Puppet (6 page)

“Would you care to enlighten me?”  His voice is low and angry.

“It was nothing, Jed,” I say, about to turn away.

He groans in frustration.  “Penelope, can’t you see...?”

“It was
nothing
!”

“Then why do they care so much?” Jed yells.

I’m just about to scream something else back at him when James steps in front of me.  “Wait!” he yells over Jed’s loud ranting.  “Why does this matter? What did they say?” he asks pointedly. 

All of a sudden, Jed’s anger seems to deflate out of him like a popped balloon and his shoulders sag.  “They think she’s a possible threat.”

“What?” I ask, ready to object and rage on about the rude administrators, but James holds up a hand, his eyes pleading me to stop.  Besides, something inside of me knows they’re right. 

“They’ve ordered me to compensate...”  Jed looks up to meet my gaze.  “Or they’ll take you away.” 

My heart seems to stop and then resume its rapid beating, pounding in my ears, creating a throbbing, frantic rhythm.  No.  They can’t take me.  They can’t.  But panic settles over me as I realize that they really can; that I truly have no power.  I just got away from the orphanage and now I have to run from someone else? 

James must notice my horrified expression because he takes a step towards me, questioning me with his eyes. 

“Jed,” I say quietly, surprised at how small and childlike my voice sounds.  “Don’t let them.” 

He shakes his head.  “They’ve ordered me to take away the abilities I gave you.”

“Can you?” I ask quickly, ready for the chance to be just a normal girl again.  I never really wanted to be a living marionette and I’d give it up in a second.  Doubt flicks through the back of my mind, reminding me that if I’m no longer special, Jed will have no experiment – no need for me.  And unlike my reasons, Jed didn’t adopt me so I could have a family.  But suddenly the orphanage seems better than the administrators. 

“I don’t know if it’s reversible, but I’m going to try.”  He sounds doubtful, miserably doubtful, and it only adds to my fear.  Jed looks down at his hands, wringing them together nervously, before turning and disappearing back into his study without another word. 

I stand there, watching the doors.  Anger burns throughout my body; anger at myself for being so stupid and anger at the administrators for starting the whole thing.  I reach up to rub my forehead where a headache has suddenly appeared. 

“Pen?” a voice asks and I remember that James is still in the room.  “You okay?”

I shrug.  “This whole thing is stupid.  This idea about my being a threat, the whole marionette thing, the lying, everything!  I finally get one good thing and it somehow gets screwed up.  How does that happen anyway?  How do I manage to just kill
everything
?” I cry, hearing my angry words slowly fade into the silence as James watches me calmly.  I stare up at him, feeling tears threatening to spill down my cheeks, but I hold them back; I don’t cry in front of people.  I sigh.  “What I’m more upset about is the fact that I let Jed down,” I say quietly.  “This was everything to him and I ruined it.” 

James shakes his head.  “It’s not your fault, Pen,” he tells me, staring at the doors through which Jed vanished through only seconds before.  “Everything will work out.  If I were you, I wouldn’t be worrying about how to please
Dad
.” 

I shrug again, eyeing him.  “You two don’t...” I trail off.

“What?” James asks.

I shrug again, slightly uncomfortable.  “Nothing, it’s just you and Jed...you’re nothing like him, you know,” I say.  “And I can’t help but wonder...why...?”  What I don’t say is that I see the looks he gives Jed, the slight glimpses of Jed in James that I know he tries to hide, to push away.  There’s more of his father in James than he cares to let show.   

James’s gaze leaves mine and his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly.  “I don’t want to be anything like him,” he says quietly but with so much conviction that I’m startled.  After a few seconds he notices my expression and seems to understand what he just said and how he said it.  “I just don’t agree with him sometimes...” he adds, his tone forced normality.  He shrugs.  “But whatever.  He’s going to fix what he did to you.”  His voice lightens with every word.  “You’ve never liked the marionette abilities.  I know you try to hide it for Dad’s sake, but he’s easy to fool.”  James grins at me.  “Now you’ll be rid of them.” 

I laugh halfheartedly, although none of it really seems funny.  My laugh is slightly desperate. 

