Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (63 page)

“It seems the second I left Whittenhower Estates, you told the man who killed your brother- the father of my children- that I was pregnant. And you’ve proceeded to tell him all about Ella on every occasion he asks.” 

“Regina-”

“Just give me some space. At least leave the kitchen. I can’t deal with this on top of everything else. I do so much to save you and your family, and you betray my daughter- your own niece. But you probably didn’t see it as a betrayal since no matter what you’d have access to her. I would be the one torn from yet another person I created- another one of my family members. You selfishly used me and my children, and even Whitt to secure yourself with your father. I should just let you rot in WinterCrest. It would serve as a righteous punishment. But I’m too loyal to ruin you in such a way. I need space. I need an apology. I need to not see you right now, Adelaide. Please leave,” I say forcefully, yet quietly.

I dunk my head back into the sink and cry. I release the pain of all that I’ve lost and all that I’ve finally gained. I have to have faith in Marcus to pull us all through. I have to have faith in Whitt to know what he’s doing. I have to have faith in myself to soldier on when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and weep.

A hand rubs soothing circles on my back. I don’t recognize it at first. I’m sl
ightly surprised at who it is.

“Hey,” I breathe to him. I pat my hair with the towel
again. I hope the droplets cover up my leaking tears.

“Are you okay?” His voice is soothing. His eyes ensnare mine and I feel that electric zing of connection.

“I want my friend back,” I whine to Roman.

“You don’t like who I’ve become,” he teases with calculation and I have a light-bulb moment.

“Ah- you don’t like who I’ve become.” I lean against the counter and smirk at the fucker.

“I didn’t at first. I didn’t understand it. I was giving you a taste of how annoyed I was.” His aqua eyes ar
e filled with mischievousness.

“And now?”

“Let’s just say that I’m here to keep an eye on someone and it’s not you.” The teasing lilt in his voice is at odds with the s
erious expression on his face.

I stare at him in shock.

“Ah-ha! She finally gets it, I see.” He teases.

“How long?”

“Since a year before the night I saw you again. Since the day I met Kristal,” he admits without shame. 

“He’s such a Machiavellian bastard.” I shake my head in awe. “You were my test. Did I pass?”
“With flying colors,” he says proudly. “You almost failed when we were playing on the couch- when I tried to enter you, but you stayed in control. That was the hottest night of my life,” he smirks at me and tucks his hair behind his ear.

“It wasn’t a test to see if I’d cheat. It was a test to see if I was loyal and worth trusting?”
He silently nods.

“When did you enter the game?”

“When I was in the hospital recuperating, he sent his submissive. Our Master likes to keep his minions happy. We don’t have many friends and he likes to keep tabs on us.”

“That was when Jamie became your best friend and mentor? He showed up at the hospital?” I pretend I’m just curious, but his answer will tell me more than he could ever imagine.

“Yes, he helped me turn my life around,” his voice is filled with gratitude and affection. 
“He lets you see him?”

Please say no
, I chant. I don’t want my suspicions proven right. I don’t want to feel the hurt of knowing that all the men closest to me have lied to my face over and over again- Marcus, Cort, Roman, and Jamie. I rub the center of my chest against the ache that just exploded my heart.

“Of course,” he arche
s his brow like I’m an idiot. 

“He won’t let me see him. I was with him and he still wouldn’t let me see him,”
I say to drive my point home. 

“I know,” he snickers. “He was very enthusiastic when he told me.”

“You must really think I’m a whore,” I whimper and slide down the cupboard to sit on the floor.

“No, I don’t think you’re a whore, Regina. Never would I think that. You’re still so innocent and naïve.” He smirks like he knows something I don’t, but he’s wrong. His fa
cial expression spoke volumes.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked every player in
this game, Roman,” I murmur. 

“Not all of them,” he laughs and adjusts his pants before he joins me on the tiles. “Most of them, though. It’s sex, not life or death. Sex can be used as a weapon or it can be used for a connection.
Hell it can be used as entertainment. You’ve been with four guys. At our age that is practically a virgin.”

“Five guys,” I test him again.

“No, it’s been four,” he says with confidence.

Roman’s eyes drill into mine trying to force me to believe him. This is the Roman I remember- the Roman who fought the urge to fall to my feet during our walk.

“It will be five when you’re with your husband,” he drops the bombshell. 

I
suck in a breath in shock. How does he know that? It’s such a shock that I forget what we’re arguing about.

“How do you know?” I accuse.

“He wasn’t trying to ask if you fucked Whitt. He wanted to know if you got hitched. He was most anxious. I knew the second you walked into the living room and I saw that you and Whitt had been frisky on the porch. You don’t play around lightly. I told Master that you’ll call him later and to leave Cort’s poor mouth alone. Don’t ever forget he’s omnificent. He’s all knowing- he’s our Master,” he says worshipfully.

“How much do you know?”

“I only know what my Master tells me,” he says with the devotion of a zealot.

I’m in love with Marcus and I don’t get that glazed-over look in my eyes or the reverent ton
e in my voice. 

“Why?”

“Because he saved my life; because I would be dead and buried or leaning in an alley selling heroin. I wouldn’t have a life. I would simply exist. I have friends. I have a cause. I have goals. I feel like I have a place in this world- finally. That is why I will do whatever he asks, whenever he asks.” He sounds like a zealot worshipping at the altar of Marcus.

“Good. I’m happy for you, Roman- truly happy for you.” He can hear that I genuinely mean it.

I squeeze his hand and smile. I never thought he’d get away from that life either. It means the world to me that’s he’s sitting on the floor of my kitchen as an educated man who mentors our wayward youth. He’s making a difference. I can’t imagine the pride he must feel. I feel pride over myself and I’ve done atrocious things to get here, but neither of us thought he’d be alive right now, let alone happy.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you, but you weren’t ready,” he says bashfully a
nd plays with his hair again. 

