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‘Yes,
I’m talking about Matt!’ She scoffs.  ‘Fucking control freak!’

‘Oh
dear, is there trouble in paradise?’ How long have I been away? I ask myself.

‘Take
her Hun, will you,’ she lifts a wriggling Emily-Jane from her baby seat and
hands her to me. 

‘She
has grown,’ I grin up at the blonde beauty, who is beaming down towards me,
‘hello baby girl,’ I kiss her chubby cheek and she giggles.

‘Well,
you haven’t seen her for around six months,’ she reminds me. 

Guilt
sears through me, I have been living my own dramas and it seems as if Shauna
has also been experiencing a few of her own.

‘What’s
happened?’ I jiggle Emily-Jane on my hip, while turning my concerned gaze to my
friend.

‘He’s
left, that’s what’s fucking happened,’ she carries the small bag of groceries
through to the kitchen and places them on the work surface. 

‘Shauna!’
I gasp, ‘what the hell happened?’  Shauna and Matt were the most well
matched couple I had ever met.  If they can’t make it, how the hell do the
rest of us stand a chance.

‘He’s
a fucking cliché, that’s what happened,’ she opens the fridge and rather heavy handily
plonks some milk, butter, cheese and eggs onto the empty shelves before
swinging around to face me, ‘fucking his assistant, I mean seriously, could he
not find someone less obvious.  Small, blonde, big tits, fuck me!’ She
curses.

‘Jesus!’
I reply, stunned that we are discussing the same man that idolised my best
friend since school.  The baby grabs my hair and tugs; I smile down
tickling her under the arms.  ‘Don’t curse in front of Emily, Shauna,’ I
gentle.

‘Sorry,’
she strokes a hand over her daughter’s fair locks.  ‘Mummy’s a mess isn’t
she gorgeous?’ She kisses her daughter’s chubby fists. 

‘Shauna,’
I hum, sympathetically.  ‘I’m sorry babe, seriously, is there any way
back?’

‘Nope!’
She continues emptying out washing up liquid, bread, teabags, coffee and a pack
of chocolate digestive biscuits, laying them on the side. 

‘I
only needed milk,’ I remind her, my eyes falling to the groceries.  ‘I’ll
do a shop in the morning.’

‘At
least you can make some toast or a sandwich until you manage to get out,’ she
turns and watches me.  ‘God, it’s so good to see you,’ she smiles, ‘I
thought you would look different,’ she admits.

‘Different?’
I raise an eyebrow.

‘You
know,’ she tests, ‘like a bit crazy,’ she winces.

‘Shauna!’
I scold her, but smile, a chuckle escaping my lips. ‘It’s good that my best
friend is treating me normally, I am fed up with everyone walking on eggshells
around me.

‘Sorry,’
she grins.  ‘It’s so good to see you, babe.’

‘You
too,’ I sigh a breath of relief.  This is what I need to reground me,
normality.

********

 
NATE

‘What
do you mean she’s left?’ Nate’s voice gets louder as panic grasps him. 
‘You told me she would need at least six months’ therapy before she was capable
of making any life decisions.’

Dr.
Philip sighs, ‘Detective Austin, Sophie is a remarkable woman, I’m sure I don’t
need to notify you of that fact?’

‘No,
you don’t,’ Nate answers, sardonically.

‘Sophie
felt she had gained everything that she possibly could from therapy and was
eager to return to her homeland and start afresh.  She was here
voluntarily, I couldn’t hold her against her will,’ he updates Nate.

‘I
stayed away,’ Nate growled, ‘I stayed away under your advisement,’ he sighs,
‘gave her time to heal her mind, and you let her walk away without even
discussing it with me?’

‘Detective
Austin, me discussing Sophie with you isn’t something that I felt comfortable
doing, seeing as you aren’t actually a blood relative,’ Dr. Philips reminds
him.  ‘I only permitted you limited updates as the girl has no one she
trusts, other than you.’

‘Then
why didn’t you give me the heads up, let me know she was thinking of absconding
to England?  I wanted to see her, to speak to her before she made any
decisions on where she settled.’

‘Because
she asked me not to, her father was only informed after the event and that was
because he was funding the treatment.’

‘How
long she been gone?’ Nate whispered.

‘Two
weeks,’ Dr. Philips informed Nate.

‘I
have been on vacation, my sister got married, otherwise I would have been in
touch sooner,’ Nate updated him.

