Puzzle Me This (7 page)

“Jesus, you’re killing me.”

“Come
on
,” Alex panted, trying to pull him down.

“Wait.” Luke contemplated logistics for a moment. “Let’s put you on your side.” He helped Alex roll over and got behind him. Luke pulled Alex’s top thigh up so it was bent at the hip and knee.

“Please,” Alex said shakily, pushing his hips back.

“I’m here,” Luke soothed. He lined the tip of his cock up with Alex’s entrance. It felt intense and he hadn’t even started yet. Not just erotically intense, though it was—God it was—but significant. Pivotal. He held Alex’s waist steady and slowly pushed in.

They both groaned as his cock sank into deep, hot flesh. There was yield and it was warm, and Luke did not stop until his hips were flush against Alex’s backside. He held still then, as they both breathed heavily. Alex grabbed the hand on his waist and pulled it around, lacing their fingers. He turned his head for a kiss, and Luke gave it to him. The passion and emotion with which Alex plied his mouth with his sweet tongue made Luke’s head spin.

Everything felt overwhelming for a second, and Luke had to move just to try to get a grip. He began to thrust gently.

Alex moaned into his mouth and soon broke the kiss so he could push his hips back into the thrusts. “That’s… oh my God. I feel you.”

Luke kissed and sucked at the back of Alex’s neck. “I know. You feel so good, Alex.
Damn
.”

They didn’t need any more words or urging as they found their rhythm. Luke steadily increased the pace of his thrusts. He adjusted his angle until Alex gave a sharp cry, and then he rode that place, entering Alex’s body over and over, long and strong and deep. Luke gave a cry of pleasure on every thrust, and they grew louder and louder and more intense.

“Luke, touch me!”

Luke slid his hand down Alex’s stomach and took hold of him, stroking only a short while before Alex clenched up and spilled with a guttural groan. He was still pulsing in Luke’s hand as Luke bit down on his shoulder and followed. Luke felt the spasms of one of the most intense orgasms of his life rip through him.

They lay boneless for several long minutes before Luke roused himself to pull out and discard the condom. Alex rolled over so he and Luke were face to face.

Luke kissed him sweetly. “You’re beautiful,” Luke said, meaning that in every way possible.

“That was… the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Alex said, his eyes growing bright.

Luke cupped his jaw. “Yeah?”

“I love you, Luke.” Alex’s eyes stared into Luke’s with absolute openness, joy, and a trace of insecurity.

Luke smiled and kissed him deeply. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and he didn’t know what to do. He loved Alex too. He did. But he thought about Amy’s warning and was afraid to say it, because she was right. This was as serious as a heart attack, and he couldn’t be hasty, couldn’t give Alex promises he might not keep.

He pulled Alex tight and held him. And if Alex was hurt that Luke didn’t say it back, he didn’t let it show.

Chapter 6

T
HE
first week of November was not a good week. Luke’s manager, Brian, called with bad news. “We’re going to have to move up the launch date for
Saints and Sinners
. We need it out by Christmas.”

“What?” Luke said in disbelief. “There’s no way!”

“Listen, City Shark is in trouble. You know we had bad numbers the first two quarters of this year. Well the numbers for Q3 are worse. If we can’t ship
Saints and Sinners,
there might not even
be
a City Shark Games next year.”

Luke felt a rush of anxiety. He liked his peers, and he liked his boss. And not many game companies would let him live in Pennsylvania. “Is it really that bad?”

“It’s
that bad
. I need you to review the design and tell me what we can cut that’ll shave two months off production.”

“
Shit
,” Luke said. “That’s at least a full chapter.”

“I know, Luke. Sorry, but I need you to come through for me, buddy. And we need it ASAP.”

That night Alex listened to Luke harangue about how much he
hated
cutting his designs, especially when the game was as far along as this one. It was a designer’s worst nightmare. Alex listened sympathetically and rubbed Luke’s back. But Luke was too upset to be good company, and after an hour, he went back to his apartment to work on the dreaded task.

That week he only got over to Alex’s two nights, crawling into bed with him in the dark. Alex snuggled against him and went back to sleep. By 7:00 a.m. Luke was gone again.

