Protected (24 page)

Confusion
fills my mind.  Why am I still growing my hair?   I must have
frowned because Nate interrupted my thoughts.

‘Sorry,
I was just thinking how different you look to my Sophie, that’s all.  You
are still beautiful,’ he charms, ‘a different hairstyle couldn’t change that
fact.’

‘Nate,’
I call over as we approach the restaurant.

‘Yeah?’
He stops, his glance moving to the nearby Thai restaurant.

‘I
don’t think your Sophie exists anymore,’ my voice is mechanical,
emotionless.  It’s better that way, if I don’t shut off from the pain in
my chest I don’t think I could stand upright.

He
steps nearer and I hold my breath.  Gazing down, his eyes warm and my
heart skips a beat. 
Hold it together
, I recite in my head.

‘My
Sophie is in there,’ he whispers down, his voice like velvet, ‘she has been
hurt badly, she is hiding inside herself to prevent that hurt from ever
happening again.  But she has to know that I believe in us enough to never
walk away and to absolutely trust that I would never harm her. She is it for
me.  In some profound corner of her heart, I know she gets this, I know
she loves me, she wouldn’t have done what she did for me if she didn’t.’ I am
mesmerised by the intensity of his gaze, ‘now all I need to do is try to help
her find that Sophie, because I have to tell you babe, I fucking well miss her
like a right arm.’

His
thumb swipes across my cheek to catch a tear I had no idea I was shedding. 

‘Those
eyes,’ he whispers, cupping my jaw.  ‘I could drown in the depths of those
hazel eyes,’ he leans forward and I immediately tense.  He stops for a
moment, giving me time to step back.  I hear the blood pounding in my
ears.  ‘Breathe,’ Nate murmurs, I exhale a held breath simply because he
has told me too.  Something flickers in his eyes before he gently rests
his warm lips against mine. 

A
sound emits from my throat, I have no idea what it signifies but it sounds like
an animal in distress, all I know is that Nate steps back providing me the room
I desire, his thumb being the last thing that detaches from my cheek.  I
see the concern in his eyes and know that he has just realized the level of
fuckedupness that I possess.

‘Let’s
eat,’ he drops his hand to mine and takes my fingers into his loose
grasp. 

I
permit him to hold my hand and guide me into the small, intimate restaurant. 

I
push my food around my plate as I consider the fact that Nate is sitting
opposite me, his demeanour relaxed, his eyes constantly watching me.  It’s
as if he is expecting me to bolt, which to be honest sounds good round about
now.  I have a variety of emotions running through me, none of which make
any sense. My glance flickers around nervously, as if I am expecting Luke to
appear any minute and make me suffer for daring to be in another man’s
company. 

‘Relax,’
Nate urges.  ‘It’s just me and you,’ he assures me, as if he can read my
mind.

I
nod, ‘okay,’ I exhale a deep breath.  ‘I bet you regret flying all the way
out here to visit a complete nutcase,’ I laugh, sardonically.

His
lips tighten and my guts follows, I swallow nervously.

‘Sophie,
I love you.  If it takes forever for you to remember what we had, then so
be it,’ he leans in towards me over the table.  ‘After the things you have
endured, no one could blame you for a minute, for feeling like you do. 
All I ask of you is to give me some time, to remind you of how special we are
together.’

‘Nate,’
I whisper, ‘you deserve so much more than this, I am half a person.  I
don’t know whether I can ever be with a man again,’ a pain appears from nowhere
hitting me directly in the chest.  I suck in a breath, ‘I’m sorry.’

Nate’s
hand grasps mine, his thumb stroking lightly across my knuckles. 

‘A
man, no,’ his face hardens, ‘me, yes Sophie, you can,’ he insists.  ‘You
want to know how I know?’

I
nod, as I even out my breathing.

