"S" is for Silence (13 page)

“I'm a pain.”

“How's that?”

“I got a reputation as a party girl for one thing. According to him, I don't do anything right and that sets him off. No matter what I do, he's never satisfied. After work, he walks in the door and starts in on me. Either the house is a mess or his dinner's not hot enough or I forgot to take the dirty clothes to the Laundromat again. He wants to know where I've been, wants to know who I talked to, and where I was every time he tried to call me during the day. I'm thinking, what am I, his slave? I'm entitled to a life. I try to keep my mouth shut, but he lays into me and I have to fight back. How else can I hang on to my self-respect?”

“There's bound to be a way out.”

“Well, if there is I'd sure like to hear it.” She put out her cigarette. “You have any change?”

“What for?” he asked, but he was already digging in his pants pocket, coming up with a handful of coins.

She took a nickel and slid off the stool. He watched her cross to the jukebox, where she inserted the coin and punched in a number. After a moment, he heard the opening strains of Nat King Cole singing “Pretend.”

She came back to him, holding out a hand. “Come on. Let's dance. I love this song.”

“I don't dance.”

“Yes, you do.” She looked over at the bartender. “BW, tell the man he has to dance with me. It's time to lighten up the mood.”

Jake felt himself smiling as she tugged on his hand, pulling him toward the tiny bare spot between tables that served as a dance floor. She slid into his arms, ignoring the awkward back-and-forth rocking motion that was the only kind of dancing he knew. She sang against his neck, her smoky wine breath tickling his ear. He could smell violets and soap and the same kind of shampoo Mary Hairl had used before she got so sick. Over Violet's shoulder, he could see BW busy himself behind the bar, studiously ignoring what was going on. Jake had never much cared for music, but he could see now how it might have the power to make you forget. If there was one thing Jake needed, it was the blessedness of forgetting, even for a little while.

At midnight, BW started turning off lights. “Sorry about that, folks,” he said, as though the bar were filled with people. His tone was bored, but Jake could hear the underlying irritation. BW didn't want to be a party to what was going on. Jake went up to the bar and paid the tab, peeling off bills and adding a generous tip, in part to remind the man of his place.

BW said, “You driving her home?”

“I might, if it's any of your business.”

“I know you mean well, but you don't know what you're getting into when it comes to her. Ask Padgett. He'll tell you the same thing.”

“Thanks, BW, but I don't believe I asked for your advice.”

“I'm saying this as a friend.”

“I don't need that kind of friend. Your job is to tend bar. I can look after myself, but thanks all the same.”

“Don't ever say I didn't warn you.”

Jake helped Violet into her raincoat and held the door for her. As they emerged from the bar, the air seemed as fresh as a florist's shop. The May rain had passed, leaving a mist in the air. The blacktop was damp, looking shiny in places where shallow puddles had formed. He opened the truck door on the passenger side and handed her in. There were no lights in the parking lot, except for the reflected blue from the sign for the Blue Moon, the neon pulsing and blinking. Jake got in on his side and sat, watching the light, fascinated, not really sure what came next. It wasn't as though he hadn't strayed occasionally in the course of his marriage, but he was never sure what he was getting into and that lent a sick thrill to the proceedings.

Violet said, “This is like a time-out. It doesn't count for anything. I like Mary Hairl.”

“Me, too,” he said. He kept his hands on the steering wheel as though he might actually start the car and drive away.

BW turned the neon sign off and moments later, he came out of the rear door, locked it, and walked to his car.

Jake knew both their faces must have flashed with white as BW passed, his headlights raking across the front of Jake's truck.

And then he was gone.

Violet was drunk and Jake'd had too much to drink himself, but he needed a friend, someone to feel close to for just this one night. Blindly he held a hand out and she took it. They made love. The leather seat was surprisingly commodious. The night was growing cold, and through the open window he could smell the orange blossoms from the orchard nearby. The scent was so dense he could scarcely breathe. He could hear crickets and frogs, and then the night became dead quiet except for the rustling of clothes and his harsh, rasping breath. He felt as though he'd had to run for miles just to get to her.

