Private Dancer (6 page)

Kasen was shocked motionless. All he could do was stare at Marise. Never before had he witness her temper, or any other emotion. She was like a robot, but he’d still cared for those soft smiles and dimples. Now, seeing her alive with emotion, even anger, made him want her more.

Yet, he knew he couldn’t touch her. He would be the rebound guy, the one she went to for a shoulder to cry on, and he could not do that to her. No matter how much he wanted to.

“Do you love him?” Kasen regretted having to ask the question, but he couldn’t help himself.

He’d to know. Sure, she was angry with her husband, but anger eventually goes away, love shouldn’t.

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Private Dancer

***

Marise stood at stared into the depths of Kasen’s eyes. In them, she found no hidden agenda, nothing that said she repulsed him. It was concern, compassion and caring she grabbed as she looked into his swimming pools of blue. Never once did Darryl look at her like that. That is when Marise knew the answer to Kasen’s question.

Marise had anger at her mother and father, anger at Darryl, anger at all the tips and eyes staring at her while she was up on the stage. It had been almost four months since the last time she was on the stage, and yet she felt it still haunt her. Was it once you are a stripper you are always a stripper? Could she not take enough hot baths to wipe that part of her life from her body? Of all the emotions that she felt for the people who surrounded her, love wasn’t one of them.

“No, I don’t love him, and I don’t know if I ever did.” Marise sighed and turned to face the sink again. She’d never felt this raw on the inside. She’d never admitted it to herself, but she knew that she didn’t love Darryl; he’d been a way to escape the loneliness.

Kasen walked up behind her and just stood there with her. He wrapped his arms around her body and pressed her back into his chest. Dipping his head so his chin rested on her head, Kasen expelled a loud sigh. A shudder of breath entered her body and she finally let go and pressed her back toward him. She welcomed his embrace and warmed to his touch. She realized that she just needed him to hold her.

Marise knew it was not good to lean on him like this. Yet, it was an emotional need that she could not deter. She needed it, and now that she’d it, she didn’t know what to do with the rest of it. She felt the pad of his thumb resting comfortably beneath the swell of her breast. It was sending tingles of fear and desire sprawling through her veins.

It was a bad idea for her to be in his house. It was a terrible idea for her to call him. It was a horrific idea that she’d come out of the bedroom. And now, the only ideas she could seem to muster was about letting Kasen make love to her. She could use it, and she know that she would feel release, but what happens after? What would the aftermath be?

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Marise expelled a pent up breath and shoved off the counter. She’d to be smarter to make it through the next phase of her life. Kasen held her still, and although she didn’t want to leave the comfort of his arms, there was danger lurking there.

Marise felt the air change. For the months that she’d worked in the club, she knew sexual tension as if it was a part of her nature. There were always girls that were wound up and often wound up together in the locker room fondling each other.

What Marise felt between her and Kasen was far more than sexual, and therefore, far more dangerous. Marise was vulnerable and she knew it. It didn’t help that she could feel the rise and fall of Kasen’s chest on her back.

***

Kasen knew of the danger, but he didn’t care, he was holding his Marise. For once, he was holding her without having to pretend that he was only doing so for the sake of dancing. He wanted to hold her just like this, and see if she could feel the waves of emotions that overcome him when he is around her.

A month ago, Kasen had finally admitted to himself that it was more than just infatuation with his assistant. He could even say that it was more than just concern for her welfare. Now, holding her, breathing in her scent, and being the strong shoulder for her to cry on, he could admit to himself that he was in love with her.

Kasen didn’t make a move. He was scared that if he moved, she would walk away from him.

He didn’t think he could hold her like this and just let her walk away. Too many things in life he’d cherished, too many things in life he’d wanted, and all the things that he wanted, he saw in Marise.

Marise broke the silence first.

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“Kasen, I’m sorry for leaning on you like this. I wouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be doing this, but I feel safe. What I’m trying to say is thanks.” She bowed her head and settled enough to feel the air from his nostrils on her neck.