‘Because
you were made for me, we fit together perfectly, you gave yourself to me willingly
to me once, and I believe you can again.  What we share is mutual love,
remember that, then remember how good it felt.  Nothing between has ever
been forced, nothing is threatened, the progression of our love was
natural.  Tell me what I can do to make you feel better and I am there. If
it takes a lifetime,’ he shrugs, ‘I am not giving up, Sophie.  One day we
will rebuild and realise our dreams.  The babies, the forever, it is all
there for the taking, Sophie.  No one will ever come between us again.’ He
swears, lifting my hand to his mouth and closing his eyes as his lips skim the
skin so gently it barely feels.

I
close my eyes to stop the burning sensation that is searing through my veins,
whether it be hope or dread, I cannot be certain, but it has my body
trembling. 

‘Jesus,
Fuck!’ Nate moves around to drop down beside me, taking both my hands in
his.  ‘It’s okay, baby,’ he breathes, encouragingly.

My
heart lurches at the devastation in his glance.  I move a shaky hand to
his stubbled jaw and allow the feeling of his skin against mine to flow through
me.  It feels so familiar and yet so alien.  Our eyes collide and I
inhale a huge breath of air as my body recognises him.

‘And
there it is,’ Nate smiles, his dimple appearing at full effect.  ‘There’s
my girl,’ he whispers.  ‘And that’s all I need, baby.’

‘Is
everything okay, sir,’ a waiter appears, his expression bland as he takes in
the huge American crouching down beside me.

‘Everything
is just fucking great,’ Nate touches his mouth to our clasped hands before
dropping them and standing.  ‘Could we take the check please,’ he asks the
waiter who scurries away.

Whatever
it was that Nate saw in my eyes, evidently confirmed something to him.  Gone
was the cautious, haunted look of his gaze and back was the self-confident,
cocky guy that I fell in love with.

‘Come
on London, I’ll take you home,’ we leave the restaurant and head for his black
Range Rover. 

‘I
don’t live far,’ I murmur.

‘It’s
okay,’ he holds the door open, but instead of worrying about my reaction, he
grins.  ‘In!’ he invites.

I
step from foot to foot, but cannot locate a reason not to climb inside. 
He is waiting patiently, allowing me to reach my own decision.  Finally, I
step up and sit in the plush leather seat, my heart pounding inside my chest as
he closes the door behind me.

‘It’s
Nate, it’s okay,’ I whisper to myself as he strides around the front of the
car.  My eyes follow him, he is still as stunning as ever, his dark hair
flopping over his forehead, his full bottom lip inviting you to suck it in, not
to mention those eyes.  It suddenly occurs to me that I have been away a
long time and I wonder whether he has dated other women, or more importantly had
sex with other women. My stomach twists and the conflicting emotions cloud my
mind.

‘Okay?’
he settles in beside me.

‘You
fucked other women?’ My mouth blurts out before I can forbid it.  The
audacity of such an enquiry after what I have done, is inconceivable.

His
head snaps around to look at me and I physically jump, ‘no, Soph,’ he frowns
for a second before realising my fright and relaxing his stance, ‘I’ve been
waiting for you,’ he looks insulted by my outburst.  ‘You think I’d fuck
other women and then fly half way across the world to bring you home?’

‘I
am home,’ I remind him.

‘Not
to our home,’ he mumbles, before pulling out of the parking space. ‘You want to
direct me to your place?’

I
am distracted as I navigate the streets until we are outside my flat. 
‘You can park on that one,’ I point to an empty residents parking space. 
‘That one’s mine, I haven’t managed to replace my car yet.’

‘That
reminds me, I have something to show you,’ he exits the Range Rover and moves
around to open the passenger door. ‘You okay that I come up?’ Nate checks.

I
don’t answer, debating the question in my mind. 

‘Of
course you are okay, this is me, the man you love,’ he replies, cockily.  His
turn around from gentle, cajoling to downright arrogance causes me to frown
over towards him.  This gives me nothing but another one-hundred-watt grin
that stirs something deep inside of me.  After so long of feeling nothing,
my body’s natural reaction to Nate unnerves me tremendously.

I
find myself being guided to the front door of the building where I absently turn
the lock with my key and step inside the foyer. 

‘What
number?’ He requests, glancing around.

‘Eight,’
I murmur, quietly, my insides squeezing at the knowledge of Nate in my home.