Downstairs, Chet Cramer introduced me to his son-in-law and then excused himself. Winston Smith was the same heavyset salesman I'd seen earlier, and I wondered if his sales pitch had been successful. Probably not, given his energy level, which seemed low if not depressed. We sat in his cubicle, my back to the glass partition that looked out onto the floor. Winston's desk was arranged so he could keep an eye out for customers without appearing inattentive.

At close range, the word “corpulent” was more appropriate than “heavyset” in capturing his girth. He looked as though a simple walk to his car would leave him wheezing and short of breath. There was no ashtray in sight, but I smelled the cigarette smoke that clung to his clothes and breath. Under his chin, a second chin bulged, leaving his shirt collar so taut it might choke him to death if he bent to tie his shoes. He still had most of his hair, which he wore long and curly on top, brushed back in a style I hadn't seen since the days when Elvis Presley got his start.

I'd scarcely sat down when his telephone rang. “Excuse me,” he said, and picked up. “This is Winston Smith.” And then, with caution, “What's up?”

I had no way of knowing who was on the other end of the line, but he flicked a quick look in my direction and angled his body for privacy. “Hang on a sec.” He put the caller on hold. “Let me take care of this and I'll be right back.”

“Sure thing.”

He left the cubicle. I watched line one blink red until he picked up the call from a nearby phone. On the wall across from me, his sales manuals were lined up on a built-in credenza. In a prominent position, there was a color photograph of a bride and groom on what I assumed was their wedding day. I crossed and picked up the framed photo for closer scrutiny. Winston must have been in his midtwenties, slim, handsome, curly-haired, and boyish, his tuxedo contributing an air of casual elegance. At his side, a hefty Kathy Cramer was squeezed into a wedding dress so tight it must have hurt to breathe. Above the sweetheart neckline, her breasts were plumped like two homemade yeast rolls that had risen and were ready to pop in the oven. In the years since that day, the two had reversed roles. Now she was trim, an exercise addict, while he'd apparently surrendered all hope of getting into shape. What was up with that? I kept thinking about Tannie's offhand remark, that Winston knew more about Violet than he'd admitted.

I replaced the photo and took my seat again mere moments before he returned, murmuring, “Sorry about that.” He sat down again, but something in his manner had shifted. “My wife,” he said, by way of explanation. “She called while I was with a customer and I had to put her off. Don't want to do that twice.”

“No problem. I had a chat with her earlier and she showed me the house. Nice place.”

“Should be for the price we paid,” he said with a quick forced smile.

“You play golf?”

He shook his head. “She's the golfer. I keep my nose to the grindstone. If you notice me limp, it's from dragging my ball and chain.” He laughed when he said it and I smiled in response, thinking,
Ding, ding, ding, ding.

I said, “I could never see the point of golf myself. Chasing a ball and then hitting it with a stick? Though now that I think about it, that describes a lot of sports. What about your daughters? Are they golfers?”

“Amber was taking lessons before she left for Spain, but we'll see where that goes. She's easily bored so she'll doubtless move on to something else. Brittany's not athletic by any stretch. I'm sure Kathy'd tell you that she takes after me.”

“I understand Tiffany's getting married in June.”

“Ka-ching, ka-ching,”
he said, pretending to punch up sales on a cash register. “You know how much weddings cost these days?”

“Not a clue.”

“Me, neither. Kathy keeps me in the dark so I can't object. I'm sure it's something close to the national debt.”

We both laughed at that, though the observation didn't seem at all funny to me. Clearly Winston and his wife weren't operating off the same page.

He pulled out a handkerchief and blotted his upper lip where a subtle sheen of moisture had appeared. He returned the handkerchief to his back pocket. “Anyway, she tells me you have questions about Violet Sullivan.”

“If you don't mind,” I said, expecting the standard assurance that the subject was really no big deal.

“Doesn't matter if I do or not, I'm under orders,” he said, again with that quick, easy laugh to show what a wag he was.

