Ravensong (33 page)

“
I guess you must get tired
of talking about yourself all of the time, huh? People always
asking you questions?”

“
Sometimes.”

“
Yeah, everyone thinks it
would be great to be famous and all, but I guess it wouldn’t be as
much fun as…” Her voice trailed away.

“
You there?” asked
Joshua.

“
Yeah, uh, yeah, I’m
here.”

“
Did you find something?”
Her voice didn’t sound as friendly as it had just a moment before.
Joshua felt a cold sweat break out across his forehead.

“
Look, I need some sort of
verification that you are who you say you are? Birthday,
anything?”

Joshua frowned. His birthdate was
plastered all over the internet, as was much of his personal
information – like his past drug addiction. He suddenly understood
what had made her cool to him so rapidly.

“
Listen, I didn’t order
that, if that’s what you’re thinking. That’s why I’m calling you. I
need to know who sent it. It was a really dirty prank and I’d like
to get to the bottom of it.”

“
I’m not here to judge
anyone, Mr. Ravensong.”

Joshua closed his eyes. He could see
the very next article that was going to hit the tabloids tomorrow.
“Please listen to me. I just need to know who sent the package. Can
you just give me a name? Someone had to place that order. Please,
please tell me who.”

She didn’t answer. The static on the
phone sounded deafening to Joshua. He realized he was gripping the
receiver until his fingers ached.

“
Please…”

“
This information is
confidential,” she answered.

Yeah, but it would still be all over
the newsstands tomorrow. “I understand that. I’m not asking for an
address or a credit card number, just the name of the person who
placed the order.”

“
You.”

Joshua wasn’t sure he heard her
correctly. “What?”

“
You placed it, Mr.
Ravensong, you are the one who called.”

Joshua found himself sitting on the
lounge chair. He didn’t remember taking a seat. “I placed
it?”

“
Yes, sir. Was there a
problem with the item?” Joshua could hear the strain in her voice,
the note of disapproval. Only moments before she had been gushing
over him, now she was distant, cold.

He didn’t answer.

“
Mr. Ravensong? Do you want
to issue a complaint?”

Joshua stared at the building across
from the hotel. He could see people moving around in offices, but
it didn’t really register to him. What the hell was happening to
him? He knew he hadn’t ordered the syringe, but a sick feeling was
worrying in the pit of his stomach. What if he had? He’d had
blackouts before.

“
Mr. Ravensong” she said
sharply in his ear, snapping him back to the present. “Are you
still there?”

“
Yes,” he answered softly.
“Thank you for your help.” He didn’t wait to hear what she said,
simply closed the phone and sat, staring at it in his
hands.

* * *

He could only open one eye, something
had flowed down over the other, blinding him. He tried to lift his
hand to brush it away, but his hand wouldn’t respond. He shifted,
trying to see what held him, but pain radiated through his body,
pain like nothing he’d ever felt before. It stole his breath and
made him whimper. He couldn’t believe such a lost and wounded sound
had come from him.

“
It’s all right,” came a
voice in his ear. “We’re getting you out. Don’t try to
move.”

“
What’s happening?” he
heard himself say. It was like trying to speak under water. For
some reason his good eye had fallen shut and he tried to force it
open, but it was too hard. Red lights played against his eyelids
and there was a shrieking noise in his ears.

“
You’ve been in a car
accident,” came the voice. “They’re going to start cutting you out
now. I’ll stay right here with you, so you won’t be
alone.”

When he tried to lift his hand again,
he felt a pressure against his shoulder. “Don’t move. You might do
more damage to yourself.”

Panic overwhelmed the pain. Car
accident? What the hell had he hit? He had no memory of even
getting in a car. And why couldn’t he see? Or move?

“
What did I hit?” he forced
out through gritted teeth. The pain was back, making him want to
curl into a fetal position, but he couldn’t move.

“
Tree. You must have been
going pretty fast. The car’s totaled.”

He tried to swallow his panic. “Anyone
else hurt?”

“
Just you,” said the voice
and more pressure was applied to his shoulder. “Please stay
still.”

“
Why can’t I move? Why
can’t I see?”

“
You’re pinned behind the
steering wheel and there’s blood all over your face. It’s in your
eyes.”

Joshua tried to force open his good
eye, but all he saw was a blurred nightmare of red, pulsing lights,
gyrating through the darkness, and the twisted mass of metal and
plastic that molded around his chest like a glove. Another whimper
of pain escaped him.

“
It’s all right,” said the
voice. Another voice spoke quietly to the first and they argued
back and forth. Joshua felt the pressure on his shoulder again.
“We’re going to start an IV.”

“
No,” Joshua said in a
strangled voice and tried to pull his arm away. If they rolled up
his sleeve, they’d see. They’d know. And once they knew, they’d
also know why he’d crashed the car. Then his parents would know…his
mother…

“
Easy,” came the man’s
voice. “We just want to get an IV going in case we need to give you
some medication.”

Joshua tried to pull his arm out of
their grip. Pain exploded in every nerve ending and he cried
out.

“
Shit,” muttered the man’s
voice. His companion said something in return, but Joshua couldn’t
struggle any more. The pain and the terror of his situation caused
him to reel toward a black hole from which he knew there was no way
to return.

“
Joshua!”

Joshua’s eyes snapped open and he
jerked into a sitting position. Someone moved away from him, then
light flooded the room. Joshua looked around, dazed. He couldn’t
remember where he was.

“
Joshua.” Someone sat down
beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Are you
awake?”

