Pucked Over (Pucked #3) (30 page)

My lips curve into a coy smile. “Inside me.”

The video goes blurry when his mouth finds mine. His groan is the last thing I hear before the screen goes blank.

I’m so turned on right now. And a little mortified. But mostly turned on. Holy hell. Randy made a video while I was sleeping. He could use it for blackmail. Except that doesn’t make sense. I have nothing he wants. Apart from my vagina prison.

I think that was the third time we had sex. Or the fourth. I lost track after a while. They were all amazing. But the one time he was really sweet. So soft. Gentle. It was different. He put me on top. It’s all so hazy, and now I’m really sexed up.

I get another text:

I can delete those if u want, but I wanted u2cu how I cu.

I should tell him to delete them. Definitely. But I don’t. Instead I send one short message back:

It’s ok. U can keep them. Just 4u tho.

He response is quick:

No one sees u naked but me.

I slip my hand under the covers and between my legs and watch the video over and over until I come.

I don’t want to read into things, but all of this—Randy’s messages, the late-night phone calls, and now this video—feels like something dangerously real.

Skates on Laces Out

LILY

Four days after my fight with my mom, she shows up at Sunny’s. I’ve been ignoring her messages. The second we see each other, we both burst into tears. Thankfully, no one’s home to witness the epic display of girliness. We sit on the couch in the Waters’ living room, cross-legged, facing each other.

“I’m so sorry, Lily.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” I smooth my palm over my shin. I’m wearing the leggings Randy bought for me.

“But I said it, and I shouldn’t have. I can’t take it back, and I wish I could because as strong as you are, I know it hurts you to feel like a mistake.” She tucks my hair behind my ear. “You might not have been planned, but you’ve always been the best choice I made. The only thing I regret is not being able to give you more. I don’t ever want you to feel like you aren’t wanted.”

“I know you love me, Mom.” I hate these kinds of conversations. They’re hard. Emotional. They make me feel worse and better at the same time. “It wasn’t your fault he didn’t want either of us.”

I spent years sending my dad letters, school pictures, birthday cards. The only response we ever got was the child support check in the mail. By the time I was ten, I’d given up.

She strokes my hair, her eyes full of remorse. “I did a terrible job picking good father figures.”

“Robbie’s always kinda filled that role, anyway.”

“I didn’t mean what I said about Sunny, either. I know she’s been an amazing friend to you. And the Waters family has been so important. I know with Sunny moving to Chicago and you breaking up with Benji it can’t be easy.”

“Benji and I were done long before that relationship ended.”

She nods. “I know. I could see that. He hadn’t been good for you for a long time.”

It’s funny how easy it is to see something falling apart from the outside. “I wish you would have said something. Maybe I would have kicked him to the curb sooner.”

She gives me one of those smiles. “You know that’s not true. That had to be your decision, uninfluenced by me or anyone else.”

She’s right. “I’m going to help Sunny move into her new place in Chicago over the holidays.” I trace the piping on the edge of the couch, waiting.

“I can’t say I’m surprised.” She props her cheek on her hand. “Are you considering moving there, too?”

“Sunny wants me to.”

“What do you want?”

“Change, I guess? Something new. Alex can get me a job teaching skating lessons. One that pays well.” I wait for her reaction.

“He’s a nice boy.”

“He’s not a boy anymore, Mom. He’s getting married.”

“Hmm. This is true. Your hockey friend will be there? Randy?”

“Not at Sunny’s, but he’ll be around when he’s not on the road.”

“So you’ll see him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s only casual, Mom. It’s not a relationship. I’m not looking to get serious right now, not after Benji.” The words don’t feel like the truth.

My mom sighs. “You’re being safe?”

“Of course.” I think about that one time we almost weren’t. Pill or no pill, it would have been a bad choice.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it? No lecture?”

My mom laughs. “You’re almost twenty-two. I can’t tell you what to do anymore. Just be careful with your heart, Lily. Don’t give it to someone who doesn’t deserve it and won’t take care of it.”

***

Even though my mom and I work things out, I decide to stay at Sunny’s for a little longer. Her parents are away at a conference, and it’s almost like living on our own. I’m treating it as a trial run, sort of.