James holds out his arms and inclines his head.  I hesitate for a split second, not exactly being a hugging type of person, but then I walk closer and let him pull me into his embrace.  I can’t remember the last time I hugged someone.  Probably as a little girl.  It’s so weird being this close to a person when I’ve been used to always keeping my distance.  But I tell myself to let go and allow James’s words to sink in, slowly calming my heart, ordering myself not to think about what will happen to me once I’m no longer Jed’s living marionette – his success.   

I smile, telling myself that I won’t be a living marionette that much longer.  I won’t be an anomaly anymore; I’ll be real.  Just Pen.             

9

––––––––

“I
t won’t hurt,” Jed tells me as he readies the thick, yellow fluid in his syringe, his movements surprisingly steady and concentrated.  I cringe as I stare at it, thinking of the last time he injected me with something and all the things that came after it.  I silently pray that he won’t mess up and that everything will work.  I don’t want to become more of a threat than I already am.

I screw my face up and turn away as Jed digs the needle into my arm, pulling it out after a few seconds.  My arm already aches and I’m trying not to think about the fluid swarming through my system.  He grabs a small, cotton cloth and wipes away the little dot of blood forming on my arm.  I stare down at it; the stinging hasn’t subsided yet. 

“It should take a few days but...we’ll see what happens,” he tells me.       

It isn’t exactly an assurance, but I take it as my cue to go and leave the study.  I kick the bottom stair on my way up to my room as if expecting some immediate difference; but it slightly scrapes the tile and my foot still feels fine.

I lie down on my bed and stare out the window as dusk settles over the trees, cloaking everything in a navy-gray hue.  I ignore the fear inside of me reminding me that I’m not the living marionette that Jed had dreamed of – I’m not important anymore; needed.

I roll over and grab James’s computer that I had borrowed earlier in the day, clicking on my file and hesitating only a second before deleting the marionette videos one by one.   

––––––––

A
s the days go by I don’t notice a difference.  Every morning I get up and try some stupid trick to see if anything is going away and to my knowledge, nothing is happening.  I can still crush rocks and shuffle those ridiculous cards way too fast.  I’m starting to worry that Jed’s failed.  That maybe I’ll end up being taken away after all.  They ordered him to compensate and if this can’t be reversed I can’t think of an alternative solution. 

I wish I could be invisible again.  It was so much easier.   

By the end of the week I’m anxious beyond belief, although James assures me it’s for no good reason.  I try to remind myself that Jed’s science experiments take time, but as the clock ticks by and everything remains the same, the urgent sense of panic threatens to sneak back in.

I don’t tell Jed about my worries.  I feel as though I’ve already let him down enough; I don’t want to display doubt about his new theory.  He tries to hide it, but I know he’s easily offended.   

“Any improvement?” James asks tentatively at dinner one evening while we all sit around the dining table in the kitchen. 

I shake my head.  “Not yet.”  I smile halfheartedly at Jed and he shrugs because like James and I, he has no idea how it’s going to turn out.  I wish he did.  I wish I wasn’t a test subject, but then I remind myself that I deserve it; I signed up for all of this, after all. 

I grab a glass of water and swallow down the pills Jed gives me to counteract the side effects of the marionette drug.  They’re coming farther and farther apart and I wonder if I’ll eventually get to stop taking them altogether.  I pick at my soup while rubbing my forehead where a headache has been burning all day, spreading to my temples.  I wonder if it’s from worry. 

“You okay?” James asks.

I nod slowly.  “I’m...”
fine. 
I stop for a moment and swallow.  “I’m...”  I trail off as a burning sensation claws at the inside of my throat, like nails sliding down my neck.  My breathing speeds up and I drop my spoon on the table with a clank.  Alarm trickles through me, slow but steady.   

“Pen?” James asks. 

I look at him.  “I...I don’t know...” 

I notice Jed out of the corner of my eye, watching me intently, his dinner forgotten.  His hands are planted firmly on the table as he leans towards me, his eyes wide.  James notices him as well and gives him an odd look.

“What?” I ask. 

“Tell me you like fish,” Jed states. 

There’s a pause while I stare at him in confusion and blink a few times.  “What?” I ask again, utterly perplexed.       

“Tell me you like fish,” he repeats.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Tell me!”