Taking
the bunch of keys from my grasp, Nate leads me up the stairs and stops outside
the black shiny door that has a brass eight fixed to the front.  Using the
key, he unlatches the door, that I used to believe required a knack to open,
with complete ease, before holding out an arm for me to enter.

‘Nate,’
I begin.

Ignoring
me, he switches on a light that illuminates my flat.  ‘This is quaint,’ he
remarks as he locks the door behind us and wanders aimlessly around the small
area.  ‘Everything in London is so small,’ he states disappearing into the
bedroom to check it out.  ‘Cute!  But very small,’ he comments.

I
am standing, open mouthed at Nate’s confidence as he struts around my home.

‘Make
yourself at home, why don’t you?’ I raise an eyebrow.

‘Thanks,
I will,’ he moves to the kitchen area and fills and switches on the
kettle.  ‘Do you have coffee?’

Turning
towards me, his expression opens to my response, he couldn’t appear more
beautiful.  My breath catches in my throat as I remember our journey and
all the ways Nate had made me happy.  From the early days of our instant
attraction, when our bodies desperately craved each other with a need we both
swore we had never before experienced, to the Tequila filled nights of dirty,
sweaty, glorious loving.  My mind recalls the lazy days of Denver,
wandering around wrapped in each other’s arms without a care in the world,
stopping every now and then to sample each other’s taste imprinting it to
memory just in case there came a time where we couldn’t practice it in
person.  I can almost taste him, feel my body’s response to his as his
eyes sharpen to my silence.

‘You
okay, baby?’ He tests gently, moving slowly towards me. I jump as he
approaches, which jolts me out of my happy place. ‘Sorry,’ he stops, ‘I didn’t
mean to spook you,’ his gaze takes on the cautious one of earlier.

‘It’s
okay,’ I lift the corner of my lips to a half-smile to convince him of my
well-being. 

‘Can
I hold you?’ Nate whispers, his eyes wary as they await my reply.

‘I’m
not really good with being touched, Nate,’ I begin.

‘This
is me, Sophie.  Have I ever hurt you?’ He murmurs, softly.

‘No,
but.’ I begin.

‘I
need this, Soph,’ he whispers, his eyes exposing the hurt apparent in his
glance.

My
stomach curls, I have injured this man more than I know with my
dismissal.  I nod, my body tensing in preparation of his touch.  But,
when he steps forward and gently wraps his arms loosely around me, I sigh,
melting against the familiarity.  My arms wind around his waist and my
face turns to lay against his hard chest as the sense of security immediately
consumes me.  Nate has always made me feel protected. I feel his hand move
up into my hair and hold me gently against him, as his lips drop to my head. 

‘You
smell like home,’ he whispers, his body moulding against mine.

I
remain speechless, not knowing what to say.  I absorb his strength as I
listen to the thudding of his heart inside his chest.  He also smells like
home, but I don’t have the words to express that no matter what happens, there
is no solution to our relationship.  I refuse to live in a country where I
have so many bad memories, and I know that Nate’s world is in that place.

I
don’t know how long we stand like that, motionless, wrapped around each other,
each afraid to step away.  The kettle stops boiling, I imagine we both
notice but neither of us wish to sever the connection.  After a
considerable amount of time, I speak.

‘I
can’t go back there, Nate,’ it’s a whisper, but in the silence of the room it resonates
around us.

‘Baby
steps,’ he hushes me.  ‘Don’t think of the bigger picture, take in the
moment.  I am here and I love you, let’s just take that in for now.’

I
sigh, ‘you are still pretty,’ I confide.

He
chuckles, ‘fuck, London, you do nothing for a man’s ego.’

I
smile into his chest, he hated when I called him pretty.  ‘I’m sorry,
Nate,’ I whisper.

I
feel his body tense beneath me, ‘what are you sorry for?’

‘Getting
you involved in the first place, putting you through all this stress, making me
your responsibility.’ Nate is a good man, me being abducted while having a
relationship with him, not to mention the fact he was a member of Denver’s law
enforcement, gave him little choice but to resolve the case. Maybe that’s what
this was, a sense of duty, to ensure my safety.