Rage to Adore (18 page)

A whisper away from her breast, the vibrations of his voice
thrumming with the rhythm of her heart, his mouth explored the taste of her
skin. Nipples aching, throbbing with a need so strong, so urgent that she was
powerless to stop herself from pressing into him, she moved to force his lips
to close over one swollen bud through the fabric of her vest. Then her top was
lifted and her naked breast was in his mouth, his tongue teasing her nipple. Her
brain fogged as she lost the capacity to move, bones liquidizing, body
floating. Jaro’s hands were all over her now, leaving an indelible mark wherever
they went.

He
was
the one who made her burn. And Gaia save her,
did she burn! The blood in her veins at boiling point, the heat of it crawling
across her skin sensitizing every nerve. His hot lips sparking flame wherever
they touched, her skin under his hands threatening to detonate. Jaro inflamed
her. Branded her. Ignited her.

He couldn’t stop. He just couldn’t stop. Even as his body
adored hers, his mind raged against it. She was the most dangerous thing in
existence and he was on a knife edge of a precipice. If he continued this, he
would fall and there would be no soft landing. One last thought of resistance
flashed in his head and then he was gone, toppling over the edge. Savoring.
Devouring. The urge to explore every part of her imprinted on his psyche. Jaro
surrendered to the insistent tug of the threads that had woven filaments
embedded into every cell. He no longer cared that what he was doing would
eventually kill him. She had nearly died! She hadn’t seen how close the lacerti
had been to striking.

Slowly his panic subsided as he held her soft flesh in his
arms, the reality of it convincing him that she was safe. Then she had all but
dragged his mouth to her lips. She had kissed him! All he knew now was that she
had stolen his soul. Everything he had was in her possession and he was
powerless against her radiance, the sweet taste of her breasts lingering on his
tongue as she fused into him. Insistent. Demanding.

Jaro groaned, sliding his hands up the satin soft skin of
her back and he sank to his knees before her, bracing her lush curves against
the nearest tree. He’d lied when he’d derided her body. He loved her lithe
athletic frame that although toned with muscle, still had gentle contours that
flared enticingly where her hips met her waist and breasts spilled like ripe
peaches in his hands.

She was stroking his hair, keeping his head in contact with
her flesh where his lips lingered over her taut belly and forged a path
downward to the apex of her thighs. His mouth brushed against the fabric of her
shorts as he pulled open a button and his eyes flickered upward, catching her
gaze in a silent quest for permission.

Her amethyst eyes held his steadily as she wriggled out of
her shorts and pants. He dipped his head, loving the sound of her breath hitching
in a gasp of pleasure as he pressed a kiss to the soft red curls and the V of
her sex. But still, she didn’t stop him or protest, so he continued to worship
her there with more kisses, nudging her thighs apart, his mouth giving in to
desire.

The taste of Tani was intoxicating, a drug that addicted him
into craving more. He was already a slave to it. Laving the pebble of her clit,
he relished her soft cries of pleasure, loving how she writhed against him
circling her hips beneath the searching caress of his tongue. Jaro lifted one of
her legs over his shoulder, making it easier to taste all of her, one hand
reaching up to fondle some more attention on her breasts. Her hands followed
his, echoing his motions as she squeezed her other breast and encouraged him to
pinch the bud of her nipple.

Tani was dying from pleasure. Wave after wave crashed over
her as Jaro stroked her to a climax with his mouth. Just as she was about to go
over the edge, he stilled. “We should stop this,” he whispered, his lips
pressed against the fleshy mound of her sex, hot breath inflaming her more. She
was feverish with need, her sanity gone.

“Don’t you dare stop, Jaro, please!” she begged. “I need
more!”

He didn’t deny her. His name on her lips a command. Sliding
his fingers along her inner thighs, he pushed into the moist heat between her
legs, his mouth finding her sweet spot, he sucked hard. Her body shuddered as
she came, clenching tightly around the thrust of the fingers that plunged
inside her wet channel. She cried out his name, releasing it into the darkness.
Tani fell apart. She was no longer lucid. She was lost in the midst of a silver
mercury ocean, drowning in its depths. Jaro. It was Jaro. He was her anchor,
her life raft.