Mentally I squinted, listening to the second set of comments embedded in the first. I'm not a fan of doublespeak. His asides were the sort offered by married couples who banter in public, airing their grievances with an eye to soliciting outside support. If Kathy had been with us, she'd have countered with a few ha-has of her own, thus guaranteeing a laugh at his expense. He would have joined in the merriment, which is what seemed pitiful to me. The man was in pain.

“What orders?”

“What?”

“What orders did she give?”

“Skip it. Long story.”

“I love long stories.”

“You don't have other people you have to talk to?”

“I'm supposed to meet Daisy, but if you let me borrow your phone, I can change that. You want to go somewhere and grab a cigarette?”

 

I called Daisy at work and had a quick conversation with her, telling her something had come up and I wasn't going to make it for lunch. I suggested that if Tannie was driving up I could hang out in Santa Maria and the three of us could have dinner at the Blue Moon instead. She seemed to like that idea, so I said I'd call her again later in the afternoon and we could finalize our plans.

I'd expected Winston to step out into the vestibule to grab a smoke, but he took out his car keys and walked me to the side lot where he'd parked his car. He handed me into the passenger side of a metallic blue 1987 Chevrolet Caravan station wagon. When he got in on his side, he said, “This is only mine until the '88s come in. Then they swap it out.”

“Slick.”

“You think so until you look at the underlying attitude. No matter how fond you are of what you have, there's always something hotter coming down the pike. It's a recipe for discontent.”

“If you buy into it,” I said.

“That's my job—promoting the concept. Coaxing the gullible into taking the bait.”

“So why don't you quit and do something else? No one has a gun to your head.”

“I'm fifty-four years old, a little long in the tooth for any big career change. Can I buy you lunch?”

“In matters of food, you can always count me in.”

I pictured McDonald's, but then I was always picturing McDonald's. I'd take a Quarter Pounder with Cheese over just about any other foodstuff on earth.

He drove us across town and pulled into a supermarket parking lot where a fellow and his wife had set up a portable barbeque that was attached to a camper shell. The rolling metal rig was black, about the size of a double-wide utility sink, with a pulley and chain that allowed for the raising and lowering of a rack. Chunks of meat had been laid on the grill over hot coals, and the smoky smell of charred beef filled the air. To one side, buttered rolls had been cut in half and placed on the grill.

A steady stream of cars was turning into the lot, taking advantage of the numerous empty parking spaces. On a card table, I could see piles of paper napkins, paper plates, plastic cutlery, and numerous plastic tubs of salsa and beans. Nearby three portable picnic tables were set up with aluminum lawn chairs. An ice chest contained cold cans of soda for a quarter apiece.

We parked as close as we could and eased into a line that was easily twenty-five people long. The wait was worth it, and I made no attempt to tidy up my manners as we ate.

“Geez, how do they do this? It's great!” I said with my mouth half-full.

“Santa Maria barbecue. That's tri-tip,” he said. “You rub it with salt, pepper, and garlic salt, and cook it over red oak.”

“Fabulous.”

Both of us licked our fingers before opening the moist towelette packets provided with the meal. When my hands were clean, I said, “Thanks. What a treat.”

“You're welcome.”

We walked back to his car, freeing up our lawn chairs for the people waiting to sit down. We lingered outside his car while he lit his aftermeal cigarette. His thin candy-coating of mirth had dropped away and something darker had emerged. This was not a happy man. There was a heaviness about him that seemed to taint the very air. Apropos of nothing, he held up his cigarette. “Know why I'm doing this?”

“She won't let you smoke inside.”

He flicked a look at me. “How'd you know?”

“I was in the house. No ashtrays.”

“She runs a tight ship.”

“A lot of people feel that way about smoking,” I said mildly, not mentioning that I was one.

“Hey, don't I know it. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that.”

I didn't ask what “that” he was referring to. Instead I said, “Fine. We can talk about Violet, then.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “She was a tramp.”

Kathy had used the same term. I said, “Come on. Everybody says she was a tramp. Tell me something I haven't heard.”

I watched his face, wondering what was going on behind his eyes.

