Rage to Adore (17 page)

A wall of heated fury overcame the ice. He was an arrogant
bastard. She didn’t want him. Not really. If Lorcan were here she would feel
even more intensely for him, she was sure of it. Jaro was a shadow Esseni. That
must be it. Usually, more than one person had the potential to contain one of
the essences, ready to take up the mantle if the stronger potential should die.
The essence and therefore the aura would be stronger in one above all others.

Her eyes darted back to Jaro. He had relaxed back into his
prone position, eyes closed. Tani concentrated her energy to her center, using
her wiccani powers, and focused on reading his aura. It didn’t take long to
materialize. His aura was strong. Dark red laced with black, evidence of hate
and all the negative emotions that were the opposite of hers. Okay, so his aura
was strong, but Lorcan’s must be stronger. It was all too confusing! Tani
jumped up, irritated by his indifference and her crazy reaction to him. She
dragged her dry shirt over her damp skin, picked up Jaro’s clothes and hurled
them at his naked body. “We need to go!” she snapped. He sat up quickly, a
bemused expression on his face. “And by the way, Jaro,” she said, just to
clarify her position. “I would never be that desperate.”

She stomped away from him, eager to escape his disturbing
presence. He was an uncouth criminal, a thief—a rapist, for Gaia’s sake! He was
the last person she should be drawn to. As she increased the distance between
them, a nagging stray thought kept intruding into her reasoning. Why? If Jaro
was the black-hearted rapist everyone said he was, then why hadn’t he taken
her? She had practically thrown herself at him in the alley and here and now
she was completely vulnerable. He could overpower her easily. And his actions
recently at the camp when he had protected her from rape by Belial’s men didn’t
speak of a man who held women cheap. But she also knew, through Lorcan’s
assertion, that he had fathered a child, a child conceived through rape and
that he had then abandoned him. There were just so many confusing
contradictions. And Jaro, Jaro was the most confusing one of all.

Desire

They were a day away from Serpens. Jaro had assured her they
would reach the city by tomorrow afternoon. “I think I’ve discovered your
secret,” he said.

Tani looked up from the task she was forcing herself to
focus on in order to take her mind off Jaro. She was carving pointed tips onto
branches to make spears so they could catch fish for breakfast in the morning. He
was lying across from her, the fire crackling between them, reminding Tani of
the constant heat that burned her skin whenever he came close.

“Oh yes and what secret is that?” she replied, surprised he
was thinking about her at all.

“You’re on a mission for the Eunomi.” He dragged his body up
so he was sitting, his eyes probing hers for answers. “You came here looking
for my brother, didn’t you? It wasn’t accidental; you were seeking your Esseni
opposite, your other half.”

“And what if I was?”

He shrugged. “Nothing I guess. It’s a dangerous mission for
a girl like you, that’s all. Ophiuchus is Discordant territory. There are very
few Eunomi sympathizers here.”

“I’ve been on many missions, some more dangerous than this,”
she said, her spine tensing at the implication she might be out of her depth.

His dark brows drew to a frown as if he guessed her
annoyance. “I don’t doubt your skill or strength,” he said, surprising her, “but
not everyone you meet is what they seem. Serpens is full of greedy individuals
who would like nothing more than a slice of Esseni pie. And you are a very
tempting dish.”

Tani’s heart beat faster. Was he saying he was tempted by
her? His next words smashed that thought to dust. “Choronzon will pay a fortune
for any Esseni, all of Serpens knows that.” Her lips pressed together,
irritated by her reaction to him.

To counter the sting in his words, she answered by reminding
not only Jaro, but herself of the reason she was here. “Lorcan will make sure
that doesn’t happen.” She caught a glimpse of his eyes flashing with anger. He
truly hated his brother.

“Are you really so sure of that, sure that Lorcan is the
right one?”

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate to reply but her eyes dropped to
the ground. “Yes, I am sure. He’s my other half.” It sounded, even to her ears,
as if she was trying to convince herself of that truth.

“So what am I?”

“You’re a shadow Esseni. You have some potential but his
essence is stronger.”

“What if you’re wrong?” Jaro asked the question she had
asked herself about a hundred times that day. “What if he’s the shadow?”

“I’m not wrong.” Tani sighed. She’d gone over this in her
head already about a million times since the revelation of Jaro’s Taijitu. “Lorcan’s
signature and aura were strong. He was the reason I came here.”

“But you could be wrong. How can you be so sure? Maybe
something changed,” Jaro insisted, his tone dark and laced with something she
didn’t understand.

“I’m not wrong. Nothing’s changed.” She shook her head as if
declaring that made it absolute.

Jaro regarded her thoughtfully. Tani wriggled under the
intensity of his gaze, the silver mercury of his eyes burning through her, as
if he was trying to get a read on her soul. “So what are you the Esseni of?” he
finally asked.

