Promise to Cherish (33 page)

The wedding ceremony was interesting to Eli. He’d never been to an English wedding before. He watched Christine, who stood next to him as the couple repeated vows to each other, and saw how she seemed to hang on every word.

He listened to the words. He loved how Byron vocalized his promise to love, honor, and cherish Jeanne. The intent was the same in their Amish weddings, but hearing the English words spoken aloud struck his heart. His eyes shot over to Christine, who was dabbing her eyes and smiling. He wished he could
stop loving her and move on. But moving on meant continuing on alone. He wasn’t sure he would ever find the right girl in his church. Christine was the only woman who was right for him. Maybe he could be with Christine. Maybe it was possible. Maybe he would never go back.

Eli pushed those thoughts from his mind as the wedding concluded and he offered to help return the institution children to their building.

“Pretty wedding, wasn’t it?” Christine walked up to him as he exited the children’s building.

He nodded. “Yeah, it was.”

They stood in silence for a while. The chairs where guests had been seated were already removed and the courtyard didn’t look any different from how it usually did. Jeanne and Byron mingled with a few people.

“She didn’t wear white. Don’t English brides wear white?” he asked.

“Usually, but since this is her second wedding she decided to wear her favorite color instead. Besides, she looks beautiful in baby blue.” Christine sighed and smiled. Her hands reached around her stomach and for a moment she cradled the baby inside—Eli’s eyes trailed down to her hands and she pulled them away. She pushed up her glasses and cleared her throat. “Let’s take a walk.”

They walked back toward the garden and watched as the patients and employees worked in the sun then sat at the bench they’d sat at months earlier.

“I think I need to sit,” Christine said, breathless.

“Sure. Maybe the walk was too much for you.”

She let go of his hand and patted it. “No. The fresh air is nice.”

Eli nodded. Several jokes ran through his mind about putting her to work on the farm chasing after the cows and mucking out stalls.

“Your beard and your hair, they’re shorter again. Looks like your Gillette’s gotten some use.” She smirked at him.

He rubbed his smooth chin. “I just cleaned myself up a bit. Didn’t want to come looking like some—farmer.”

“I don’t mind you looking like a farmer.”

Eli gave her a weak smile.

Christine elbowed him. “Are you all right? You have something on your mind, don’t you?”

The leaves rustled and the warm breeze folded itself around them. Their unspoken words seemed to float alongside the cottony clouds that moved past.

“No, I’m not all right,” he said, lowering his head into his hands, then sitting up and looking at Christine he took her hands. “Being here right now with you—away from the farm—” He couldn’t finish.

The silence hovered over and around them. A few green leaves fell in the stiff wind that came upon them. It lifted Christine’s wavy locks that lay loose around her shoulders. He let go of one of her hands to touch her loose tresses. They felt like silk between his fingers. He had to tell her that he didn’t want to go back. He had some money in the bank and they could start a life together.

“I’ve never seen you like this. What are you thinking?”

Eli sighed and smiled at her. She didn’t ask him why he had worn his English shirt with his Amish pants to the wedding. Everyone at the hospital knew he was Amish. It would’ve been fine for him to attend in his Amish clothing.

“I heard that Matilda is finally moving on.”

“If you call spreading rumors about how I went back on my promise to date her when I returned moving on. I guess it’s better than her spreading that we actually were steady.”

“Just add her to the list of girls who have fallen for you, Eli.” She elbowed him, trying to loosen him up.

“Yes, my life has been one mistake after another.” His voice was raspy and loud.

Christine jerked back at his intensity.

“Don’t be angry. I was only teasing. I really only wanted to lighten the mood. I don’t think I am doing a good job at it.”

“But you’re right. The rumors are true. I dated a lot of girls and broke a lot of hearts. I haven’t been very upstanding either. Now when I’m trying to be the right kind of man and do the right things, no one sees it. All they see is my past. I just want it to be worth it. I don’t want to waste my life somewhere where I don’t matter or where the only thing people see in me is everything I’ve done wrong.”

“You matter, Eli. You just have to show them who you are. I see it and I know others will see it.”

Eli glanced over at her. She couldn’t tell what he was going to say.

“I know I’ve brought a lot of this on you. I just—”

“I love you, Christine.” His whisper interrupted her. “I love you and I don’t want to go back to Sunrise where I can’t have you. I want to leave with you—go anywhere—and be together.”

Her breathing quickened and she couldn’t speak. When he began leaning toward her she inhaled but didn’t move away. For months she’d considered what it would be like to kiss him. The back of his finger traced her jawline then cupped her cheek. The roughness from his hard work played against the softness of her skin. An eternity before his face was close enough to feel his breath, and then his lips touched hers. There was gentleness and passion mixed together. The kiss only lasted for several perfect moments, but the heat from it circulated through her entire body for much longer.

Christine longed for more when he pulled away. His face
remained near hers for several long moments. Her baby kicked wildly, reviving her senses. She moved toward him and kissed him back, the passion heightened until she pulled away.

“You can’t leave your home.” Her words were breathless.

“But it’s the only way I can have you.”

“Who said you could have me at all?” Christine knew her resistance toward him was weakening.

Eli kissed her again. This time with more passion and energy, taking her very breath away. She pushed him aside.

“I’m sorry,” she said, breathing fast. “I won’t let you leave your family.”

“But why? You see what’s happening there. I’m stuck. They don’t want me there.”

Christine imagined what this meant. Leaving Sunrise—together—starting a new life. She would have the baby soon and he would be a great father. He would be a great husband. They could make a life together.

