Race to the Top: Book one in the Racing to Find Love series (13 page)

Anna arrived at the hospital, worried and exhausted. The
flight had been awful, wondering if when she arrived, she would call Gary to
find out Erik had died. She had felt sick as she had dialled, but Gary had told
her Erik was regaining consciousness and gave her the name of the hospital.

As she arrived, she saw a familiar couple and rushed over.

‘Mr and Mrs Jonasson,’ she said, noting their stricken, pale
faces.

‘Oh, Anna,’ Erik’s mother said, taking her in a tight
embrace. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’

Alfred looked particularly unwell, Anna thought.

‘What’s the latest?’ she asked, desperate to know more.

‘We’re just waiting for the doctor to tell us,’ his mother
said and she shook her head, furiously. ‘I knew that Devlin Carter was trouble,
Alfred. I’ve been saying it all season.

Alfred shook his head, looking tired.

‘Let’s just see what the doctor says,’ he said.

As if on cue, a man in a white coat appeared.

‘Erik Jonasson’s parents?’ he asked, and gave Anna an
enquiring look.

‘Anna’s Erik’s girlfriend,’ Erik’s mother said, and despite
the horrible situation, Anna felt a small glow of pleasure at being referred to
as such.

The doctor nodded.

‘He’s a lucky man,’ he said. ‘He’s got a concussion and some
broken ribs, but he’s awake now and I don’t think he’ll need to stay longer
than tonight. He’s been trying to leave already. He keeps talking about
something called a Devlin.’

Alfred smiled, looking brighter.

‘Can we see him?’ he asked.

‘Sure,’ the doctor said, ‘follow me.’

Anna’s heart leapt as they entered the room and she saw Erik
lying in the bed. He was pale, but he was alive.

His mother rushed over to him, kissing him and murmuring in
his ear. Anna realised she was crying and stood back, awkwardly, not wanting to
intrude on this family moment. After a few moments, Erik’s mother stood up,
wiping her eyes, and Alfred went over.

‘Well, Erik,’ he said, clapping his son lightly on the
shoulder. ‘You gave us all quite a scare.’

‘All? Erik asked.

‘Anna’s here too,’ Alfred said, and stood back so Erik could
see.

Anna wasn’t sure what she had expected. At least for him to
look happy to see her, but he didn’t and she paused on her way to the bed.

The Jonassons looked at each other too.

‘Come on, Alfred,’ Erik’s mother said, quickly. ‘Let’s go
find a coffee. I’m exhausted.’

The pair left and Anna stood looking at Erik, suddenly
feeling like flying out had been a horrendous mistake. Had she misjudged this
entire situation? She wanted the ground to swallow her up.

‘I’m so glad you’re okay,’ she began, awkwardly. ‘I’m sorry
I came out here, I didn’t know what to do.’

Erik sighed and struggled to sit, Anna rushing round and
helping him with his pillows.

‘I appreciate it,’ he said, but it didn’t look like it to
Anna.

‘Is something wrong?’ she said, taking his hand. It was limp
in hers.

‘This happened because I wasn’t focused,’ he said, carefully
avoiding her gaze. ‘Because I let myself lose sight of the championship. I
haven’t been paying as much attention as I should.’

Anna felt sick and let go of his hand.

‘What are you saying?’ she asked, tears filling her eyes.

‘I need to take a step back from this,’ he said, waving his
hand. ‘From us. I need to have 100% concentration and focus, I can’t let
anything get in the way. I’ve wanted to win this since I was a child, and today
I realised I can’t have two things I want. Life doesn’t work like that.’

‘I’m getting in the way?’ Anna said, suddenly feeling angry.
‘You’re the one who took me to dinner, you’re the one who made the first move,
and now I’m getting in the way?’

She tried to calm down, aware that her voice was wavering.

