Promise Them (The Callahan Series Book 6) (18 page)

When she rang the doorbell, Father Mike opened the rectory door. He wasn’t very tall, and though he was only in his fifties, his hair was thinning. His nicest feature was his smile, which spread wide when he saw her. “Nellie, come in. It’s always a pleasure to see you.”

“You, too.” Like everyone else, Father Mike only saw what she wanted him to see. A nice woman, with a nice family who came to church regularly, and worked with the other ladies of the church to keep the altar just the way he liked it—with lots of flowers and tall candles. Someone who could be called on when a parishioner was sick or they needed a hand at the cake booth at the bazaar.

“Would you like a glass of tea? Cup of coffee?”

“A glass of water would be nice.”

“Take a seat in my office, I’ll be right back,” he said, going to the kitchen.

The house they called a rectory was fairly small: two bedrooms, one turned into an office, and a living room that opened into a kitchen. It was large enough for the one priest the parish was allowed. They were lucky to have a priest at all, the way seminary enrollment was down.

He came in, put an unopened bottle of water on the desk. “I’m not much of a host. But I can offer cookies.”

Nellie tried to smile, but wasn’t sure she succeeded. “Nothing. This is fine.” Water would help ease her parched throat.

“Now.” He leaned back in his worn chair. “What can I do for you?”

Where would she start? How could she?

He watched her for a minute. “Take your time. You’re safe here.”

“I know. It’s just that…I’ve never told anyone about my life before I married Duncan.”

“Then why don’t we start there? Tell me about your childhood, where you lived, tell me about your parents.”

Nellie opened the bottle of water, took a sip. “My parents died when my brother and I were very young; he was six, I was eight. We went to separate foster homes. I think it was the third couple who took me and they really wanted a boy.”

“What was their name?”

“Frazier.”

“How was your time with them?”

How could she describe her life at that time? “They wanted the children they fostered to work on the ranch. I liked the animals and didn’t mind the work. But other than school, that was all we did. There were no school activities, no friends.”

“Were they good to you?”

Nellie shook her head. “We had food and clothes. Otherwise, the state would have taken us away.”

“But?”

“I was bad. So I was punished.”

Father Mike’s brow wrinkled. “How could an eight-year-old be bad?”

“I was ten then. Every day I did something wrong. Either I spilled milk at the table, or I forgot to pick up everyone’s clothes and put them in the washer, or I made some other mistake.”

“Wouldn’t that be normal? You were just a child.”

“They told me I was stupid. Too dumb to even feed the chickens and pick up the eggs the right way. I made mistakes all the time so they corrected me.”

“How did that make you feel?”

Father Mike sounded like a counselor. Which of course was why she was here. But she didn’t know if she wanted to dredge up those old feelings. She shrugged.

“It’s okay, Nellie,” he said softly.

She didn’t want to go there. “I tried hard to please them.” Her voice choked. “But I couldn’t.” Reliving that time was painful. Every so often, she took a sip of water to keep her throat from closing.

“How about school?”

“I loved it. I wished for school to last the year round.”

“What kind of grades did you make?”

“I didn’t have time to study because I had to work from the time I got home from school until lights out. But I made good grades and worked hard in class.”

“What did the Fraziers say about that?”

“They said I had the teachers fooled, that they didn’t know the real Nellie. No one knew me
except
them.”

At this, Father Mike frowned darkly. “Did they physically hurt you?”

“No, but once Mr. Frazier came close.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

She took a deep breath. Sharing her story was harder than she expected. “I was sixteen. They’d hired an older boy, maybe eighteen, to help with the baling and such for the summer. One day he kissed me in the barn. A sweet, innocent kiss, nothing bad about it. It was my first kiss, actually, and I never saw it coming. Mr. Frazier walked in on us, fired Buck on the spot, then called me all sorts of names, and said as long as I lived under his roof, I had to do as they said, which meant I wasn’t allowed to have anything to do with boys, period. He said I’d just get pregnant and humiliate them, make sure they’d never get another foster child.”

“So you didn’t date.”

“No.”

