Pretense (26 page)

"Oh."

Almost a month after they had to be off the base. Marrell tried to think, but Oliver was talking again.

"Before I could call you, the phone rang again. It was my father. He asked if I thought you and the girls would like to come and stay with them for two weeks-just come to be waited on and relax at their place. I asked him if a whole month would work, and he said, "Absolutely." I told him I'd call you and get back to him."

"Are you serious, Oliver-a whole month? Would they really want that?"

"You bet. They love you and the girls, and as my mother said, they have two bedrooms that sit empty most of the year."

"Oh my. " Marrell was overwhelmed. "Let me talk to the girls. No, wait, first tell me what apartment is available. Is it like that one we had?"

"Yes, it's just on the other side of the complex. The rents have gone up a little." Oliver named the new rent, but Marrell still thought she could swing it.

"What do you think, Oliver? Am I working too hard to keep the girls with their present schoolmates?"

"No, I think that apartment building is perfect for you. Paul chose that for you originally, so you know he was comfortable with it, and you're only ten minutes from us."

"Okay. Let me get off here and speak with Mic and D.J. Should I call back tonight?"

"Yes. The woman has others interested, and since she's had you before, you'll have first choice, but I don't think you should wait too long."

"All right. I'll call back as soon as I can. Oh, one other thing, Oliver. What will we do with our stuff for a month?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Okay. I'll call you."

Marrell was not surprised to turn and find both girls waiting to hear what was going on. Not only did they hear her side of the conversation, they wanted to be close to her at all times these days.

182

Marrell gave a quick rundown of the situation, and Mackenzie was the first to speak.

"That was a nice apartment, Mom. Are you sure it won't be the same one as before, because I wouldn't want that."

"It's not, Micki. It's the same floor plan, I guess, but that's all. The rent has gone up a little, but as Oliver pointed out, that's to be expected."

"What if after we get to the Lacys', we just wish we could be on our own?" Delancey insightfully asked.

"Well, I guess we could take a drive for the day."

"We don't have a car."

"The insurance company is looking into that. And we're talking about July now, which is still three weeks away." It didn't feel very long once she heard herself saying it, and she worked on trusting the Lord in this too.

"I don't want to sound ungrateful, Mom," Mackenzie said softly, "but I don't know if we have any choice. Maybe the apartment will open up soon and we won't have to stay away a whole month."

"Does that mean you think we should take the apartment?"

"Yes," Mackenzie voted.

Delancey also nodded her head in agreement.

Marrell walked back to the phone, telling herself not to sob. That she was even having to think about this was nothing short of amazing to her.

My husband's gone,
she thought as she dialed Shay and Oliver's number.
He took such good care of me, and I don't know if I ever thanked him. Tell him, Lord. Tell him I now know what a good job he did.

The weeks passed in a blurry sort of confusion. Some days rushed by, and others dragged. Nights lasted forever for Marrell, but she was able to nap almost every afternoon.

With the aid of many people, their furniture and possessions were packed up and stored in a warehouse belonging to one of the church families. Mackenzie's fourteenth birthday passed in a very low-key fashion, but Marrell still managed to find her a gift and bake a cake. A nice-sized check came in from the insurance company, and Oliver found a car for Marrell. Cramped as they

183

were, Shay and Oliver made them welcome through the Fourth of July weekend, and the three Bishop women left for the Lacy farm on Monday, July 5.

It was better than any of them could have imagined. There was no set schedule or demands. The fellowship for Marrell got her through some rough days, and the girls even opted to work in the orchards a bit. Shay and the baby visited often, and Marrell wouldn't have traded the time for the world. Not at any point did the Bishops feel crowded or anxious to be away, and they were actually surprised to have Oliver call one night and say the apartment would be available on the twenty-fourth. The surprise was even greater when, upon their return, they discovered that all of their furnishings had been moved in.

Shay and Oliver remembered how the other apartment had been set up and simply arranged it the same way. Marrell forced herself to get up in church the next Sunday during testimony time and thank everyone for their help. It wasn't without pain, but as she looked out at their smiling faces, she was glad she had made the effort.

For the girls the summer passed all too swiftly, and it was with something akin to panic that they realized it was almost time to go back to school.

"I can't," Delancey said flat out. "I can't go back-I just can't."

"Why, D.J.? What is so upsetting about returning to school?"

"Just everything, Mom. School is just one more thing!" came the angry, tearful reply. "You wait until your birthday comes and see if you like having it without Dad."

Marrell held her. Mackenzie's birthday had been bad enough, but Delancey's, just a month after her sister's, had been awful. Marrell shopped and did a special meal and cake, but Delancey's birthday fell on the first weekend they spent in the apartment, and the very reason they were there seemed to scream at them all day long. Now August had come upon them, and Marrell had mentioned school clothes, only to have Delancey run from the room in tears.

Have they even remembered that I was going to look for a job, Lord? I put it off so I wouldn't have to leave them at the Lacys', but we have to eat and pay the rent. If I don't have something by the end of October, I'll be forced to dip into our savings.

184

Marrell looked up to see Mackenzie at the door.

"Would you rather not even shop for school clothes, Micki? Tell me what's going to make this easier."

She shrugged, tears in her eyes. "I don't know, Mom. It's so hard. You think that all the kids can tell, just by looking at you, what's happened. We saw some of our friends at the grocery store. They didn't say anything. They probably don't even know. But it just felt so weird. And everyone at church smiles at us in that sad way. It's so awful."