“No need to thank me. I’m sorry for grabbing you and I…” Marise whirled around and pressed her index finger to his lips.

“It’s ok, I needed it.” Marise cocked her head to the side and stared into Kasen’s eyes. “Kasen, I need to ask a favor.” She said with her head cocked to one side. His eyes grew cold, and he could feel his body tense. She grabbed him by his hand and pulled him, although he was extremely unwilling to follow her into his bedroom.

“Marise, you are distraught. I don’t think…” Kasen stammered as she pulled back the gray comforter and eggplant sheets.

“Kasen, that‘s not what I want. I want you to hold me. Do you think that you could do that? It is just comforting and I…” Marise’s voice trailed off. She didn’t know how much more to say to it than that. He just stared at her for a long moment. Marise must have assumed that silence was a rejection and crawled into the king sized bed.

*

*

*

She was under the covers when she felt a weight on the other side of the covers. She held her breath as she felt his hand snake around her abdomen and lay right underneath her breasts, again. It was if they belong there, Marise mused to herself. The warmth from his palm and his gentle breathing was almost a lullaby. Marise scooted closer to Kasen underneath the blankets and pressed her bottom against his crotch. It was unintentional, but it felt so right.

Marise let out a sigh and snuggled into the blankets. Kasen had just given her peace with just being there, and for now that made her content.

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Absently, his thumb began to draw circles on her stomach. He must have heard her sigh and then a soft moan escaped her lips. He stopped rubbing and held still. She took his hand and guided it lower until it rested on the top of her cotton bikini. She led his hand until his palm was over her sex.

Kasen’s breathing became ragged and he held very still. He didn’t want to do something that she would regret. Kasen believed he’d everything under control until she spoke:

“Rub me, Kas…”

Kasen didn’t know what to think. He wouldn’t even dare to breathe. Of course, he couldn’t have heard Marise correctly. It must be his flights of fantasy working again. He’d always wanted to hear Marise utter his name, and he would’ve never thought that the innocent way that she’d shortened it would’ve turned him on as much as it did. Now, he was stuck. Stuck between trying to be a good friend to Marise, realizing that she was just in need after having her world dumped upside down, or giving in to his baser nature and succumbing to the temptation that was before him.

* * *

Marise knew that she was laying all her cards on the table, and had Kasen been Darryl, Darryl would’ve already been plundering her body with his cock and not even asked if she was sure.

Kasen, however, held back and it made Marise nervous. Had she said too much? Was he going to think of her as a whore? After all, he did catch her shaking her ass for a buck. Mortified at what he must think of her, Marise snapped out of her trance.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Damn, you must think…” Kasen held up his warm fingers to her lips. He could make out the outline of Marise’s round face in the moonlight. She was beautiful, and Kasen would never see her as anything but virtue, despite her circumstances.

“I don’t think anything but the truth Marise. I think that you are a beautiful, sexy yet innocent woman who has more strength than some men I know. I think that you are intelligent and have a 42 | P a g e

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Private Dancer

lot of mixed up emotions. I think that I made a mistake by leading you on to believe that what I feel for you is strictly platonic.” His words were nothing but a whisper, but the truth behind them were loud and clear.

Shocked into silence, Marise just stared. Kasen had been nothing but nice to her since she started working there. Sure, sometimes he’d a temper, but that was understandable in his line of work. He has sent her flowers for her birthday; he gave her this job so she didn’t have to dance on a pole. With that thought, the light came on for Marise. In all of his actions, the small gifts, the understanding, his smiles, Kasen had put himself in a position of a suitor who knew that he’d no chance in hell because of her marriage. Tears welled in Marise’s eyes when the magnitude of Kasen’s statement hit her. He wanted more, and always has.