He studied the bright ember of his cigarette. “Kathy's jealous of her.”

“Is or was?”

“Is.”

“That takes some doing. Violet's been gone for thirty-four years.”

“Try telling her that.”

“I thought they barely knew each other.”

“Not quite true. Liza Mellincamp was Kathy's best friend. Then Violet came along and Liza got caught up in the Sullivan family drama. Liza's parents were divorced, which in those days was a much bigger deal than it is today. Now it's the norm. Back then it wasn't scandalous, but it was looked on as low-class. And there was Violet, already outside the pale. She took Liza under her wing. Kathy couldn't stand it.”

“Is that why she hated Daisy?”

“Sure, she hated her. Daisy was another link to Violet. Liza spent a lot of time at the Sullivans'. She also had a boyfriend that summer, though he broke off the relationship the same weekend Violet disappeared.”

“I don't get it. So many events seem connected to Violet. Maybe not directly, but peripherally. You got fired. Tannie's mother died.”

“Sometimes I think there are people who generate that stuff. They don't mean to do it, but whatever happens to them ends up affecting everyone else. Day I got fired was the worst day of my life. Twenty years old and there went any hope of a college education.”

“What were you planning to do?”

“I don't even remember. Something better than what I got. I'm not a salesman. I don't like manipulating people. Cramer sees it as a game and it's one that he wins. The whole deal makes me sick.”

“But it looks like you're doing okay.”

“You ought to see my credit card bills. We can barely make ends meet. Kathy's out there spending money faster than I can earn it. Country club membership. The new house. The clothes. Vacations. She doesn't like to cook, so most nights we eat out…” He stopped and shook his head. “You know the irony?”

“Oh, do tell. I love irony,” I said.

“Now she tells me she needs her ‘space.' She broke the news to me last night. She says with the girls as good as gone, she thinks it time for her to reevaluate her goals.”

“Divorce?”

“She's not using the word, but that's what it amounts to. Tiffany's wedding will keep her entertained, but after that, it's every man for himself. Meanwhile, she thinks I should find a place of my own. When she called earlier today? I was hoping she'd changed her mind, but all she wanted was to make sure I didn't mention it to you.”

“Oops.”

“Yeah, oops. I've spent years doing what I'm told, giving her everything she wants, for all the good it did. Now it's freedom she wants and I'm supposed to foot the bill for that, too. She probably has a stud in the wings. Not that I've asked. She'd lie to me anyway so what's the point? The only good part is I don't have to take any more crap off of her.”

“Counseling's not an option?”

“Counseling for what? She won't admit we've got a problem, just that she needs ‘distance' so she can get ‘clarity.' I should get a little clarity myself—hire some hotshot attorney and file before she does. That would shake her to her shoes.”

“I'm sorry. I wish I had advice for you.”

“Who needs advice? I could use some comic relief.”

“Maybe she means what she says; she needs breathing room.”

“Not a chance. She must have been planning this for months, waiting until we moved before she lowered the boom.” He smoked in silence, leaning against the door on the driver's side while I leaned against the fender near him, both of us watching the crowd thin around the barbecue. Like a trained therapist, I let the silence extend, wondering what he'd offer by way of filling it in. I was just about to get antsy and jump into the breech myself, when he spoke up. “Here's something I never told anyone about Violet. This is minor, but it's weighed on my mind. The night she disappeared? I saw the car.”

I didn't look at him for fear of breaking the spell. “Where?”

“Off New Cut Road. This was long after dark. There was road construction going on so everything was torn up. I'd been driving around for hours, more depressed than I've ever been in my life. Except maybe now,” he added, drily.

I could feel the hairs go up along the back of my neck, but I didn't want to push. “What was she doing?”

“I didn't see her. Just the Bel Air. I figured she was having car trouble…like maybe she'd run out of gas…but I didn't give a shit. I thought, she's so smart, let her figure it out herself. Later, when I heard she was gone, I should have mentioned it to the cops. At first, I didn't think it was relevant, and later, I worried it would look like I'd had something to do with it.”