Rage to Adore (4 page)

She followed, heart fluttering wildly in her chest as Morana
wound her way through the throng toward a group of four men conversing away
from the main crowd. They were dressed as all the assembled glitterati were in
formal costumes of stiff brocade, the pervading fashion in Serpens, a mixture
of Earth renaissance and Venetian swagger.

Turning as Morana approached, they eyed her with some
admiration, tinged with the respect Tani had sensed earlier. The group
comprised a dark-haired man, two blonds and a brunette. Tani waited for the
thunderbolt. It didn’t materialize. The dark-haired male was appraising her
with obvious curiosity. “Who is this lovely lady, Morana?” His voice was deep
and low.

Morana’s smile was wide and knowing. “This, Lorcan Rodach,
is your destiny,” she proclaimed. Tani noted his eyes flaring wide in surprise.
They were gray and surprisingly serious. She rolled her eyes at Morana’s
dramatics and extended her hand to him at the same time, shaking off a slight pang
of concern at the words Morana had used, which hinted that she might know more
than she was meant to.

Tani gave the dark-haired man her full attention. “Good
evening, Lorcan Rodach.” She smiled. “My name is Tanith Laska.”

He brought her hand to his lips. “I am very pleased to meet
you, Tanith Laska,” he replied, “particularly if you are my destiny.”

Tanith laughed. “I should imagine that it is a question for
the fates to decide,” she countered. He gave her a dazzling smile. “Well,
perhaps you will honor me with a dance and we can discuss the dreaded fates.”

“I would be delighted,” she replied and took the hand he
extended, following him onto the floor. Lorcan Rodach took her by the waist and
spun her into the center of the whirling throng.

Lust

Having refused Morana’s offers of an escort, Tani wandered
through the bazaar, grappling with her tangled thoughts and the confusion of
the night before. Lorcan Rodach was not what she had expected. Her expectation
had been of extremes; that she would either love him or hate him. Surprisingly,
she had felt neither emotion and consequently was left unsure as to whether she
should feel disappointed or relieved. Perhaps it didn’t always happen as Irina
had described. Her bonding with Tyr had been a magnetic compulsion that neither
could deny. But perhaps that was not always the case. Perhaps instead it was a
bond that could be nurtured into existence.

Her first impression of Lorcan was of a very handsome man,
polite and refined, his gray eyes calm and serene. After Morana had made the
introductions, he had treated her with respect, danced with her twice and
seemed to enjoy her company. He had not tried to kiss her but held her as if
she were a fragile flower. And that disappointed her?

She should be relieved that the Esseni of Hate was so
balanced and gentlemanly, not complaining that he wasn’t a murdering cutthroat
bastard!
But where is the passion?
Maybe Lorcan was not the Esseni
potential she was searching for after all. The only way to truly know was for
her to kiss him. She might just have to make the first move.

The turmoil in her head increased, sparked by sudden shock
as the object of her thoughts appeared ahead in the bazaar, as if by thinking
of him, she had conjured him into being. He was standing at a fruit stall,
casually tossing an apple and laughing with the vendor. He was wearing clothing
less formal than the night before, black combat pants, black T-shirt and boots,
and there was something suddenly so visceral about him that Tani’s heart gave a
lurch.

She swallowed as her eyes alighted on the corded muscles
that had been hidden under the stiff formalwear of last night, bronze skin
accentuating the hard strength evident in the ripped biceps of his arms. His
dark hair a loose wave tumbling onto his shoulders, slightly curling as it
caressed his neck. Spasms in her gut unfurled warmth that heated her blood. She
felt her cheeks glow.

Oh dear Gaia! Is this it?
Maybe this was the reality
of him and she hadn’t seen it before, hidden as he had been last night beneath
the civilized veneer of society manners. But there he was. Primal. Feral. More
untamed beast than refined gentleman. And that made her tingle?

The tingle sent a sweep of hot flushes bubbling through her
veins, skin stretched tight as her hands fisted imagining how his hard body
would feel beneath her palms. A wave of pure desire swept through her,
exploding outward, a cascading spiral of hunger that pulsed toward the object
of her lust. She watched, fascinated as Lorcan’s head jerked up and swung in
her direction as if seeking her out, as if he could sense her arousal.

Tani ducked behind the nearest market stall, heart pounding
loudly in her ears. She wanted to observe him from a distance, see the truth of
him. There was an intensity about him today that had her senses reeling, a
different face he was projecting to the world. And if he had more than one face,
she needed to know.