‘I didn’t ask for this to happen, Erik. Do you think it was
nice for me, sitting at home, watching you crash and thinking you might be
dead? No, I don’t suppose you did think about that, did you? Because you’re
selfish. You like to think you’re not like Devlin, but you’re just as selfish
as him. You just disguise it better.’

Erik stared at her, looking shocked.

‘Anna…’ he said, reaching out a hand to her.

Anna backed away from the bed, shaking her head.

‘Good luck with your championship,’ she spat. ‘I hope it’s
worth it.’

And she left. She passed the Jonassons in the hallway who
looked shocked at her tear-stained face.

‘Anna?’ Alfred said, stepping towards her.

She shook her head.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t. Ask your son.’

And she left the hospital, clutching her bag and weeping as
she looked for a taxi to take her back to her hotel.

Erik winced as he lowered himself into the car. His ribs
still ached from the crash two weeks ago, but he couldn’t miss another race.
Devlin had gone on to win the last race, even with the penalty he had received
for causing the crash, and the standings were neck and neck. If Erik missed a
race, this could be it. His mother had been furious, and not just about that.

‘What have you done to that girl?’ she had demanded, when
she returned to the hospital room after Anna had left.

Erik didn’t want to explain. The hurt in Anna’s eyes had
made him feel like crap, and he wasn’t in the mood for explaining it to his
parents.

‘Just leave it,’ he had said to his mother and she had shook
her head.

‘I will not leave it, Erik Jonasson,’ Helena had said. ‘You
finally found a woman with a brain, someone who could be your equal, someone
who will drop everything and fly to your side in an instant, and that’s not
enough?’

Erik had shaken his head, looking at his dad pleadingly.

‘I need to concentrate. This happened because I wasn’t
focused.’

But his dad, who had always been behind Erik, had shaken his
head too.

‘No it didn’t,’ he had said. ‘It happened because Devlin
Carter is dangerous on that track. He will end up killing someone. It’s got
nothing to do with Anna. That poor girl.’

His parents had left then, thankfully, leaving Erik to his
own thoughts.

As he pulled out in his car for practice, he thought of what
Anna had said to him. He could still remember the wavering of her voice as she
spoke, and the fury of her words. Was he really just like Devlin Carter? He
thought of Devlin’s wife Felicity, sitting at home. He thought of Nikki, too.
Would she have flown out to see him if he was hurt?

But he had to focus on the championship. He had wanted this
ever since he was a child, since he first saw Ayrton Senna on the podium. He
couldn’t throw it away, everything he had worked for all those years.

He had avoided Devlin, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to
control himself. Devlin had avoided him too. Erik had seen the interviews while
he was in the hospital – Devlin claiming something had malfunctioned on his car
and how awful he felt. It was crap, utter crap. Devlin had been trying to take
him out, and Erik would need to be extremely careful.

He thought about Jack and Elena. He had called them and told
him he would be heading there after the race. He hadn’t told them about the
Anna situation, and he was dreading it. He thought Jack would understand, being
a racing driver himself. But Elena? He felt miserable.

***

He felt curiously empty as he stood on the podium, smiling
and waving as he accepted the winners’ trophy. Devlin’s car had broken during
the race and he hadn’t even finished, which Erik liked to think was some sort
of karma for the previous week. But as he stood, staring down at the tens of
thousands of upturned faces, cheering, he knew there was only one face he
wanted to see there.

As he trooped off stage, shaking the hands of various public
figures and former race drivers en route, he wished Anna was waiting for him.
It wasn’t even the sex he missed, he thought, although he missed that
a lot.
It was the silly conversations, the laughing, the holding her in his arms
as she slept. With Nikki it had only ever been the sex.

Gary was waiting for him and ushered him aside.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ he asked.

Erik was surprised by this sudden show of concern. Gary had
never asked him if he was alright before.

‘Fine,’ he said, lying.

Gary looked at him appraisingly, and Erik had the unpleasant
sensation that his soul was being laid bare by this portly man in his 40s who
liked to shout a lot.

