Ravensong (20 page)

“
Tell me about
it.”

“
What’s to tell? I was
nineteen and I almost killed myself, twice – once accidentally and
once deliberately.”

She shifted on the couch so she was
facing him. Reaching out, she encircled his wrist, pressing back
the cuff of his sleeve. He started to pull away, but stopped,
drawing in a ragged breath. Elena traced the scar with her thumb,
then released him.

“
Why?”

“
I thought I couldn’t take
the pain any more. Heroin is a vicious drug. No matter what they
give you, it hurts to go off it. Death seemed
preferable.”

“
But you did it. You got
clean.”

He sighed. “It’s a tenuous
thing, Elena. I always feel like I’m tottering on the brink. If I
were to tell you that I’d ever stop wanting it, I’d be lying to
both of us.”

“
How did it go so
far?”

He shrugged. “Who knows? I
joined my brother’s band at seventeen. In a year, I’d convinced him
to let me sing. Things went crazy from there. Our songs started
selling, then we got picked up by an agent. He got us booked into
bigger and bigger places. Being in LA, it didn’t take much before I
started modeling for various things – shoes, clothing, even
deodorant.” He gave her an uncomfortable smile. Elena returned it.
“I was eighteen and women were throwing themselves at me. There was
money and cars and a house. In a year, I went from straggly nobody
to fame. They asked me to do bits in commercials and then movies,
and then I got my first acting part. James always kept his head,
but there was no stopping me. I couldn’t get enough, I couldn’t do
enough. And I got burned out.”

Elena felt her stomach
clench.

“
At first they offer you an
upper, just something to get you moving in the morning. Then it’s a
downer, so you can sleep at night. Then a drink to loosen you up
before you go on stage, then a snort of this to keep you up after
the show.” He paused and his eyes drifted to Elena’s face. “It
isn’t as far a leap to putting a needle in your arm as you
think.”

“
But James didn’t get
caught up in it?”

“
He drank too much, but
once they started offering him drugs, he backed out real quick. It
was already too late for me.”

“
How did you hide it from
him? From your parents?”

“
I became a great liar, and
I pulled away from them. Weeks would go by before I would contact
them.”

“
Nobody suspected
anything?”

He gave a bitter laugh.
“They did, but I was an adult by then, on my own. James and Evan
tried to stop me. I can’t tell you how many fights we had over
it.”

“
How did it finally
end?”

Ravensong fell silent and
he looked at the ground. Elena wasn’t sure he was going to tell her
any more, but he drew a deep breath and started speaking
again.

“
James and I got into a
fight about my lifestyle and he left – went home. My step-father
called me and told me my mother needed me. It was a trick to get me
there. I went and they blocked the door, telling me that they
wanted to get me help. I think the drug use was still a suspicion
for them at the time, but when I started to leave, my sister
grabbed my arm. I flinched because it hurt. I had track marks up
the entire inside. She pulled my sleeve back and saw what I had
done to myself. I’ll never forget the look on all of their faces. I
thought my mother was going to drop dead right there.”

Elena realized she was
covering her mouth with her hand. She removed it and placed it on
his elbow. He looked at her fingers, then up into her eyes. “I ran
out of the house and got into my car, but I was so high I couldn’t
control it. I drove it right into the tree in my parents’ front
yard.”

Elena’s grip tightened and
he placed his hand over hers, running his thumb over the back.
“When I came too, they were cutting the roof off the car. There was
broken glass all around me and I was pinned under the steering
wheel. A firefighter kept telling me to hang on. He was sitting in
the passenger seat, holding my hand, but I couldn’t feel it. I was
sure I was either paralyzed or dying.”

“
How long were you in the
hospital?”

“
Months. I went into kidney
failure. Ironically, my drug use made my veins so fragile that they
had a hell of a time giving me dialysis. And then came rehab and my
suicide attempt. My daughter was born before I got out. I wasn’t
even there to see her entry into the world. For so long, I was
scared that my drug use would have some affect on her.”

“
But she’s perfect,
right?”

“
No ill effects that we
know of, but that doesn’t mean something won’t show up later in
life.”

“
I know how much you adore
her.”

“
She’s the reason I didn’t
try to kill myself again. I probably would have if it hadn’t been
for her.”

“
Did you really want to
die?”

He shook his head. “I don’t
know. Sometimes I did. I saw how badly I was hurting my family and
I was so ashamed. I can’t even imagine what they went through, and
then I felt so guilty for what I might have done to my daughter. No
drug addict wants to be the way they are. They’re ashamed of their
weakness and hate themselves because of it.”

“
You were only
nineteen.”

“
That doesn’t matter.” He
motioned to the rest of the band members. “Don’t let this life get
a hold of you, Elena. It’ll kill you no matter how old you
are.”

* * *

Elena stood beside Julian,
surveying the stadium they were to perform in that night. It was
the largest she’d seen so far and the event’s planner was telling
Julian the show was sold out. Elena had never seen Julian so happy.
He was even laughing, something she’d never heard him do
before.

And yet, something was bothering her.
She moved away from the two men and down the stairs leading to the
field. Opening the security gate, she descended onto the field. On
the stage the band was running through their usual routine,
checking the sound and tuning their instruments.

Walking toward them, Elena
couldn’t understand why she was feeling so apprehensive. Everyone
was excited about the show. This one event proved that
Avalanche
had made it to
the big time. No one could say they were just a flavor of the week
any longer.

