Preseason Love (29 page)

Interrupting my thoughts, Kari cleared his throat. “So are you going to go ahead and tell me about Byron now?”

At first I thought my heart had stopped. Then it suddenly sped up and started palpitating wildly at the mention of Byron's name. I snapped my neck to look at Kari. He still looked pitiful, but his eyes showed a disdain that wasn't present before.

“What are you talking about, Kari?”

He gripped his left hand over his right fist. “Don't play me, Scottie. You've been running around with him and thinking that I wouldn't find out while you strung me along.”

“You're being ridiculous,” I said halfheartedly. Truth was, I was tired. Tired of running from my emotions, tired of running from love, tired of hiding, tired of lying, tired of the deception—genuinely tired. I'd been running since I'd left Los Angeles.

“Kelvin told me that he thought he saw you at the Jay concert with Byron, just after our sudden breakup, which was right after you met him at work, if I recall correctly. Then you took a secret trip that you lied about. It all makes sense. Not to mention the unusually expensive things you've been popping up with.”

I dropped to my knees at Kari's feet. I slowly raised my head and was face-to-face with his balled up fist. Still seated, he was looking at the floor when I began pleading, “Kari, please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's over with him. I was blinded. I can admit it now. I was trying to live out some elaborate fantasy that I thought I wanted. I don't know how I got wrapped up in all of it so easy, but I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know how, you watch too much fucking TV and you want to be those bitches. It looks fun, but that shit's not real. You had a
real man in me and you couldn't see that! All I ever did was love you, but I was hesitant to tell you because I didn't want to scare you away and look…you ran away anyway.”

A single tear fell from Kari's eye. I reached toward his face, but he brushed my hand back. I collapsed on the floor in tears as he got up to leave.

“Kari! Kari! Wait, don't leave like this!” I begged.

Kari was unresponsive to my plea. My next move was not calculated…it simply flowed from the pain that I felt in my soul. “Kari, I love you.”

He paused. With his back to me, he mumbled something under his breath. Then, his steps continued toward the door, as rapid and deliberate as they had been before.

“W
elcome to Los Angeles. The current temperature is seventy-two degrees. We hope that you enjoyed your flight and we thank you for flying with Delta Airlines.”

The plan was to use the entire five-hour flight to relax, but I couldn't block out the tears, the images, the yelling, and the pain. The scenario replayed over and over in my head. It was a short film, a drama, featuring me and starring Kari. It had been weeks since we last spoke.

I walked up the breezeway and finally made the call that had been the most recent cause of my anxiety.

“Where are you?” I questioned, without nearly considering a traditional greeting.

“Well, hello to you too, stranger.”

“I need to see you. Today. As soon as possible.” I felt my heart thumping through my chest as I spoke. Unsure of what he would say, I added, “It's important.”

“Okay.” That simple answer spoke to me in a way that I hadn't expected.

“Great…lunch…one o'clock…Urth Caffé on Melrose,” I said.

“I'll see you then.”

I gathered my suitcase at baggage claim, then headed to the
Enterprise counter to pick up my rental car. With that, I was rollin'. Top down on the silver convertible with my freshly dyed, jet-black, barely-there hair not quite blowing in the wind. I was on my way.

This girl was back in La La Land and happy. I missed the city that I once shared an intense love affair with. The air in my city was different. The sun was shining brighter. I felt at ease.

I cranked up Power 106, and my jam of the week was rattling through the speakers. “A Milli, A Milli,” I rapped along with Lil Wayne like I was on
Star Search
looking for a contract.

An old, wrinkled-up woman in her Mercedes pulled up next to me and I could have sworn that she looked over and gave me the side eye, but it didn't matter. I was in my element and I was feeling like “A Milli.”

Melrose was packed as usual. Luckily, I was able to snag a corner table on the patio, after an Asian, earthy, flower child-looking chick with dreads wrapped up her afternoon herbal tea and ginger root cookie fest. The constant flow of traffic and people was what I wanted to break up any potentially awkward or weird moments that were soon to come.

