Racing Outside the Line: A Love Story at 190 Mph (31 page)

I nodded. Okay, that was bad. Seth was an undeniably amazing man, so I could understand why she wouldn’t want to give him up so easily. I had been expecting most of what he said, but did she have enough influence to have me ostracized? Would everyone hate me? I was already kind of "odd man out" in terms of not being in Seth’s cup racing life, but it had always been an easy fit for me to be in that portion of his world before. I had always been a welcome and invited guest, but that was when he was racing Late Models, not the prestigious cup series. My stomach felt as if it were under attack from a raging bloodthirsty horde of butterflies. I could handle just Alexandria, but I had no idea what to expect if she brought other people into the attack. I imagined a mob of angry wives chasing me off the track. Could that happen? I had never met any of the other women at the races; I wouldn’t have anyone on my side.

"Are you okay, baby?"

I nodded vaguely staring off into space in an attempt to get my thoughts in order and bring back some sort of presence of mind that would afford me the slightest bit of confidence going into this situation.

"Lexie? Look at me, baby." He put his palms to my cheeks and guided my eyes back to his. "Please, tell me what you’re thinking." His eyes pleaded with me and the worry and love that I saw there helped me to bolster my pride a little.

"I’m just worrying, you know, I’m so good at it." It seemed like a better idea to play off my mounting fear than to own up to it. Seth didn’t need to be worrying about my worries.

"What worries you most?"

Gee, Honey, I don’t know, maybe being hated for stealing another woman’s man, being looked down upon by everyone, everyone thinking that I am no equal for you
. I wanted to impress them; I wanted everyone to like me. It was in my nature. I certainly wouldn’t give up anything I loved in order to make others happy, but at the same time, I wanted them to like me for who I was. I never wanted to say that I had done something I was embarrassed of or felt was out of my character, and up until sleeping with Alexandria’s fiancé, I could say I hadn’t. I felt I clearly had a very large prior claim to him, but that didn’t change the fact that I had, in fact, stolen her man with full knowledge of her engagement to him. Did I not deserve some consequence for that? Hadn’t I brought this upon myself?

"Lexie, I’m your husband now. By law, you have to talk to me." He smiled half-heartedly. I could tell he was worried about me and the situation as well.

Keeping my thoughts to myself certainly wasn’t going to alleviate any of his worries or mine, for that matter, but I didn’t want him to think I regretted any of it because I could never regret being with him. Even if every female at the track circled around me to kick my sorry butt, I still could never regret being with Seth. "I just—don’t know any of the women there, in that world, in that part of your life. No one will be on my side. It’s just—tough for me to think about facing that without any sort of backup."

He hugged me tightly to him, "I swear, love, I’ll protect you, no matter what."

"But you’ll be on the track," I pointed out, "or signing autographs, or giving interviews. You can’t stick around me all day." I didn’t want it to sound as though I were asking him to give anything up to stay by my side, because I certainly wasn’t. I knew what kind of obligations he had, and this was seriously my battle to fight. I had gotten myself into this mess, I needed to make myself okay with living in it.

"You can stick around me. You’re my wife now, where I go, you go and vice versa."

"In the race car, too?" I opted again for a more light-hearted approach to this discussion.

"Sure, why not, we can have a second seat installed like they have in the junk cars at short tracks. You could be the brake guy." I smiled into his shoulder and gave his neck a little peck. "You’ll have my dad, Gene, and no one will mess with Des after he punched me twice on national television. Oh, and I know that Jake’s wife, Lacy will love you. She is really nice and really tough—you’ll like her too. She hates Alexandria already, so you’ve already got one of the wives on your side. You’re also forgetting one thing," he paused waiting for me to acknowledge his opener.

"Hmm?"

"You are one of the wives now, not some girlfriend or even some fiancé, you’re one of the wives. You’d be surprised how many of those women will stick up for you knowing that I chose to actually
marry
you. Not only that, but I wanted to marry you so badly that I spirited you away to a private island to do it."

