Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (67 page)

He pulls back and I flood the shirt. The fabric absorbs my fluid as a sponge until it can hold no more. It dr
ips warmly between my fingers.

Tremors rack my body. My teeth chatter. Every nerve in my body fires at once. He presses himself back inside of me, anchoring me or I’d fall.

Grunts, one right after another erupt from my chest as I seize. My eyes roll back and I almost bite my tongue. I never want to do this again. It’s horrific in its intensity. It’s the strongest, most powerful orgasm of my existence.

I know Master Ez released inside of me. I heard his cries, but I was too far gone to acknowledge it or experience it.

The man behind me holds his body in a softer manner, but it’s taut with tension. He’s silently sobbing. I can feel the tears on my neck and the catch in his breathing against my back. Ezra holds me, kisses my neck. Master Ez doesn’t kiss.

“I guess I should feel honored to be the first person that knows about your split identity. You trusted me with so many secrets while your counterpart raped me. I should be honored, but I’m not. I will, however, keep our bargain. Master Ez will protect you to the death, and frankly, I want to live. You need help,” and I vow to help him. 

I drop the soiled shirt to the floor. It splats with force and my legs gets drenched. The puddle on the floor is impressive by any standards.

“Inform Master Ez that that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had and I look forward to next time. Ezra,” I turn and look at him. He’s a broken man. He looks like a
little boy who’s lost his way. “Ezra, if you manage to get help send them my way, because I shouldn’t have enjoyed that and I did. I’m just as fucked up as you are. I can admit it.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers through his sobbing.

“It’s not your fault.” I say with conviction. Hell, it wasn’t Master Ez’s fault either. It was his cunt of a Mother’s fault. I hate her so much that I can rationalize Marcus raping her for punishment. I can even manage to blame her for Ezra’s conception. I’m so pissed that I want to say she had a hand in those boys’ abduction and torture. Yeah, if I wasn’t already on Marc’s team, I would be now. Fuck that cunt!

“It is,” he murmurs.

“No, it’s your cunt of a Mother’s fault. If I ever see her face-to-face, you don’t have to worry about Master Ez telling her our secret. I’ll fucking kill her. Ezra, I’ll protect you as much as that sociopath that lives inside of you.” I hiss out using the last reserves of my energy. 

“I couldn’t handle knowing that,” he sniffles and clears his throat, “That Cort was with Marcus. It angered Master Ez. We agreed you would be best:  he said because it would be the same as
what they were doing to us and he wanted you. I just knew you could live through it and stay sane.”

“Fair enough,” I mumble.

My legs still won’t support me, but I can’t have his hands on me for another moment. I use the wall to stumble to the bathroom. My vision clears and l gaze appalled at the wall. My fingers are pressed against a wall of torture. Restraints hang from the ceiling and devices sit on the floor. I’m touching some kind of object that I don’t want to examine too closely. I try not to wipe my hand on my dress.

“You’re perfect for him. That part that you think is fucked is the part that will satisfy his needs. I made him the way he is. You know what I’ve done, don’t you?” Ezra’s voice cracks in shame.
“I could guess, but I don’t want to. It was your mother who fucked him up. It was your mother who fucked you up. And it was all because she couldn’t handle what happened to her. I don’t think I’d trust her account of that story either. She probably drove him to it. Lord knows what that psycho-bitch is capable of. You know she’s fucking your fiancée, right?”

“No,
I did not,” he says in defeat.

“Now you do. Consider it payback for the rape. Don’t be in here when I come back out. I’ll need a moment to compose myself.” I shut the bathroom door on his response.
 

Chapter Six

“Regina,” I try to pretend I don’t hear his voice or see his silhouette or smell his scent. I
keep walking as if I’m alone.

“Regina, what happened?” His concern stops my feet. My mind screams for them to move, but my Maste
r is speaking- my real Master.

“You know what happened,” I
say hollowly.

“Tell me,” he tries to persuade me.