‘I can try to stop her coming to Brazil,’ Gary said,
suddenly, and Erik stared at him.

‘Anna?’ he asked, his heart wrenched at the sound of her
name on his lips.

Gary nodded.

‘No it’s fine,’ Erik said. ‘It’s not a problem.’

Gary looked at him intently for a moment and then grunted
and walked off.

Erik stood there, thinking. It was a couple of months until
Brazil, surely it wouldn’t feel so raw by then.

***

‘Are you out of your tiny little mind?’ Elena glared at him.
Jack shrugged at Erik apologetically.

‘You don’t understand, El,’ Erik said, knowing that an
explanation would be futile but he had to try anyway.

‘Oh don’t I?’ she said, hands on her hips. They were sitting
in Jack and Elena’s garden, after dinner. Erik had tried to avoid the subject
of Anna arising for as long as possible, but Elena, perceptive Elena, had
wheedled it out of him.

‘You think I don’t know what it’s like to be involved with a
racing driver? To watch you go off all over the world and be fawned over by
models? To sit watching on TV praying that something doesn’t happen?’

Erik conceded she probably
did
have a point.

Jack stepped in.

‘El, babe, Erik’s right about having to concentrate. He
can’t have distractions, it could ruin his chances.’

Elena shook her head angrily.

‘They’re not mutually exclusive, Erik. You don’t have to be
a martyr and sacrifice happiness for your championship. You don’t have to be
some tortured soul. That girl cares for you deeply, I’m sure of it. I saw the
way she looked at you and I saw the way you looked at her. But I won’t go on
about it, you’ve made your choice. I just hope it’s the right one.’

Erik took a draught of his beer, wondering if she was right.
Was he being an idiot? He thought of Anna, of her soft skin, her laugh that lit
up her face, her beautiful body, the way she made him laugh. He thought of the
first time they had slept together in the hotel in Germany. The passion that he
had felt for her body. Could he really juggle passion for his racing with
passion for Anna? He didn’t know, and that made him feel miserable.

Anna sat on the floor of her bedroom, deliberating what she
should pack. She was leaving for Brazil in the morning.

The last few months had been awful, and she wanted to get
the weekend out of the way so she could get Erik out of her head once and for
all. She had been trying, but it was impossible when she knew she would be
seeing him.

Jules and Dan had been lifesavers. She had turned up at
their door, sobbing, after flying back from Belgium. She hadn’t even been able
to get the words out, and Jules had shrieked, ‘Oh my god, has he died?’

Anna had shaken her head and managed to choke out what had happened.
Jules had been absolutely furious.

‘That man was in our home,’ she had raged. ‘How could he
treat you like this?’

Dan wisely stayed out of the way, but Anna sensed he had at
least a but of sympathy for Erik. She didn’t know whether that made her feel
worse or better.

She had listened to Jules ranting on about him, talking
about what a typical racing driver he was, how they were all the same, how they
just used women…

She had got an e-mail from Elena too, which had made her cry
with its kindness. It had said how sorry both Elena and Jack were about what
had happened, and that if she ever happened to be in Monaco, they would love
her to visit. Fat chance, Anna thought. She was staying away from racing after
this.

Anna thought back to the nights she had spent with Erik, the
gentle way he had kissed her head when he thought she was sleeping, the way his
arms held her. She wasn’t stupid, she knew there had felt something. He had to
have done. But obviously it wasn’t enough.

After a while, Jules’ ranting had become too much for Anna
to deal with and she made her excuses about needing to get home. She’d already
missed a day of work, she couldn’t miss  another. She wouldn’t let Erik break
her heart
and
destroy her career.

And here she sat, three months later, trying to get on with
her life. And failing miserably. She missed Erik so much it hurt, and so many
times she had wanted to pick up the phone or send him an email, just to let him
know she was thinking about him. She wondered if he had a new girlfriend. She
had tried to avoid all TV and news coverage, but inevitably sometimes she
switched on TV or passed a magazine stand, and there he was. She ached when she
saw him, and she felt miserable to think that he was carrying on with his life
as if she had never been it.

