Raber Wolf Pack Book One (4 page)

“Get your ass up,” he yells into the cage. I try to obey, but my body is so weak, so tired. It takes a bit, but I push myself up on my hands and knees, panting with each move. Not having regular food and water, especially when you’re a high metabolism wolf burning food faster than one can consume it, is disastrous. I rise to my feet, ever so slowly, legs trembling from holding my weight as I grasp onto the metal bars.

“Why are you doing this to yourself, Zara? Why put yourself through this? Just say yes and all of this will be over.” My father’s voice echoes throughout the room.

I can’t give up. There is still hope, hope that my father will see that he is wrong. He wants me to be his puppet. I can’t be part of that. I don’t want anyone killed.

“So, what is it today? Yes, you’ll do what I say, or no and you’re still trapped?” Being trapped is horrendous. Being trapped in this confined space is inhumane. And the male standing before me that was supposed to love me unconditionally, did this to me. He left me to rot in my own feces and piss. I will not let him win.

“No.” My words come out croaky from lack of water and little to no saliva coating the inside of my mouth. My body is changing. What once was curves and luminous skin is now dull and bony. My hair. My beautiful hair. Chunks of it have fallen out, fluttered to the filthy ground.

“Fine, suit yourself.” My father picks up a metal rod. I’ve never seen it before and have no idea what it is. Panic and fear paralyze me. He picks up the end of it and electric currents wiggle back and forth from two spikes coming out of the sides. Holy shit. “You did this to yourself, and you have no one to blame
but
yourself.”

The rod inches closer and closer. I try to move to the corner of my small box to escape, but there is no use. The rod pierces me…

Ahh...holy shit. I wake with a start, sitting up on the bed and looking around to make sure I’m not
there
.

Bed. Curtains. Vanity. Bathroom. Check.

My heart is racing and I will it to slow down by breathing deeply. I’m fine. I’m not there any more. I’m not in physical pain any more.

I wipe my hands over my face and thread them through my hair. Nightmares. I have them every time I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. They come at me like a raging bull over and over again, knocking me on my ass each time, and leaving me back in that place. I wish I could wipe it from my head, make it go away just for one night of peaceful sleep.

It doesn’t surprise me that I zonked out. I hardly sleep at all now. Usually, only when I’m so exhausted that it pulls me under. I hate sleeping because it leads to dreams and each time I wake up from one, I hate my father more. I hate him with every cell in my body. I hate what he has become. What he has made me.

My hands start to throb and I realize I’ve balled up the blankets on my bed and am squeezing them hard enough for my knuckles to turn white. I quickly release them, not wanting to rip the fabric, and thanking the Heavens that my claws didn’t extend.

Inside, my wolf cries. When I was captured, she came out fighting, but my father shot me full of tranquilizers, debilitating my wolf and not allowing her to come out. As time went on, the tranquilizers were cut and my wolf’s restlessness was making me even crazier. At one point, I thought the tranquilizers would be better than having an ill-tempered wolf clawing at my insides. Also, I had yet to hone my skill of reading minds and voices swam in my head constantly. Between that and my wolf, I was losing it. I’m not sure how I did it, but I willed my wolf down. She’s stayed down for the past two years.

I look to the clock and only forty-five minutes have passed since I lay down. What I wouldn’t give for a full night of restful sleep. I sit up on the bed and pull myself together.

“Open up,” Ian bellows from the other side of the door, hitting it with his fists for good measure. I jolt from the sound. Damn, must be dinnertime. I open the door and meet his pissed-off face. “Are you ready?” he barks, eyeing me with disdain. He’s told me many times that he’s pissed he’ll never find his true mate because of me. I sat there quietly during his words, but what I wanted to tell him was at least he had a choice in the matter. He’s the one that agreed to do this to move up in the ranks. He could have taken a different route, but I kept my mouth shut because my words would have just added fuel to his fire, and I was not going to deal with him.

My mask falls into place. “Yes, of course.” He holds out the crook of his arm and I place mine through the hole, hating even touching him.

‘
I cannot believe I am stuck with this shit for the rest of my life. Being by her side. What the fuck? Like my mate isn’t out there. All this shit had better be fucking worth it.’
His thoughts ring in my ears. He knows I can hear them, but he long ago stopped giving a shit. He can think what he wants; at least my thoughts are my own. No one can have those.

We enter the main dining room where rows of tables and chairs sit, along with a huge buffet full of food. No one utters a word to us as Ian lets go of my arm and we get in the buffet line. I gather some lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and crackers and walk over to our spot at the table. This is not a
come sit where you want and be comfortable
room. No, this is a formal,
sit in your spot
,
no questions asked
kind of room. Ian slides in next to me, his plate loaded with meats, and my stomach rolls. I push my fork into the lettuce, then place it in my mouth and try to choke some of it down. I’m not sure what happened to me all of that time I was locked up, but something inside of me changed. From when I got out and to this day, I have a very difficult time keeping anything down.

A plate is slid in front of me from the other side of the table. Roast beef. “Eat that. You haven’t been eating right,” my mother states like she actually gives a damn. She didn’t care for years and now she wants to care.

“Yes, Mother,” I say respectfully and pull the plate in front of me, even though my stomach protests. I force down the entire plate, wiping my lips when I’m finished. My body immediately wants to expel the food, but I do my damnedest not to let it.

