Radiant Surrender (CSA Case Files Book 6) (22 page)

“There’s a trust that is exchanged during scenes that intrigues me.” Jessie’s voice cut through the stillness, although her tone was soft and almost hesitant. “To put my emotional and physical well-being into someone else’s hands isn’t just about physical release, although that certainly heightens the eventual result. It brings about a mental state that I can’t even describe…a blissful state.”

Crest was aware she was trying to define subspace and he’d already told her that he pushed a woman well past that state, deeper into herself than she would ever have experienced with her playmates at the club. He was pleased to hear that she was starting to understand herself and even more so when she continued.

“To exist in that state as a result of a skillful and practiced hand, coached by careful study of my reactions to steady and deliberate measures, and giving up to another human being my most susceptible exposed self…I crave it.” Jessie’s eyes finally left her wine glass and met his. They were practically glowing at such an admission and he had to rein himself back not to start anything too early. “I want that with you. Gavin, I know that you had doubts about the two of us…but I’m no longer the young, naïve girl that you hired right out of college. Whether you want to admit it or not I know you better than any woman you’ve taken into your bed. They might know the most basic sexual side of you, but they don’t know the
real
you—the man who would sacrifice his life for those he cares about, the man who forgives but never forgets, the man who would rather martyr himself than see someone unfairly prosecuted in any manner. You’re the unnamed protector of the people and the majority of the time they don’t even know it. You don’t want them to know it. There’s a reason men of character remain in the shadows and suffer alone with one wing dripping with the blood of the vanquished. To unveil yourself is to expose those closest to yourself to those that would do you harm.”

Crest looked back over the years where they’d worked side by side. Jessie had a point and although he’d done his best to protect the sunshine that glowed from within her, there was no shielding something with so much intensity. This step that they were taking was either going to complete them on an inherently intimate level or destroy them for any other person that might have given them a chance at happiness. It was a hell of a gamble to make on amorous feelings, an informed guess, nothing but a fucking shot in the dark.

“More wine?”

Crest could see she was taken aback by his question but she slowly nodded her head in acceptance. He gently removed her legs from his lap before he stood and took the delicate crystal from her hand. As he walked around the couch and to the island where he’d left the opened bottle of Bollinger he came to the decision that there was no reason to postpone claiming her. The beast within him had waited long enough to feed.

Chapter Twenty

J
essie’s nerves were frayed after having said what she did to Gavin. While he was getting them more champagne she allowed herself to lie back on the couch and stare at the ceiling. She even tried to even her breathing out as thoughts of what he was going to ask next floated through her mind. When they’d first walked into the house she wasn’t sure exactly what was going to happen. She knew what she would have liked and that was him taking her up against the door after they were shut inside. Lunch and conversation had technically not occurred to her and she’d tried her best to act normal throughout the meal. Now here they were and instead of making love, she’d just bared her soul to him in a completely unexpected way.

“Give me your hand.”

Gavin’s commanding voice came out of nowhere and she tilted her head farther back to see him standing there, holding out his hand. There was an intensity within his iridescent green eyes that made her heart flutter and the old saying of
be careful what you wish for
came to mind. This was it. She didn’t have to be told that he was starting a scene and technically, she wasn’t even sure if that was the correct way to look upon the path they were taking. With Gavin, did the scene ever technically begin or end?

“Yes, Sir.”

Jessie wanted this to start out right and she slowly sat up to place her hand in his. When their fingers touched, she would have sworn her skin had caught fire like the phoenix. She looked at their connection to ensure nothing of the like had occurred as he helped her to stand. This was it—what she’d fought so hard for—and she was having trouble getting her mind to accept that this was real.

“Drop the title,” Gavin ordered, there was a hint of steel in his soft voice, drawing her eyes to his. She wouldn’t have thought he was the type of man to remove protocol in a scene and she soon found out why. His reason would forever remain in her mind and heart. “I want to hear my name on your lips every time you answer me. I want my name so ingrained on your tongue that you taste me every time it crosses your lips.”

Without another word Gavin led her out of the living room and around the large river stone wall that consisted of the fireplace. Jessie had been given a brief tour when they’d arrived and she knew that a king sized bed was positioned to face the fire while the far wall continued to be translucent. Whether due to rain or the late hour of the day, the lightness had dimmed so that anyone walking by could see them inside the house. It was so unlike Gavin to be so lax in security that it gave her the slightest pause.

“You’re to only focus on me.” Gavin continued guiding her toward the master bathroom until she was on one side of the threshold and he on the other. Jessie couldn’t help but glance upward to the ceiling and breathe a sigh of relief when she thought she saw some type of blind that could be lowered. “Draw yourself a bath and prepare yourself for me. Everything you need is placed beside the tub.”

Jessie opened her mouth to reply but Gavin had already shut the door. A bath? She didn’t want a bath, but maybe he needed the extra time to get the bedroom organized. She sighed in resignation and began to undress, every swipe of the material against her body feeling like harsh burlap. It would probably have been better for both of them if he’d just started the scene instead of prolonging it. There was only so much anticipation a body could take.

She’d removed her blazer, shirt, and jeans, leaving her standing in nothing but her navy blue lace trim bra and panties. They were adorable and Jessie would have really liked it if Gavin could have seen her in them. Turning the ornate antique handles and allowing the hot water to fill up the bathtub, she finally took stock of what was located on the ceramic tile next to the rim. A hair clip had been provided and as she scooped up her mass of strands to secure it from being wet, she smiled when she saw her own brand of body wash. It was puzzling though. How had he prepared this when they’d come on such short notice?