It wouldn’t work though, not like this. She could admit that she cared for him, but if they were together that meant he was abandoning his family. She couldn’t let that happen.

“No, they don’t want
me
there. If you leave Sunrise because you want to run away from your problems, then you’re not the man I thought you were. You are not the man who I’ve learned to trust and respect. If you’re really the good man that I know you are, then you will return to your family.”

A flash of something passed over his eyes and he walked away, leaving her alone.

CHAPTER 27

C
hristine didn’t see Eli for the rest of the evening and stayed alone in Jeanne and Byron’s new home, since she and Byron had taken a few days away to honeymoon. When she entered she flipped on a lamp and a giggle escaped her mouth. It was childish to get excited over an electric light, but she didn’t restrict the idle joy. The art deco–furnished home was so different from the Amish homes Christine had spent so much time in recently, lonesomeness consumed her. The brown, wooden radio caught her eye and she turned it on, hoping an evening show might cheer her up. All the radio-theater she could find was about war or romance, but she was pleased to find Glenn Miller and his band playing. She found Jeanne’s crochet hook in the middle of what looked to be an afghan. She pulled it over to a rocking chair and continued where she must have left off. In a matter of minutes she was humming and tapping her foot. She’d missed music, she realized. She’d also almost forgotten how convenient indoor plumbing and electric refrigeration were.

When she finally went to bed Christine’s restlessness returned. She found herself tossing and turning the entire night.
In between waking she dreamed of Eli. Eventually she would have to say good-bye to him, and the time was growing closer every day. This reality, along with choosing whether or not to go to the maternity home, consumed her. All of this made her see that she was utterly alone.

Christine was glad when morning came, not just because she could get away from her recurring dream but she would get to see her mother. After showering and repacking her clothing she did her hair in victory rolls. It was strangely awkward to use such a large mirror rather than her small, handheld one. Her breakfast only turned her stomach and after dropping a juice glass, she finally admitted to herself that she was more nervous to see her mother than she had expected. She was supposed to meet her in the parking lot at seven. With the glass cleanup behind her and all the lights off she put a thank-you note that included an apology for the broken glass on the kitchen table and left the house.

Christine saw the older model Ford in the corner of the lot. There was rust around the wheel wells that she hadn’t noticed before. Her mother got out and her long, lean body looked thinner than Christine thought was healthy. Her golden hair looked grayer, and it hadn’t even been two months. She put her bag on the pavement of the parking lot, only then realizing that the straps had been pinching her skin the whole time.

“Oh, look at you,” she said. They hugged and Christine saw how her mother looked down at her abdomen when they parted and again when she offered to put her bag in the backseat when they climbed in.

“Aren’t we going to go to the house?”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. We don’t have the house anymore.”

“What?” How could her mother not have told her about this sooner?

“We sold it and we bought a much smaller house. I had to
tell your dad and Doris about—” She gestured toward Christine’s belly. “Otherwise they wouldn’t understand why.”

Christine almost asked how they had reacted but decided against it. She didn’t want to know what her dad or Doris thought. It was too painful to consider.

“I’m so sorry, Ma. That must have been awful for you. You raised us in that house.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “This is all my fault.”

Her mother sighed.

“Christy, let’s not dig this all up now, all right? We don’t have a lot of time before your bus leaves. I have news for you.”

“News?”

Margie pulled out a paper from her pocketbook and handed it to Christine. She read it then and shook her head, not understanding.

“It’s a list of names and addresses. What does it mean?”

“I wrote to that maternity home and asked them about couples who want to adopt. They gave me this list. They didn’t provide their last names, for privacy, but just look at how many lovely Christian couples are ready to adopt a child.”

Christine looked back down at the paper.

“The home wrote that there are even more families waiting for children that aren’t on the list.”

“I know I should go but—”

“Is it because of that Amish boy?”

Christine didn’t answer.

“That’s why I think you should go to the home. You don’t need to get involved with anyone before this baby is born. Once it’s all over then you can start your life again. Just like that letter said, it would be like it never happened.”

Her mother had a point. The more attached she grew to Eli, Annie, and Sylvia, the harder it would be to leave. The sooner Christine left the better. She would be saying good-bye
to all of them along with the baby. At the home she wouldn’t even be Christine. She would just be another face in the crowd. No one would remember her, she would leave, and it would be all over.

“Okay, Ma. I’ll make the arrangements.” She saw Eli waiting for her on the other side of the parking lot near Freddy’s car. She looked at her wristwatch. “I have to go.”

“Is that him?” Her mother’s eyes spotted Eli. “He’s handsome.”

Christine could only nod, unable to find her voice. The memory of his arms around her body and his lips on hers—she loved him. Admitting it to herself for the first time brought her new resolve. Because she loved him, she had to leave him. She would have to go to that home. There was no other way to make sure she wouldn’t ruin his life.

“One more thing, Ma,” Christine said, “have you heard anything more about Jack? Is he married already?”

Her mother huffed and bristled at the mention of Jack. “I saw her. He brought her to church, if you can believe it.”

Christine nodded. “It’s not that I think about him that way. He’s not a nice or respectable man. But I guess I still wonder what it was about me that was so awful.”

“No time for a pity party, Christy. This is your burden to bear.”

“You’re right,” she said, reaching over and hugging her mother. “Thank you for helping me. I’m so sorry about the house.”

Her mother squeezed her as hard as Christine had ever remembered. She heard her sniff and clear her throat. They parted but continued to hold hands.