‘Maybe
you should let her go Detective Austin,’ Dr. Philips suggests.  ‘You know
her biggest desire is for you to experience an enhanced life, better than she
can offer you.’

‘That
isn’t her decision to make,’ Nate barks, unfairly.

‘Maybe
not, but she still has a considerably long road ahead of her, do you truly feel
you are up for the challenge? Things between you may not be as you remember,’
he warned.

‘I
don’t care, I’ll take a fraction of her rather than none,’ Nate ends the call,
irritation surging through him. 

Making
an on the spot decision, he calls through to his brother.

‘Hey
fella!’ Kyle calls.

‘Hi,
I’ve decided to take you up on your offer,’ Nate announces.

Kyle
had been hounding Nate for months to join him and Kane in building a client
list for their new private investigation agency.  Nate had toyed with the
idea, but only now realized that it would give him the liberty to work as and
when he desired rather than the monotonous routine of shift work within the
force.  He knew that his nights and days could potentially still be
filled, but at the same time realised that in between jobs he could take
substantial leave to spend with his family.  More importantly, it meant he
could focus on Sophie and rebuild the trust between them.

‘Glad
to hear it brother,’ Kyle’s voice exposes his joy.

‘The
only thing is, I need a few weeks off,’ Nate confides, ‘I’m going to London.’

‘Jesus
Nate, you need to let it go, man!’ Kyle groans, knowing precisely what his
words signified.

‘Yes,
or no?’ Nate ignores his brothers warning.

Kyle
sighs in resignation, ‘you need some company?’

‘Sure!’
Nate could do with some support.

********

SOPHIE

It’s
strange how rapidly things reverted back to how they used to be, even after
such a significant trauma.  No sooner had I settled in my flat and
returned to work, then things became bearable to the point I could almost
believe I imagined the disturbing events of the past months.  The same
clients entered the salon, asking for the same treatments, talking the same
conversations. I found the familiarity surprisingly soothing.

I hadn’t
confided any details on what happened to me to any my staff. Shauna had taken
control and notified Charley that I had been taken ill and to consult with her
of any issue that arose within the salon.  Shauna, had been an executive
assistant to the Practice Principal of an insurance company, before she had
Emily-Jane, and was more than capable of making decisions that I would have usually
been approached to resolve.

Therefore,
me appearing again wasn’t such a big deal to the staff as it was to me, they of
course were curious as to what illness had incapacitated me for months upon
end.  But, I informed them it was in connection with my family and they
seemed to accept my word, despite the fact they were aware I had little to no
family. They had known that I had suffered the loss of Oliver, as it was my
original reason for leaving them in the lurch and travelling to Denver.  So,
I imagine they thought it was linked to my brother’s death.   I did
receive a few dubious glances, but I was more than accomplished of shaking
those off.

The
only difference around the salon was that I no longer cut men’s hair, leaving
that instead to Charley or Lulu.  Charley questioned me as to why I no
longer took male appointments, but I shrugged and informed her it was personal
choice.  As I owned the salon, she had no alternative but to accept my explanation.

No
one had questioned why I was no longer selling the salon and relocating to
America, but again I imagine that Shauna had coached them not to mention it to
me.  Charley seemed to have something on her mind, but I didn’t delve,
instead I talk incessantly about her family, her latest boyfriend or anything
else rather than have to voice that my proposed future no longer existed.

The
other big change I made was giving up alcohol.  It had occurred to me
during one of my sessions in rehab that I had been relying on its mind numbing
abilities for far too long.  I drank every day when I was with Luke, to
take the edge off of what was happening around me, not to mention what was
happening to me.  Now, I had no need to forget anything.  My life
mainly consisted of going to work and returning home, in between I saw Shauna
and Emily-Jane, and a couple of times a week I visited the gym.  That was
the extent of my socialising, and I was more than happy with that, not craving
or needing any more from life.

My
time with Nate was precious in my memories, I no longer had to thrust that to
the emotional vault, I could bring it out when I felt strong enough and smile
at the good times we shared.  I found myself doing this more and more to
keep the visons alive in my mind.

Luke,
however, was very much locked inside that vault. Dr. Philips had brought him
out during our meetings, but seeing as I hadn’t yet organised another
therapist, I hadn’t been brave enough to bring him out alone, frightened to
what I may feel.  I had finally accepted that what I felt for Luke was
based on survival, even my body’s response to him was plastic, none of it was genuine. 
It was a way my body chose to cope with the situation at hand.  It was an
act, a pretence to get me what I wanted, which was Nate, safe.

