Pygmy (10 page)

All American student dismissed from battlefield, relegated into seats of audience, able only witness remainder word skirmish. Displayed onstage no one except operatives, Magda, Ling, Chernok, Oleg, Bokara, Mang, Tibor, Tanek, in addition this agent.

Stern foot operative Mang take step to stance of microphone, focus of stage spotlight, say repeat word given from instructor, say, “Steatopygia.” List alphabet, say, “S-T-E-A-T-O-P-Y-G-I-A.” Bow head, repeat say, “Steatopygia.”

Out audience issue massive huge moan. One voice male scholar say, reverberate throughout auditorium, say, “Get this bullshit
over
with!”

Chorus other voice, male and female voice, say, “Yeah.” Say, “Call a fucking draw, already!”

Seated below footlight of stage, rank of esteemed instructor rifle many volume book, dragging finger down page searching next word for ask. Other acclaimed instructor make finger
straight and press to own pursed lips, exhale hissing sound to signal quiet. Other revered instructor tilt chin almost touch microphone, say, “Next contestant…” Say, “Would you please spell ‘retromingent’?”

Onstage, operative Magda taken stance at microphone. Arms folded behind torso, feet apart, parade rest stance, Magda say, “Esteemed instructor, most grateful with full respect if would repeat word…”

Say instructor, “Retromingent.”

Eye of operative Magda fixed no blink into high glare of spotlight, no blink, no bleed water, say, “In most great due respect, great instructor, regret to correct most esteemed instructor pronunciation.” Say, “Actual correct version pronounce ‘retromingert.’” Proceed list exact alphabet of word.

Heckler of student audience say, shouting, say, “Somebody pull the fire alarm. Get us
out
of here.”

Ranked next beside this agent, whisper into ear of operative me, operative Chernok say, quote extreme king sheriff Benito Mussolini, say, ‘“It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history’”

Trevor killed, casualty of word
aneurysm
.

Cat sister retired from battle over word
coagulopathy
.

For official record, during evolve past 6.21 hours competition, team of instructors forced often retreat to school library, retrieve additional volumes listing English word. Top respected instructor cup hand to shield microphone, pull own mouth to sideways speak other fellow instructors, say, try inaudible say, “For cry’n out loud…I’d like to go home someday.” Say, “Let’s blow this punk out of the water.”

Pig dog host brother, destroyed from elementary word
phthisis
.

Venerated instructor crack thick volume text, eyeballs
scrub, hunt page, search most difficult word, contain most number alphabet.

Ranked awaiting word, operative Oleg insert elbow against rib cage operative me, tilt head nodded to indicate female student, say subject youth absent menses since five week. Request say how many American ovum enjoy the seed of this agent?

Next now, best important instructor screw eye tight to rest on operative Tanek. “Please spell ‘oocephalus.’”

Operative Tanek incline so place mouth adjacent microphone, say for celebrated instructor please to utilize
oocephalus
embedded context sentence.

Honored instructor wrap own face within spread finger both own hands. Exhaust oxygen of lungs one prolonged blast. Eyes squeezed, tilt face at microphone, say, “Here’s your sentence, kid… ‘Oocephalus is one tough motherfucker to spell.’”

Wrinkle stream weak laughter filter among student audience.

Operative Oleg repeat drill elbow, dig into rib cage operative me, say, “Where possible acquire lederhosen apparel?”

This agent ask repeat.

Tanek list alphabet, O-O-C-E…

Oleg recruited participant Model United Nations. Explain multiple student mimic delegates world governments, all nation, assemble to battle question current global issue. Deliver oratory. Calculate vote. Castigate with resolution sanctions. Operative Oleg assigned represent delegate Germany. Chernok feign Italy diplomat. Magda act behalf France. Bokara figurehead nation Spain. Ling, the corrupt evil despotic Ireland. Oleg allege no American student desire represent Western nation, American youth strictly aspire serve as delegate third-world government, racial ethnics, marginalized former
colonies subjected imperial powers, striving achieve self-ruled. To follow, disco dance of all nations so demonstrate mutual affection world peace. Exchange personal body fluids.

Tanek list alphabet, P-H-A-L…

Even as observing, breasts so many female youth swelling, bigger cup, inflating blouse from pregnant. For official record, this agent no impregnate. No recruited delegate to Model United Nations. Become merely target for attract eyeballs lovesick sodomite Trevor Stonefield.

Tanek list alphabet, U-S.

Organized horde, lauded instructor, all assert vast moan at victory operative Tanek. Audience mob erupt profanities, slouch sliding deep inside seat cushions. Focused typing tiny message keyboarding personal telephones. Twist own arms so read hour on wrist clocks.

Insistent pointed elbow of Operative Oleg, repeat wedge rib cage of this agent. Oleg repeat say, “Lederhosen?” Say operative Tanek to mimic delegate Portugal. Operative Mang ape delegate Great Britain.

Quote, “It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history.”

Feet of this agent approach stance microphone. Tilt head back so mouth more near for catch voice. Hands wring pole so telescope microphone most low level where remain on top head of operative me. Arms folded behind. Parade rest to await barrage English word.

