Pretense (39 page)

Both adults caught the fact that she said
when
and not
if.

"How long have you been thinking of this, Mic?" Jack wanted to know. "This isn't the type of thing you do on a whim."

"It's been on my mind for a few months," she admitted. "I even had a chance to talk with Trina's mom one day after basketball practice. She was a WAC, and she said she wouldn't trade those years for anything."

Marrell forced herself not to look at her husband. They didn't have anything going on tonight, so she would have plenty of time to vent her spleen in the privacy of their room.

"Are you still going to the mall?" Mackenzie suddenly asked her sister with a maddening change of subject.

"I want to."

"I'll go with you."

"All right," Delancey agreed, pleased to have company and even to let Mackenzie drive.

"How long will you be gone?" their stepfather asked.

"Well, it closes at 9:00 and we'll come right home."

"All right. Whose night is it for dishes?"

Marrell almost volunteered for duty but stopped herself. She needed to stay controlled, and if the girls left right now, she would be crying within seconds of their leaving.

"I think mine," Delancey spoke up. Jack studied her serious eyes and knew she was thinking about her sister's announcement.

They all helped clear the table, as was their pattern, but then each wandered off on his own pursuit. Jack wanted to be near Marrell but held off until the girls left, moving to the bedroom instead. Mackenzie went to her room to get ready to go, and

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Marrell headed to the living room to try and get her mind into a magazine article she had been reading. The idea didn't work, but it gave her time to think.

I'm not ready for this, Lord, and I thought I was. I've known for so long that she would grow up and leave me, but now that it's here, I'm stunned. Would it be easier if I knew that she was taking You along? I don't know. And D.J.
-
her face was as shocked as mine. Mic has been bringing home college information but not doing anything about it. I thought she was headed to the junior college. She could end up anywhere and be gone for months at a time. Last Christmas might have been the last one with her for who knows how many years. She'll take her leave where she wants to, and it might not be here. I can hardly stand the thought of saying goodbye.

"Goodbye, Mom." Delancey was suddenly beside her, bending low to kiss her cheek. Mackenzie was right behind her.

"Have fun," Marrell said sincerely.

"Okay. Did you want me to look for that cookbook you wanted, Mom?" Mackenzie asked.

"Sure. If you spot it, let me know."

"Okay. 'Bye."

Marrell waved, waited for the door to close, and then put the magazine aside. Jack was with her just moments later.

"It's a lot of things living with Mackenzie, but boring isn't one of them." Jack's humor was still in place.

"I'm still in shock," Marrell admitted. "I was prepared to have her go away, even live on campus somewhere, but this never entered my mind."

"I suppose it's ridiculous to think that she might not get in."

Marrell's look was telling. "She's a picture of health, drug free, and one of the most driven and mentally strong people I've ever known. She's her father's child from the toes up."

Jack had little to say to that. "I could hardly look at Delancey. I think she's utterly crushed. Do you think they will talk about it?"

"IfD.J.has anything to say about it, they will. Left up to Mic, it wouldn't happen. But Delancey needs to talk about everything."

The Bishop girls were a remarkable blend of contrasts and mixtures. With her blond hair and blue eyes, Delancey had her mother's coloring, but her figure, the willowy length of her, was

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all from Paul's side of the family. Mackenzie had her father's coloring, the dark hair and unusual gray-green eyes, but the curves that filled out jeans and sweatshirts were her mother's all the way. Both were attractive, but Delancey was a beauty, catching the eye of most who saw her. She also laughed easier. Mackenzie was usually the one to make her laugh, and there was often a glint of humor in her eye that warned Marrell she was about to say or do something outrageous. But from all outward appearances, Mackenzie had the more serious nature.

Mackenzie could go for days without talking about a problem, and no one would be the wiser. With Delancey, Marrell knew within minutes or hours if something was wrong. Delancey could not let an upset or an argument go unsettled. Mackenzie could walk away from a fight, even believing she was right, and never mention it again.

"What are you thinking?" Jack asked the woman he loved.

Marrell smiled at him. "About how different they are."

Jack laughed.

"What?"

"I was just going over how much they're alike."

"Like what?"

"Both so creative, and when they love, they love with their whole hearts. I mean, D.J. tends to say the words more often, but Mic is never afraid to hug me or put her arm around you. And their love for Shay and Oliver's kids is so special. They're both nuts about Jana and can't get enough of her brother Josh. They're still very protective of you and even me to a point. Both are good athletes and students." Jack finished and looked at her.

"I guess I was thinking more of their looks and personalities."

Jack nodded. There was no denying the differences there. A moment later he rose from the chair, started a fire, and joined Marrell on the couch. She fit so nicely under his arm and always smelled so good. He said as much.

"It's that new cologne you gave me for Christmas."

"I must have very good taste."

Marrell kissed his cheek. "I don't want to overreact, Jackson, but this is a big step on her part."

"Yes, it is, but I do have one question for you."

"What's that?"

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"How good of a soldier would she be?"

Marrell could only stare at him, and Jack smiled tenderly at her.

"You need to let her be who she is, sweetheart, even if it breaks your heart."

Tears filled her eyes. "I think it might."

Jack hugged her close and didn't ask any more questions. He was sure there was much more on Marrell's mind, as there was on his own, but for the moment, he didn't ask.

