Authors: Gina Amaro Rudan,Kevin Carroll
Practical Genius (14 page)
Nonverbal communication matters most, and if our body language says something different from our words, listeners will believe the nonverbal. This leads me to the power of touch.
Have you realized how far a hug, a kiss hello, or a gentle pat on the shoulder can go? Interpersonal communication is much more than the effective use of verbal language and body language; it also involves touch. A warm touch releases oxytocin, a hormone that helps create a sensation of trust. An article in
The New York Times
described the work of psychologists who have found that momentary touches—whether a high-five or a warm hand on the shoulder—can communicate an even wider range of emotion than gestures or expressions and sometimes do so more quickly and accurately than words.
When it comes to performance, scientists at Berkeley recently analyzed the interactions of professional basketball players and discovered that players who made physical contact with teammates most consistently and longest tended to rate highest on measures of performances and the teams with those players seemed to get the most out
of their talent. When it comes to teams and performance, the body interprets a supportive touch as “I’ll share the load,” which leads to greater collaboration and human investment. Touch is powerful, and all practical geniuses must leverage the power of touch in their own lives. Remember that when it comes to attitudes and beliefs, your body speaks louder than words.
Below are some body language basics that are oriented toward communications in the United States.
Share yourself.
The best body language tip I have for you is to share yourself in person. In this fast-paced era of e-mail, IM, and text messaging, one universal truth remains: face-to-face is still the most preferred, productive, and powerful medium for expressing genius. Face your audience, make eye contact, be sure your movements are relaxed and natural, and stand tall—all of which are nonverbal signs of credibility and competence.Make a show of hands.
When being truthful or forthcoming, effective leaders tend to use open gestures, showing their palms and wrists, and spreading their hands and arms away from their bodies, as if saying “See, I have nothing to hide.” When you think about what the opposite of that—folded arms, hands behind the back, or jammed in pockets—conveys, you see what an easy and effective way this is to establish trust.Too much really is too much.
I’ve had to learn this the hard way. Genuine enthusiasm and expressing your passion with your body language is great, and I encourage you to express yourself, but be mindful not to cross the line. Too much will be perceived as your trying too hard, so the next time you want to jump up and down in excitement about
something, think before you jump. Early in my career, it was perceived as immature. And with the help of a coach, I learned how to manage my dance moves, which in my twenties was what I would do with big news—my very own happy dance. Believe me, I still dance, but only when it’s the right time!Align your words and gestures.
Alignment, synergy, and timing with your words and gestures are important in supporting the message. The goal: congruency. You never want your words to be expressing one thing and your gestures the opposite. For example, many people fold their arms across their chests, and this instantly creates a boundary. No matter what your message, crossed arms will
never
help you convey it.Don’t use pacifiers.
Many people get nervous when they are going to speak with someone new or during a meeting or presentation and reach for “pacifiers”—pens, paper clips, or rubber bands. When you are speaking with someone and your hands are playing with a pen cap, for example, it will be perceived as insecurity.Smile!
Facial expression is another form of nonverbal communication, and a genuine smile goes a long way. Smiling adds warmth and an aura of confidence. Smiles are also contagious, so as you smile more, others will, too.Walk tall.
Posture is just as important as your mother always said it was. Sit or stand erect if you want to be seen as prepared, enthusiastic, and ready for business. Poor posture sends a message that you are tired or weak. Genius always walks tall. If you have to invest in a posture-correcting brace to help remind you of your posture, do it. It helps.Watch your figure.
How and where you cross your legs says a great deal about how you feel, and too much movement signals nervousness. The preferred positions for any professional are feet flat on the floor or legs crossed at the ankles. The least professional and most offensive position
is resting one leg or ankle on top of your other knee. Some call this the “figure four.” It can make you look arrogant.Measure your distance.
How close or far you stay from others is crucial if you want to establish good rapport. Standing too close will brand you as pushy, and if you are too far away you will be perceived as standoffish. The goal is to find the happy medium. Most important, do what makes the other person feel comfortable.You had me at “Hello.”
A firm handshake, a slight bow, or an air kiss (when appropriate) with any greeting works wonders—as long as you’re mindful of the cultural nuances. In America, between Americans, a warm, confident greeting, accompanied by direct eye contact, is always the way to go. When it comes to everyday social and business greetings other rules apply. Do your homework, and get it right when traveling.
This is an aspect of learning to express your genius that I think is monumentally important. You’ve worked so hard to find your other G-spot. You think you have your genius story just where you want it. But the only way to see how it’ll play in Peoria is to practice your story up one side and down the other. Practice it in the mirror, practice it on video, practice it in the car while you’re driving. Try it out on random people you’ve just met, to work the kinks out. Listen for how the rhythms of the story are working, the high points, the segues, the way you wrap it up. You’ll know when it works because you’ll practically hear a “click.”