I
still have nightmares of that last image of Luke lying dead in his own blood on
the floor of the office, but when I wake screaming - its Nate’s face and not
Luke’s that has a bullet hole replacing the void where his mesmerising sapphire
eye should sit.

‘Sophie,
someone here to see you,’ Lulu calls from the front of the salon.  I am in
the back checking on stock for the week’s appointments. 

I
frown, ‘just a second,’ I call, expecting a client with a particular request.

I
walk into the reception area and my body halts as if it has hit against a brick
wall.  My mind cannot decipher how it can be, Nate lives in Denver, why
would he be standing in my salon in Battersea?

‘Hey,
London,’ his words jumble in my mind as I stop at the reception desk.

‘Nate,’
I whisper. 

He
looks sensational in jeans and a bomber jacket protecting him from the English
autumn wind.  In my daze, I look to the side of him to see another version
of him, only younger.  This man is slightly smaller in height than Nate,
but just as broad and definitely just as handsome.  He has the customary
Austin sapphire eyes, only he is fairer than Nate and Ellie, his cheekbones
sharper along with his chiselled jaw.

He
smiles softly at my obvious appraisal.  ‘Hey, Sophie,’ he murmurs,
quietly. ‘I’m Kyle, Nate’s brother.’

He
is speaking as if I am a delicate piece of china, I blink for a moment before I
reply. 

‘Hi,
Kyle.  Marnie was so happy you were coming home.’ My mind rewinds to
another time when Marnie had expressed how happy she was to know all of her
children would finally be in one place.  How excited she was to learn that
the Thanksgiving table would include the entire brood this year.

He
grins.  ‘Yeah, I kinda got that when she propelled herself into me on
first glance, almost knocking me to the ground,’ he explains.

I
provide him a small smile before moving my gaze back to Nate, who is silently
regarding me, evaluating my demeanour.

‘Why
are you here?’ I mutter, as the door opens to a client.

We
are distracted as I book a future appointment for the client, ignoring the
tension in the air and willing my hand to stop shaking as it works the computer. 
The client leaves the salon, after providing an appreciative glance towards the
two fine looking hunks of men before her, I turn back to Nate.

‘I
don’t really have the time to speak to you right now, Nate,’ I murmur,
carefully.

He
nods, as if he was expecting as much, ‘okay, what time do you finish?’

I
flick absently through the appointments, knowing full well that my last client
is at five for highlights and a cut and blow dry.

‘We
need this conversation, Sophie,’ he announces, disturbing the perplexity
swamping my mind.

I
inhale a deep breath, ‘okay, seven?’ I suggest.

‘I’ll
be waiting outside,’ he nods, providing me a small smile that exposes his
dimple ever so slightly.  My stomach lurches and bile rises from my gut,
fuck no I can’t do this, I hold onto the ledge of the front desk to keep my
legs from giving way.

‘It’s
okay,’ he mutters, sensing my alarm.  He steps closer, I step back as
panic emanates from me.

‘Soph,’
my withdrawal has evidently hurt him, his eyes turning regretful.

‘I
can’t,’ I begin to panic, my breathing quickening.

‘It’s
okay, babe,’ Nate tugs on my hand, ‘it’s okay, I’ve got you,’ he whispers, his
eyes willing me to relax.  ‘Breathe slowly,’ he instructs gently. 

‘Is
everything okay, here?’ Charley appears at my side, her chin lifting defiantly
towards the two strangers.

‘It’s
fine darlin’,’ Kyle provides her a one-hundred-watt smile, and my breathing
calms as my attention is taken watching her almost melt on the spot. 

‘It’s
okay, babe,’ Nate whispers, bringing me back to his wary eyes.

I
pull my hand away and gulp a deep breath, ‘I’ll be outside at seven,’ he
repeats, ‘you want Kyle with me?’ He checks.

I
glance over at Nate’s brother and shake my head, ‘it’s enough that I have
embarrassed myself in front of him right now.’

‘You
haven’t,’ Kyle assures me, his blue eyes turning warm.

‘Just
me outside, yeah?’ Nate confirms gently.

I
nod.

‘See
ya, beautiful,’ Kyle winks at Charley who cannot prevent her lips from lifting
into an appreciative smile.

‘You
sure you are okay, Sophie?’ Charley mutters from besides me, once the front
door has closed.

I
nod again, watching as the two men exit onto the pavement with a roomful of
women observing, their tongues on the floor.

