Practical Genius (16 page)

Though it was fun meeting those mega-brand geniuses, it was most deeply rewarding to meet the practical geniuses like me who are quietly (or not so quietly!) but deliberately designing their lives in nontraditional ways. For example, my tribe now includes the young founders of Summit Series, an entrepreneurial venture comprised of folks who’ve decided to live, travel, and work together, modern-day nomads moving around every couple of months as they advocate for young entrepreneurs globally. Then there’s Lady YaYa, a Turkish mom who decided to go back to school for her master’s degree in
architecture, balancing motherhood and school in an extraordinary way. Or the amazing Adeline Heymann, a twenty-something financial professional and gifted photographer who specializes in foreclosure prevention at Fannie Mae and also teaches homeless kids about photography. The list goes on and on, including educators, techies, artists, executives, activists, small-business owners, and at-home dads who have humbled me with their unique genius and generosity of spirit.

Thinking back on the many genius meet-and-greets I have had over the last two years, I realize that every single encounter was a lot like a first date, and if there was genius synergy, as was often the case, the result was the start of a genuine friendship. My intention enabled and ignited the connection, and the rest followed.

It is my belief that there are no coincidences in life, just the power of intention. I made my list of twenty-five and used all my resources, creativity, and intuition to make connections with them. Every encounter fed me just as I’d hoped it would, built my confidence, and enabled me to make stronger, more purposeful, more personal connections each time. Today the list has been replaced with a fierce intention to connect with practical geniuses everywhere I go. We find one another on airplanes, at concerts, at dinners, at my son’s school, at the library, at TEDx events, in coffee houses, and (of course!) in bars and dance clubs around the globe. They’re out there—the people who can teach you, beat your drum with you, encourage and inspire you, make you smarter, and just make you better at who you are.

How do you find them? The same way I do, by moving through the world with an open and receptive mindset, essentially projecting your genius on a frequency that I promise other geniuses are tuned in to, too. It’s a kind of shared energy that’s a combination of intense curiosity, smart cool hunting, and a natural confidence that is both attractive and accessible. You’re also vibing a potential for intelligent camaraderie that the people you might connect with are vibing right back.

For example, I can be standing in the security line at the airport, and without fail, my energy will connect with someone else’s, and inevitably a conversation begins. Before long, we are looking for a Starbucks to have a coffee together before our flights. It happens in elevators, too, these harmonious energy exchanges with strangers that lead to two-minute chats and an exchange of contact info to reconnect at another time. Think of these innumerable possible genius connections as energy seeds you are constantly flinging out to the universe that will land and take root exactly where they ought to. Your approach should be purposeful but also genuinely open to anything. When you’re in the zone, your genius detector is on all the time and the potential for genius connections is constant and limitless.

Knowing this is true, I move through my day tuned to seek out the genius of others, and when I sense one, instead of letting the opportunity go by, I make a point of introducing myself. Quickly following the introduction, I ask a question: What do you care most about? This is the question that invites the other person to either share his or her authentic story or head for the hills. If the latter happens—which from time to time it does—it’s not that that person didn’t really have the genius vibe, it’s that they he or she wasn’t ready for
me.
When I engage with someone, I
really
lead with my passion—and there are times when I can be a little high octane for a perfect stranger! Those who are ready for that first conversation with me, though, dive right in, and the harmony and melody begin to sync up all at once. Some of these exchanges go on for hours; others are quick-deep connections that last all of ten minutes. Asking a meaningful question is a great way to measure people’s fluency with and access to their own genius, and those that are living at their other G-spot always respond, share, and join the symphony of the moment.

On the notion of surrounding oneself with genius, Dan Pink explains, “You have to take some risks, and you have to be intentional, and I think even more important than that, you have to be willing, as brutal as it sounds, to sort of tap aside the people who don’t fit the bill. People tend to fall into two categories: those who make your life easier and those who make it harder. Those whose presence helps you perform better and those whose presence makes you do worse. I think the best approach is to be one of the people who you want to be around.”

Think about this for a second. Are you one of the people you want to be around? Are you putting all your best stuff out there? Are you fearless and generous with your genius? To attract genius, you have to be intelligently, naturally, but purposefully projecting it, telling your story, living out there in your genius zone for all to see.

Once you begin living with the surround-yourself-with genius mindset, there’s no limit to the number of extraordinary people who will make their way into your life. I think that they generally fall into three categories: your Yodas, the ones who are rich with experience and will teach you and mentor you on your journey; your ambassadors, the ones who are best at sharing you, connecting you with people you should know, and spreading your ideas and genius assets; your tribe, which is you and the wide-ranging crew of online and real-time people who feed and inspire one another in a magnitude of ways, and your fat brains, those magnificently multidimensional cultural modernists who simply expand your horizons. Some of your people will fall into all of these categories, and they are your all-stars, your go-tos, your A-team. Some you may never meet face-to-face, but you depend on the infusion of smarts or passion or creativity you share
regularly through your virtual communication. Wherever they fall on your genius-crew spectrum, they are as important to growing your genius as the air you breathe. Let’s have a closer look at who they are.