Father Mike took a deep breath. “Do you realize now that what they did to you was child abuse?”

Nellie shuddered. “Of course I do. But…well, they were right about some things. I was awkward and clumsy. I didn’t do anything right, and I didn’t know how to act around people.”

“How could you with the two of them brainwashing you every day?”

Her brow wrinkled. “Brainwash?”

“Didn’t you meet Duncan in college? How did you manage to go to college with so much baggage?”

“After my parents died, there was a class action lawsuit filed against the manufacturer of the faulty pop-up camper propane heater that killed my parents, and a few hundred other people. It was all in the news, but we didn’t have TV at the ranch, so I didn’t know anything about it. The money was put in a trust with the rest of their estate. I didn’t know about any of it until after I turned eighteen. The money saved my life. I was able to start college without worry. It gave me time to get a job and get on my feet.”

“What about your brother?”

“I tried to find him, but he’d run away from his foster home. I later learned he’d joined the Air Force the minute he turned eighteen. That was right about the time I met Duncan.”

“How did that go?”

“Slow. He asked me out three times before we went on our first date. I lost track of how many times he asked me to marry him.”

“Because?”

“Because I knew he deserved better. You knew him for a short while before he died. Duncan was a wonderful man. He should have married someone who could give him all the things I couldn’t.”

“Such as?”

“A woman who wasn’t pretending to be someone she wasn’t.” She looked down at her hands, clutched the water bottle as if for life support. “I’ve pretended all these years to be someone else. Not the Frazier’s Nellie, but a good person—a capable person.”

“You mean someone who raised a family alone after her husband died—someone who is kind to others—someone who is always there if she’s needed? You’re not that person?”

Nellie sat there a while, lost in thought. “I was pregnant when we married.”

“And?”

“I was raped.”

Father Mike fists clenched and unclenched. “Duncan raped you?”

Startled, she raised her eyes to his. “Of course not. We didn’t have relations until we married.”

“I see,” he said in that way people say when they don’t see at all. She never should have come here.

“Then...obviously... Duncan knew about the rape?”

Nellie nodded. Father Mike was trying to understand. “I couldn’t lie to him, so I broke the engagement. Like I said, he deserved better.”

“But he loved you as you were.”

“The Fraziers were right all along. I got pregnant.”

“Nellie, you were
raped
. You weren’t to blame. A man perpetrated violence against you. That’s a crime.”

“I couldn’t marry Duncan pregnant with another man’s child.”

“He must not have taken no for an answer.”

“He wouldn’t. I didn’t see how he could love another man’s child, but he convinced me he could.”

“So Donovan is….”

“He’s not Duncan’s biological child.” She sighed. “But they adored each other from the start. Donovan is the one who took to the ranch when the other children didn’t. I don’t know what the family would do without him. Nor what I would do,” she ended softly.

“Nellie, I want you to answer my earlier question. Who do you think you are now? The frightened, abused child? The young woman who was raped? Or the Nellie everyone knows you are—strong and loving? A woman who kept her family together.” When she didn’t answer he continued, “I see how your family looks at you. I see how they look to you for guidance and strength. I know each and every one of them. They’re smart. Do you think they’re wrong? Is God wrong? Doesn’t he forgive his children everything?” He paused a minute, studying her. “The problem is you didn’t forgive yourself.”

Nellie sat there for the longest time, dividing her time between looking out the window and into her lap. Thinking. Father Mike was right. Her children were intelligent. If anyone could see through the walls she’d put around herself it would be them. But they hadn’t. Or had they seen the real her and still loved her? “So you think I’ve changed?”

“No.”

The word jolted her.

“I don’t think you’ve changed at all. I think you’ve always been the person you are. During your time with the Fraziers, they did their best to break your spirit. For a while they succeeded. But behind that wall you built, you’ve always been the same lovely person you are today.”

“You think so?”

“The Fraziers hurt you in the most despicable way possible when they abused you emotionally—when they made you doubt your true self.” He leaned across his desk and looked deep into Nellie’s eyes. “After all these years, you still think of yourself as they did, instead of as you are.” He paused. “God has to be proud of you, Nellie. In the face of the worst kind of emotional abuse, you became a strong, courageous, and dependable woman. Your family adores you and everyone admires you.”