Her breathing ragged, she cautiously peered out from behind
the stall. He was still focused on her direction but she stayed where she was
hidden in the shadows, resisting the urge to go to him. Tani could not believe
how gorgeously handsome he appeared today. So much more so than the previous
night. Eyes that had appeared so serious and even, honesty forced her to admit,
dull, were now scanning the bazaar, vibrant and alert. He barked out a laugh at
something the vendor said, his gruff guttural chuckle causing an ache in her
gut where the sound vibrated, its resonance seeping into her bones, spreading a
warmth that infused her soul with its rich tone.

He dragged a hand across a stubborn square jaw that today
sported a rough growth of dark hair, the dimple in his chin accentuated by its
presence. Her hands curled again as she imagined her palm skating across the
rough texture of his cheek, imagined his face rubbing against her skin, the
abrasion sensitizing nerve endings to feel both pleasure and pain.

Another wave of arousal and Tani was forced to grab on to
the nearest stall, mortified by the dizziness that was overtaking her. Just
looking at a guy did not make you faint! This was ridiculous. It was the heat.
It had to be. And lack of food. She hadn’t eaten much for breakfast. It had to
be that. Certainly not an overwhelming craving for a man and one she barely
knew at that! No way!

Tani dared another peek. She felt it again! The sharp stab
of electricity, a jumpstart in her chest causing a frantic pounding so loud she
imagined every person in the bazaar could hear it. This hadn’t happened last
night when she had had her hands on him, her body pressed up against him,
dancing. It was crazy, but the earthy rawness of the bazaar suited him so much
better than the smooth polished slickness of a society ballroom. Fighting for
breath, Tani tamped down the intensity of her emotions. It was just the stress
of the situation getting to her. That must be it.

She watched more calmly as he scanned the area and,
shrugging his shoulders as if bemused by a stray thought, he pivoted around,
striding off in the other direction. Tani gave in to the instinct to follow.
She could hardly bear not to. She needed to know what kind of man he was. To
see if there might be any chance he
could
be a true partner to her.

Seeing how Tyr and Irina were together had made her wish she
could have the same connection to her partner that they shared. This man was
certainly arousing strong feelings of lust, but that would not be enough. Her
fear of failure was strong. What if she repeated the mistakes of her relation
Carita? What if Lorcan
was
Hate, but he couldn’t love her? And like the
dark shadowy figure in her dreams—what if he tried to kill her, profiting from
her essence by taking it? The bombardment of questions in her head was as
tangled as the maze of alleyways she expertly trailed him through.

Finally, having trudged for what seemed like hours through
the crowded streets, Lorcan stopped outside a crumbling doorway, one of many
similarly decaying habitations that riddled this whole section of Serpens. This
was the ghetto she had gazed down on from Morana’s balcony.

“Sami!” His rich deep baritone barreled through her chest,
vibrating off her ribs and through her toes, making them curl. A small boy of
maybe nine or ten poked his scruffy head out from the window above. “Hey,
Rodach!” The urchin grinned down, a toothy smile.

“Got something for you.” Rodach threw up an apple, which the
boy deftly caught, his grin widening. “There’s more. Come and get it!” Rodach
waited patiently, giving Tani another opportunity to admire the delicious sight
of his muscles flexing with tensile strength as he juggled another apple.

A sudden whirlwind force as a small boy lunged out of the
doorway, jumping up at him to grab at the fruit. Her jaw dropped as Lorcan
Rodach swung him around as if he were a feather, finally depositing him onto
his shoulders, where the boy sat laughing, taking a bite out of the apple.

“You’re getting heavier!” grunted Rodach. “Where’s your mama?”

“She’s out trying to find work.”

Lorcan reached up, pulling the boy to the ground and bent
his knee so their faces were level. “Tell her I’m sorry I missed her and give
her this.” He handed the boy a bag.

“What is it?”

“Take care of it, Sami. It’s meat and cheese and eggs, oh,
and some milk. Go stash it and tell your mama I’ll be by in a couple of days.”

Lorcan strode away and Tani almost forgot to follow she was
so shocked.
He can’t be Hate—he’s just too…nice!
She never would have
expected to witness a wealthy Ophiuchi male wandering through the bazaar and dispensing
food to the poor in this fashion. It was incredible.

Another thought overtook. This time unwanted and unnerving.
Who was this boy to him? What about the mother? Was this merely kindness to
those in need or an obligation to a lover? A sharp pain in her chest. Tani
brushed away the speculation, unwilling to deal with the emotion it stirred.
She barely knew him. Yet.

Racing after his disappearing form, she was almost caught
when he swung around, causing her to jump into the shadows to avoid detection.
His eyes narrowed as if he could sense someone following. A frown crossed his
face but he continued on.
That was close.
She would need to be more
careful.

Tani fought the wild rush of attraction that was squeezing
the breath from her lungs as she gazed at his receding frame. Her eyes were mesmerized
by the muscular strength of his back visible under the stretched cotton T-shirt
and a perfectly formed backside that caused her tongue to moisten her lips,
wanting a taste. Good enough to bite! Gaia, she was feeling frisky!