“Kasen, I…” Marise would’ve gone into a beautiful speech if she’d not seen the tick in Kasen’s jaw. She knew well that the ticking in his jaw meant that he was holding back, that he was using his insane sense control to keep him from making a mistake. And that is when Marise’s heart took a plunge. She could not have described the moment to anyone, but the smell in the air changed, the atmosphere seemed to clear, and Marise knew exactly what to say. “Kasen, this, us, here now, is not a mistake. You are not some rebound thing, and I’m not all that distraught. I know, you might think that I’m making excuses for my body losing control, but my body knew a long time before my brain did. I want you Kasen. I’m not worried about tomorrow. I’m not worried about the next few hours; I just want to lose control with you. Please, let’s lose control together.” As soon as she said it, she knew that she’d hit a soft spot for Kasen. His eyes became wider and she could see the full circle of his irises.

* * *

“Marise, I can’t. You don’t understand.”

Kasen sat up in the bed and took a few deep breaths. Never had he let someone push his buttons as much as Marise did. She was always there, always soft, and even in the midst of a traumatic shift in her life, she was still looking out for him. What was he going to do with her? He knew 43 | P a g e

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Private Dancer

what he wanted to do. Kasen wanted to make love to Marise with the fierceness of his love for her. It was his desire to make her feel the very effect that she has on him. Could he let his guard down long enough to let her see the real Kasen Montgomery, uncontrolled?

Marise watched as Kasen clenched and unclenched his fists. He was taking in huge amounts of air again.

“Help me understand you Kas. I want to know you. Why must you have so much control all the time?”

“Control means that all successes as well as all mistakes lead back to you. It means that you don’t have to worry about people blaming you because you already assumed that role when you take control.”

“Yes, but has control brought you happiness?”

Marise raised her hand to the side of his face and caressed his jaw line. He was such a strong man, but when would he realize that strength sometimes came in the form of appearing weak?

Marise wanted his mind. She was thirsting for someone else’s thoughts besides her own now.

She knew there was so much to this man who sat across from her, but she wanted to know him for the man he was, not her savior, or not her boss. Just as a man.

“Control and happiness do not always go hand and hand Marise. Control has made me lose more things than gained, but I will not lose control with you.” Marise’s heart dropped, but she was determined more than ever to get Kasen to drop his guard.

Gone was the euphoric feeling of being touched by him; it was now replaced with the need to touch him emotionally. Marise had never allowed herself to become emotionally engaged with anyone, but for him, she was willing to try.

“Do you know what it is like to lose control Kas?” Marise scooted across the bed to him. She laid her hand on his thigh and her thumb swirled absent-mindedly on his warm skin. His blond 44 | P a g e

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Private Dancer

hair was very fine on his legs, feeling like silk in her fingers. Marise knew she’d never even bothered to notice if Darryl had hair on his thighs or not.

“No.” Kasen said through gritted teeth.

* * *

Marise could not possibly know what she was doing. She was driving him insane, but he would not forget all of those lessons that his father had taught him.
Giving up control means losing
your balls, son. Never give up control.
Claire had walked out on him for not giving up control.

He would never allow his ex to ride him during sex. He even introduced hand cuffs as a part of their ‘normal’ routine. Now that Kasen thought about it, perhaps it did seem real strange that he would never allow Claire to seduce him. It was always in his terms on his time.

Now, Marise sat and rubbed his leg, after telling him to rub her. Marise had taken control of the night. Marise was dangerous to Kasen. She made Kasen give up his precious control.

Kasen pushed from the bed and looked at the startled expression on Marise’s face. He would not and could not give up his control. Not for anyone and especially not for Marise who didn’t know what she wanted.

“Kasen?” Marise looked at him and wondered if she’d gone too far. She grabbed the crumpled sheets and pulled them around her body. It was insanity. Kasen had seen her in more states of undress in the past four months than her husband and she felt indecent now?

“Marise I don’t think that you know what it is that you want. You would be under duress.”