Throughout my life I have been fortunate to have elders who have schooled me and genuinely had my back throughout my journey. I consider these generous teachers to be Yodas, the wise masters and human compasses who help to tease out our powers, point us to what we’re missing, and always elevate our self-awareness. The original big-screen Yoda saved Luke Skywalker from himself, revealed him to himself, and showed him the immense and extraordinary power he had inside him all along. You see why having a Yoda is important to a genius!

I believe that we all need a minimum of two Yodas in our lives. Your Yodas are the coaches, advisers, tutors, and mentors who will answer the uncomfortable questions, who offer unconditional support, fierce loyalty, and unfailingly objective feedback. They are the intellectuals, teachers, nurturers, change agents, and wise angels in your life.

Someone once asked me to explain the value of a Yoda, and I replied, “The Yoda teaches you what no one else had the courage or capacity to teach you about yourself.” Lessons like “Gina, when you reject drama in your life, it is only then that life becomes poetic.” Lessons like “Anything is possible for you when you act
as if
.” And truths such as “Never, ever take no for an answer; debate, negotiate, wheedle, and cajole, and you will change a no into a yes.”

These are probably good lessons for anyone, but they particularly suited my nature, personality, and experience. Convincing me of the truth of this wisdom required the Yoda to know me well, which is another key characteristic of your Yodas. My aunt Maria was my first Yoda, someone who watched me and knew how to read me and
motivate me; most of all, she provided an example of how to conduct myself that has never left me.

Growing up as an only child without the influence of or guidance from siblings was sometimes difficult. My aunt filled that gap and taught me what she knew I needed to know. She taught me how to dance the hustle, how to jump a fence without ripping my clothes, how to appreciate classical music, and how to pick the best pickles from a barrel at the Delancey Street market. She taught me how to roller-skate, how to cross between subway cars, and—this was the tops—how to ride on the handlebars of a ten-speed bike while she pedaled us along the East River. In other words, she taught me how to take risks, how to fly.

My aunt Maria was always filled with beautiful contradictions, which introduced me to the notion of just accepting everything around you without conforming to everything around you. She grew up in one of the worst public housing projects in New York City at the time and ended up at New York University majoring in classical music, playing concert flute, and later going on to law school. Her success demonstrated all that was possible, and her ability to overcome adversity was a testament to what determination can accomplish. And she made sure I discovered those same things about myself. She is still my Yoda, but what I love best about our relationship is that today I’m her Yoda, too. Now, we mentor each other.

Mentor was a figure from Greek mythology, a friend of Odysseus who was left to tend to and teach Odysseus’s son, Telemachus, when Odysseus left for the Trojan War. Hence there is a particular element of trust and intimacy to the notion of a mentor. You must be able to put yourself in your mentors’ hands, knowing that they will share their wisdom, help guide your path, and encourage you to think ahead to your future. The dynamic between mentor and protégé can be forged and played out in different ways, of course, depending on how and why you find yourself in the relationship in the first place. Following are three familiar scenarios.

Many of today’s mentor/protégé relationships are formal relationships born within organizations, someone having discovered, I suppose, how valuable a professional development tool this can be! Advancement has become nearly impossible without the benefit of a mentor in the workplace. In many organizations, it is a requirement of mentors to engage in such a relationship with a more junior employee, just as it is a requirement of employees to engage with a mentor. The success of these institutional relationships is entirely based on the commitment of the mentor and the protégé. With the opportunity to scope out the people who might be effective mentors before engaging with one, you might end up with a mentor who has just the right instinct and experience to help you flourish. If you are assigned to a mentor, though, without the chance to explore the prospects for the relationship, it’s like getting picked for the dodgeball team in junior high gym class, just the luck of the draw. Don’t forget to duck.

Chemistry is key, but so is motivation. In other words, given your intention of surrounding yourself with people who feed and encourage your genius, there’s a lot you can make happen just by the power of your purpose. While working toward my master’s in public administration as a National Urban Fellow in New York City, I was given a mentorship assignment to work as the “special assistant” to Sheila Wellington, who was at that time the president of Catalyst, a leading nonprofit organization committed to expanding opportunities for women in business. At the beginning I wasn’t sure what my role in this relationship would entail, but I quickly learned it meant working on whatever Sheila thought would be “good for me.”

I was prepared to extract every ounce of value from the experience, but I was not prepared for Sheila’s incredible commitment to my growth and education. She allowed me to shadow her the entire time I worked with her, never leaving me out of any aspect of her day. That meant I was able to watch and learn from her experience
as a powerful woman on a mission to help educate CEOs about the imperative of advancing female talent. After I completed my master’s degree, Sheila hired me to work on the first-ever Women of Color in Corporate Management study.