Private Sins (Three Rivers Series: Book 1) (12 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Kelly drove into the church parking lot; she had the music on very low. It was one of her favorite classical pieces. The children were bickering in the back and occasionally she had to intervene. She had to take them to choir practice but her mother would pick them up later and keep them.

She needed the break; she could see herself slithering on the knife-edge of a breakdown. Theo was now gone for two weeks and already she was feeling the stress of single parenthood.

She hated it. It made every paltry excuse she made in the past about Theo not being around and not supporting her seem like a wimpy lie. At least when he was around she had help with the children. They usually listened to their father and were happy.

Now she was dealing with two children who seemed to thrive on driving her crazy
—the constant questioning about Daddy and when was he coming back was driving her nuts.

The church people were acting all funny too. Conversations stopped when she came near and the little whisperings and long looks especially at the baby indicated to her that they all knew or suspected. No one had actually come out and said anything, but she knew that they knew and were judging her. The accusatory looks of the elders and senior church leaders were a very big indication of that.

She wished that she was not the one left behind. She parked beside a car that looked like Chris' and her heart lurched a bit but she quickly composed herself and turned to her two bickering brats.

“Now listen to me,” she said, looking at Thea sternly. “You are the older one; you should be setting an example for your brother. You two behave yourself at practice and behave yourself at Grandma.”

They mumbled.

“What was that?” Kelly asked sternly.

“Yes, Mommy,” they said in unison.

“Okay, your grandma will be here at seven to pick you up. I will come and get you guys tomorrow in the evening.”

“Are you going to leave us like Daddy?” Matthew asked earnestly, tears pooled in his eyes.

“No, no, none of that,” Kelly said impatiently. Matthew had been melancholy ever since Theo left, and nothing she said would convince him that their father had not abandoned them, even though he spoke to them every night.

She stared into empty space long after they went into the church and then closed her eyes. It was her fault they were not all together right now.

She knew it and it seemed as if they did too, turning hurt eyes in her direction whenever they asked her when their Daddy was coming home and she couldn’t tell them anything.

How was she to know? Theo had effectively left them to their own devices and he sounded like he was enjoying himself in Grand Cayman. 

She winced, he even sounded as if he had found somebody else, he was always mentioning this Cynthia person, and she was sure he liked her. The thought made her shudder. The thought of Theo having somebody else in his life was always enough to make her weak with fear. The irony did not escape her and she slumped over the steering wheel, willing herself to drive out of the parking lot.

The knock on her window made her jump, and she gasped when she saw Chris. He was grinning at her.

“Are you stalking me, Kelly?”

“Nooo,” Kelly said breathlessly, “what are you doing here?”

“Tonight is the new pastor's reception party, or whatever they call it.”

“Oh, I must have missed that announcement last week,” Kelly said vaguely. “I spend most of my time in the mother's room now anyway. Can’t stand the knowing looks, especially from Phoebe and that girl Tanya.”

Chris frowned. “You look sick. What are you doing here if it's not for the function?”

“Thanks a lot for the compliment,” Kelly grinned. “Sick is the new look this season. I am here because my children have choir practice.”

“So are you waiting for them?” Chris asked, “I could keep your company.”

“No,” Kelly sighed, “I was sitting here willing myself to drive home. I have a slight headache and a big life ache.”

“Life ache? That’s what I've got too. Want us to swap stories?”

Kelly leaned back on the steering wheel and twisted her head to look at Chris. “My association with you is what is causing my life ache.”

“So you guys are separated, huh?” Chris asked, leaning into the window.

“Something like that,” Kelly sighed.

“Tell you what,” Chris said earnestly, “follow me up to my house. I know something that might be of some interest to you. It might take your mind off your life ache.”

“No,” Kelly groaned. “I am not in a million years going to your house. Have you not heard a word I said? I am suffering because I followed you somewhere in a quiet room one too many times. I am done with that. Not interested.”

Chris grinned. Kelly was looking so vulnerable and lackluster.

“I won't jump you, I promise. Besides, my sister Camille is staying with me for a week. She has some business to do out here.”

“That’s your possessive evil sister,” Kelly said tiredly, “I cussed her out once. I won't go near her again.”

“I got a big contract,” Chris said, leaning on the door. “This hotel group wants to buy an old property here in St. Ann's Bay and turn it into an all-inclusive. They have asked if I can recommend an interior decorator after their renovation is complete. Instantly I thought of you, but I had vowed to keep out of your way so…”

Kelly scrambled out of the car angrily and looked at Chris. “Do you realize that this was how we first got involved? You dangled work in front of my face. And I snapped it up like a greedy pig. If I hadn’t done your villa, I would still be with my husband, whom I love dearly. I love him. I wish I hadn’t taken that job.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “My whole life is wrecked. I am a mess. I have no appetite. I barely sleep. No wonder you think I am sick. I hate you Chris! I hate you! She threw up her hand in the air. I really, really hate you!”