Luke worked through Saturday, demolishing subplots and rerouting puzzle clues, all of it under a grumpy cloud. Saturday night Alex invited him over for dinner and made meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

“This is really good, babe,” Luke said tiredly. “I needed some comfort food.”

“There’s more comfort where that came from,” Alex said with an eyebrow waggle.

“You mean sex? What’s that? I’ve forgotten,” Luke deadpanned.

“Yes, it’s been six whole days. Call Guinness.”

“Are you implying that I’m a sex addict?”

“If the condom fits.” Alex licked mashed potatoes off his spoon with a long tongue.

“Just for that….” Luke slipped out of his chair and crawled under the table.

“Luke! I cooked for hours!” Alex laughed as Luke’s fingers began undoing the button on his jeans.

“That’s what microwaves are for. Are your brakes set, hot stuff? It’s going to be a bumpy night.”

“Luke!” Alex complained, swatting at Luke’s hands. A moment later Alex was gripping the edge of the table and his voice had dropped an octave. “Oh, God
, Luke
.”

T
HE
second
time they sat down to eat the meatloaf and mashed potatoes, Alex said, “Can you take a break tomorrow? It’s Sunday and the new Bond movie just came out.”

Luke cringed guiltily. “Actually, I have to lead a six-mile hike in the Poconos for my Meetup group. I signed up to do it months ago. It
would
come at the worst possible time.”

“That’s okay,” Alex said, not quite hiding his disappointment.

“Wish you could go with me.” Luke squeezed Alex’s hand. After he said it, he worried that maybe he shouldn’t bring up stuff like that, the stuff Alex couldn’t do.

But Alex just gave him a slight smile and kept eating.

T
HE
Poconos hike was awesome. The November day was crisp, and there was still some fall color left. Luke led a group of ten up the mountain, reveling in the elevation gain and the rough terrain. Trevor was in his element with so many people to coo over him.

Luke sat on the peak looking out over the view, chatting with a bunch of happy, sweaty, able-bodied twenty- and thirtysomethings. And he had a sort of minor epiphany. He wished Alex was there, and then he realized Alex would
never
be there, he’d never be able to do stuff like this with him, ever. Ever was a really long time. Luke felt sad about that—in fact it felt a little like grief. Then he kicked himself because it was Alex who had suffered the loss. And then he felt guilty for enjoying this when Alex couldn’t. And then he worried—would he always feel guilty about just
doing stuff
? Would that mean he would stop doing them?

Amy was right. He hadn’t thought this through. By the time Luke came down the mountain, there was a catch in his chest that hadn’t been there before.

When he got home that night, he had twenty e-mails to answer from team members working through the weekend. He gave Alex a quick call and wished him a good night. He didn’t go over.

F
OR
the next two weeks, Luke worked all the time. He used it as an excuse not to see Alex. Luke knew it was a cop-out, and he could tell from the tightness in Alex’s voice when he called that Alex knew it, too. Luke couldn’t help it. He had some serious thinking to do about their relationship, and he couldn’t do it with this work crisis demanding all his focus.

But he could only put Alex off for so long, and Luke did really miss him. So they went to see the Bond movie on the Friday before Thanksgiving. They went to a nine o’clock showing because Luke worked late. The theater was surprisingly crowded, and Luke helped maneuver through the obstacle course by manning the handles of the chair, something he’d never done before. Alex parked at the end of a row and they held hands in the dark while they watched the movie.

When it was over, Alex turned his chair toward the exit and took Luke’s hand, but there were people in the aisle and the PDA made Luke uncomfortable. In San Fran he’d done it, sure, but this was Pennsylvania. So he pulled away, using the excuse of needing to man the chair handles. He felt guilty for doing it, so he talked loudly about the movie, hoping Alex wouldn’t notice.

In the car on the way home, Alex turned to him with a worried smile. “My parents invited you for Thanksgiving. Amy will be there. They really want to meet you.”

Luke felt his face get hot. “Actually, I have some news. I turned in the revised design, and my boss wants me in San Fran for three weeks to help the team make the changes. I leave the day after Thanksgiving.”

“Oh,” Alex said blankly.

Luke took his hand and squeezed it. “When they let me move here, it was always understood that there’d be times when I’d have to work on-site. But I’ll be home for Christmas.”

