Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (101 page)

“I…” Jamie reaches over and stuffs a hanky in my mouth. I sputter and try to push it out.

You’re at my mercy now. You can’t stop me from touching you this time.
Jamie evilly grins down at me and kisses my cheeks.

A pair of shears appears and I freak the hell out. I try to fight the ropes until my muscles burn. I try to push out my gag, straining my tongue painfully. I need to be able to speak so I can inform them that I’ll behave. My favorite jeans are hacked away with stainless steel scissors. A rumble rasps in Jamie’s chest- his version of a hum- as he divests me of my clothing.

Marcus and Jamie stand at the end of the bed and watch me with lust-filled gazes. “Reacquaint yourselves,” Marc snickers and walks to the head of the bed.

I close my eyes because it hurts too much to see that lusty look that’s filled with longing hunger in Jamie’s eyes as he touches me. It’s Grant’s look. I feel like I’m cheating on Grant by allowing Jamie to touch me this way. I turn my face to the side and silently weep. A feather-light touch to my eyelashes and they open and connect with Marc’s amber fire. He turns my face and holds me stationary so that I have no choice but to look at Jamie.

I am Grant!
He thumps his chest.
I’m still me! I love you! Look at me!
Thump… thump… thump…

I connect with light blue sea and he finally comes into focus- Grant. I’d separated Grant and Jamie- categorized them as past and present. I couldn’t believe that my gentle, loving, playful Grant would abandon me and our children. I couldn’t face the Grant I knew and loved going through the pain that rendered him mute and deformed. I couldn’t reason that he could have done it to himself.

Body-wracking sobs overtake me. Jamie pulls the hanky from my mouth as I continue to bawl. He dabs my face dry with the hanky and holds me. I blink to clear my eyes because Jamie wants to speak to me.

I’m sorry. I understand why you hate and resent me. I didn’t do it because you weren’t enough or the kids weren’t perfect. I’d told you so many times that I wasn’t enough for you!
He palms the center of my chest and his warmth infuses my heart.

You have to get the anger out. I need you to lash out at me. Hit me. Scream at me. Do something other than indifference. My kids won’t talk to me and I deserve it. But I need you!

Jamie kisses me. The kiss is Grant’s kiss. It’s not how he caressed me the only time we’ve touched since he became Jamie. He lays his body along mine and makes love to my mouth. I cry because I can finally taste him as Grant. His intoxicating scent and taste are better than in my memory. My mind was protecting me from the agony of the truth.

I kiss him back and beg to be released. I need t
o touch his skin and hold him.

“You’re not ready yet, Regina,” Marc whimpers and strokes my hair.

Sensations overwhelm me, ruin me. Marc caresses my face tenderly and kisses my neck as Jamie kisses every inch of my flesh. I writhe in my binds, beg and plead, and whimper in need. Grant… Jamie… whoever the hell he wants to be… doesn’t change his personality. He was always giving. He could go for hours and make me beg to touch him in return. I beg now as he worships my body with his teeth, lips, and tongue.

“Ahhh,” I groan when he kisses between my thighs. He ravishes me as my flesh beads with sweat and I quiver in delight. My toes curl and my muscles tighten as a full-bodied orgasm slams into my core.

I gaze to the ceiling in shock. I can’t feel anything except for my nerves firing pleasure as my mind releases serotonin in huge amounts.

“Now that you’re relaxed,” Marc purrs and switches places with Jamie. He sits on
my hips and smiles down at me.

“Huh?” I slur numbly.

“A relaxed Regina is a receptive Regina. I need you to listen to me.” He leans down to eye-level and captures my gaze.

“I am your partner. I don’t give a flying fuck what else goes on in our lives. Who loves who and why. This fact will never change. I am your partner and I always will be,” he ferally growls into my face. I’m too relaxed to get riled up and lash out. I stare at him out of wide eyes and pant breathlessly.

“Now that I have your undivided attention I get to finally speak my mind,” he says in obvious relief.

