Pure Redemption (Tainted Legacy) (19 page)

“We need to talk,” Gabe
said. H
is voice
was
tense.

“I can’t do this here,” Ava finally ground out. “Just go back in and eat. You were hungry.”

“I don’t care about eating!” Gabe told her. “I—”

“Excuse me?” a perplexed
Tomiko
called down the sidewalk. She held a piece of paper in her hand
and waved it at them
. “Your bill?”

“Damn it,” Gabe grumbled. He looked at Ava and then back to
Tomiko
. When his gaze swung back around, Ava was storming down the sidewalk, away from him
.

***

“When did I turn into a yelling, screaming, tantrum-throwing crazy girl?!” Ava wondered as she threw herself back on Molly’s bed.

“You haven’t turned into a crazy girl until you’ve slashed his tires or publicly dumped a drink in his lap. That didn’t happen. You’re good,” Molly said decisively. “But Ava, he wouldn’t have taken you out to eat if he was leaving you.”

“Really?” Ava asked with a sharp edge in her tone. “Not if he thought that meal was like a pity meal to thank me for, I don’t know, feeding him and doing his laundry the last few weeks? Because he said he wanted to buy me a nice dinner to
thank
me.”

“Oh,” Molly said, looking contemplative.

“I yelled at him. Because he liked his sushi. What kind of person does that? I’ve turned into a raving lunatic,” Ava moaned as she threw her arm over her face.

“Oh, sweetie, your emotions have been on a wild rollercoaster ride for months. You were all giddy when you met Gabe. Head over heels when you started dating him. Devastated when he
left. Elated when he came back. Confused when everything turned into such a cluster. It’s no wonder you’re just a wild, crazy, walking, talking disaster right now. I’m guessing your thoughts and your emotions are nothing but one big, tangled up mess.”

Ava silently added: Blown away when she found out he was Nephilim. Terrified to find out his father was a demon. Petrified when she realized that aforementioned demon wanted her dead. Shocked beyond words to realize Grier was an angel. Traumatized as she watched him take his own life. Devastated when he’d tumbled into The Abyss right before her eyes. It was more like her emotions had been dumped into a blender and pureed. Not tossed on a rollercoaster and jostled.

So,”
Molly—oblivious to her friend’s
mental ramblings—firmly told her, “you need to go find Gabe. You need to talk to him and work this out. Don’t turn it into a long-drawn out drama-fest that could easily be avoided. I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding. Go fix it.”

Ava sniffled as she uncovered her tear-swollen eyes. “And if it wasn’t a misunderstanding?”

Molly sighed and nudged her best friend’s thigh. “Then you call me immediately. I’ll pick up Julia and we’ll be there in no time at all. We’ll stuff you full of ice-cream, hand you tissues and we’ll assure you that he just made the biggest mistake of his life. We’ll tell you that he’ll regret it every day for the rest of his lonely, pathetic, miserable existence. And you, you will find your prince charming sooner rather than later and live happily ever after. With or without Gabe Castille.”

Sh
e gave Ava an appraising look. “
After everything he’s put you through, whether he meant to or not, are you sure he’s worth it?”

“Yes,” Ava said, not needing to hesitate.

Molly gr
inned. “I thought so. Now go fi
nd him.”

Chapter 14

In theory, sitting down and talking with Gabe and getting everything out in the open was an excellent idea. In reality, it wasn’t so simple. Ava had gone home to find the cabin empty. She’d checked her phone, disappointed to see there were no messages from him. There was one from her mom, which she knew she should return sooner rather than later but she just couldn’t imagine talking to her mom at the moment. She would know something wasn’t right and until she knew where things stood with Gabe, she didn’t want to bring him into the conversation.

Things were messy enough on a good day. On a day like today, they were a virtual disaster she knew she could never explain.

Feeling slightly panicked at first, she’d rushed into the bedroom to check the drawer she’d cleared out for him. Everything they’d purchased appeared to be in there. Next, she checked the bathroom, relived to see his belongings were still there as well.

After that, she called him. Though it rang, he didn’t answer. When his voicemail kicked in, Ava left the calmest message she could muster. “It’s me. I am so sorry for the way I acted tonight. You’re right. We need to talk. If you get this, call me. Or just come back. I promise I’ll act like a reasonable, sensible, rational adult.” She paused, debating
,
and then before she could be cut off she threw out, “I love you.”

She realized that maybe Gabe not being there was a good thing. It gave her time to think of what she wanted to say. She needed to stop assuming the worst, yet she still wanted to be prepared for it. Gabe was different. In a lot of ways, he was still the same. The way he moved, the way he spoke. The way he’d felt when they’d kissed. Like he really hadn’t wanted to let go. But he was obviously different too and that, of course, was the core of her concern.

She
sat at the end of her dock, her feet dangling in the water and a light breeze playing with her hair. The sun was beginning to set. The gentle waves sparkled as though the entire lake had been sprinkled with millions of glittery diamonds.

When she heard Gabe’s motorcycle approach she felt a sudden chill
despite the warm, sticky air. She watched over her shoulder as he parked behind the garden shed again, took off his helmet, hung it from the handlebars and tentatively began walking toward her.

He looked heart-stopping as always in his faded jeans, new motorcycle boots and a simple black t-shirt. His usually perfect hair was slightly matted from the helmet, making Ava smile.