Randy and I message back and forth over the next couple of weeks. He sends lots of dirty texts and sometimes even voice memos. Those are my favorite. I often listen to them during marble-rolling sessions. I also put in my ear buds and replay the thirty-second video.

I manage to get two entire weeks off work. I don’t think I’ve taken more than two days off in a row in the past three years. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with the freedom.

Sunny keeps trying to sell me on moving to Chicago. I’m starting to think it’s not a bad idea. Benji’s resurfaced as the holidays approach. Which sort of makes sense. We haven’t been apart for any significant celebration in the past seven years.

Part of me thinks I should miss him at least a little. But I don’t. I’m too excited for sleepovers at Randy’s while I’m in Chicago. He’s mentioned several times that I should stock up on sleep while I can.

I help Sunny pack up her bedroom, and we send the moving truck two days ahead of us. All her stuff will be there by the time we arrive by plane on the morning of the twenty-third. Miller, Alex, Randy, and Darren won’t be back from their away game on the other side of Canada until later that night. They’re at the end of an away series, so I’m banking on them being tired—not that it’s going to stop me from jumping on Randy as soon as I have the opportunity.

I’m a little concerned about my level of excitement. Feelings aren’t supposed to be involved, and I know I’m supposed to tell him when they are, but I’m not brave enough. I don’t want him to end this. Sometimes I convince myself he must have feelings too, but I know his pattern, and he’s been very clear with what he’s said, no matter how he acts. Anyway, I will have to deal with it, but I want this week with him.

Sunny and I take my cousin Brett to visit Michael before we leave for Chicago. His surgery was successful, which is the best gift any of us could have asked for. Miller and Randy have plans to visit him in the new year, the next time they’re in Toronto. With a little more recovery time, they’re hoping he’ll be back on the ice soon, doing what he loves most.

Violet picks us up at the airport driving a crazy vintage sports car. It’s bright orange with stripes. She gets out and hugs us enthusiastically. Her huge boobs mean she has to lean in a lot.

“Oh my gosh!” Sunny exclaims as Violet struggles to find a way to open the trunk. “I can’t believe Alex lets you drive his car!”

Violet sticks her head through the window and fumbles around. The trunk pops open. “I suck his gigantic dick on the regular and don’t even complain about the gag reflex or the potential lock jaw. He lets me do anything I want.”

“Wow. You must be really good to get that thing in your mouth,” I say, then realize how that sounds.

“You’ve seen it?” Violet asks. She eyes me up and down, like suddenly I’m competition.

“By accident when I was a teenager.”

“Oh.” Violet nods and relaxes. “I can only get it in, like, halfway, but it’s the head that counts—and the tongue action.”

Sunny hasn’t said anything. I’m assuming it’s because we’re talking about her brother’s penis and Violet putting it in her mouth. She twirls her blond hair around her finger and tilts her head. “I can get almost all of Miller’s peen in my mouth, but I don’t have a gag reflex, so that helps a lot.”

“Okay.” I clap my hands together. “What’s the plan? Where are we going first?”

“The house, of course!” Sunny says.

“Hell, yeah! We’re picking up Charlene on the way.” Violet swoops back into the driver’s seat.

Sunny and I get in the backseat, and after half an hour we stop at a very cute condo building close to the lake. Charlene comes running down the front steps and jumps into the front seat. “Are you trying to get Alex to take back the ring?”

“What?” Violet gives her a look.

“Why are you driving The Colonel?”

“It’s not The Colonel. I’ve renamed her Maxine, and Alex doesn’t know I’m driving her.” Violet waves her hand around in the air. “He’s not going to be home until late, so it’s fine.”

“I thought you said he lets you do whatever you want,” I say.

Violet glares at me through the rearview mirror. I’m not scared of her. She’s all words and no actual bite. She flips her ponytail over her shoulder and opens her mouth to speak.

“Anything
except
drive this car. Didn’t you scratch it last time?” Charlene asks.

“That was
not
my fault! That fire hydrant came out of nowhere.” Violet turns around and points a manicured finger at us. “Do
not
say anything to Alex about me driving this car unless you want me to sneak dairy into your dinner tonight.”

