Promise to Cherish (19 page)

It was past dusk when she decided to take a walk along the perimeter of the grounds. No one would be out there and she needed the fresh air in her face. She walked far enough away that the massive Kirkbride building was no longer visible. The wind stirred around her and she closed her eyes. Her heart told her to pray. Her pastor had always told his congregants that God was everywhere. He was there now, in the looming gray sky, in the air she breathed, in the wind. Supposedly God surrounded her, kept her, and loved her. She’d believed this her entire life. Her heart knew that it was still true even now. Christine wanted to embrace it and throw herself at His mercy, but her mind fought it. Her sensibilities told her otherwise.

Where was He when Jack pinned her down? Had He heard her tell him to stop? She shook her head and couldn’t think beyond her grief over the death of her career. She stopped walking and wished the wind would pick her up and take her away. But instead her body stood like a fixture, solid and cold. Had she always been chiseled from stone? Had she ever been warm and soft? A flicker of lightning brightened the skyline ahead of her, and when she didn’t react she wished she had. Nothing moved her anymore, except when she heard a soft voice behind her. Eli? Yes, she had not the least idea why, but his nearness moved her.

“Christine?” Eli touched her arm then immediately took off his coat and wrapped it around her. Her coat looked thin and she was shivering.

She turned around and their eyes locked.

“Where have you been? The ward is going wild without you. The patients keep asking for you and—well—nothing is the same.” Eli spoke urgently and walked her over to a bench near a small clearing beyond the gardens.

Eli could see that she’d been crying, but for the moment her eyes were dry. He wanted to be patient. He’d heard rumors that she’d stolen drugs from the patients, but he couldn’t imagine why. Another rumor was that she was expecting a baby, when he’d never even heard her mention so much as a boyfriend. The worst one was the rumor that said the baby was fathered by one of the patients. Disgusting. He didn’t believe any of them, but he knew something was wrong. He’d only seen glimpses of her usual self in so many weeks.

“I thought there would be plenty of rumors by now.”

“I don’t believe them.” With each of the rumors came a judgment on her character. He would not believe what Minton said about her. Even Rodney had started spreading things.

“You shouldn’t have so much faith in me.” She looked away, far beyond the horizon that spanned the distance. “Why are you out here?”

He rocked forward. If he wanted the truth from her, he should tell her the truth.

“I saw you,” he admitted with a grin. “My window faces the hill down from Kirkbride and I saw you walking down. I wanted to talk to you before we left, and I didn’t know if you’d be back on the ward.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything right away.

“I won’t be back,” she confirmed. “So, you’re leaving in a few days, right?”

“Little more than a week.” He nodded.

“You’re going home.” Christine smiled at him and then looked away again.

“Home,” he repeated.

Home
. The word spun around his head. The big white farmhouse came to mind. It all flooded back: the red barns and fields dotted with Holstein cows and the routine of milking and managing a dairy farm. An eagerness suddenly washed over him. Working in the farm air and the sun instead of in the hospital where everything they breathed was medicated and putrid. Yes, he was ready to go home, though his job here was rewarding at times.

His eyes roamed the curves of her face. Her cheekbones were high. She had small rosebud lips above a petite chin. Her top lip folded slightly over the bottom, giving her a gentle pucker. She looked smart in her glasses, and they brought more attention to the depth of her brown eyes. The girls in his community didn’t wear makeup, but he’d grown used to seeing the English women wearing it and liked it. She was beautiful and different from any girl he’d ever met.

Christine turned to face him. For a moment their gaze connected and they were lost together.

“Where did you go?”

“What?”

“You just looked like you were somewhere else.” He smiled at her.

Her eyes left his and roamed the dead lawn ahead of them. She sighed. “I’m envious of you. Every time you say the word
home
I can almost see those green rolling pastures and smell those famous Amish pies.”

“Are you making fun of me?” Eli nudged her. He was cold, but more than that he was glad she was wearing his coat. It ballooned around her. She gave him a small smile.

“No,” she said, releasing a chuckle. “It’s just that it’s obvious how much you love your home.”

“You don’t?”

“I do. But I don’t know if it’s really home anymore. Too many things have changed. First my brothers were killed and now . . .” She didn’t finish.

What was on the other side of her words?

“I’m not sure I can go home anymore. I was fired today, you know. Has that rumor made it through the ward yet?”

He’d heard this, so he was able to keep any shock from his face.

“I heard.”

“Do you know why?” Her eyes grew desperate.

“It doesn’t matter. I know who you are well enough. You’re a fine nurse and an even better woman.”

“But you don’t really know,” she pressed. “If you did . . .”

Eli shook his head. “All I know is what you’re telling me.” He paused. “If it’s true that you can’t go home, then come home with me.”

What had he just said? He couldn’t bring an English girl home, no matter who she was or how much trouble she was in. He would never regain his reputation if Christine walked off the bus with him.

“What did you say?” She snorted the words and shook her head. “Eli, you don’t know what you’re saying. I can’t go home with you. Be serious.”

Eli smiled at her and he considered just how serious he was. If he wanted to retract his invitation, now was the time. He watched as she pushed up her glasses. She was nervous. She’d done it often when they first started working together. It had stopped at some point, but he couldn’t recall when. But here she was doing it again.

“I’m not joking.” His heart pounded. He was serious, wasn’t he? “My home would be a perfect place for you to figure out what’s next. Besides, my mom would love to get a hold of you and fill you full of pie.”

“Now I know you’re joking. Eli, think clearly here. Your parents wouldn’t mind their good son returning home after such a long time away with a girl like me? I’d have two strikes against me right from the start.”