Jessie looked over the other items, noticing a razor, a loofah, matching lotion to her body wash, and a small…was that an anal plug? She slowly picked it up with trembling hands, noticing the width at the base more than anything. It wasn’t anywhere near the larger sizes she’d seen, but it was more than she’d ever personally experienced… technically, she’d never inserted a plug before and wasn’t sure she’d be able to get this one home. The base consisted of what looked like a single large table cut sea green emerald in a multifaceted setting and she found herself wondering when he’d purchased it. There was only one person who handcrafted such beautiful and ornate implements. Had Lauren made this and if so, did her friend know that Gavin would use it on her?

She must have been standing there for quite a while considering the water level was relatively high. She quickly placed the toy back on the plush towel with all of the other items and then turned the knobs. How was she supposed to take a bath and relax? She guessed that was the answer and as she took off her bra and panties, her mind was spinning with thoughts of how she was going to insert the plug herself. She had time before she had to do it, so she slid her right foot into the steaming water and then her left. Descending into the bath, she found herself facing the items on the tile and realized that Gavin had positioned them for just that reason.

How hard could it be to insert a butt plug? Jessie had seen numerous women in the clubs have them inserted and they seemed to enjoy them immensely. She closed her eyes and tried to force her body to relax. She gave up within two minutes and sat up, reaching for the loofah and body wash. She quickly lathered her skin with the floral fragrance gel and then utilized the razor on her legs and underarms. She’d just had a Brazilian wax right before her life had fallen into chaos. By the time she was done she was nowhere near the peace and calm that a bath was supposed to bring. She used the second towel that was obviously meant to dry herself off with as she stepped out of the tub. Her eyes never left the emerald-based plug.

“You can do this, Jessie.”

Her own words of encouragement had her reaching for the toy and the small tube of lubricant that was conveniently positioned next to it. She flipped the cap with her thumb and squeezed some lube onto her finger. The cool agent was silky and smooth. She then lifted the plug and covered the wide shaft with a generous amount of the clear gel. Gavin had to have known that she would rather have had him do this. Was this some sort of test? If it was, she wasn’t about to fail at this late stage in the game.

Bending over, Jessie used one hand to pull on her left cheek while she used her other to place the plug at the entrance of her clenching anus. She tried her best to breathe in and out, but immediately stopped when she pushed the tip slightly in. Her sphincter instantly gave way and one by one, her muscles relaxed. This wasn’t so bad and she inhaled some oxygen to keep herself from getting lightheaded.

Jessie had even broken into a smile but that quickly faded the more she pushed the widening shaft inside of her. It thickened a little too quickly and she instantly stopped, her breathing becoming somewhat labored. She widened her stance, thinking maybe that would help some and then tried to push the toy a little farther in with additional force. A marginal burning sensation was starting to develop and she thought maybe she hadn’t put enough lube on. She pulled the toy out of her and stood, the blood rushing out of her head a little too fast.

“Okay,” Jessie murmured, not willing to open that door and announce to Gavin that she couldn’t do this for him. “I can do this.”

After applying more lubricant, Jessie took her position and tried again. It was easier this time and it hadn’t escaped her that her clit was becoming more sensitive and that she was wetter now than she had been when she’d started this. She was pleased with her progress until she got to the base of the shaft, where once again it felt too wide to fit and instantly triggered the earlier uncomfortable burning that she didn’t care for. She tried to feel how much more she had to go with her fingers and when she did, thought there was absolutely no way she could get it inside of her.

A knock came on the door, causing Jessie to lose hold of the plug. Her anus once again closed and Jessie cursed under her breath. She stood and whipped around, afraid that Gavin had come into the bathroom. Fortunately, the door was closed. She used the back of her hand to wipe her forehead, surprised that she was perspiring. This was not exactly how she’d pictured this evening happening.

“Jessica, is everything all right?”

“Yes,” Jessie called out in a loud voice, wincing when it echoed throughout the room. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Jessie snatched up the plug and then she walked over to the sink, rinsing it off. She happened to glance in the mirror and caught sight of her flushed cheeks and her glassy eyes. Damn it…the act of preparing for him actually aroused her. It hit her then that she hadn’t used his name like he’d asked. Shit.

“Just one moment, Gavin.”

Jessie could just picture him standing out there with an arrogant smile on his face, pleased with himself that she was most likely going to open the door with the anal plug in her hand instead of her ass. That wasn’t going to happen and she squared her shoulders before walking back for the tube of lubricant.

Once Jessie had it well smeared, she gritted her teeth and bent over once more. The tip separated her sphincter and slid right in to where she’d found herself in the same place as before. Squeezing her eyes closed, she pushed harder than before and felt her ring of muscles finally give, closing around the base once she was past the widest part. She was almost afraid to release her cheek for fear that the plug would come out, but it remained inside of her as she slowly stood. It felt as if she were on fire in that area and she was dumbfounded to find that her arousal was higher than she would have thought possible.

Jessie walked to the sink and washed her hands, trying her best to get used to this foreign object in between her buttocks. She wanted to see what it looked like, so she positioned herself a ways away from the mirror and turned. The light above the sink sparkled off of the emeralds and even she had to admit the beauty of such an implement. Goosebumps had risen on her skin and the flush that had started on her face was now covering her breasts.