In the distance I spotted long, sandy-blond dreads swaying with a familiar stride. From what I could see without looking too pressed, he definitely maintained his sexy since the last time that we were together.

I quickly dug in my purse for my pocket mirror. I needed to triple check my lips, face, and hair before he got any closer. It had been over a year since we'd last laid eyes on each other and almost as long since we'd last spoke. For what I had to say, I needed to look damn good.

I stood in my fall-brown Aldo pumps making me eye-to-eye
with Ivan. He looked good. My stomach fluttered, but I kept calm and greeted him with poise. “Thank you for coming on such short notice. It's good to see you.”

Ivan, on the other hand, wasn't doing so well at hiding his cards. “You look fantastic! It's been so long. Look at you…shoes are amazing and matching your blouse, always on point. I see New York has been keeping you as stylish as ever.”

I smiled. “Thanks, I do what I can.”

“I'm loving the short cut, too. I would never have imagined that you would cut all of your hair off. It works really well with your face, though.” Ivan reached over and touched my cheek.

I instantly felt conflicted. “Let's sit down.”

“So what brings you to L.A.? Are you back for good?”

I laughed at the assumption that I could be calling him because I was moving back. “No, not for good. I'm actually here on a quick trip for work. So I'm only in town for two days.”

“Well, I'm glad that you made the time to see me.”

“I had to…”

And as I was about to delve into the reason for the impromptu lunch meeting, the waitress interrupted to ask if we were ready to order. I went ahead and ordered my salad. Ivan ordered a sandwich.

“As I was saying, I had to see you.” I looked into Ivan's eyes as I had a year earlier. “I've grown a lot in this past year and I've also learned a lot about myself. I met an exceptionally sweet, thoughtful, and handsome man who truly cared for me.”

I could see Ivan developing a quizzical look on his face, but I maintained a steady and calm tone.

“But,” I continued. “I didn't know how to receive him and allow him to treat me well because all of the shit that you put me through.”

Ivan looked taken aback. He tried to speak but I interjected. “Wait, let me finish. I don't want you to misunderstand. I'm not here to bash you. I also have to take responsibility for what I allowed you to do in our relationship…or whatever you want to call it. That's why I'm here. To take responsibility, to make peace.”

Ivan seemed shocked at the course of the conversation. I could tell that this was not at all what he envisioned. “I'd be lying if I said that I saw this coming,” Ivan confessed. “So…you're telling me about your new man and on top of that telling me how horrible I was to you?”

“You can take it however you'd like. But for me, it's not about you; it's about me, and that's my sole purpose. When I left so abruptly last year, I thought that I was doing the right thing by getting away from you. But I didn't realize that I was holding on to things from our past that held me back from truly moving on and from allowing myself to accept someone good into my life. Because of my burdens, I couldn't open up and give of myself because I couldn't trust that the person's intentions were solid. After so much time spent hoping and wishing that a person would be right and treat you right…you eventually get let down so much that you think everyone else has to be just as wrong and ill-intentioned as the previous person that you were with.”

“Wow, Scottie. You went real deep on me,” Ivan said, as he played with the hairs in his perfectly lined goatee. He sat quiet as though he was thinking of what he wanted to say next.

I tried to relieve some of the pressure. “Ivan, I have love for you and I always will. I didn't call you here for you to really say anything. I needed you to hear me.”

“Well, I heard you. Loud, very clear and without hesitation. I heard you,” he said, with an inflection of sadness.

I walked away feeling like for once, Ivan and I had an understanding. We were finally on the same page, and that was a relief. In the future, I didn't envision that we would be friends calling each other on weekends, but we left the relationship in such a way that we could be cordial to one another with a mutual underlying respect.

•  •  •

I didn't have to work until the following day so I simply wanted to check into my hotel and lie by the pool. Even though it wasn't exactly summer, it still wasn't New York weather.

The room was gorgeous and definitely surpassed my standards. I flipped on the flat-screen television to catch a bit of entertainment news while I changed into my swimwear slash loungewear.

The words blared through the television speakers crisp and clear: “Byron Stalling has been arrested and charged with stalking, unlawful entry, and battery.”