‘I’m
fine,’ I take a huge breath in and turn to hide in the bathroom until I manage
to regain my composure.

My
stomach remains in knots for the rest of the day as I become apprehensive to
Nate’s arrival.  Why is he here?  I have heard nothing from him for
almost four months, and then he turns up at my place of work?  Has
something happened?  Maybe I should have asked after the family. 
Worry clouds my emotions as I contemplate the thought of anything bad happening
to Ellie, or Marnie.  No, Nate would be in Denver if there was an issue
with his family, certainly not here looking for me.

By
the time I finish my last client, I am strung so tight my whole body aches with
the tension running through me.  It is just after seven and there is no
sign of Nate, but I have no doubt he is outside waiting patiently for me to
depart.

I
drag my feet as I cash up the till and ensure the salon is secure. 
Charley had left early, leaving only Lulu and I to close up. 

I
step outside at twenty-five minutes past seven, Lulu is chatting ceaselessly
about her new boyfriend and how wonderful he is as I pull the metal shutters
down over the front glass of the property.

‘Okay,
well I’ll catch you tomorrow, Sophie,’ Lulu waves as she scurries down towards
the tube station.

‘Take
care Lu, see you tomorrow,’ I call out as I throw my keys into my oversized
handbag.

Taking
a deep breath, I glance around to see Nate leaning against a black Range Rover
parked two shops down.  He pushes off of the vehicle as our eyes connect,
but he remains where he is evidently allowing me to traverse to him.

I
force my feet to move forward until I am standing in front of him, my eyes
lowered to the point his feet hit the pavement.

‘Hey!’
He encourages lightly.

I
glance up, cautiously, ‘Hello.’

‘If
it’s okay with you, I thought we could grab a bite to eat while we talk?’ he
offers.

‘Erm,’
I don’t know what to do, I know Nate would never hurt me, but his surprise
appearance has put me back considerably. 

‘Sophie,’
he calls, I glance up, ‘I have never done anything but protect you, you know
that, you have nothing to fear from me, babe,’ my reluctance to spend time with
him has clearly offended him.

I
nod, ‘I know,’ I provide him a small smile. ‘You seem to be a trigger,’ I
admit.

‘A
trigger?  A trigger for what?’ He frowns.

‘Everything
that happened to me, happened since I met you,’ his face hardens.  ‘None
of it your fault, I know this,’ I assure him, ‘but you showing up here
unannounced, has hit me for six,’ I murmur, gently, willing him to comprehend
my anxiety. 

He
runs a hand tiredly over his face, ‘I have to try, Soph.’

Again,
I nod.

‘Can
we at least share a meal and some conversation?’ He pleads.

He
looks exhausted, ‘when did you fly in?’

‘Earlier
today,’ his glorious blue gaze softens as our eyes meet.  ‘I came straight
here from the airport,’ he mumbles.

I
nod, I thought as much.  ‘I could eat,’ I confess.

‘You
recommend anywhere?’ He coerces.

I
think on my feet, ‘yeah, you like Thai?’ I ask.

‘I
could eat Thai,’ he agrees.

‘We
could walk,’ I suggest as he moves to open the door of the vehicle.

‘We
could walk, because you don’t want to be in an enclosed space with me, or we
can walk because it’s only around the block?’ He responds, dryly,
disappointment hitting his baby blues.

‘I
know you wouldn’t hurt me, Nate,’ I announce.  ‘It is just around the
corner.’

He
nods and secures the car as I turn in the direction of the Thai
restaurant.  We walk side by side, a foot between us.

‘You’ve
grown your hair,’ Nate announces.

‘Yeah,’
my stomach tightens, Luke had insisted that I grow my hair and somehow I have
found myself complying to his commands, despite his absence in my life.  I
had started to grow it when he held me captive, I guess I hadn’t had the mind
to think about what I wanted when he had disappeared, and simply gone along
with what was expected of me.

‘You
look different,’ he turns to appraise me.

I
turn sideways to gauge whether this was a good thing or bad thing.

‘Not
sure,’ he comments, he narrows his eyes as his gaze moves over me, regardless
of the fact I hadn’t requested his opinion.

I
prevent my mouth from forming the words. 
I’ll cut it if you want me
too!
 

I
remember Dr. Philips explanation of my instant response to such a statement. 
This is me attempting to appease people, something that had only happened since
being dominated by Luke.  Nate didn’t know this Sophie, the one that
submits effortlessly to every command.  He is more familiar with the one
that would argue and object to anything that she didn’t believe in.