He had never seen a more beautiful sight as Tani shattered
in front of him. He felt every tremor as she climaxed, watched with
satisfaction as her eyes rolled back, heavy lidded, and her lips parted,
screaming his name. When her shudders subsided he laid her down on the ground,
palming her cheek in his hands. Capturing her lips with his mouth, he gave her
a taste of her own sweetness, needing to be inside her in any way he could. “Red,
Red,” he murmured, in between kisses. “I need more of you.”

The iron spear of his erection lay hard on her belly, the
weight of it evidence of his arousal. Tani could only whimper as he scorched
her lips with a kiss that threatened to consume her body and soul. She was
helpless. He was impossible to resist. Her tongue sought his, eager for the decadent
thrill of his mouth. The urge to explore every part of him an overwhelming
force that saw her responding to his kisses with equal ferocity. They were both
lost from that moment, drowning in silver mercury flames, floating on the sea
of desire. There could be no going back.

Regret

She had screamed his name.
His
name.
She
was
lying in his arms, silky crimson hair soft against his shoulder, vibrant red
against the bronze of his skin.
Her
cheek pressed snug into his chest.
She was lying in
his
arms.
His arms.

Jaro was in shock. Any moment now she would vanish and he
would find himself in Phenex’s palace in the middle of some battle he’d been
charged to fight on his master’s behalf. Any. Minute. Now.

Her warmth seared his flesh, her weight proof of her
existence. The scent of strawberries, ripe and sweet hung in the air and on his
tongue. Summer sunshine in his arms.

Panic set in as he realized that this was reality. What had
happened was not a fantasy. She
had
screamed his name. She had told him
she wanted more and he had given it. He hadn’t been able to stop and he had
given everything. All of himself. But what had she given him? A fuzzy
recollection of something he had been half aware of but not paid attention to.
He broke out into a cold sweat, cursing himself for an idiot. He remembered
what she’d given.

“Take all of me,” Tani had groaned as Jaro lavished her
throat with heated kisses. He nibbled at her ear and watched her tremors,
fascinated by her response to his hot breath. She wriggled under him, wet and
pliant, her soft hands snaking a path down his back with a gentleness that
nearly undid him. He knew she could feel every scar, every shredded ridge
gouged by the whip. That she was not disgusted was a miracle. Her fingers carefully
explored the story of his life, her touch a soothing caress that healed, not
just his back but the lashes on his soul. Her eyes met his. The beauty of her
amethyst gaze touching the seething darkness he nurtured inside, stroking the
black rage until it sighed in awe at her radiance. Jaro kissed her again. A
deep, searching kiss of reverence and wonder.

Tani sighed under him, rocking her hips toward his, meeting
the hard evidence of his arousal with soft feminine warmth. Her hand fluttered
over the tip of his shaft, the tentative contact causing an immediate response.
Searching fingers rubbed the wet moisture from the tip down the length of his
erection, then enclosed as much of him as they could, sliding up and down.
Every stroke inflaming him more. Then she was guiding him in. “Please, Jaro,
come inside.” Her whispered words scoring his heart, leaving an indelible mark
for all time.

He felt her heat as he entered. Her fire encircling,
sparking his arousal, he pushed deeper. She moaned beneath him, her hips
lifting in welcome, he surged in, inflamed by the sound of her passion. She
screamed his name, distracting him from a momentary thought that fled into his
mind then disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. He was lost then, thrusting
in and then out, each driving motion echoed in the rhythm of her reply. Their
bodies met, fusing, melding until the final climax that ripped through what was
left of his soul, leaving him exposed and naked before her, as she gave and he
took something precious that he had no right to own.

Her eyelids fluttered and she expelled a breath. It sounded
like contentment. Tani’s hands palmed his cheeks. Her eyes wide with astonishment,
she searched his face, her expression washing away years of bitterness and
fury. She did something then that surprised him. His redheaded witch pulled him
closer, her lips skimming his brow with a gentle kiss, she laid his cheek
against her breast and hugged him tight. And then he had slept. A sleep without
nightmares for the first time in years. But now he was awake and in the cold
light of day, reality had become a nightmare.