“I don’t like it, Jed, you know that.  I don’t get it...”  I’m shaking my head and James looks equally puzzled. 

Jed grips the table harder and leans forward.  “I know you don’t like it, just say it!”  His voice is oddly desperate and it scares me. 

I watch him for a few seconds and then exchange a glance with James.  We both know Jed’s just a little bit crazy but sometimes he tends to go overboard.  I shrug.  “Okay...I like...”  I gasp slightly as the word catches in my throat, being dragged away and replaced with the same burning, scratching sensation.  I frown, bringing a hand to my neck, suddenly worried.  “I like...”  I cough and then swallow, panic seizing me.  It’s almost like I can’t breathe.  “
I like
...”

That’s when I notice Jed’s expression and the room around me seems to go still.  I frown as his eyes light up in a triumphant gleam; the same expression he had when he hurled the book at me only a few weeks ago, gloating to James that his crazy idea had worked.  My mouth goes dry as the room almost wavers. 

“Jed...” I say slowly. 

He smiles.  “It worked.” 

My heart stops beating.  “What worked?” I nearly croak. 

Jed smiles again and gets up from the table.  “I never thought it would work.  Never.  I thought it was hopeless, really.”  He’s starting to ramble and my body’s beginning to shake. 

“Jed!  What did you do?” I ask him again, my voice louder. 

“Manipulation of the cell.  Oddly, the same type of procedure as the first,” he starts.  It’s almost as if he’s talking to himself or some other scientist, in awe of the experiment yet trying to explain it. 

I stand up from the table, feeling my hands shaking.  “I don’t care about the science of it; I want to know what’s wrong with me!”  I see James reach out to me, trying to calm me down, but I irritably pull away from him.

Jed looks at me briefly, still looking slightly surprised; although pleasantly so.  “As I studied into this experiment, after awhile I knew I could never reverse the procedure.  The administrators told me to compensate or they’d take you away, so I did the only thing I could think of to limit your abilities.”

I stare at him for a moment, trying to register what he’s saying.  “Meaning?” I prompt frantically. 

Jed shrugs and I can see a glimmer of guilt in his eyes.  But it only lasts a second.  “The administrators were extremely upset about you lying, it really was their main concern; your threat stemmed from the idea that you might not be trustworthy-”

Just then, his words start to make sense and as they sink in, my suspicions begin to come to life, along with a horrible sense of entrapment.  “Jed, no!” I say softly; horrified.

He nods his head, sending me a pitying look, although he seems more pleased with the fact that it worked, than upset at my dismay. 

“I’m sorry, my dear Penelope,” he says.  “But you can no longer lie.” 

10

––––––––

I
stare at Jed in dumbfounded silence as the words try to sink in while my brain simultaneously rejects them.  Jed stands there watching me with curious eyes, and I get the feeling he’d like to ask me to utter a dozen lies just to test his new scientific theory, but knows I’d just about explode.

No longer lie, no longer lie... 

James is the first to break the rigid silence.  “What?” he nearly yells, shaking his head in disbelief.  “You took away Pen’s ability to lie?” 

Jed nods and I can feel my knees close to buckling as panic begins to fill me. 

“How could you do that?”  James sounds almost as angry as I am, although I’m too shocked to really register all the emotions boiling around inside of me.

“They ordered me to compensate,” Jed states.  “I did this for Penelope, for her safety.”

“My safety?” I shout.  “This is like taking away my free will!  That’s...”
impossible!
  My heart seems to stop as I realize how truly possible it is; as it’s shoved into my face and down my throat.  I gasp as the word clings inside of me like a parasite.  “I
thought
it was impossible,” I amend. 

Jed waves his hand at me as if I’m a child overreacting at the refusal to some want.  “Impossible is a ridiculous word, Penelope,” he says calmly.  “It’s nothing like that.  You’ll end up a better person, anyway.  People will like you; trust you.”

“I don’t care if people like or trust me; I want to be able to say what I want, when I want to!” I protest.

Jed shakes his head.  “You need to care about it.  Your life depends on this.  If you aren’t deemed safe enough to live in society, they’ll take you away.  You might not understand it now, but I did this for you.”

“Jed, you have to take it back, I don’t know how, but you just do,” I tell him as firmly as I can, but my voice is shrill.