Joshua blinked. He was in a hotel
room. He lifted a hand and felt his forehead. It was damp with
sweat, nothing more. Pushing back the arm of his sweatshirt, he
found the inside of his elbow was unblemished.

“
Josh.”

He turned and stared at the
woman.
Elena.
The
rest of the dream dissipated and he remembered where he
was.

“
Are you all right?” He
could hear the worry in her voice.

He looked around again. He was sitting
on the couch in the main room of their suite. He must have fallen
asleep here. He remembered being unable to go to sleep in the first
place and getting up so he wouldn’t disturb her. Hunching his
shoulders, he braced his forehead with his hands.

“
Joshua, please answer
me.”

“
I don’t know,” he
whispered. He realized his hands were shaking again. That alarmed
him. His hands had shaken a lot when he’d first left rehab, but not
since then, not for the last few years.

“
Tell me what’s
happening.”

Tell her? He didn’t even know himself.
“It’s complicated.”

“
You were
dreaming?”

He nodded.

“
Of what?”

“
The car accident. Exactly
how it was.”

She didn’t answer, but he could feel
the pressure of her arm across his shoulders, the weight of her
against his back. He took comfort that she wasn’t running away from
him. Still, it wasn’t fair to her.

He turned his head so he could peer at
her. “Elena, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“
In what way?” she said.
She looked so afraid.

“
I’m not handling things
well. I’m not sleeping, I’m having nightmares. Nothing is feeling
right at the moment.”

She nodded, slowly. “I can feel how
stressed you are.” Her fingers massaged the tightness in his
shoulders.

“
I can’t even tell you
what’s wrong with me because I don’t know.”

“
There’s a lot going on,
Josh, not to mention that a tour would be difficult on anyone, with
or without Julian.”

He reached for one of her hands and
clasped it. “This isn’t the safe, quiet life you wanted with your
doctor.”

“
Maybe not, but that
doesn’t matter. I didn’t really want that life anyway.”

He pressed her hand to his lips. “I
want everything to be easy and good between us, though.”

She leaned her forehead against his.
“It will be, once we get out of this tour.”

He sighed and let her support his
weight for a moment. She wrapped him in her arms and held him
tightly.

“
Joshua?”

“
Hm,” he said, letting
himself sink into the comfort she offered.

“
You told me once that you
saw a psychologist in the past. Would it help to call him or her
now?”

“
It might if I knew what
was getting me so worked up.”

“
Julian trying to replace
you, getting a concussion, David having a heart attack, Elliot
behaving like he is.”

He gave a soft chuckle. “When you put
it that way…” He mulled it over for a moment. “I don’t think she
can help. I think this is something I have to work out on my own.”
He leaned away from her and reached up to touch a curl. “I don’t
want to drag you into this with me. If you want to go home, I
understand. I haven’t been very good company lately.”

“
Do you want me to go
away?”

He frowned at her. “No,
but…”

“
But what?”

“
I hate for you to see me
being so strange, so scattered and confused and weak.”

She ran her hand through his loose
hair. “Joshua Ravensong, I love you and I don’t care what you’re
being. I want to be part of your life.”

He recoiled at her words, his eyes
widening. He’d expected many things, but that hadn’t been one of
them. “What did you say?”

She smiled calmly. He didn’t know how
she could be so calm, when his heart had started banging like a
drum. “I love you,” she repeated.

He blinked at her, then gave a nervous
laugh. “Are you sure about that?”

She laughed in return. “Pretty
sure.”

He stared at her in amazement, then
rose to his feet and pulled her up with him. “I’ll be damned,
woman. That probably wasn’t a wise thing to let happen.”

“
Probably not,” she
answered, allowing him to pull her against his body. “But then I’ve
never done the wise thing.”

His eyes narrowed on her. “Elena, no
matter what happens in the next few weeks, you need to know that I
love you too.”

She gave a laugh. “Now that sounds
ominous.”

He didn’t laugh. “I’ve never loved a
woman like I do you,” he answered. “Please, never forget
that.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck
and studied his face. “Why is it that you’re scaring me more now,
when this is just what I’ve wanted to hear?”

He pressed his forehead to hers. “I
don’t want to scare you,” he said, then he kissed her, placing all
of his feelings into the kiss. When they parted, they were both
breathing heavily. Taking her hand, he pulled her toward the
bedroom. “Come on. Let’s not talk anymore, let me show you what
really matters.”

* * *

“
Ravensong, you have a
visitor.”

Joshua turned away from the curtain
and stared at the man standing next to the stage manager. He hadn’t
seen him in many years, but he’d know him anywhere. He was a little
older, a little more lined, but he was still handsome.

A sick feeling settled in the pit of
Joshua’s stomach. “What the hell are you doing here?”

The man shook his head, then elbowed
the stage manager. “Would you look at him? Worthless prick of a
kid, but everything’s always landed in his lap. Hell, I’ll bet he
shits solid gold.”

Joshua was aware of the
other band members staring at him. They were sitting around
backstage, waiting for
Rage
to finish their set. Dominic moved to Joshua’s
left side. On his right, he felt Elena wrap her hands around his
arm, but Joshua never took his gaze from his father’s
face.

“
He said he was your
father,” remarked the stage manager, looking a little anxious.
Obviously Joshua’s reaction wasn’t the one he’d
expected.

“
How did you get in?”
demanded Joshua, ignoring the stage manager.

“
Showed them my driver’s
license. They saw the family resemblance.”