Jaro cursed himself for a fool. He remembered what he had
taken from her. At first he had believed her a whore. Lorcan’s whore. But that
belief had merely been a defense against her. He had soon realized that as a
fallacy. What he hadn’t realized was her innocence. She had been a virgin and
he’d taken that from her. That she hadn’t stopped him made little difference.
What the hell had he been thinking! This whole thing was a mistake. She was
still Lorcan’s, even though he didn’t deserve her and no matter how much he
felt she should be his. She could never be Jaro’s because of who he was.

Rage. He summoned it from the pit. He needed to call it
forth and extinguish these other feelings that were threatening to overwhelm
his better judgment. He needed to squash this adoration with his fury. How dare
she not tell him? Why would she give him that gift, knowing she would
ultimately be with his brother? He recalled the bitterness, the hate, the
anger. They were his protection, his armor and he needed them now as he never
had before. He needed to rebuild his defenses against the redheaded witch.

She moved in his arms. Gossamer silk brushing his cheek. He
couldn’t bear to touch her anymore. All-consuming anger, bitterness, resentment
bubbled to the surface ready to do battle. She stirred again, murmured warm
breath across his skin, soft lips caressing his neck, trying to burrow closer.
He had to get away. Jaro shifted his body, easing her as gently as he could out
of the circle of his arms.

Tani dreamed. She was surrounded by a warm heat that
diffused into her skin, licking its way through her veins, sparking emotions
she had never felt before. Contentment. Security. She was used to living on the
edge, walking a fine line between life and death, her status as an Esseni
potential a constant red alert. But this heat was a balm that soothed her
fears. She had never felt so safe.

The heat moved under her as if trying to get away. She
nuzzled closer, not wanting to let go. She would never let go. A loud curse cut
through the fog of her contentment and suddenly the heat was gone. She had been
cut loose, was adrift, floating in a chilly air that bit into her flesh,
gnawing right to the bone. Her fears resurfaced.

Tani’s eyes fluttered open, the haze of sleep still blurring
her vision. A man’s fuzzy shape next to her solidified. Her heart sped up.
Jaro! Dark. Brooding. Handsome. An erotic waterfall of images crashed over her.
Last night Jaro had made love to her.

Made. Love. To. Her.

More than that. She had made love to him.

Love. To. Him.

Clarity. Sudden blinding focus. She loved him! Him. Jaro was
the one, the yang to her yin. There was no way Lorcan could be her other half—not
after last night. Jaro was the true Esseni, Lorcan the shadow. That had to be
true because if not… Tani’s heart stuttered with confusion at the unwelcome
thought. Her eyes sought his, but he had turned away from her, his dark head
resting on bent knees. The urge to touch him, to feel his heat was an
imperative. Tani reached out her hand to brush the arch of his spine, the
lightest of touches caressing the deepest of scars. He flinched and pulled
away.

“I should never have touched you.” His voice, deep with
regret and fury, sliced through warmth of her flesh, cutting a direct path to
her heart. She felt it bleed, a small drop trickling through the wound. “Keep
away from me, Red. That can’t happen again.” Two drops more.

Tani sat up, confused, his words slashing deeper, the
vehemence in his tone leaving her in no doubt that he meant what he said. “What
are you saying? Jaro?” She had to know. “Do you regret what happened?”

He still didn’t look at her. “It was a mistake.”

“A mistake!” Two drops became a trickle, her heart bleeding,
crying out that he was wrong. “How can you say that?”

“Easily, Red. You were available and you begged. What else
is there to say?”

“Jaro!” The trickle now a river, blood choking her throat. He
was denying it, denying the connection between them. Why? She touched his back
again, her palm seeking the link that he dared to sever.

“Fuck, Tani!” he spat, jerking away. “Don’t! You’re Lorcan’s.
You said so yourself and last night you gave me something that should have been
his. It was a mistake and that’s it.”

“I…I…but…” Tani could barely speak now. The river a raging waterfall,
she gagged as if blood had really gushed to her throat, nausea making her
dizzy. He turned to face her, eyes blazing, feverish with rage. “Thanks for the
fuck, Red, that’s all it was. A fuck. Don’t get any ideas it was anything
different.”