She stopped before the
barrier separating the audience from the stage and looked up at
Ravensong. He gave her a wink, then went back to testing the
microphones. She smiled at him. He was the reason for
Avalanche’s
success – his
talent and perfectionism had catapulted them into a permanent place
in music history. Leaning her arm on the barrier, she rested her
chin on her wrist and absorbed the energy pulsating all around her.
He was right. This life could be intoxicating. It was certainly
more exciting than any other job she’d ever held. At this moment,
she couldn’t think of a single place she’d rather be.

“
Excuse me, Elena,” came a
voice beside her and Elena backed up as Alec climbed the barrier
and dropped into the dead space between it and the stage. Then he
jumped and caught the top of the stage, hoisting himself onto
it.

Elena’s eyes widened and
the anxiety she’d been feeling caught in her throat. Turning, she
hurried back across the field and up the stairs to the security
gate. Nearly running, she stopped in front of Julian.

“
The barrier and the stage
are both too low,”she said.

Julian’s eyes whipped to
her face and the event planner turned, offering her a
frown.

“
I just saw one of the
roadies hop the barrier and climb...”

Julian’s expression
hardened and he gave her a shake of his head.

“
Julian, listen to
me...”

“
That’s enough, Elena.” He
forced a smile for the stadium event planner. “I don’t know what
she’s talking about, but everything looks wonderful.”

“
I can assure you that
security is our top priority,” said the man.

“
We aren’t doubting that
for a moment,” offered Julian quickly.

“
Wait a minute,” said
Elena, but Julian reached out and grabbed her arm, hauling her up
beside him.

“
Forgive my assistant,
Arthur. She’s new to the business and this is her first
tour.”

“
Not a problem.”

“
If you don’t mind, I think
we’re needed at the sound check.”

“
Of course,” said the event
planner. He shook Julian’s hand, then climbed the stairs toward the
upper level.

Julian waited until he was
out of ear shot, then he began circling the stadium, pulling Elena
along beside him. “Did you want to insult him, Elena?” he said
through clenched teeth.

Elena pulled out of his
grasp and faced him. “Insult him? What are you talking about? That
barrier is too short.” She waved toward the stage, but Julian
snatched her arm down.

“
Knock it off.” He took a
step closer to her and glared into her eyes. “You’re going to ruin
everything.”

“
I’m trying to protect the
band.”

“
The band will be
protected. That’s why we have security patrolling between the
barrier and the stage. Now listen to me. This concert is very
important and nothing is going to ruin it.”

“
I know.”

“
Do you? Because you don’t
act like you do.”

“
I know it’s the
biggest concert
Avalanche
has played.”

Julian made a disparaging
noise. “As if that were it. This concert is where the whole tour
turns a profit. Everything after this is gravy, so leave the
planning to those who have experience and stop screaming about the
sky falling, okay?”

Elena’s eyes drifted back
to the barrier.

“
I mean it, Elena. Not
another word, okay? We can’t afford to spook the investors until
this show’s in the bag, got it?”

Elena couldn’t meet his
stare. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Julian gave a bark of
laughter. “Better than you, babe, I promise you that. Now go make
sure the catering is all set for tonight. I want to have a little
reception before the band takes the stage.”

* * *

Elena watched Julian as he
lifted his glass of champagne and saluted the band. She felt like a
betrayer. All day she’d been about to tell one of them her
concerns, but she’d stopped, afraid Julian wouldn’t hesitate to
fire her the minute he found out about it. Now, with the concert
less than fifteen minutes away, she felt almost sick. If something
happened and one of them was hurt, she would feel
responsible.

When a server had offered
her a glass, she’d turned him down, fearing that she would choke on
the bubbles. Julian’s delighted mood was enough to nauseate even
the staunchest stomach.

“
I just want to say
how proud I am of everyone in this room. This day marks a milestone
in
Avalanche
history. Tonight we perform to our biggest crowd yet, and the
stadium is sold to capacity.” He lifted his glass and a few of the
roadies cheered. The band members studied him with wary
expressions. “Not only that, but David was moved from the ICU this
morning and will probably be going home in a week. He sends you all
his best regards.”

Moving around the circle of
bodies, he stopped beside Ravensong and to everyone’s astonishment,
placed his arm around the singer’s shoulders. Elena could see
Joshua tense as if he expected to be struck.

“
But let’s be honest. Most
of tonight’s success belongs to this man here.”

Silence descended like a curtain.
Everyone held their breath, waiting for a snide comment to
follow.

“
If it weren’t for
this man’s talent and looks,
Avalanche
would never have been more
than a garage band. This man is single-handedly responsible for
catapulting us to the top of the music charts!” He extended his
glass into the air again and more people cheered this
time.

Joshua’s eyes met Elena’s
through the crowd and she knew she had to warn him about the
barrier. As she started to circle around to him, Julian drained his
glass. “Here’s to our biggest show yet! Now let’s take the stage a
little early and surprise the crowd!”

And just like that the moment was
gone. The band and roadies sprang into action. Elena hurried
forward, but before she could catch them, they walked into the
brightly lit stadium and the frenetic cheer of the crowd drowned
out her voice.

Elena crept to the edge of
the stage and peered out. Her breath caught in her throat. The
entire floor of the stadium to the topmost seats swayed with
bodies. Rising on her tiptoes, she tried to look over the edge of
the stage and mark where the security guards were stationed, but
she couldn’t see anything beyond the silhouette of the band members
as the spot lights picked them up. A moment later, the stadium
exploded in a pulsating cacophony of sound and Joshua stepped up to
the microphone.