Nellie felt dizzy. Was it true? All these years, she’d really been herself? She hadn’t been pretending? She hadn’t been successfully fooling everyone?

“Nellie? Are you all right?”

She couldn’t speak now if she had to. Her mind was whirling.

“Do you remember your parents?” Father Mike asked.

She took a deep breath. “Some.”

“If they had lived, do you think you would have been treated the way the Frazier’s treated you?”

She gasped. “Of course not. I remember happy times, being hugged, being loved. I...I didn’t have that after they died,” she whispered as realization hit.

“There you are.” He spread his hands wide. As if that was all the explanation needed.

Nellie looked into Father Mike’s smiling face. The dark spot in her heart didn’t seem so dark anymore. She started to grab her purse. “Thank you, Father Mike. I...”

“Is that all? Is something else bothering you?”

“What? You read minds too?” She laughed, realizing how freeing it felt to know it was her, Nellie, enjoying the moment, not the child she left behind years ago.

“No. But you’re still troubled.”

She leaned back in the chair. “I’ve become attracted to another man, and I don’t quite know what to do about it.”

“Really? Who is the lucky fellow?”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m older now. Settled in my ways, as I’m sure he is. I guess I don’t know whether to shy away from him because I’m afraid of a relationship or wait and see what happens.”

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop being afraid?”

“Maybe.”

“Remember that.”

She looked at her watch. She didn’t have much time if she intended to keep that date. And all of a sudden she did. Standing, she grabbed her bag. “This time I do have to go. Thank you, Father. You’ve helped me more than I can say.”

“Why don’t you come in every week so we can talk.”

“What day is best for you?”

They settled on a time and date.

“I want you to keep me posted on how this new relationship turns out.”

Nellie chuckled. “You can count on it.”

As she drove through town, she wished there was a dress shop. For the first time in years, she yearned for a new outfit.

Thirty minutes before Beau was due to pick her up Nellie answered the phone to hear Dani’s hysterical voice. “Emma’s gone crazy. She wants me to cater a party for fifty people. I told her she was nuts, but she insists. I’m seriously thinking of quitting.”

“Calm down, Dani and tell me what’s going on.”

“I told Emma I couldn’t do it. The dinner we had the other night for four was bad enough on my nerves. But the old reprobate won’t take no for an answer. Told me to talk to Molly, that she’d help me out. What am I to do?”

“This is what you’ll do,” Nellie said, looking at the clock. “We’ll meet at Molly’s in the morning and talk about this. Until then just forget about it.”

“As if I can.”

“I’ll see you then.”

She barely had time to finish getting dressed before the doorbell rang.

Chapter Nineteen

Beau held his breath as he rang the doorbell. When the wide front door opened and Phyl stood there, he wasn’t surprised.

“Nellie will be down shortly,” she said. “Would you like a glass of iced tea while you wait?”

“I’m fine.” He could hardly believe Nell hadn’t sent an excuse.

“Donovan is still out, but he’ll be here any minute. Moving cattle all day and patrolling the ranch half the night is about to get him down. Thank goodness Dugan called earlier to tell me he and his deputy would take the shift from two to six.”

“That’s great. Donovan needs a break. I got in a few hours of shut-eye this afternoon, so I’ll be ready to go later tonight.”

The back door slammed, and Donovan came in to join them. He probably had a dozen questions about why his mother was going on a date with the next-door neighbor.

“Where’s Mark?” Phyl asked.

“Brushing Snowman.”

Phyl told him he could expect relief tonight.

“That’s great. I can use some sleep.”

He walked over and shook hands with Beau. “Phyl tells me you’re treating Mom to dinner in San Antonio.”

“It’s the only way I can think of to thank her for all she’s done.” Coward. That was the smallest reason for the occasion.

“Mom’s always ready to lend a hand.”

Phyl looked from Beau to Donovan and shook her head.