“I’m not a vegan. Only Sunny is.”

“And that would be a terrible thing to do, Violet. I haven’t eaten anything that comes from anything with a face in five years.” Sunny crosses her arms over her chest.

“I wouldn’t really do it. I’m just saying, don’t tell Alex or he’ll be pissed, and then he won’t give me naked beaver licks, and those are my favorite.”

“Violet!” Charlene smacks her on the arm.

“Ow! What?”

“Sunny’s here! She doesn’t want to hear about her brother licking your beaver.”

“My
naked
beaver.”

“No one cares if your beaver is naked or if it has a Mohawk or if you let it grow in for Movember,” Charlene says.

I say nothing. I’m thoroughly entertained.

Sunny’s not even paying attention. She’s too busy checking her phone for new messages. “Boo! Their flight doesn’t get in until five. Oh, wait. Maybe it’s two. Miller gets that mixed up a lot. Can someone else check?”

“It doesn’t matter what time they get in. We already have plans for tonight,” Violet says.

“Plans?” Sunny and I ask at the same time.

“We’re having a girl’s night in and sending the boys out for a few hours.”

“But they’re just getting back.”

“There’s a game on tonight, and they’re playing the team next week. They’re going to sit in front of the TV for three hours and talk strategy like they always do. I’m not interested in listening to that crap. So the plan is this: the guys come home, we send them to the pub while the game’s on—”

“Or Darren’s since he lives down the street,” Charlene interjects.

“Or Darren’s. Wherever has beer and better food. They come back after the game, and we can all disappear into bedrooms and enjoy some alone time.”

Sunny raises her hand.

“You don’t have to raise your hand, Sunny. You’re free to speak anytime,” Violet says.

“I haven’t seen Miller in two weeks. I’d like to have some alone time before he goes out to the pub. Or Darren’s.”

“No alone time before the pub,” Violet says.

“What? Why not?”

“Because that’s what they expect. Look, I know you’re all excited about moving here, Sunny, and you’re super in love with Buck, or Miller, or whatever you want to call him, but trust me; you need to make him wait for it.”

“She’s right.” Charlene nods her agreement.

“I only have a little more than a week here, so I’m not sure what the point is in making Randy wait,” I say.

Violet comes to a stop at a red light and points at me. Her nails are really nice. “You especially need to make him wait.”

“I don’t see why.”

“Because you need to make sure he gets that you’re not at his whim, that your beaver is a snowflake and should be treated as such.”

She’s not even making sense now. I stop arguing and let her rant. A few minutes later we pull up to the sweetest house I’ve ever seen. It’s two-stories of white clapboard with adorable gardens lining the front porch. Two solar panels are attached to the roof. The backyard is modest in comparison to her parents place in Guelph, and there’s no pool, but a dog run has been installed, and a small glass greenhouse sits at the back of the property.

Sunny cries. Violet pats her back and steers her inside, where we pop a bottle of champagne and take a tour of the four-bedroom home. It’s cozy and exactly the kind of place Sunny loves. Live plants inhabit every window, and dog beds are set up in the living room and Sunny’s bedroom, which has been outfitted with a brand new four-poster bed with a sheer curtain. It’s romantic and gorgeous.

“There’s no way Alex picked out this stuff,” Sunny says through a fresh round of sniffles.

“Buck helped out, and so did Charlene and I, because you know how boys are.” Violet’s smile says it all.

“How did you find the time to do this?” Sunny can’t stop the tears.

Violet hugs her again. “Alex hired someone to decorate. All I did was oversee the furniture decisions and make sure everything didn’t end up Chicago team colors.”

“You guys are the best.”

When Sunny stops crying, we resume the tour. In the bedroom at the far end of the hall, I lose the battle and join the emotional breakdown brigade. Turning to Sunny and Violet, I motion to the room, but I don’t have words, so I keep gesturing, hoping they’ll get what I’m not able to say.

“I wanted to be prepared for whatever you decide,” Sunny says softly. “And you need a room here no matter what.”

“Where did you get all these?” Along one wall are skating pictures. Of me. As a teenager on the brink of moving from competitive to Olympic trials. I never did, of course, but the images are beautiful—movement captured in still form.