“It wouldn’t have to be for long. Just until you’re ready to go back home.” He couldn’t help but release a short chuckle, imagining her actually going home with him, meeting his family, and roaming the same countryside he knew like the back of his hand.

She stood and he followed. They faced each other. She opened her mouth to talk but nothing came out for several moments.

“I’m not some stray dog that would just follow you home. This is my real life, Eli, and you don’t even know why I have to leave. If you did you’d take back your ridiculous invitation.”

Eli was disappointed that she didn’t see his sincerity. He used to be able to say whatever he wanted, sincerely or not, and girls would believe him. Christine was different though. She was strong-minded and even though it infuriated him it made him want to be around her all the more.

“I just want to help.” He took a step toward her and started raising his hand to touch her, then pulled it back. Should he tell her how much he really cared? His heart plunged into his stomach. What was this feeling? Fear? Nervousness? Girls had never made him nervous, but Christine did.

“It would never work. I’m not going to talk about this.” She began walking away.

“Christine, please. Don’t go.” Eli reached for her, gathering a handful of his coat in his hand. She let his insistence stop her and turned. Her brow furrowed. There was something in her expression that was so familiar. He’d seen that look of hurt too often. Usually he’d caused it.

“Let me go, Eli.” She wouldn’t look at him. He wanted to pull harder but the voice inside him said not to. Was it God talking to him? When his hand didn’t let go of the coat sleeve, the nudge from the voice inside him turned into a holler in his ears. He almost wondered if she heard it, too.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” His voice was a raspy whisper in his ears, suddenly filled with emotion.

“I’m pregnant, Eli. I’m going to have a baby. I’m not the woman you think I am. And that’s not all of it. I stole barbital, too. It’s all true. Do you really want to take a girl like me home to your parents?”

Their eyes locked. His heart wilted, leaving pieces like petals falling into the grass at his feet. He let go of the coat and it pained him to take a step back. Christine turned from him and walked away.

CHAPTER 15

H
ave you heard from your folks since you let them know you were coming home?” DeWayne asked Eli as they sat to eat their supper.

“
Ja
, got a letter this week. I think they are chippin’ the mud off my farm boots right now.” He meant it to be funny but it came out with a bitter bite. It had only been an hour since his talk with Christine and he couldn’t get used to the idea that some of the rumors he’d heard were actually true. He stuffed his mouth full of too-salty potatoes. He
would
look forward to his mother’s cooking.

“I thought you’d be excited. You’ve said how this time in CPS has made you realize how much you believe in your church and your future in it. You said yourself you were ready to settle down and give up your
vildeh veyah
.”

Eli grimaced. DeWayne was right. “Yes, I do plan to give up my wild ways.”

“Your words, buddy.”

The two ate in silence for several minutes until Freddy bounded up and sat down with his usual energy. He stuffed a few mouthfuls of potatoes in his mouth, his eyes wide with excitement. While he was still chewing he started talking.

“Did you hear about Nurse Freeman? Whoa! The attendant that pulled her out of her apartment said she looked drugged. I just never took her as that kind of woman. The rumors are actually true.”

Eli put his finger in Freddy’s face. “Don’t you say another word about her, Freddy Ens. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The others around them looked over. His eyes glanced over several of them before returning to Freddy’s shocked round eyes. He bit the sides of his cheeks to keep himself from saying something he thought he might regret. He stuffed a few more bites of food in his mouth before he let himself talk.

“Christine is not that kind of woman,” he said in a raspy whisper. His eyes darted around them, not wanting others to hear him.

“Eli, she got herself in trouble. What do you call women like that?” Freddy didn’t seem to care that Eli was upset.

“We all know Christine’s an excellent and respected nurse and none of us know the whole story. Everyone should just leave her alone. She doesn’t deserve our judgment.”

“You need to leave her be, Eli. You’re getting too wrapped up.” DeWayne put a hand on Eli’s arm.

“I can’t leave her alone, DeWayne. I just can’t.” Eli shook his arm away. He knew he needed to calm down before his temper got the better of him, but he was too frustrated over the news about Christine. “I asked her to come home with me.”

“You did what?” Freddy’s voice screeched.

“
Sis net wah.”
DeWayne couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “She’s not your responsibility.” DeWayne leaned in closer to him; the other people around them looked over again.

“You don’t know the whole story.” Neither did he, for that matter. He was self-righteous in condemning his friends for their judgment when he’d done the same thing the moment she’d told him about the baby and the barbital.

There were a few beats of silence between the three men. DeWayne and Freddy eyed each other.

“Are you the father?” Freddy always did ask questions without thinking.

“What? How could you even ask that?” Eli scowled.

Freddy and DeWayne’s eyes met. Eli let out a hefty sigh.

“Look, Christine already said no to me, but I still believe that she needs help, not judgment—from anyone.” He was talking to himself as much as his friends.

“Why does it have to be from you? We’re leaving in a little over a week—you’re going home, buddy. You said yourself that it’s time you find a little woman to marry and settle down—make up for your mistakes before you were drafted. How can you do that if you take an English woman who is going to have a baby home with you? Everyone will just believe it’s yours.”

Eli didn’t have an answer. He got up and walked out, leaving his food and his friends behind.

April 2, 1946

Dear Eli,

Blessings in our Holy God’s Name.

The weather is getting prettier by the day. The buds are growing and the spring rain isn’t so bad. We’re even getting into the sixties already. Wedding season is here. We’ve already had one.