"You'll have to wear that ugly green," Delancey now said, and Mackenzie laughed. "And the pants are always so baggy. They won't do a thing for your figure. You'll look gross, Mic, and we both know it."

It wasn't like Delancey to be so comical, but at the moment Mackenzie couldn't speak for laughing. The conversation hadn't started out so lightly. Delancey had flat-out told her sister that she was being ridiculous and to stay home. When Mackenzie didn't answer, Delancey got angry. But before they actually gained the mall entrance, Delancey had apologized and asked her sister if she was really going to go.

"Yes, I am. I know it seems sudden for everyone, but I feel very good about this. I want you to be happy and excited for me, D.J., and try to put yourself in my place. In just a year, you'll be in your last semester of high school and wanting to get out and do something too."

Delancey hadn't answered, and in order to cope with her emotions, she had taken a page from Mackenzie's book and started to joke. If she hadn't, she might have cried in the mall.

"Well, there is one great advantage," Delancey finally said.

"What's that?"

"How does the song go? 'A million handsome guys with longing in their eyes.'"

"Leave it to you to think of that."

"Don't tell me you haven't."

Mackenzie only smiled, but in truth, the men who might be joining with her, or any male commanding officers she would encounter, were the last thing on her mind. If she had really been pressed to answer, she wouldn't have been able to say exactly

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why she wanted to join the Army. Her father had done it, but beyond that, she only wanted a change. She loved Jack and her mother, but she was ready to get out and do something on her own. The pictures in the brochure looked wonderful. Mackenzie was wise enough to know that it wasn't all fun and games, but her father had seen some of the world while stationed in Germany, Korea, and various parts of the United States. Mackenzie wanted that same opportunity to travel and see the world.

Wrapped up with their own thoughts, both girls wandered through Stonestown Mall, not really looking at anything in particular. Delancey tried on a jacket, and they both had ice cream before leaving, but it wasn't long before they were on their way home.

In the living room of the apartment, Jack was watching television and their mother's nose was buried in a crossword puzzle. The four talked for a few minutes, and Delancey even joined Jack in front of the television, but it wasn't long before Mackenzie headed to her room. Marrell wasn't far behind her.

"May I come in?" the older woman asked after she knocked on the doorjamb.

"Sure."

Marrell found Mackenzie lying backonher pillows, but her eyes were wide open. She had a book close by, but it wasn't open. Marrell came in and sat on the chair. For a moment she only stared at her daughter.

"I love you. You do know that, don't you, Mic?"

Mackenzie smiled. "Yeah. I love you too, Mom. Are you upset about the Army?"

"I was at first, but I know what a good soldier you'll be, Mic, so that's not my reservation."

"What is it then?"

"A few things. The distance is a big factor. It's hard to think of you being so far away."

Mackenzie nodded, but then Marrell opted to be as honest with her daughter as she always had been."The hardest part is the spiritual aspect, but I know I'd be feeling that way no matter where you went."

Mackenzie did not immediately reply, but it wasn't because she didn't know to what her mother referred. It was merely

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something she didn't feel she needed. She clearly remembered the day her father had come home from Germany and explained his salvation experience to them, and then just after that at the cabin in Tahoe when her mother had come to the same conclusion.

In conversations she'd had with Jack and her mother over the years, they had told her that her choice not to believe was rebellion against God. Mackenzie didn't agree. She wasn't saying anything against God, she just knew she didn't need Him the way her mother and Jack did.

"I know what you're going to say, Mom," Mackenzie said softly. "I know you're going to tell me that I'm rebelling and that I need to turn to God."

"Actually I wasn't," Marrell stated honestly. "I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you and to tell you one other thing. No matter where you go, Mic, be it here in the States or overseas, God is there. That might sound like an obvious thing, but I still wanted to say it. You might find yourself very alone and very far from home at some point. God can be found everywhere, Mic. Don't ever forget that."

"Thanks, Mom. Is Jack upset about this?"

"No. In fact, he's the one who reminded me what a good soldier you'll be. His words helped me a lot. The Army needs good enlisted personnel on whom they can depend. I have no doubt that no matter what area you end up in, you'll be one of the finest in your rank."

"Thank you, Mom," she said softly, her heart filling with warmth.

Marrell's words did a world of good for Mackenzie. She wasn't uncertain about her decision, but it wasn't something she wanted to do with everyone frowning at her. She knew her sister had covered her own feelings with jokes and laughter. Indeed, when the time came, it would be hard to leave everyone. But the excitement of this venture outweighed any fear of the unknown or the ache of separation.

"Are you doing this for your dad, Micki?" her mother suddenly asked.

Mackenzie's head tipped to one side. "Yes and no. I mean, I'm doing it for me, but I would want Dad to be proud of me."

"He always was."

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"Yeah." Mackenzie's voice was soft with remembrance. "I still miss him."

"I know what you mean. It won't be four years until June, but it feels so much longer."

"I dreamed about him the other night. It was weird because he was here in this apartment, and of course he never was. Jack was even a part of the dream, which was really strange."

"But not all that surprising. After all, Mic, they're two men who have played key roles in your life. Did it keep you awake or bother you?"

"No, I didn't remember it until morning, and then I didn't think of it again until just now."

Marrell nodded but then realized she'd gotten slightly off course. "Mackenzie, I need to ask you something that might seem clear to you, but I want to be sure I've got this right."

"Okay."

"Are you definite about the Army, or are you still thinking?"