Tani hesitated. There was no harm in telling him. “Love.”
Her amethyst eyes met silver, returning his scrutiny. “I am the Esseni of Love.”

Jaro’s brows flew upward. “Love!” he snorted. “A
particularly useless emotion.” He paused as if struck by a puzzling thought. “That
means Lorcan is Hate,” he mused. “How very…” His voice trailed off, the silver
of his eyes reflecting the flickering flames of the fire that danced a
mesmerizing tango, each heated flare fighting for control. Jaro sat so still
she thought she had lost him to whatever thoughts had him conflicted. A wave of
intense emotion rolled off him but it was a tangled web she couldn’t decipher.
What was he thinking? “How very what?” she prompted.

“Nothing.” Jaro stood up but refused to look at her. He was
clenching his fists, skin stretched, knuckles whitening. “I’ll be back in a
minute.” His voice thick with the unnamed emotion, he sounded tired as he moved
away from the fire. Tani watched him disappear into the trees, wondering what
had affected his mood. She blew out a sigh. For some reason she didn’t like the
thought of Jaro upset. He was a fighter. Stubborn. Intense. She would much
rather he spent the evening arguing with her than spend it brooding.

Thirty minutes went by and Jaro still hadn’t returned. A
sudden wave of panic that he had abandoned her washed through her bones and she
sprang up to follow him. He wouldn’t have left her, would he?

It didn’t take long to find him, he hadn’t gone far. Jaro
was crouched by the edge of the cliff; shoulders hunched, head bowed as if
surveying the terrain below. He hadn’t heard her approach so she stilled, not
wanting to intrude but aching to see what he would do.

A wild rush of air swept out from where he brooded, a web of
choking emotion that speared through her lungs, leaving her gasping for breath.
The anguish intensified, the overwhelming force of it slamming into her gut so
hard that she nearly doubled over in agony. Tani’s body shook and she had to
grab onto the nearest tree to keep from falling as her body registered the
strength of his pain.

Jaro had to get away from her. Esseni of Love! Love! How
utterly perfect! She was that and more, so much more. He couldn’t bear the
thought of Lorcan with her. He had to walk away or he would have done something
idiotic like telling her that
he
loved her. How stupid would that be?
And if she was Love, then Lorcan was Hate. Now that he could believe. Lorcan
had no love for others. He only loved himself. He was as selfish as their
mother. He had tried to tell her what Lorcan was really like but he knew she
didn’t believe him. And why would she? He had a reputation as a rapist and he
was nothing but a slave. All consequences of his stupidity. He needed to stop
protecting people in the hopes that one day maybe someone would take his side.
How many times had he wished his mother or his brother would reach out and save
him?

The intensity of his anger and fury toward both of them rose
like a tsunami threatening to engulf his reason. The vicious hatred he held
inside for what had been done to him, the betrayals he had endured swept a savage
wave of rage to cloud his vision. His shoulders sagged as reality crashed in.
It didn’t matter if he was angry. He could do nothing about his circumstances.
He was forever tied to Phenex, bound by Ophiuchi law, unless he was sold or
Phenex died. If Phenex died he would be the property of his heir. If Phenex
were killed, all his slaves would automatically be ceded to the one who
vanquished him. But for one of his slaves to kill him meant their own death.
That was why no slaves on Ophiuchus ever rebelled against their masters. It was
embedded in the oath they took to their masters when bonded by the power of
warloki dark magick. If he killed Phenex, less than two minutes later his own
heart would cease to beat. Maybe he should just do it and end his miserable
existence.

A twig cracked beneath a soft footfall. She had followed
him. Jaro turned and caught sight of her red hair blowing softly in the breeze
as she stood watching him by the edge of the tree line. The fiery strands had
him mesmerized as the moonlight bathed a radiant sheen of light that danced
across her copper highlights, a golden halo dazzling him into submission. She
was so utterly gorgeous she took his breath away. Then his heart stopped
beating and Jaro nearly died. “Tani, don’t move!” he growled, holding up his
hand, gesturing her to stay still.

“What?” Tani almost jumped in surprise and shock at his use
of her proper name but she did as he said. He uncurled slowly, his body moving
stealthily toward her with all the predatory grace of a hunting beast. “Stay
still!” he cautioned quietly, his voice a whisper as he circled to her left,
eyes focusing on a spot just above her head. She remained motionless, heart
pounding, adrenaline racing. She should be afraid. There must be something
dangerous Jaro had seen that she could not. But her stillness had more to do
with being hypnotized by watching Jaro move, her attention captured by his
fluid motions, that of a hunter stalking its prey.

He drew close. Without warning he pounced, shoving her
backward, hands grabbing at the spot above her head. She crashed to the ground,
staring back in awe as Jaro grappled with the black elongated shape of a
lacerti lizard. He was suffocating it with his bare hands, his body shimmering
with light as he half shifted, his arms sprouting black hair and claws that
ripped into the lizard’s body, tearing it in half. Black blood sprayed a river
of thick tar across his chest.