Marc leans back but cups my face so I can’t look away. Not that I would want to anyway. Nothing could force my eyes from his. I’m captured.

“You have been the best partner I could have ever hoped for. I, however, need flayed for being a dumbass. I tried to give you space because it was so hard to be around you and not scream it to the world. I’m not denying it any longer. I will tell anyone I come into contact with if that is what it takes to get you to love me. You stood by my side even when I was nowhere to be found. You’ve helped my family more than I have. You’ve suffered because of me and I can’t apologize enough. Ignore me, run from me, teach me a lesson, and punish me, but I will chase you to the ends of the earth and throughout all time,” he vows.

“Why,” I whimper.

“Because of these,” he whispers and kisses my eyes- one at a time- a flutter of soft lips to my lids. “No matter how angry you are with me your eyes betray you. I see love and hunger gaze at me from their depths.”

“And these,” he kisses my ears and nibbles on the lobes. “It doesn’t matter if I say your name in frustration or tell you I love you, you hear me and your eyes close from just the sound of my voice.”

He kisses me- the gentlest kiss he’s ever given me. “These lips spew love even when your tongue wants to say I hate you. The corners lift up when you look at my boys no matter how bad they behave. These lips kiss the pain away when your children get hurt.”

Marcus kisses me with fierce passion. He’s the only one that kisses me this way. Whitt’s kiss is pure innocence and love. Grant’s kiss is agony and despair. Marc’s kiss is the fire of life.

“These lips ignite me in ways I didn’t think possible, and when they whisper I love you my knees go weak.”

He loosens my left hand and brings it to his lips. “Whether these hands make fists of fury or deliver a gentle caress, it’s always out of love. Hate begins with love. You can dislike someone or fear them, but true hate is born from love. You can’t feel such immense passion and emotion without completely connecting with someone. This is why I wouldn’t let your hands free with Jamie. You haven’t released the anger yet.”

He kisses each finger and slyly smiles. “I particularly love it when they fist my curls or my ass,” he growls.

“You intrigue me,” he whispers against my temple. “Your mind is the most complex puzzle I’ve ever encountered. If you allow me the next sixty years at your side, I doubt I’ll uncover a fraction of its secrets.”

I gasp when his lips nestle between my breasts and he deeply breathes in my scent. His breath flutters back at me, and warms and then cools my skin. My eyes slip shut as we suspend in time.
“You can love many people- you can love every person you meet- and I will never be jealous. I don’t want you to admit it, but I know this heart loves me best,” he chuckles against my breast.

“Not at all arrogant,” I say affectionately.

“Regina, your compassion and your ability to love and care for everyone is what make me love you the most. I will never fight you over Whitt or Jamie or the kids. I’ll take as little or as much as you’re willing to give.”

Hope flutters in my soul when he kisses a path down my breasts and belly. He’s never touched me this way. Even when he makes love it was rough, and we’ve never had a second of foreplay. This isn’t foreplay; this is an a
pology and declaration in one.

He kisses my tummy from hip-to-hip and sucks the center of my belly. “One day my seed will germinate in here. We’ll watch your belly swell as our child grows and flourishes. Nothing would make me prouder. This is where I get jealous. I look at your children and I love them as if they were my own, but then I look at Jamie and I experience a feeling I’ve never associated with my best friend- murderous rage. This womb is mine,” he possessively seethes.

“Marcus…” I’m speechless. I rest my loose hand on his hair and clench my fingers. I tangle his curls and prepare to yank him up so I can look at him.

“I have a child, Regina. I want her and I love her, and I don’t know her. I didn’t get to watch Spyder grow. I didn’t get to touch Olivia’s belly in pride. I didn’t get to choose who I created my child with, and neither did you. You can say no, and I’m not asking for right now. In the future I want you to consider it. Image how it could be to make a child with someone you love more than life itself…”

“The twins have melted your mind,” I joke because he’s… words can’t express what he’s doing to me.