My canister of Carol's Daughter body butter splattered all over my legs as it fell to my feet. I ran to the TV and they had an awful-looking picture of Byron plastered on the screen. He looked like he hadn't slept in days and his facial hair was wild and unkempt.

After they went to commercial, I stood looking at the screen in a daze.

That could have been me.

I started thanking God aloud as I crawled on the bed sobbing quietly. I wasn't sure why I was crying, but it felt like a release.

The lure of celebrity, fame, power and money was what I thought I'd left behind when I moved from Los Angeles. But I guess it will follow you wherever you allow it. Lucky for me I didn't catch a beat down behind it.

I was so ready to get back to New York. I missed my new home and all that it had to offer. After I finished up my work the following day, I headed straight for the airport. My chocolate Franco Sarto riding boots thumped down the breezeway. I was excited to tuck into my window seat. My mission was to write a letter and email it to the man who it took me entirely too much time and heartache to realize that I loved.

T
HE
E
ND

God put the dream in my heart and the drive in my spirit to complete this work of fiction. I thank God for the dream and the passion to push it to completion. I owe a huge thank you to my parents, Jocelyn and Thomas Owens, for being extremely supportive with every decision that I made along this journey. To my brothers, Thomas Jr., Devon, and Jalen, I love you more than you know. My grandparents weren't aware of this, but they were a part of the motivation in getting this project completed and published. My grandfather had to drop out of school and work in the fields in Texas to help support his family. My grandmother sacrificed her dreams for her family. They worked hard and provided a wonderful life. This is for you!

My family, from the Owens side to the Francis side and beyond, I love you all. Special shout-out to my Sunday afternoon at Grandma's house peeps: Aunt Peggy, Aunt Shawn, Auset, Amdwat, Amarw, Aunt Bert, Carlos, Charles aka Kphra, Cole, Cayden, Domo, Jasmine, Jason, Jakinda, Joey, Richard, Raynell, Shamica, and the next great Chef, Stephanie. She's my cousin, confidante, whip-cracker, sounding board, motivator, and most importantly my sister, Miss Kristen Turner. I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

A warm hug and thank you to Charmaine Parker for believing in me, being patient with me, and taking time out of your hectic
schedule to sit with me. Thank you to Zane for seeing the potential in my work and stamping it with her seal of approval. Appreciation and thanks to my talented photographer friend Sean Pressley. He captured the spirit of who I am as an artist through photos. Dawn Michelle Hardy, my superstar agent friend, who took the time to sit with me, brainstorm with me, and really provide guidance in this world of publishing that was all so new. I thank you, Rakia Clark, because from the moment that we first met, you saw my vision for this project, and you were willing to work with me. You are my amazing editor rockstar! Thank you to Sir Charles “Chuck” for the introduction.

To my Fab Five Plus One Ladies: Contasia, Kristen, Sennie, Tamara, and Trenika, I love you and appreciate the support throughout the years. You will forever be my college boo thangs. Sennie, thank you for the late-night chats and especially for pushing me. Special love to our newest addition, little Taylor Aubrey Stone. My New York Loves: Francesca, Renee, Sennie, Mechelle and Sewit, you rock my world! Thank you for being patient with me during this process and pushing me to keep going and not hang out. My London Town Gals: you welcomed me into the clique and I loved every minute of the time we spent. Nicole, you are one of the sweetest people I know. I can never thank you enough for seriously holding me down while I lived in London. Myleik, we go back to Wilshire Blvd. dreaming, and you showed me more than you know. I still have the farewell package you sent me off to New York with, thank you for believing in me. My DMV girls Allyson and Leesha, who held me down during my many trips to make this thing work, I appreciate you. LaShawn, thank you for sending me the email that sparked the DMV trips. Big hugs and thanks for your support to all of my friends from Los Angeles to New York.

Thank you to all of my NBA Family for being so supportive…you know who you are
. To all the readers of my blog,
www.LifeAccordingToHer.com
, and those that supported my Sippin' Sassy events from New York to London, I appreciate you and thank you for rocking with me from the beginning of this journey!