I had to admit, he was doing a good job of making me feel better. Knowing Alexandria’s falseness and her "I’m better than you are" routine, there were bound to be those who would side with me simply because they couldn’t stand Alexandria. I just hoped that the cameras wouldn’t be around if, and when, a confrontation occurred between the two of us.

"Now stop worrying about it all," he pulled me by the hand, closer to the bed, "and come to bed with me, we need to get some sleep before tomorrow."

"Sleep?" I asked in mock confusion, "Is that a word in our vocabulary?"

"Okay," he admitted as he encouraged me to relax in his arms, "so I’m not actually planning to let you sleep, but we are certainly going to spend some more time in this bed." I could never imagine a worry so large that I would opt to obsess over it rather than appreciate the heavenly feel of Seth.

The next morning, or later that morning, rather, Seth and I reluctantly got out of bed and headed for the dock. It wasn’t surprising that everyone else was already on board the boat, since we had been distracted by showering together in the outdoor shower one last time.

"You look a little tired, Lexie, didn’t you get much sleep?" Desmond asked loudly as everyone snickered. I shot him an, I’ll-get-you-back-for-that, look as he took my hand to help me onto the boat. He looked smugly pleased with himself, and it took me a minute to realize it was more than his little joke that had him smiling like an idiot. Scrutinizing Chelsea’s avoidance of my gaze and his arrogant confidence, I ventured to guess that they had had a nice few days as well. Navigating my way over to Chelsea, I sat down next to her and stared at her face, waiting for her explanation.

"I screwed up, Lex. I gave in. I’m an idiot."

She looked miserable. "What do you mean you screwed up?" I put my arm around her in an attempt to be comforting. "What happened?"

"Desmond and I are now ‘friends with benefits’ as he calls it."

"You’re what?" Scanning the boat, it was obvious Desmond and Seth were too wrapped up in what they were discussing to pay us any attention.

"I screwed up. I tried to be challenging and stay away from him and it worked for awhile, but last night, he got totally jealous and overprotective when I gave Greg the smallest amount of attention. He said he was done playing games and kissed me like he hadn’t kissed me before. The next thing I knew, my bathing suit was on the floor, and he was telling me how much he had wanted me from the first time I’d yelled at him. I crumbled, Lex, I’m so stupid."

"Stop, you’re not stupid, you’re human. What did he say about it after?"

"This morning, he was talking like he wanted to make a commitment, like he wanted to be with me. I said I felt the same way without realizing that I was committing to being his booty call. I’ve never, ever been used for sex. I’ve never even had a one night stand." I knew that was true although there were a lot of people who didn’t understand that about Chelsea. She enjoyed a really good flirtation, but she had never been one to sleep around. In fact, in college, I had only ever seen her get serious like that with two guys, neither of which lasted longer than a few months. I felt horrible for her and angry with Desmond. How dare he treat my best friend like this! I knew he was a player; he had always jumped from girl to girl, but this was Chelsea, she was different, couldn’t he see that? "Don’t you dare say anything to him!" She said forcefully straightening her back. "I got myself into this, and I have to get myself out of it."

"Okay," I would have to try really hard to hold myself to that. At the moment, if I had the opportunity to be alone with Desmond, I would most certainly say something to him and it wouldn’t be polite. "What are you going to say to him?"

"I tried to tell him I wasn’t like that, I swear I did, but…" she stopped talking and I watched her take a shaky breath and look up at him. I didn’t need her to tell me, I saw it in her eyes. She had it bad for him. Poor Chelsea. I had never seen her in a situation like this before. She was always the strong, confident, ballsy girl that didn’t let anyone give her any crap. "He sort of—makes me—kind of lose my train of thought. You think I’m stupid don’t you? I feel stupid, like some little teenager."

"You’re nuts if you seriously think I don’t understand. Have you seen what a babbling idiot I am when Seth turns the heat up behind his eyes? But, you have to tell him who you really are, he needs to know this means more to you than a warm body for your bed."

"I know, I know." She returned her gaze to her lap, and I patted her hand sympathetically. I knew it was easier said than done, especially when any kind of real attachment was involved. I sat with her a few more moments before leaving her alone to her thoughts. I gravitated to Seth.