“What makes me ready now?”

“You finally see everyone clearly. You know who you can and can’t trust. It took longer than we thought,” he says in an irritated voice. 

“Who thought?” I give that irri
tated voice right back at him.

“Wouldn’t you love to know?” He taunts.

“Yeah, I would. Was it all bullshit about you hating BDSM and Marcus saying he asked you to train?”

“No, none of that was bullshit. It bothered me what Kristal was doing. I’m not really into her. You should know this and I feel slightly guilty about it. But once I noticed that she was fucking anything that breathed, my guilt diminished. I felt guilty that you’re angry at her for being with me when I was just using her as much as she was me. Master always kept that stuff separate from me. I didn’t know that it tripped my trigger until we went on that walk. I haven’t gotten it out of my head. Finally I went to Master and he’s been training me since he stopped training you. He trains Dalton and me together. I’m sorry that I judged you for something I didn’t understand,” he squeezes my hand trying to let me know he really means it. 

“Try again… Why tell me now?” He blushes and tucks his hair behind his ear.

“I texted Master saying I was sure you and Whitt went through with the plan and that you kicked Adelaide out of the house. I was lurking near the entryway while you fought. He told me to go ahead and tell you the truth and that Ezra requires you at Restraint this evening. I don’t know why, so don’t even ask.”

I rest my head on my knees and try not to think. The thoughts swirling though my head are maddening.

“I’ll give you a few minutes and then you should spend some time with your son. Don’t be mad, but I’ve met both Whitt and Niel countless times. I’m sorry I had to lie to you. It was necessary.”
I don’t want to feel betrayed, but I do. I cry into my palms while Roman tries to comfort me.
“Do you want me to get Whitt?” Roman asks in concern.

He isn’t the man I’ve come to know and he isn’t the young man I knew a decade ago either. He’s confident and he looks at me as a friend. There’s no shame or judgment in his eyes. It makes me feel better, but I’m still leery of him- leery of them all. How much have they withheld from me. It’s the same as lying. And if I’m right about the ultimate betrayal, I don’t know what I’ll do when it’s confirmed. Kiss them… or kill them. 

“I’ll be okay,” I reply.

“When you’re ready for some fun that doesn’t have strings attached, let me know. I’ve had the go ahead for a few weeks. I expect nothing in return from you. We could just have some fun. I’m not trying to be inappropriate. I’m just letting you know I’ll be here for you when you want me and in any capacity.” I look at him
wordless.

“Marc is ok
ay with this now?” I gulp out.

“Yeah, he wants you to be happy and to relax. It’s been one blow after another for you and you shouldn’t continue to be punished for all of this bullshit. Sex can be about entertainment, ya know,” he teases. His laugh lingers as he leaves me alone in the kitchen.

I understand his reasoning, but it hurts like a shot to the heart. Marcus has truly let me go. I’m no longer his. If he can so easily let me go, then I need to let him go, too.

I walk from the kitchen in a daze. Everyone stares at me strangely when I return. Shit! I went for snacks and come back empty handed. Fuck it.

I snuggle down on the sofa in between Whitt and Niel and sigh in contentment. They both smell so familiar and comforting. I close my eyes and listen to Niel and Ella chat about mutual acquaintances from their schools. Niel can’t wait to start Hillbrook in the fall, and Ella excitedly tells him that she was pushed forward two grades. I smile at how excited my children sound to be at the same school at the same time. I realize that in two years’ time there will be four Whittenhowers roaming the halls of Hillbrook- well, two are Prestons, but they’re descendants of Daniel the 1st. I hope they don’t bring that school down to its foundation.

“Kris, are you working tonight?” I casually ask. I don’t let her know how much I want to flay her.

“Yes?” She answers it with an upward inflection. She’s worried, as she should be. Shit, I’m out of a babysitter.

“Fate, we have something we have to do tonight.” Whitt strings tight with tension, of which variety I haven’t a cl
ue. “You should go get ready.”

“We’re finally going back?” Her voice trembles.

My eyes slide open and I see that she’s thrumming with anticipation. She’s an adrenaline junky, but a scaredy-cat too. This will make for an interesting evening. I nod my head at her. She hops up and leaves the room in a flurry of excitement.

“Roman, can you keep an eye on Ella this evening? It’ll only be for a few hours. She’ll be in bed before we leave. You can just do whatever you do in the evening. Just don’t leave the property.”
“Sure, I have a movie I’ve been meaning to watch.” He winks at me.

We all know where I’m going, except for Ella. The pinking of Niel’s cheeks says he knows what Whitt and I do, too. 

My eyes drift shut again as exhaustion presses down on me. I didn’t get any sleep last night, but I didn’t the night before or the night before that either.

“You need a nap,” is whispered into my ear. A lingering kiss tickles my neck. I sigh in pleasure.

“Ella, please show your brother your room. I bet he’d like to see if you still have the graphic novels we made.” Whitt’s smooth voice lulls me farther into sleep.

“Yeah, I kept them all. Come on!” I crack my eyelids and laugh at my daughter’s excitement.

Ella’s yanking Niel up off the couch and pulling him down the hall. Niel better watch out or she’ll be telling him what to do.

“Kris, you should probably get ready for work. You have to be there earli
er than we do.” Whitt demands.

“I don’t remember you being so bossy,” Kris whine
s. “What’s happening tonight?”

“We’re opening the dungeon to the public starting tomorrow. Ezra has jobs for each of us. The Masters are meeting and then he’s
meeting with us individually.”

“Whoa,” she says in awe as she leaves the room. My eyes follow her out the door, across the lawn, and until she disappears into the guest house.