She almost caved under the scorching burn of his anger, her
face turning white. But Tani was a warrior through and through and when met
with a challenge she would face it head-on. Her own anger burst like a volcano.
“You’re a liar, Jaro! You know it was more than that. If I had wanted to stop I
would have. I gave myself to you!”

He stood up, his eyes raking her body with scorching
insolence, the fire in them a cold white heat. “Yeah, well, thanks but no
thanks. It won’t happen again.”

“But this changes everything!” She was yelling at him now,
angry at his blank tone of indifference. She matched his stance curling her fists,
nails digging into her palms.

“It changes nothing!” He was shouting back at her. “I’m a
slave, Red! How could you let me do that to you? It was a precious gift and you
gave it to
me
?”

The question hung in the air between them, floating,
suspended in time until Jaro broke the spell. “It was an okay fuck, Red, but I
like my women a bit more experienced. Go fuck Lorcan. Maybe when you’ve had
more practice we can try it again.”

Tani’s anger burned. At that moment she hated him more than
anything. That he could make her love him and then refuse the love she had
given! How dare he? He was a bastard, a rapist. She’d almost forgotten that
fact. He used women and then threw them away like garbage. “I can see I made a
mistake. You’re a bastard, Jaro. Is this what you did to Sami’s mother and the
other girl you raped? You take what you want and just walk away. You deserve to
be a slave. You deserve every slash on your back for what you’ve done.”

The moment the words left her mouth she wished she could
take them back. Jaro’s eyes flashed with so many undisguised emotions that her
heart was left shattered. Shock, pain. Fury, bitterness. Resignation, love. She
felt the love but it was fleeting as hurt and anger rose to the fore. “Yeah,
you made a mistake, Red. You confused me with Lorcan. I told you before, I am
what I am. I told you to keep away. If you got burned it’s your own fault. I
take from the innocent, remember. Now leave me the fuck alone!” He turned away,
too angry to speak.

“Jaro! I…I…didn’t…” Tani’s voice cracked. What the hell? How
could she reach out to him? She hadn’t meant to say what she’d said. Truth be
told it no longer mattered to her what he was, what he’d done. She had to
believe people could change and she knew how things could be twisted. Lorcan,
for example. He was supposed to be honorable. Jaro was not. Yet Lorcan had lied
to her or at the very least deliberately misled her.

Jaro turned back to her then, his hands gripping her
shoulders. “Didn’t what? Didn’t agree to fuck last night? Are
you
going
to accuse me of rape now?” Her lips parted as she stared into the blazing
mercury inferno, indigo rings flashing with dark fury. Her hand lifted to palm
his cheek, her thumb brushing his furious lips. She wanted to soothe, to kiss
away the hurt that dug into his brow. Tendrils of compassion wove a path toward
him, but this time, along with the comfort she sent waves of love. Her love.
Real and unwavering. Sharp nails bit into her skin. He flinched, his expression
shifting from anger to agony. “Don’t! For Chaos’ sake, Red!” He shoved her
away, his nails ripping away flesh from her arms as she fell.

Tani landed in a heap. She looked up at him to find him
staring at her, his eyes full of horror, hands raking through black hair. He
started toward her but stopped two feet away. He was shaking. A roar escaped
his throat and the air around him shimmered. Jaro half shifted as he had the
night before, his hands taking on barghesti form. She could feel his rage but
it wasn’t directed at her. She was safe. It was hatred for what he was and what
he’d been. What he’d done to her. His large claws fisted and he turned swiftly,
pounding at the trunk of the nearest tree. It fell with a crash as Jaro broke
into a run, fully shifted, dark fur gleaming blue-black in the sunlight. And
then he was gone, disappearing into the undergrowth.

Watching him go, her mind in turmoil, Tani felt the sting of
tears against her cheeks. She wiped them away. Now was no time to cry, even
though Jaro had rejected her again! He had negated what had happened between them.
She had felt his pain—a pain so great she couldn’t bear to dwell on it,
amplified as it was by her own. So excruciating it ripped into her broken heart
and shredded her soul. To counteract the agony in her chest, Tani felt both her
mind and body slip into shock, a creeping numbness paralyzing her senses as
Jaro’s presence faded from view. She stood there, looking after him. Immobile,
helpless and totally bereft.