Conversation carries between the wolves. None of it involves me so I don’t bother listening. Anyway, if I wanted to know, I could go into their thoughts and find out. But I don’t care. Alpha sits at the head of the table with my mother at his side, ever the stoic wife. They make me sick, pretending to be a happy couple. I can smell they are mates, but I’ve always wondered if my mother had a choice, what would she choose? It doesn’t matter.

“So, did you hear?” Lisa, a female wolf, states loudly from the other side of the table as I go back to my salad. Why her voice catches my attention, I don’t know. Normally I tune everything out. “Melody found her mate!” she squeals. My food rumbles again. I swallow. Mate. The hollow black abyss of my despair opens wide, swirling like a tornado threatening to suck me in. There have been so many times when I wished it would, but it doesn’t, only leaving me with an ache so deep inside my chest that it’s physically painful.

‘Hopefully that little bitch heard that.’

Lisa’s thoughts come through loud and clear. She’s always been a bitch, but since Ian decided to tell her that we are not really mates, she is an even bigger one. When he told me, I stood there shocked as hell. He must trust her to give away that big of a secret because if Alpha finds out, I’m sure Ian will be dead.

Lisa hasn’t yet mated with anyone, but she finds it prevalent to discuss these things at the dinner table, knowing and liking that it gets to me. After all the excited yelps from the pack, things settle down.

“Did you hear that?” Lisa states and I don’t look up; surely, she isn’t talking to me. “Hello, Zara I’m talking to you,” her catty voice calls out. I breathe in deep, not allowing any emotion to seep through.

“Yes, Lisa. That is wonderful news.” I dig into my salad and put a bite into my mouth, praying it will go down.

“Isn’t it fantastic that everyone is finding their true mates?” She claps her hands in rapid secession, happy as all get out. ‘
Suck on that one.’

Boy I’d love to lay into this bitch and tear her throat out. I’d never get that far though. I’d be pulled away because I’m too
useful
.

“Yes, it is.” And isn’t it sad that you haven’t found yours, you conniving piece of shit.

“Melody is already planning the claiming ceremony and it’s going to be grand.” Oh sweet Heavens, here it comes. “You’ll be there, right?” Like I could be anywhere else. Melody is a member of our pack and one of Lisa’s many followers. Too bad she’s losing one of her minions. Also too bad that if she joins whatever pack her mate is in, the family she grew up with will probably wipe her out. Pathetic.

“That will be up to Alpha,” I reply in the same damn tone I hate.

“You will be required to attend,” Alpha states from the end of the table. No doubt he wants to rub the mating in my face, too. Show me just how wonderful it would be to have found my true mate. He’s made me go to all of them since agreeing to his terms. Each time, I just stand there, and then I leave as soon as I’m allowed. I suck it all in, but never allow anything on the outside to show.

“Thank you, Alpha. I will be there, Lisa.” She squeals again like a pig in a puddle. Inside, I’m rolling my eyes. Outside, I’m blank.

“Great, maybe Alpha will
let
you help out.” ‘
Make you suffer some more, you bitch.’
Suffer. Didn’t I already do enough of that? I have no mate to find. I have nothing. I
am
nothing. So why put me through more of nothing when I don’t give a shit. I never got hate from my pack growing up. It didn’t start until I got out of the cage and no one said a word to me as to why. I didn’t even bother to ask or dig in their heads because I was past the point of caring.

“She will not be able to. She has work to do,” Alpha announces. I don’t know what’s worse, doing his
work
or being around a bunch of giddy girls as they are decorating for a celebration and all the while rubbing salt in my gaping wound. Kind of a tossup really.

I say nothing. When Alpha excuses himself from the table taking Gregor, Ian, and some others with him, I leave, keeping my eyes focused ahead on the exit. I slam the door, run to my bathroom, and everything in my stomach makes its way into the toilet. I allow the tears to fall.

I’VE LAIN IN BED
for hours. I don’t want to sleep, but I don’t want to be awake either, if that makes any sense. Ian hasn’t come to bed, which is a blessing. I know he’ll end up here to keep up appearances, I just never know when.

I begin counting the circles on the ceiling. 1, 2…

Thump.
Something hits the door and I instantly tune into the voices.

‘I need to fuck you. Right now,’
comes from Ian.

‘Then what are you waiting for?’
Lisa’s voice quips.

Loud groans and moans of ecstasy come from the other side of the door, each squeezing my heart a little bit tighter.

If they’re going to fuck, can’t they do it somewhere else and not outside my door? No doubt, Lisa is feeling pretty damn proud of herself for fucking my fake
mate
. She can have him. I just don’t need to listen to their pleasure.

A pleasure I’ll never know.

After what feels like minutes but could have been hours for all I know, the door to the room opens. I’m on my side facing the wall, scooted all the way to the edge of the bed. I close my eyes and feign sleep, not wanting any type of discussion with Ian.

‘Good, she’s asleep. I don’t have to deal with her,’
Ian thinks. Clothes rustle and are thrown across the room and then he climbs into bed, the scent of Lisa and sex all over him. My wolf whines. She doesn’t want him; she’s just tired of wanting something she can never have.

BURNING. SEARING. AGONIZING.

The edge of the long metal bar comes to me, repeatedly, not giving me any time to recover. When he pulls it away, I’m so very grateful for the reprieve.