Alex tried to smile reassuringly. “Will you be staying in a hotel there?”

“No. I’ll bunk with my friend, Marco. He lives in the Castro.”

“What about Trevor? He could stay with me.”

“Nah. My sister’s going to take him. I’m, um, actually driving him over to Allentown on Thanksgiving. I need to take his crate and stuff over there, and I’ll do the requisite holiday thing.”

“Oh.” Alex frowned and blinked rapidly. He was quiet for a few minutes and then: “Would you… like me to go with you? It’s a long drive.”

Luke froze. It hadn’t occurred to him that Alex would want to be invited. The idea immediately made him feel a little panicky.

“Babe, you should be with
your
family on Thanksgiving.”

“I’d rather be with you,” Alex said quietly.

“I… don’t think that’s a good idea,” Luke said lamely. “But I’ll be back by dinnertime. We can spend the evening together.”

Alex didn’t press the issue. He nodded and looked out the window.

T
HE
drive to Allentown was long and boring. Trevor seemed to sense Luke’s anxious mood and was impatient and whining the whole way. Luke’s sister, Anne, was harried prepping the big meal but refused any help, as always. Her husband, Matthew, was coolly cordial. Luke and Matthew played ball with Trevor in the back yard until his parents arrived.

“So how’s State College?” Luke’s mom asked over turkey and all the trimmings. Her blonde hair had been in the same teased style since Luke was in high school. Her conservative sweater and slacks made her look every inch the retired schoolteacher.

“I like it.” Luke nodded. “Nice town. Lots of hiking trails. I’ve met some people.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” Anne asked, ignoring the look Matthew shot her. Matthew didn’t like to talk about “that.” “That” being Luke’s relationships with other humans who had dicks.

“I’ve been seeing someone since August, actually.” A giddy smile took over Luke’s face. He seemed helpless to stop it.

His mom and dad and Matthew were all painfully silent, watching him.

“That’s great,” Anne said. “What’s his name?”

“Alex.”

“And what’s Alex do?”

“He designs crossword puzzles.” Luke’s smile grew bigger, treacherous thing. “That’s how we met. He wanted to introduce himself, so he put a message in a crossword puzzle in the Philly
Examiner
and then had it delivered to my door.”

“How romantic,” his mother said carefully. “Sounds like you two have a lot in common.”

Luke blinked at her in surprise. “Thanks, Mom. Yeah, we do.”

“So why didn’t you bring him?” Anne asked.

“What?”

“Today. You should have brought him with.”

“Um…. He’s with his family today.” Luke took a big bite of yams so he could stop talking. God, maybe he should have brought Alex. Of course, his parents—and Matthew, but fuck Matthew—were uncomfortable about his being gay. He’d never brought anyone home before, but that wasn’t why he hadn’t done it.

Bringing Alex to meet his parents would mean they were serious. And Luke was not ready to admit that.

“Well, Luke,” his mother began softly. “Maybe you could bring him for Christmas.”

Luke stared at her dubiously. Pod people. That had to be the answer.

“You’ve been back for a year and we hardly ever see you,” his mom continued with deliberate cheerfulness. “You don’t have to stay away, Luke. We’re okay with… the gay thing. Right, Harold?”

Luke’s father cleared his throat and deliberately put down his knife and fork. He was a large man, a retired factory manager with a ruddy face and thin gray hair. He would not have been amiss as, say, a grumpy neighbor in
Leave It to Beaver.

Everyone waited with bated breath.

“Yeah,” Harold said gruffly. Then he picked up his fork and knife and resumed eating.

It was like a benediction from the pope. Luke gave Anne a WTF look. Anne shrugged and smiled.

I
T
WAS
almost seven that night when Luke knocked on Alex’s door, his mother’s pumpkin pie in hand. He kissed Alex lightly on the lips. “Hey, Alex.”

“How was your drive?”

“Tedious.”

They were both subdued as they ate a slice of pie. Alex seemed tense and unhappy, and Luke was stressed about having to get ready for his 7:00 a.m. flight. There were a dozen details that had to be taken care of before then.

When they were done, Luke took the plates into the kitchen. He left his phone by his glass and when he returned to the living room Alex was holding it. Alex turned it off and put it back down. His face was blank.