He’s begging me to look at him. I can’t. My eyes look dead. I don’t want him to see the mirrors of my eyes reflecting the torture in my soul. Upon meeting me he had said that for someone so young, I had a tortured soul. That was two years ago. I just aged a decade in the last twenty-four hours. I can only guess what his eyes would see if he gazed into my soul. He had also said he’d have fun breaking me. His son just beat him to it.

“I can’t,” I say weakly.

I want to unburden myself. I want to fall apart. I want to crawl into his lap and sink into his warmth. I want him to hold me.

“Yes, you can. Come sit with me.” The tight control is evident in his voice. He’s trying to sound calm and assuring. I have no doubt that he was outside of that door the entire time envisioning what was happening inside this room. I almost feel bad for him. He’s another victim, along with Ezra, Master Ez, and me.

I wonder where that twisted fucker ran off to. He probably put that ridiculous hood on and he’s playing hide-and-go-seek with the customers. I wonder if it’s Master Ez that chokes Cort. I bet Ezra cheers from the sidelines.

“I have something I need to do in the dungeon. It’s past due.” I push two more steps out before
he speaks.

“Explain,” he commands in his Master
voice. I struggle to disobey.

“What were the things you said you needed from me when we got together, do you remember?” I faintly ask. His sonic
hearing picks it up as usual.

“Of course I do. I will never forget. I needed an ally, friend, partner, lover, and an eq
ual.” He recites it perfectly.

“Do you trust me?” I already know his answer. I trust Master Ez not to lie. I’
m not sure he has the ability.

“Unequivocally,” hi
s voice is heavy with emotion.

“You hold secrets that you know I should know. You keep them because you must. You hate them and it kills you inside, but it’s for the greater good. If you believe me to be your equal, you will allow me to shoulder this weight. It’s heavy, but I’m strong enough. I want to be your equal and
I will prove it,” I promise. 

“You don’t have to keep secrets from me, Regina.” He says pleadingly. “You have nothing you need to prove to me. Remember actions speak louder than words
and yours have been screaming.”

“Nor do you have to from me, yet you do. It’s for your own good. Trust me, Marcus. Just fucking
trust me, just this once.” I beg him.

“Did he do what I think he did?” He sounds hopeless.

I don’t need to wonder what it was like for him to wake up with Ezra’s, or rather, Master Ez’s face on him. He knows better than anyone what he’s capable of.

“What do y
ou think he did?” I say coyly.

“I’d rather not say in case I’m wrong.” He knows he’s right. I can hear it in the hopeless quality of his voice.

“And I’d rather not say in case you are right. I’m not confirming nor am I denying your suspicions.”

I scrub a hand over my face. I haven’t cried since I went into the bathroom. I feel enlightened and sickened about myself.

“Well, I found the tip of the iceberg tonight and I don’t like what I found. I’m never going to be able to turn it off again. Even now, just a few minutes after the need was fed, it’s creeping on me,” I hollowly admit. 

I finally look at him.

His eyes are soft and sad, a beautiful amber color. He’s relaxed because he’s exhausted. Fine lines bracket his eyes. His mouth is lax and I know how it would feel kissing my temple. I crave that kiss. His hair is wild, the curls that always threaten to spiral finally do since he’s a few weeks overdo on a haircut. I like him wild and untamed- unkempt. It suits him better than the businessman/lawyer he pretends to be.

I love the man he is- the man he hides. I want to see him more often than the one he hides behind. I want reckless driving at three a.m. and freezing cold swims at the
lake. I want his instruction.

I want to go to the movies and our zany walks with Jamie following behind. Now that I know who Jamie is I want him to walk next to us. I want dinners with all of us together as we chat and Jamie listens. I miss it so much it’s killing me.

Hell, I miss Cortez, too. I miss his companionship. He really was my best friend. I ache because of what I just learned about the love of his life. I just fucking ache!