“Can I join you?” he asked.

She nodded as she scooted over.

He undid his laces, pulled off his boots, peeled of his socks and set them to the side. He then rolled up his jeans and sat next to her with his feet dangling in the water next to hers.

“Where have you been? Can I ask that? Or is that being too nosy?” she wondered.

“You can ask. I came back here but you weren’t here. It didn’t feel right to be here without you,” he shrugged. “So I just went for a ride.”

“I tried calling you.”

“I didn’t hear
it
ring
.” He motioned half-heartedly to the motorcycle.

“Are you angry with me?” he finally blurt
ed
out.

“No, not at all,” Ava assured him. “If anyone should be mad, it should be you. I was acting childish.”

Gabe let out a breath as he looked out at the water. “You weren’t. Things aren’t exactly going the best with us. We need to talk. We should’ve done that first. That was my mistake. But like I said, I don’t think you’re going to like some of the things I have to say.”

Ava watched his profile as he spoke. She waited patiently for him to continue. If he was sure she wasn’t going to like it, she wasn’t in a hurry to hear it.

“Here’s the thing,” he finally said. “I’ve kind of been keeping something from you.” He glanced at her. She was biting her bottom lip
, a gesture he’d come to realize meant she was nervous or upset
. She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. “Part of me feels like I should be
infuriated
that I don’t know who I am but another part of me…” he paused, seemed to fortify his resolve and turned to face Ava. “I don’t want to know. I don’t want to remember.”

He was quiet, waiting for her reaction.

“Why?” she finally asked.

He chewed on his cheek. Finally he said, “Because if I do remember? I’m damn sure that I’m not going to like more than ninety-nine percent of it.”

Ava nodded slowly. Honestly, his statement hadn’t really surprised her. “But you haven’t actually remembered anything?”

“That’s just it. I haven’t actually remembered. I’ve been honest with you about that. What I haven’t told you is that sometimes, I think I probably could. If I tried hard enough.”

Ava listened to the water lapping against the shore. She took a moment to take in the sight of Gabe with the calm breeze ruffling his hair before she spoke again. “But you don’t want to try?”

He watched her reaction as he slowly shook his head. Knowing he needed to give her a better explanation, he tried to do just that. “Ava, the feelings I get when I feel like I’m getting close to remembering something, they’re indescribable. I think there’s a reason I don’t remember. What exactly was it that Grier told you?”

She knew what he was talking about. It was days after he had disappeared. Grier had popped back into her life just briefly.

She let her mind wander back to that day.

“I believe if given the chance, he would have told you. Eventually. But time was of the utmost importance and he could not cloud your judgment with the truth. He feared it would jeopardize your future if he fully revealed his past.” Grier sounded oddly as though she were defending someone she not long ago had so vehemently loathed.

“So he was evil? As evil as you insisted he was? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Ava’s voice quivered. Her head and her heart fought against the words. The Gabe she had known was good. He
was
.

“He was evil. But he chose to change. He was given the chance to redeem himself. He embraced that chance. He was redeemed. He was forgiven.”

“So he’s in Heaven?” Ava asked.

Grier turned her head, staring now out of the window instead of concentrating that disconcerting gaze on Ava. “He is not.”

“If he’s not in Hell and not in Heaven…” Ava tried to squelch the hope in her voice but failed. “Is he here?”

Grier answered with a curt shake of her head.

“Is he dead? I mean, really dead?”

Grier gave her a curious look. “You must know that no one truly dies. Their soul goes on. He was offered forgiveness but he could not forgive himself. Not only for what he almost did to you but for his past transgressions. With honor sometimes comes insufferable remorse. He chose repentance.” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. What does that mean?”

Grier’s words were laced in sadness. “He chose The Great Abyss.”

He looked horrified at her recollection. “What did I do? What kind of person was I?”

“I don’t know what you did, exactly,” she admitted. “I don’t think I was meant to know.”

“You see?” he asked, his voice taking on a rough edge. “This is why I don’t want to know about my past. I don’t want to remember it. I don’t want to relive it.”

“So don’t then,” Ava said soothingly. “Don’t try to remember if you don’t want to.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I think there’s a reason I don’t remember. And as much as I want to remember you, and Ava,” he said softly, “I do want to remember
you
. But only you. The problem is, I don’t think I can get to those memories without busting open all of the others.”

“So this is why you had to leave last night?”

“I just needed to think things through. I didn’t mean to stay out so late.”

“So that’s it? That’s what you wanted to tell me?” she held on to a sigh of relief, not quite ready to release it. “If that’s all it was, why did you sleep on the couch?”

He looked surprised. “I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Did you really think I was sleeping?”

“I’m sorry. I thought I was doing you a favor. Honest, Ava.” He watched her, soaking in her reaction. “So you’re okay with me trying
not
to remember?”

She nodded. “Yeah. There are parts of the past month I wish I could forget so I guess I understand why you wouldn’t want to remember. I caught glimpses of what your life was like. I saw some of the things Azael and Rafe did to you and words can’t even describe how awful it was. And I know you felt overwhelming guilt about things you had done. But Gabe? You’re not that person anymore. The one that did those things. I’m not sure you ever were that person. Not
really. Not inside. I think you did them because your father had control over you. Not because you wanted to.”