The second I entered reaching distance he seemed to sense my presence and reached out to take me in his arms. He kissed my cheek and pulled my hand up to rub against his cheek. I watched him as he closed his eyes, a look of satisfaction on his face.
My husband
, those words could never sound better.

"I still can’t quite believe this." Desmond stood there shaking his head. "How long exactly have you been in love with her?" Desmond was clearly still feeling a bit betrayed by the unimaginable bond Seth and I had been cultivating for a very long time.

Without hesitation, Seth revealed, "Since she was about fifteen, Des."

"The hell you say!" Desmond spat out. I hadn’t been expecting Seth to be quite so honest about our relationship. After all, he had been nineteen when I was fifteen. That was a bit of a big deal in terms of maturity difference. Clearly, Desmond wasn’t too pleased with this information as he stared daggers at Seth.

Seth, on the other hand, seemed completely uninterested in the irate anger he was inciting in Desmond as he continued, "From the first time I caught her watching me shower, I knew it was all over for me."

"You did what?" Okay, umm, dangerous territory here. I put my arms out as Desmond shoved after Seth while looking at me with murder in his eyes.

I turned fumingly angry eyes on Seth as I tried to block Desmond from Seth. "What the
hell
are you doing?"

"Let him hit me, Lex, I want it all out in the open before we hit the race track, no more media opportunities." Looking at him as though he were a total loon with a death wish, I continued to try to hold Desmond back as Seth made it all worse. "I
let
her
watch me shower a million times, Des, I’m not proud of it, she was really young." What on earth was he thinking? Did he think this would go well? "But by doing that, I allowed my mind to accept her as someone other than the annoying kid who followed me around, and it seriously only took like a matter of days for me to fall in love with her after that." I felt Desmond’s attempts to push past me weaken. "All those years that you thought she was foolishly chasing me, I was secretly encouraging it, trying
not
to love her back, but I did." Feeling Desmond drop his overprotective anger, I was able to look back at Seth whose eyes immediately locked with mine as he continued talking, "You’re an idiot if you really thought I walked away from her that night you found me in her bed simply because you, my best friend, told me to. I was so hopelessly drawn to her every moment I was around her," my tense response dissolved with his words. "There is no way in hell I could have walked away from her, except that I loved her. I truly loved her and wanted what was best for her, always wanted what was best for her, I just never thought that would be me."

Unable to stop myself, I smiled the ridiculous grin that only Seth could put on my face. He reached up and placed his palm against my cheek.

"You’re damn lucky you already married her or I’d beat the
crap
out of you right now." Although he had clearly calmed down, I couldn’t miss the look of murder in his eyes or the clipped tone with which he said his words.

"I know, I’m not stupid, Des. I did a lot of stupid things, but I plead insanity. If it makes you feel any better, she’s put me through more pain than a hundred of your beatings ever could."

"Yeah, I saw it, and if anyone knows what a brat she can be, it’s me"

"Hello!" I was perturbed by the direction in which this conversation had shifted, "I’m standing right here and I’m not a brat!" I pouted with a huff as we pulled up to the dock.

I spent the whole limo ride to the small airport worrying about the impending doom I was likely to face at the track.

Desmond and Seth discussed the Porsche that Seth had rented in California while I stared out the window. They were still discussing the stereo system when we pulled into the small airport where the plane had been patiently awaiting our arrival.

On the plane we were greeted by Brent, our flight attendant. He congratulated us before disappearing to get us some drinks. Seth settled onto the couch pulling me down next to him. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine again. Through the drunken haze that Seth had settled upon me, Desmond and Chelsea’s arguing floated to my ears. Stroking Seth’s hair, I leaned back against the seat away from his kiss. He frowned at me and turned to look at Desmond, clearly having heard them as well.

"I’m
not
your girlfriend, Desmond, if I want to talk to Brent the whole damn way to Pennsylvania, I will." Chelsea was definitely pissed. I hadn’t seen her this angry in a very long time. She was usually quite level-headed and reasonable; I might even describe her as laid back on some occasions. Seth sat back in his seat and watched the show with confusion.