This was insane. Last night she’d felt very little. Today
the guy was sending her hormones on a rollercoaster ride and the worst of it—if
she decided to get on—she didn’t think she would want to get off.

Secrets

It was inevitable, she thought, that he would go to this
place, the Gilded Lily, a whorehouse. Not really the kind of place you would
want your potential partner to be visiting, yet Tani was glad. During her last
visit to Ophiuchus when she was caught up in Irina and Tyr’s dramatic
situation, she had been in this very same brothel and experienced an overwhelming
sensation that her Esseni partner was close. She had caught a glimpse of a dark-haired
man in the shadows and had only restrained herself from following him because
of her duty to that mission. That Lorcan was here and possibly a regular
visitor did not worry her. Rather, it seemed to her an affirmation of the
sensations she had experienced during that previous visit. A connection existed
and as she watched from the shadows, she felt it grow, as if the missing links
in a chain were being reforged, the inevitability of their remaking an
inexorable force.

She was even more pleasantly surprised once she ascertained
the reason for his visit. He appeared to be there out of concern for the
welfare of the girls. She watched with bated breath as a small group of
females, inmates of the brothel, poured out their troubles, citing problems
with annoying clients, whom Lorcan promised to speak to. It seemed to be such a
familiar ritual and a regular occurrence that Tani could sense the strength of
trust between this unusual man and women who were more used to male derision
and violence.

He was just about to leave when another girl slid out of the
side entrance into the courtyard.

“Rodach!” she called. “Wait!” He turned back as she waved
another small figure forward. This girl was veiled head to toe but Tani could
see she was a tiny frail thing.

“Look,” the first girl whispered, and pulled apart the
fabric that draped her smaller companion to reveal a massive bruise on her
torso, so large that even Tani, from her hiding place twenty feet away, could
see how painful it must be. Covering the whole length of her abdomen, it ran
from breast to hip, livid and raw, and as the girl turned Tani could see the
purple-yellow discoloration continue around her hips and onto her back. The
force of the impact must have been brutal. Her arms were also covered in
similar bruises and Tanith’s stomach could only roil with nausea as the first
girl drew back the veil. Her frail companion’s face was a mess.

A wave of intense anger nearly bowled Tani off her feet.
Lorcan was incensed, the intensity of his rage a whiplash that continued to
strike and pulse as the injured girl’s companion explained the attack. “Belial’s
guard, the one they call Halvin, did this to her.” The victim quickly covered
her face but not before Tani heard her quiet sobs and saw the look of intense
sorrow that crossed over her ruined face.

Lorcan clenched his fists as if he wanted to punch something
and let out a loud curse. “And the mistress,” he queried. “What has she done?”

“Nothing,” replied the first girl, drawing her friend into
her arms. “Lori needs ointment but she won’t buy it for her.”

Lorcan dug into his pockets and handed the girl some coins. “Make
sure she gets what she needs and come to me if you need more.” Tani’s breath
hitched as Lorcan’s expression showed such compassion for the girl, but he didn’t
touch her, probably Tani realized because he understood that kind of contact
was the last thing she needed. Her friend pulled him into a crushing embrace. “Thank
you!” she cried. “You always come through for us.”

Lorcan pulled away. “Don’t thank me,” he said. “Just make
sure she heals.”

Tanith watched in shock as he disappeared into the
labyrinthine streets. She couldn’t believe what she had seen. It just didn’t
make sense. Lorcan was part of the Ophiuchi nobility who were not known for
their generosity. Philanthropy was not in their dictionary, nor was charity. Yet
she had watched him rub shoulders with his inferiors, give food to the poor and
now he was taking care of prostitutes! It was unbelievable.

She was so consumed with curiosity that she wanted to see
what the girls did next. There was an air of tragedy surrounding the small
shrouded figure and Tani felt strangely drawn to her, a sensation that went
beyond any normal feelings of compassion. The girl touched a nagging thought in
her head that she couldn’t put her finger on.

“Lori,” she heard the girl’s friend whisper softly as the other
girls united to comfort the victim. “It’s going to be all right now. Rodach has
come through again. Everything’s all right.” Lori’s small frame sagged with
relief, a movement so pitiful that Tani couldn’t stop herself from diffusing a
wave of comfort in her direction. Watching the girl jerk with shock and
awareness as the blanket of compassion embraced her, Tani felt a connection
with the girl that defied the usual ties she experienced when using her powers
to ease those in need. There was something different about this girl. Her
companions hadn’t noticed Lori’s distraction and began to make plans for
obtaining the ointment. Once their plans were made, the girls didn’t linger,
disappearing back into the brothel, the frail girl one of the first to vanish.