Illustrious instructor, finger pressed to page inside volume, lips slowly create sound of word, pronounce fragments in manner of reading child. First able reading child. Instructor say, “Pheo…chromo…cy…toma.” Cast eyes onto stage and repeat say, “Pheochromocytoma.”

For official record: Ha. Effortless facile word, simple to list
alphabet. However eyes of this agent witness audience, breath locked inside waiting lungs. Audience eyes no blink, fingers twisted in cross of superstition, praying this agent fail. Cat sister plus all student craving operative me to stumble listing alphabet.

Mouth of this agent say, “P-H-E-O …”

If flounder alphabet, build of myself hero. Martyr. As Moses and Fidel Castro, to liberate fellow youth to freedom, improved lives.

Mouth of operative me say, “C-H-R-O-M-O…”

Shout single voice, male youth beyond footlight, say, “Spell it right, asswipe, and you’re a
dead
fucking pygmy.”

Mouth of this agent say, “C-Y…”

For official record, no impossible shouting death threat originated from renowned instructor.

Next now, sail object up from audience, dark mass emerges out stage footlights, slam down,
bam-pow
, hit downstage boards and slide to arrive beside feet of this agent. Sailing projectile object: English dictionary.

Mouth of operative me complete, say, “T-O-M-A.”

Dull rumble build. Stage lights, oxygen crowded pelt, raining down various object. Dictionary. Thesaurus. Thundering impact stage boards. Novel
Jane Eyre. Catcher in the Rye
. Song volume lyrics Junior Swing Choir.

American youth enjoying to commence riot.

Next now, siren of fire alarm begin shrill.

Begins here twelfth account of operative me, agent number 67, on arrival religion propaganda distribution outlet of city
. Outpost community
. Date
. For official record, devil Tony repeat in absent.

For official record, worship shrine of community offer tanning box where supine nude so become scarred beneath artificial solar body. Offer infinite variation beverage extracted dried coffee bean. Offer gallery ranked machines purpose build muscle through resistance training. Every thus, in addition forgive moral transgression of individual. By today of next week to offer feature movie rentals. Drop box of rental returns stationed beside poor box.

Plaster fake dead man bleeding red paint. Reek of burning paraffin. Stink of genitals various plant life. As prior, all male compelled bind neck in knotted banner of decadent silk fabric. Female all cover head. Seated to control bellow machine, ancient parrot, Mrs. Lilly. Lips of operative me greet, say, “Best hello to sacred animated corpse.” Say, “How decayed is glorious brain on this today?”

Responding aged parrot twist wrinkles so fashion smile, say, “Fuck off, you little foreign twerp.”

Host father mount altar so stance beside bin empty of water. Bin drained subsequent operative Magda attempted to murder drown under hands devil Tony. Water absent, and empty bin ringed around with circle yellow tapes, outlining edges of bin tapes printed English words
CAUTION
CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION
…Within walled sides of bin, to mark former level of water, sides stained in tidal mark of blood red. From position immediate beneath man bleeding paint, host father, vast breathing cow father say, “You’ll be happy to hear that Reverend Tony is recovering nicely.” Say, “The fine paramedics of our community report that he suffered something they call a ‘submucosal throat hemorrhage’ brought on by his screaming…”

Devil Tony buried bottom of water, anchored tight within clutching arms of operative Magda. Screaming sound, next then screaming bubbles, next then screaming blood.

From seated neighboring this agent, voice breathe whisper. Cat sister say, “Hey, Pygmy, want to do me a big, big favor?”

From distance across worship shrine, Magda eyeball this agent and host sister.

Whisper of cat sister say, “It’s about the Model United Nations next week.” Say, “Nobody wants to be the United States…will you?”

For official record, this agent requested to represent American nation on council floor, service on security council, create policy.

Whisper scented of solder smoke, melted lead connecting circuits sister mystery project, whisper say, “Special favor?” Host sister lift hand, fingers straight as for pledge or vote, say, “Swear, I’ll owe you, big-time.”

On condition this agent act as delegate on behalf United States will host sister be indebted. So vast appeal.

Cat sister say, “Plus, Ms. Matthews will give you extra credit in Social Studies.” Say, “Plus, we’re having a Dance of World Peace after.”

Perhaps as redeem favor, fulfill obligation, could host sister open vagina for deposit seed of operative me. Permit this
agent complete task phase first, Operation Havoc. Perhaps—hope beyond all hope, dream beyond impossible—cat sister consider make ritual dance with this agent.

Continue sister say, “I’m going as Swaziland. United Nations is exactly like Halloween except more political.” Say, “My brother’s going as Ceylon. He figures since nobody knows jack about Ceylon he can just make up stuff.”

From distance across shrine, lips of Magda form words, mouth silent quote magnetic giant, appealing fascist Benito Mussolini, say, “The fate of nations is intimately bound up with their powers of reproduction.”

To cat sister, will agree…only if host sister allow this agent to accompany along during next secret foray. Apply to face of operative me black paint, apparel black, attend secret mission to venture through window during next planned escape night of today.