Hands shifting back, he stood over her, covered in the
creatures gore, a dark predator, the silvery glow of the moon shimmering in the
mercury of his eyes. He stared at her for an intense moment that seemed to last
forever and then turned, walking silently away back toward the fire.

Tani was left shaking. Her breathing ragged, she gasped for
air and then finding it, inhaled a couple of breaths to calm her nerves. She
expelled a sigh of absolute relief. Jaro had saved her from certain death, the
lacerti lizard’s venom one of the most toxic in the galaxy. Even a sanguini
Healer would have been hard pressed to purge that poison.

She stood up still trembling, heart pounding as if having
run a marathon, and wiping the dirt from her clothes, shakily followed the
trail Jaro had forged back to the orange light of the fire. At first she couldn’t
see him and panic set in. Maybe that had been the last straw and he had
abandoned her for real this time.

Rustling from the undergrowth, a figure emerged from the
trees in front of her. He was naked again, having divested himself of his
bloodstained clothing. His chiseled body luminescent perfection, he prowled
toward the fire, a feral god bathed in golden flames.

Tani’s heart jumped in her throat and she was frozen, caught
in the glare of his savage beauty. If he was a flame then she was a moth. A
willing sacrifice.

Jaro walked toward her without breaking eye contact. He was
coming for her. She knew it without a doubt. One moment all she could see was
the mercury of his eyes, indigo rings darkening, and the next, she was
surrounded, encircled in the iron embrace of his arms.

She found herself pressed hard against his chest, visions of
the encounter in the club resurfacing. A full-color replay. The overwhelming
scent of spice and maleness enveloped her senses, causing momentary paralysis.
Jaro moved back, releasing her from his embrace his hands moving to hold her
arms, his fingers gripping tightly against her skin. The pressure was intense
but although the pain of his nails digging into her skin hurt, the intensity of
his grasp turned from a sharp bite to a wave of confusing pleasure.

Tani tried to step back but he didn’t let go. His lips
brushed across her brow as he pulled her back in again. A reluctant caress. “Are
you trying to get yourself killed?” he growled.

“I don’t need to. You’re killing me right now,” she moaned,
trying to twist away from him.

As if he could sense her fear—fear that he might attack her,
rape her, Tani felt his anger intensify, even as his fingers withdrew to a
lighter, gentler grip. “I don’t want to kill you or rape you,” he said harshly.
Her own fear increased. It wasn’t that she was scared he would kill her or even
rape her. She could combat that. What she couldn’t fight was the strength of
feeling that had surged to the surface with the touch of his skin against hers.
She knew it was wrong, knew she should fight. But Jaro’s essence surrounded
her. She was drowning in him and he was dragging her under.

Oh, but drowning was sweet! Tani couldn’t stop the movement
of her hands as they were drawn to his nape, seeking the soft blue-black
strands that brushed his neck. Fingers entwining, she curled her hands to fist
the silky waves and pulled his head down. Her lips sought his, and as they met,
one thought screamed in her ear—
this is so wrong. But Gaia have mercy, it
feels so right!

Tani couldn’t stop herself. She hated that he made her feel
this way but her body had no safety brake, no pause button where he was
concerned. She was a train headed for a collision and nothing was going to stop
the inevitable wreck.

Jaro’s lips were firm but hesitant. She felt a momentary
resistance. Her breathing ragged, Tani’s mouth persuaded his open and their
tongues collided. Dueled. She felt his response as her challenge was met. Jaro
deepened the kiss, sucking at her lower lip, his breath a hot furnace.
Scorching.

Breaking the grip on her arms, his hands traveled down, seeking
her hips, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. He forced her closer,
hesitancy forgotten. Insistent. Tani’s brain lost all coherence. She didn’t
care who he was. Couldn’t care. He was a slave. A criminal. A rapist. But he
made her burn! The fire that raged within was so hot she thought she would turn
to ash. It was an inferno. As suddenly as it had begun, Jaro’s mouth left hers,
leaving a chill of regret. But she wasn’t sorry for long. His lips trailed
downward, suckling at her neck, finding the exact same spot he had marked
before, his teeth scraping her skin, sending tremors down to her core and
fanning the flames of their mutual desire.

He continued to blaze a trail of hot kisses across her
throat, his hands coming to rest on the curve of her ass. She expected him to
grab and thrust, the heat between them sizzling as it had outside the club.
Surprising her, Jaro slowed his movements, stroking her backside gently, his
fingers gliding down the back of her thighs, exploring. “You’re driving me
crazy, Red!” His voice, a deep rough growl of resonating darkness in her ear.
Such a contrast to the gentleness of his touch.