Tani could only be glad that she had been there to witness
Lorcan’s generosity and that she had also been able to ease the victim’s
suffering. Even in such a small way, her blanket of compassion was a growing
force that seemed more powerful on this planet than it had before. She wondered
briefly if meeting her Esseni partner had instigated a change in her powers, if
others would also be unlocked and grow stronger. Tani’s heart beat with
excitement and she turned to look for Lorcan, suddenly realizing that she had
lost him.

It was too late to try to find him, so Tani decided to head
back to Morana’s, making a small detour en route to check in with her Eunomi
contact. The welcome she received took the form of a bear hug and a kiss on the
cheek. Hugging the warrior back, Tani felt some of the tension that had been pressing
on her since her arrival dissipate.

“I can’t breathe, Antares!” she complained until he finally
let her go. The big warrior smiled down at her, chocolate-brown eyes twinkling
with humor. “Come on admit it, Tanith,” he joked. “I take your breath away with
my good looks and endless charm. Be honest now, you can’t resist me, can you?”

She laughed up at him, happy to be with an old friend. “Antares,
I’ve been resisting you for years. What makes you think I’m going to fall into
your arms now?”

“You’ve met your duality and he’s a douchebag? You realized
that I’m the best thing since sliced bread? My innate animal magnetism? I could
go on but I see you’re in denial. Oh well, you can’t say I didn’t give you the
chance to jump me!”

“Be serious,” she said, still laughing. “Not that I think
you can. I just came to check in with you. Borealis told me you would expect to
hear from me every two days.”

Antares sat down and motioned Tani to the table. They were
in his lodgings a few streets away from the bazaar, just around the corner from
the hovel where Lorcan had met the small boy called Sami. She took a seat
opposite and relayed what she had learned so far about Lorcan. “It all sounds
very promising,” said Antares, although his expression remained skeptical. “The
Esseni of Hate—a do-gooder, on Ophiuchus of all places! Are you sure he knows
nothing about being an Esseni—that he’s not playing you?”

“I don’t think so,” she said mulling over the question
again. She had already asked herself this a number of times. “He gave no
indication last night and he couldn’t have known I would catch sight of him in
the marketplace today. It was a complete accident.”

“Or it was fate.”

“Or it was fate,” she agreed. “I’m to meet him at Morana’s
for lunch. She invited him to pursue my acquaintance so I’d better go.” Tani
stood to leave. “I’ll check in the day after tomorrow.” She moved to the door
and was about to exit when Antares grabbed her wrist. His brown eyes were
thoughtful, a worried expression crossing his handsome face. “I know you can
take care of yourself, Tanith,” he said. “But—watch your back. Morana isn’t an
open book and the last Esseni of Hate was a treacherous bastard as you well
know. Just take care and remember I’m here for you.”

Antares pulled her into his arms again, kissing her cheek. “Keep
me in the loop. You’re one of my favorite people. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
His final order was accompanied by a squeeze of her wrist and a brief kiss on
the lips. Antares’s eyes searched hers, leaving no doubt as to his meaning. She
was surprised. He was a good friend and comrade. Together they had shared many
adventures on missions for the Eunomi, but never before had he indicated that
his feelings for her ran any deeper than friendship.

Tani left quickly, her mind in turmoil. She didn’t know what
Antares expected but she got the impression that if her mission with Hate ended
in catastrophe, he would be there to pick up the pieces.

Realizing she was now late for the lunch Morana had
arranged, Tanith made her way swiftly back to the hilly enclave, her anger
increasing as the broken-down shacks and dirty alleyways gave way to the broad
sidewalks and expensive dwellings of the rich and powerful. Morana’s townhouse
stood above her, a testament to the greed and inhumanity of those who held the
power here. Her heart filled with compassion as she remembered the faces of the
downtrodden wretches who had begged her for coin along the side of the road and
the small half-starved boy whose face lit up merely for the bite of an apple.
She saw her duty clearly in the tired eyes of the oppressed slavewhores, beaten
to within an inch of their lives because here their lives had no value.

Tani could hardly bear to walk through those doors and be
civil to Morana but she knew she had to. It was her fate. And suddenly that
fate was looking a lot more attractive if the slow-burning arousal currently
firing beneath her skin was anything to go by. If she and Lorcan could bond and
realign their essences, then perhaps these people would find less suffering.
Less hate. More love. She would have to play it cool with Morana, keep her
secrets and not let her anger show. Tani would bide her time. A small flame of
excitement flickered in her chest. Perhaps fate wasn’t such a bitch after all.
Perhaps like Tyr and Irina, she would be able to forge this connection so
necessary to The Balance. And now that she had seen the real Lorcan, it was a
connection that seemed so necessary to her.