“I thought it when I met you, Regina, and I don’t mean at the Brownstone. When I saw you in the servant passageways at Whittenhower Estates your belly was swollen with Grant’s child. I loved Niel instantly, and it was the first time I wanted to kill my best friend. I didn’t talk to him for a month because I couldn’t handle it. His child was in my womb,” he growls and stares at Jamie.

I turn my head because the intense emotions both men are emitting are suffocating me. I feel torn and it scares me.

“What?” I yelp when he kisses my private flesh. I arch my back as Marc’s tongue lathes my slit.

“I think it’s time I did this. I’ve wanted to but I was frightened. I’ve never done this of my free will,” he says shyly and I gasp.
“You don’t have to,” I mumble and try to pull his head up by his curls. He never does foreplay because his first experiences were through force. He touches Cort like this, but it’s still tainted with the past.

My hand is pulled by the silk rope until I have to release Marc’s hair or pull it out at the roots. Jamie ties me to the wall and smiles at me. Jamie holds my gaze as Marc touches me in the most intimate way possible. I’ve always felt oral sex was more intimate than the act of intercourse. Marc proves this as truth.

“Make love to me,” I whimper.

“No,” he chuckles and his breath warms me. “Jamie’s going to. You need to heal. I don’t want to make love to you until you ask. You’re high on lust and emotions right now and not thinking clearly. I don’t want you to regret it. I know you’ll be pissed at me tomorrow and a long time after.”

Marc kisses me with my taste on his lips.

“This is going to be difficult. I’m sorry,” he whispers against my lips and rises. “I’ll unleash you after you’ve joined as one.”

Jamie’s nude body covers mine. He looks into my eyes and I see apprehension and fear gaze out.

“Are y
ou making him do this,” I cry.

“
No, I’m not a psychiatrist, but I know one,” he tries to joke, but gets choked up. “I told you we’d planned this for weeks. Ezra helped. I’m not sure how you’ll react, but he was very clear about it.” 

I want you. I’m just scared about what’s going to happen.

“Ah,” I grunt when he abruptly enters me.

I try to relax and breathe through the discomfort. It’s been almost two years since I’ve had sex and over sixteen years since Grant was inside me. We’d made love with Marcus last time. Jamie took me from behind. I still think of them as separate entities. The last time I made love to Grant was the night he died, minutes after he asked me to be his wife.

I sob and fight against my restraints as the emotions roll over me: The joy I felt when he asked me to marry him and the fear that I wasn’t good enough. The agony of waking up to find Ade standing over me and knowing that Grant was gone. The choking grief I felt as I carried Ella, and I knew she’d never meet her father. Desolation- desolation as far as the eye could see. Years of blind terror that roared through my veins and stole my life as I waited for Daniel to take my daughter from me, just as he took my son. Abandonment… 

Snap…
something vital snaps inside my psyche.

“You left me,” I scream and try to hit him. “You abandoned your children. You asked me to be your wife. You put a ring on my finger and said I was good enough, that I was your Mrs. Whittenhower. You promised me a life that you had no intentions of giving to me. You promised you loved me,” I sob.

I fight my binds. The silk rope holding my foot snaps from the force of my rage. Jamie embraces me, never pulling from my body.

“I needed you to protect our children from your father. You made me a whore!” A primal scream erupts from my throat. I hurt so bad- the agony- I burn from the inside out. I smolder leaving behind a cinder of an empty husk of who I used to be.

“You killed yourself,” I whimper the truth that I’ve always known. I didn’t know that he was alive as James Atwater, but I’ve always known that he took Grant’s life. Daniel probably killed Cora, but Jamie killed Grant.

I meet his gaze. His blue eyes are clouded with tears of shame. He doesn’t need a voice to speak the truth. His silence is deafening. We reach a pinnacle and we’re finally able to communicate without words.

“I don’t think I can ever forgive you for murdering the man I saw my future with, the father of my children. I can’t forgive Grant’s murderer,” I whimper. “I don’t see how Marcus could. He was almost too late. He was too late. You died in his arms.”

“I’ve never forgiven him, and I don’t think I ever can either,” Marc sobs. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know…”