She had got an email from him two weeks ago. All it said was
‘I miss you.’ She had been furious tears springing to her eyes as she sat at
her desk. Was he drunk? Or just stupid? He had been the one to end it, he
shouldn’t have the luxury of sending emails telling her he was missing her. She
had deleted it, and then cried that it was gone.

She had finally braved the sports news last night, feeling
that she should at least know what she was heading into this weekend. Devlin
and Erik were only two points adrift of each other, so it all came down this
last race. Whichever one of them won would win the championship. A few months
ago, this would have excited Anna, but not now. What did it matter?

She felt ill when she thought of seeing Erik again. Oh god,
what if he had a new girlfriend and she was there? Sitting in the VIP section.
She wondered if his parents would be there, too. Probably, but they would
probably just smile awkwardly at her, another one of their son’s girlfriends
cast to the side. They were probably used to it.

***

Gary
had arranged the hotel. It was the one the majority of the team were staying
it, but Gary had been quick to add, ‘Except Erik, he’s staying elsewhere.’ Anna
wondered if that had been Erik’s choice or Gary’s. Either way, it didn’t
matter. She was torn between relief at not having to worry about any awkward
encounters in hotel corridors, and sadness that she would be limited to seeing
him in that pokey little garage. He probably wouldn’t even notice her.

She
had seen Devlin on arrival, and he had tried to escort her to her room. She
wondered if he had sensed what had happened with her and Erik. He was his usual
arrogant self, making offensive remarks and leering at her.

She
couldn’t bear leaving the room for dinner, so she ordered room service.
Ordinarily this would have been exciting, and she would have felt like a
celebrity, but she just felt lonely and upset. She was just about to try to get
some sleep and hope, in the morning, the pain would somehow be gone, when there
was a knock on the door. Her heart leapt. Surely it couldn’t be? She crossed to
the door quickly, excitement building.

Devlin
stood there when she opened the door, and she could tell at once she was drunk.
Her heart sank. She had been stupid to imagine it was Erik – he probably had
forgotten she was even coming to this race.

‘What
do you want, Devlin?’ she asked, irritated. She became more irritated as Devlin
staggered into her room.

‘You,’
he said, and she could smell the alcohol radiating off him in waves.

‘You’re
drunk,’ she said, her hands on her hips. ‘And obnoxious. Go back to your room.’

To
her horror, Devlin shook his head and came across to her, putting his arms
around her.

‘You
know you want it too,’ he said, gripping her head and trying to force his tongue
into her mouth.

Anna
shrieked and shoved him, but he was too heavy. She could feel the alcoholic
breath hot on her neck and she felt like she was in someone else’s body,
looking down on herself as she struggled against the drunken Devlin.

Just
when she had almost given up, she felt a surge of energy and she lifted her
knee sharply, catching Devlin square in the crotch. He fell back, swearing, and
she rushed to the door, shaking.

‘You
get out now,’ she said. ‘You get out now and never come near me again or I will
call the police.’

Devlin
climbed to his feet, looking furious.

‘Out!’
Anna shrieked and Devlin shrugged and sauntered towards the door.

‘I’ll
be waiting if you change your mind,’ he said, and left, whistling to himself.

Anna
thought she was going to be sick. Her whole body was shaking and her heart was
pounding. She collapsed down onto the floor, hugging her knees. What had just
happened? If she hadn’t had managed to interrupt him, what would have
happened?  She didn’t want to be here anymore, she wanted to be back at home,
away from racing drivers, away from the whole scene. She didn’t fit in here.
She pulled the chain on the hotel door, terrified that Devlin would come back.

She climbed into bed, drawing the covers up tight around
her. Praying that the weekend would be over soon and she could try to put her
life back together.