Marrell couldn't have agreed more.
Yes, it is awful, and right now it feels like it always will be.

Marrell waved her over, and she came and sat on the other side of the bed. Delancey still had her head bent and her hand over her eyes.

"I'm going to pray," she said softly, "and you're going to listen. 'Father in heaven, we hurt so much right now. It feels as though we're going to drown in this pain. Thank You that Your ways are perfect, Lord, even when we can't find our way. Thank You that You never stop loving us and doing what's best. Help Micki and D.J. not to be angry with You. Help me to be there for them, but also for us to realize that we have to move on.'" A sob broke in Marrell's throat, but she kept praying.

"Iwant everyone to stop and realize that my world has just fallen apart, Lord, but that's not the way it works. The sun still rises and sets, traffic lights still work, babies are being born, and other people are losing loved ones and starting their own time of grief. I only know one thing right now, Lord, and that's the fact that You love me and know what's best. Help us, Lord. Help us as only You can.'"

Marrell couldn't say any more. She was spent with emotions, burdened over the job that must be found and how hard it would be for the girls to return to school.

"Come on, D.J. Let's look in your closet and see how you're doing on clothes."

Delancey didn't argue, and Mackenzie stayed close and helped as well. Delancey needed jeans and a few tops, but new shoes, socks, and underwear were the most pressing needs. Mackenzie's room was next. Delancey found a few of her tops in there, because Mackenzie's were not in the best shape. She had plenty of jeans and shorts, but her shoes were in sad repair.

185

Marrell made notes as she went and then made her way to the kitchen to balance her checkbook, but not before telling the girls that they would be headed to the mall in the morning.

It had finally happened. Male heads turned from every direction to look at Delancey Joy Bishop, but she didn't care. Five-foot ten, slim, blond-haired, and blue-eyed, she was as lovely as her mother, attracting the attention of old and young alike, but not one ounce of joy came with that fact. Only vaguely aware that anyone else was in the stores, Delancey shopped with her mother and sister and looked at herself in the mirror only long enough to see if the clothes fit.

Marrell could see that she was miserable and disinterested and even offered to buy her a 49ers T-shirt. Delancey was a big fan of the current Super Bowl champs. Today, however, the shirt did not look good to her.

"I think I need to see Jana," Marrell confessed hours later as they climbed into the car. For not having had much fun, they had accomplished quite a bit. The girls, at any rate, had no argument over a visit to Shay's. They liked their new clothes and thanked their mother, but little could cheer them these days the way the six-month-old baby could. Sitting up now and even scooting a bit, Jana was constantly full of smiles and laughs for the two teenage girls.

"Come in." Shay wasted no time in welcoming the weary shoppers. "Jana got up from her nap just a little while ago."

The girls went right to the baby on the living room floor, but Marrell hung back and accepted a hug from Shay.

"Does coffee sound good?"

"How about iced tea? Would that be too much trouble?"

"Not in the least. Come on in the kitchen. Hey, D.J.," Shay called as they passed, "she just ate, so you might want to watch the bounces."

"Okay."

The women disappeared into the kitchen. Marrell sat at the table, and Shay glanced at her before getting out tall glasses for tea.

"Just out and about today?"

186

"We went school shopping. No one was very excited, but I think we got everything we needed. I keep asking myself if I'm always going to feel so apathetic."

"I did after the divorce. I didn't use makeup or an ironing board. I just didn't care."

"What pulled you out of it?"

"Moving out here and wanting the business to make it. It will be something different with you, Marrell. Just give yourself time."

"I have to find work, Shay. At this point I might as well wait until the girls go back to school, but I have to start looking. I think I already told you, but I planned to do that in July."

"But you ended up in Sebastopol."

"Yes. I'm glad for that time, but it's thrown things off a little."

Shay busied herself with ice and tall spoons, but she was thinking. Two weeks ago she had put in a call to a friend about a job for Marrell but hadn't heard back from him. It was the perfect position if it came through, but Shay didn't want to build Marrell's hopes up if it didn't. She wisely kept silent.

"Do you want some pretzels?" Shay asked as she handed her the glass.

"No, I'm not hungry. Maybe I'll check with the girls." But she didn't. She took a sip of the tea and just sat. "It's like I'm not really here, Shay. It's like I'm watching someone else, an actress maybe, going through the motions and living my life."

"Weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Before my grandmother died, she did a study on what the Bible says about heaven. I've started the same study. It's very comforting, but heaven also feels so far away. Knowing Paul is there means everything to me, but in some ways I feel cheated that I've been left behind."

Shay nodded. Oliver had said something very similar the night before-that being left behind when someone goes to heaven could give a person a very empty feeling-but then he went on to say something much more helpful. Shay now shared it with Marrell.

"Oliver agrees with you, Marrell. He said as much last night, but he also had a good slant on heaven and the death of someone near. His grandfather was the first person whose death really affected him. The two had been very close, and he said it gave heaven a new significance. Even knowing that we're going there

187

to be with the Lord and worship Him, it's been comforting to Oliver to have his grandfather there and know that he's waiting. I thought that was pretty neat."

"Yes, it is." Marrell's face brightened. "I think of Paul walking along and talking with Jesus, and even being able to ask Him questions, but I don't think of him waiting for me. I like that thought. Tell Oliver thank you."

"I will," Shay said with a smile.

"I guess we'd better take off," Marrell said as she finished her tea. "I should run a load or two of laundry."