise in the kitchen, which made me turn around to inspect its origin. I saw Aimee standing there; then I looked up to address Carter.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” he replied.

Walking over into the kitchen, Aimee put her arms out and we hugged.

“Hey girl,” she said.

“Hey,” I said back. It seemed no one was much for words.

“Hungry? I was trying to make some sandwiches for everyone.”

“More tired than hungry,” I said. “Has Carter said much?”

“He’s listened mostly. The State Troopers brought him back after identifying the body. They arrived at the same time we did,” Aimee said.

“Yeah, that was who called me and then they put him on the phone.”

My heart was breaking for Carter. He was so forlorn; his tear-streaked face appeared haggard. Declan didn’t look much better. I returned my attention to Aimee.

“Thank you for driving here with Declan, Aimee,” I said as I held her hand. “I don’t know if I could have driven here with peace of mind if I had to worry about him driving alone. The drive was difficult enough for me…he and Lacey were very close.”

“I’m here for you guys,” she reassured. “I’m staying in case you all need anything. Go and be with them,” she said, consoling me.

I nodded to her and moved into the living room to be with Declan and Carter. As I sat next to Declan, he slipped his arm around my waist.

“How are you doing, Carter?” I softly asked.

He raised his red-rimmed eyes to me.

“I’m never going to do well again, Aria. I can’t imagine a life without Lacey. I don’t
want
to live a life without her.” Just then, more tears dropped from his eyes.

Cody moved over to him and placed her head on his knee. He then absent-mindedly placed his hand on her head.

“The person that hit her never stopped. They just left her and kept going…” he said with a broken voice. “She knew everyone was coming tonight, and she said she was going for a bike ride since it was such a beautiful day. I never got a phone call. One of my friends on the force came to the house to take me to her. Another motorist saw her when they were driving up the mountain road. By the time help got to her, she was gone…” He began to sob uncontrollably and his giant body collapsed into the chair.

Declan and I had tears of our own. We both loved Lacey, but seeing Carter like this was affecting us even more.
How would he ever survive the devastation and loss of such a love?

“She was
always
careful when she rode.” He shook his head disbelieving. “She
never
went out without her helmet. What possible match is a one hundred and twenty-two pound woman against a car!” he said as he threw his hands up in exasperation and choked out the sobs. “How am I ever going to get along without her?” he asked as he turned to look at us. “How?
Tell me, please?”
he pleaded. “I’ve known Lacey forever. She was my first love. She and I know everything about each other—
everything
,”
he ranted.

Carter paced the floor, and Declan stood, placing his arm around his brother to let him know that he didn’t have to bear this alone. Carter stopped for a minute and looked at Declan. With a heart-rending plea, he searched his eyes to seek clarity and understanding while holding onto him.

“Do you want to know what bothers me the most? Do you want to know what’s tearing me apart? What’s
killing
me inside?” he searched Declan for answers and then offered them to him through great wracked sobs. “I wonder how long she lay there alive…hurt, and praying that someone…help would come. Was it a minute? Was it an hour? Did she die instantly? Did she wonder why I didn’t come? Did she wonder where I was? Did she try to reach for her cell phone? Was she able to, or was she in too much pain to reach for it? Was she unconscious and couldn’t reach for it?
Did she cry out for me, or could she not cry out at all?
”—Carter shook Declan for a moment as he asked the next question
—“Did the heartless son of a bitch who hit her even look back to see the damage he’d caused?! The worst of it is that she died alone.”

Carter came undone and physically disintegrated into Declan’s arms.

“I didn’t know it would be the last time I would see her. Did I kiss her goodbye? Did I say ‘be careful’?
Did I tell her I loved her?”
He was torn to shreds…

I came over to them both, and we brought Carter to the sofa to sit between us.

Carter sobbed mournful, grievous tears for the next several hours until he had no energy left within his large frame and appeared to fall into sleep. It was a tormenting sight to see the towering, powerful man reduced to the distressful and pitiful widower.

We removed his shoes while Aimee retrieved a blanket; then we moved him into a prone position on the sofa so that he could get whatever amount of sleep his woeful body would take. The three of us moved into the kitchen to talk quietly. Cody girl wouldn’t leave her master; she lay beside him on the floor.

“I feel so helpless,” Declan said through agonized eyes. “I loved Lacey. She was my sister, but I could only imagine what Carter…” he stopped because he couldn’t say the words aloud. Clearing his throat he tried again. “He needs me, but I don’t know what to do…” His head fell into his hands and he ran his hands through his hair.

I placed my arm around his back and gently ran my hand across it to comfort him.

“You’re doing the best thing that you can, babe,” I whispered to him. “You’re here for him”—I placed my hand to his cheek to turn his face toward me—“and I’m here for you, bear…”

Placing his chin on my head, he spoke in a barely audible voice, “I don’t know how I’d ever live without you, Aria. The thought of it takes my breath away. I feel like a vise is around my throat. I don’t even want to think of how badly this will affect Carter…”

“Then don’t try. Just be here for him,” I said as I moved my head back to look into his eyes. I attempted a very weak smile to offer him some relief. “I’m not planning to go anywhere.”

As I reached up and gave him a comforting kiss, Declan’s arms came around me and wouldn’t let me go.
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