She started crying in earnest and didn’t even realize that she was sobbing on Chris' shoulders in the middle of the church's parking lot.

“Hush, Kelly,” Chris was saying sympathetically, “I am sorry.”

She sobbed until she had no tears left, just a heartbroken feeling in the pit of her stomach that needed to be released. She felt like screaming, and she had to put her hand to her mouth to stop the deep-wounded sound from getting out.

Chris hurriedly bundled her into the car. He called somebody on his phone and the next thing she knew he was driving her home.

He fumbled for her key in her purse and gently led her to the settee. Kelly slumped onto the settee like a wooden doll.

“I hate my life.” Her eyes and nose were swollen and her head was throbbing.

She vaguely heard the phone ringing. Chris was sitting across from her looking at her as if he expected her to do something drastic.

The concern in his eyes almost made her want to cry again. The phone kept ringing and finally Chris said, “I am going to answer it. It could be an emergency. That’s about the twentieth ring.”

Kelly shrugged; she didn’t care who it was. She was so cloaked in misery it actually felt like a physical oppressive presence.

Chris answered the phone and the thought suddenly occurred to Kelly that it might be Theo. Chris stayed away for a while, and when he returned he looked at her cautiously. “That was Theo.”

She closed her swollen eyes in defeat. “Someone should just kill me now and get it over with.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Theo sat down on the deck, looking out at the sea and thinking about things. These days his thoughts were constantly on Kelly. He couldn’t seem to shake his need of Kelly. He knew she had cheated and had another man's baby and that made him angry, but the clarity of thought that he had sought by putting distance between himself and her was not coming.

Maybe he should have stayed and fight it out. He always counseled people to ventilate their issues. Let it all out, don’t let it fester and rot and assume larger-than-life proportions. He was doing the exact same thing that he’d warned others against. And what's more, he never really argued with Kelly. He never really told her how he felt.

He had always felt that saying exactly what was on your mind could hurt more than anything else; some relationships never recovered from an argument and he had thought some pretty sick stuff toward Kelly. He had vacillated between wanting to find out exactly what she did with Chris, every minute detail about their affair, and then realized that it would be counter-productive to even hear it; some things were better not knowing.

He wondered if he would ever get over it. Would he be able to shake this feeling of betrayal?

Could he trust her again?

He didn’t know how, but he would try. His marriage was important to him and he knew that not fighting for it would make him a quitter, and he was never one to quit a challenge.

It was that thought that propelled him to enter the house and call Kelly. He had not really talked to her since he left. He had deliberately given her the cold shoulder, as he had wanted her to suffer some. It might have been childish of him, but it made him feel better about the whole thing. She deserved to suffer just as how she made him suffer.

He dialed the number and listened to it ring incessantly. He tried about five times before it was picked up and Chris answered.

At first, Theo was shell-shocked. His head felt as if it had swollen to twice its normal size, and his blood pressure shot up through the roof. He squeezed the phone so hard he was sure that if it was anything else but hard plastic it would have dented.

“It’s Theo,” he’d said, clearing his throat. Several thoughts were running through his head at the same time and the one that was on the tip of his tongue sprang out.  “So have you moved into my house, too? Picked up where you left off with my wife? Having sex in my bed?”

“Hell no,” Chris had sighed. “I brought home Kelly. She was crying hysterically in the church parking lot. I didn’t think it wise to let her drive in the condition she was in. She is saying that she does not want to live and I am of two minds, should I leave her here…”

“Where are the children?” Theo asked alarmed. His hand had loosened off the phone and his concern for Kelly took over.

“Apparently she had taken them to practice. Kelly said her mother would pick them up. She did mention, before she started screaming ‘I hate you’ to me that she was not eating or sleeping. She looks sick, like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something.”

Theo sighed. “Call Erica to stay with her. I can't believe I am saying this, don’t leave her alone there.”

“Okay,” Chris said. “I'll call Erica as soon as we are done talking.”

“Okay,” Theo said and hung up.

He felt shivery; he got up and started pacing. Their separation was taking its toll on Kelly worse than he thought.

He felt a little tingle of pleasure at the thought of her shouting to Chris that she hated him, but then a more serious thought occurred to him: if Kelly had a nervous breakdown who would take care of his children?  He couldn’t go back to Jamaica just now—he had just started his job. He paced for an hour and then called Erica.

“Are you at the house yet?”

“Yes,” Erica answered, sounding subdued. “I got a friend of mine to prescribe a sedative for her. I had to medicate her; she was hysterical.”

Theo winced. “Is Chris still there?”

“No,” Erica said, “he's gone to the new pastor’s greet-the-church thingy. They called him, to give a speech or something. Apparently the new pastor is his friend.”

“I hope he doesn’t have sex with the new pastor's wife,” Theo said sarcastically, then sighed. “I thought he and Kelly had resumed their affair.”