I just want Marcus so bad. I want him for me- Regina! I start to cry. Not bawling, snot blowing sobs- just a gentle fall of tears. I want him as my husband and it hurts me to think. Whitt is an incredible man. I said I’d never regret my decision. Deep inside my soul, I do. I’d marry Whitt a thousand times over to be with my children, but on the thousandth-and-first time, I’d beg Marcus to be mine.

Our children grow and move on. What will I have when they’re off to create a life of their own making? I want to throw up and I want to kill something. But what I really want is him!
“Would you like to play pretend? In the land of make believe where if we don’t say it, it isn’t true- it didn’t really happen. It didn’t irrevocably change us. Shall we play that game?”
I look him in the eyes as an equal for the first time and he allows it.

“We can pretend that I’m not in love with you, that I don’t want you as my husband. We can pretend that you’re not in love me, too. We can pretend that life hasn’t fucked us every day since we were kids. We can pretend that your son and his sociopathic alter ego didn’t just rape me. Hell, I could p
retend that I didn’t love it.”

“That huge puddle on the floor over there doesn’t exist. It wasn’t created by the strongest orgasm of my life and
pretend that there isn’t more of it drenching my thighs just from the thought of it.” I lift a few layers of fabric to reveal the rivulets flowing down my thighs to pool at my feet.

“We can pretend that Master Ez didn’t tell me some scary-assed shit. Things I wish I could scrub from my brain permanently- things that would make me smuggle an innocent woman to safety. Things that don’t make me want to drive to ShadowHaven with a shotgun and shoot your wife in the face. Hell, I’d like to kill her just because she has the honor of being your wife, the rest is just icing on the insanity-cake.”

“What I just said is just make believe since I added pretend in front of it, it doesn’t count. The earth doesn’t stop spinning on its axis when I cry. The sun will still rise in the east come morning even if my needs run rampant. The moon will still control the tides if I whisper I love you in your ear. Our actions do not affect everything, Marcus. But our responsibilities will not wait for you to get your head out of your ass,” I whisper in Queen’s deep, throaty voice.  

“I have a submissive that needs taken in hand. She’ll provide a good example to others. She’ll make everyone believe my lesbian substantiation. I understand why you all insisted on that since my favorite activities include cock. You know my son will be here eventually. You know that I could end up crazed like Kris. You assumed that a lesbian wouldn’t be on your wife’s radar as your lover. No worries, Marcus. Someone has to keep an eye on the members. Your son can’t, that’s for fucking sure. So you play your game with you wife and the mother of your child, and I
will make sure everyone behaves here. You needed a partner and now you have one whether you like it or not.”

I stride over to him. He sits on the sofa in stunned silence. His lips are parted and his brown eyes blaze with amber fire. I kiss him aggressively. I don’t allow him to return the kiss. I’m in control, even if it’s just for these few minutes as the adrenaline of the past twenty-four hours turns me into superhero.

“I love you, Marcus,” I whisper in his ear and the moon didn’t disintegrate. “I love you so much that every cell in my body aches for you. I will forever be yours no matter who I have sex with, because you will be the only man I will truly take into my soul. I’ve loved with all of my heart, but never like this.”

I pull away from him. I hold his gaze while his chest rises and falls in rapid succession. He tries to formulate words
, but I’ve scrambled his mind.

“I need you tonight. Not for sex. I need you to hold me while I cry. I need you to hold me while I come to terms with the fact that your son forced me to learn my needs and to hear his confessions. I need you to whisper pretty lies into my ear that I’m not a fucking freak. If you aren’t in my bed when I get home after I’ve spent the night taking care of your Masters, don’t ever try to get into my bed again,” I threaten and I mean it. My voice- Queen’s voice is low and scary. Marcus knows I don’t mean my literal bed. If he isn’t waiting for me- I will rip him out of my heart. He will lose my trust and respect. This isn’t about an affair, it’s about mutual responsibilities. He needs to take care of the fallout his son created. He’s the only one who can heal me.