When I was invited to be a speaker at TEDGlobal 2010 in Oxford, England, I practiced my story for sixty-two hours. I had four minutes to share my idea, and I decided upon my “gifted story” and practiced more for those four minutes than I have ever practiced for any other talk in my life. The result was a near-flawless delivery from
my heart and mind, and the outcome was acceptance and celebration from a not-so-easy-to-impress audience. Many of us do not practice the short two-or four-minute stories that we share all day long—but believe me, they’re much more effective when you do. Whether on a TED stage or on a subway, I have my themes, vocabulary, and stories edited, practiced, and ready to go. If your intention is to express genius anytime—
every time
—and anywhere, you have to be prepared to do so. I’ve been blessed with many opportunities throughout my life, and I think it’s because I’m prepared when opportunity comes knocking.
Expressing genius is like writing a book. It features a narrative, is filled with the great themes that clearly speak of you, the hero of the story, and is built with a unique set of words that convey the style and essence of the message and its messenger. You do not have to be a master communicator to get this right. All it takes is dedicating time to writing it, sharing it, editing it, and practicing it. In this era of broadcasting our lives to the world in real time, we really have to be careful not to tell the stories we think people want to hear but the meaningful, authentic ones that matter. You are the author, the composer, the sculptor of your message.
PLAYBOOK
Do the Two-Minute Drill
Put together a story you might tell a person you’ve just met that will make him or her care about you in no more than two minutes. The story should offer a glimmer of your assets and a sense of who you are. And it should elicit an emotional response, whether it’s laughter, empathy, or compassion. Two minutes is all you have. Write it out, practice it with a timer, and practice it on your family. Then try it on a stranger. You’ll know right away if it works! You will also benefit from videotaping your two-minute drill with a camcorder or a Flip camera. It will give you ample opportunity to review and evaluate how effective you are and how you can improve both the story itself and the way you deliver it.
PORTRAIT OF A PRACTICAL GENIUS
Magda Yrizarry is the most senior-level Latina at Verizon. She was born and raised by her mother in a housing tenement in a not-so-great part of Brooklyn, New York. Her father died when she was three, which left her mother to raise three young children alone. Although she comes from humble beginnings, she has climbed the corporate ladder in classic American style. But that is not the story she tells about herself. “My personal motto, which I’ve had all my life, comes from my mother,” she says. “When we were kids she drilled this into our heads: ‘To whom much is given, much is expected.’ We didn’t have material wealth, but we were blessed and fortunate and had every opportunity presented to us and with that, came the obligation to pass it on.”
Describing how she engages her theme when she speaks, she shared
a genuine nugget of truth: “Gina, you can’t fake it.” As Verizon’s chief diversity officer and vice president for talent management, she knows a thing or two about effective communications, and what she has learned about recruiting, retaining, and advancing diverse talent at Verizon is that you really have to offer meaningful experiences and substance. Anything else is of little value. Magda offers many profound observations within her unique vocabulary, which I like to call “Magdaisms,” that speak the truth of her but also leverage her authentic genius. When Magda says, “You can’t fake it,” she’s preaching that we must engage from the heart and give the communities within and outside the workplace what they really want—a rich, authentic experience.
She delivers this message and effort through what she calls “CPR”: communication, partnership, respect. I have always been impressed with how Magda is consistent with her narrative, her themes, and her unique vocabulary. Her entire life consistency without compromise, and everyone who works or partners with or otherwise experiences her knows exactly what they are going to get—a straight shooter who doesn’t waiver in her unique, direct approach to expressing herself.
Another Magdaism I have come to live by is “Be predictable.” By predictable she doesn’t mean bologna-sandwich-for-lunch-every-single-day predictable; she means you can set your watch by her values and behavior and expectations. To Magda, authenticity and this kind of value-driven consistency go hand in hand, and she is one of the few people I know who has made this particular connection and expresses it so distinctively. This quality has gained her great credibility and access at the highest levels, and she swears by it. “My ‘predictability’ has gotten me invited to many a decision table,” she explains. “My colleagues know I’m going to show up prepared, knowledgeable, and will only participate if I have something meaningful to contribute to the conversation. This gives people confidence in the quality of their experience with me.” Just as every sip of Starbucks coffee is consistent from cup to cup to cup, so is every experience with genius-brand Magda.
Magda’s other G-spot is the convergence of her classic type-A leadership skills and her passion for enabling change and growth in everyone around her. Whether presenting at a board meeting, serving on a mission to the Dominican Republic, or arranging scholarships for underprivileged children, Magda’s authenticity and predictability gain her mind share and loyalty from everyone she works with.
Expressing your genius is about turning that sweet spot where your hard and soft assets meet into the story you tell others. A person without a story is invisible.