Erica chuckled. “Kelly is in no condition to have an affair with anyone. She looks like something the cat dragged in. Mom and I will have to work out some form of arrangement for the children. Kelly is in no shape to take care of them right now. She looks like she has practically dissolved since you left.”

“Keep me updated on her progress,” Theo said grimacing. “Tell her I called, will you? I'll call her tomorrow. And thank you, Erica.”

He hung up the phone and went back out onto the deck. He could barely see the sea below but he could hear it; It soothed him somewhat. He silently prayed for Kelly and then for himself.

“Help me Lord, to forgive her.”

*****

He was in his office with a sheaf of papers on his desk when Cynthia poked her head around the door.

“Hey, neighbor.”

“Hey, Cynthia,” he said, smiling at her. She was always asking him out and he always rejected her advances. He didn’t want to encourage her, but she had a very effective strategy to make him laugh.

“Has anybody asked you to go to the faculty social yet?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“So do you want to go with me, as my date?”

“Er…date?” Theo looked at her askance. “You do remember that I am not single, don't you?”

Cynthia came into the office fully. “Yes I do, but I was hoping that you would confess to me first, not anyone else, that you were on the verge of divorce. I could comfort you. Purely platonic comfort, of course.”

Theo looked at her contemplatively. “Have a seat please.”

“Ooh, this sounds serious,” Cynthia sat down warily.

“Cynthia, you are a riot,” he said, relaxing in his chair. “My wife's name is Kelly.”

Cynthia nodded.

“She freelances as an interior designer. Our children are still in school. Hopefully they will be here with me in the summer. She is not well at the moment, and I think a part of her problem is that we parted ways several weeks ago with some yet to be resolved marital issues…I think she misses me a lot. The thing is, I miss her too.” He gave Cynthia a half smile. “If I come to the faculty social it can't be as your date.”

Cynthia sighed. “I was so hoping you were getting a divorce.” Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, I am so sorry. It’s just that you aren't wearing a ring, and we all thought your wife was a doozy for letting you come over here alone, seeing as though you are so fine and all.”

Theo laughed. “Your honesty is as usual quite refreshing.”

He called Kelly after Cynthia left the office; he had not wanted to call her when he got in from his morning run since it was too early, he reasoned.

She answered the phone groggily, “Hello.”

“Hey, Mrs. Palmer,” Theo said solemnly, “I heard that you wanted to die last night. How are you this morning?”

“Theo?” Kelly asked in a hoarse voice. “Are you still talking to me?”

“Yes,” Theo said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because Chris answered the phone last night and because I am the worse person on the planet,” she coughed, “lower than the dirt on your shoe.”

Theo grinned. “I really don’t think you are lower than the dirt on my shoe, Kelly. You are the mother of my children. I consider you a lot higher than that. Chris explained why he was at the house, and told me that you hated him. That made me feel especially good.”

Kelly sneezed. “I am stupid though, threw away my relationship with you and broke up my family.” She sniffled. “I don’t even pray anymore. Why would God listen to me, an adulteress?”

Theo paused. “Kelly, now is the time to pray. God is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins however bad they may seem in your eyes. Lay your burdens at his feet and let him deal with it for you. No wonder you are so down and depressed. Are you sorry for what happened? Genuinely sorry? Not just sorry because I found out.”

“Of course,” Kelly sniffed, “I was very weighed down with my deception, I contemplated confessing to you so many times I could not count. I got cold feet every time. I just wanted things to be normal again. I wished so many times that I could just press undo and wipe my slate clean. I am genuinely sorry, not lip service sorry. Really sorry—running myself crazy sorry.”

“Okay I hear you,” Theo said contemplatively. He could sense her earnestness and it struck a chord within him. “Would you do it again though, have an affair or strike up a relationship with Chris? Have you really gotten over him, Kelly? Has he gotten over you?”

“I am very much over Chris,” Kelly said, clearing her throat. “I think he was my first real crush. I was dizzy when I was around him back in days. Those were young idyllic days. I was suffering from nostalgia when I had that affair with him.”

“Unfinished business,” Theo suggested a shaft of pain, striking him suddenly. “You two never had sex when you were dating, and you just had to try him out, no matter the cost.”

“No it wasn’t like that,” Kelly sneezed, “I was lonely…”

“I am not taking responsibility for your affair,” Theo bit out, “I am lonely now. I am in a foreign country without my family, not because I want to be but because you caused it, would I be justified in having an affair? How would you feel if I had one?”

Kelly was silent.

Theo inhaled. “I am willing to forgive Kelly, but I am a man. We both need to talk to God about the situation. Don’t forget, He listens. He is the only way we are going to get past this.”

Kelly sneezed again. “I am happy that we could talk, and I am more than grateful that you are willing to forgive me.”

Theo was silent for a long while. “I love you, I really do. Refusing to forgive you would hurt me too. I just need time.”

Kelly murmured, “Thank you for that, Theo. I love you too.”