Ravensong (43 page)

Julian moved in front of him. “You’re
done. Go back to the hotel and get some rest. You’ve got about two
hours to take a nap.”

Joshua pushed himself to his feet.
“What about sound check?”

“
We’ll take care of that.
The rest of the guys had the easier duty. Go on. We’ll cover for
you. The studio has a limo waiting out back.”

“
Take him up on it, Josh,”
said James, steering Joshua toward the back door.

Joshua reached for Elena and pulled
her beside him. He caught a glimpse of Elliot as they were led to
the door and it was opened, revealing the waiting limo. He wanted
to say something to the guitarist, but Dominic pressed him in the
back and hurried him out and into the car.

He sank into the seat and was
surprised when Elena took the spot opposite him again. He’d become
used to her sitting at his side. He gave her a frown, but James
moved into her place.

Once the limo began moving, Elena
fixed Joshua with a stare. “I want to know why James is out here
and I don’t want any more lies.”

Joshua exchanged a glance with his
brother. James met the look, then gave a nod. Joshua didn’t really
think it was the right time for this, but he could sense that if he
didn’t tell her, he might lose her.

“
I called James because
Julian’s right. Strange things keep happening on this tour and it’s
gotten to be more than I can handle.”

“
Such as what?” she
demanded.

Joshua hesitated. Like with James, if
he told her, she would make her own conclusions. He couldn’t do
anything about that. “The newspaper article was the first thing.
Then the woman in the dressing room.”

Her head lifted in memory. After a
moment, she nodded for him to continue.

He drew a deep breath and exhaled. His
hands had begun trembling again and he clasped them to hide it, but
James’ attention focus on that. He ignored his brother and fixed
his gaze on Elena. “I got a package in the dressing room from a
pharmaceutical company. It was an empty syringe.”

Her eyes widened, but she didn’t say
anything. He wasn’t sure what that meant.

“
When I researched it, they
told me I ordered it, but I didn’t.”

“
Go on,” she said in a tone
he couldn’t read.

He shrugged. “Then Ray showed up at
the concert. All these years and he shows up out of nowhere. The
next day is when I got picked up at the airport.”

“
I remember, but
why?”

He grimaced. “I found a vial in my
backpack filled with something. I panicked and ran to the bathroom
to flush it down the toilet. I knew I couldn’t let it go through
the x-ray machine, but airport security got suspicious
anyway.”

She looked out of the window. He
wanted to reach for her, but he resisted the impulse. She had to
make the decision on her own. “That’s when you called your
brother?”

“
Yes.”

She looked back at him. “You could
tell him, but not me?”

Joshua dropped his gaze. “Well, he is
a cop, Elena. I thought he might be able to do a little
investigating for me. I still think this is a prank, but it’s a
pretty elaborate one and one I’d like to stop. I thought he might
be able to turn up something with the pharmaceutical company.” He
shared a look with his brother. “Besides, I needed someone who
would believe me. Someone who knew what I was like when I was using
and could tell I wasn’t using now. I know how it looks. Drug addict
caught with a syringe or worse, a strange vial. I’m not exactly the
poster boy for believability.”

Her expression softened and she
reached over and covered his hands with her own. “That makes
sense,” she said.

Joshua felt a swell of emotion inside
of him. She believed him, and she understood the decision he’d
made. He unclasped his hands and took hers, holding it
tight.

“
Shit,” muttered James
beside him. He was staring out of the window.

Joshua leaned over and looked out as
well. The hotel was surrounded by fans, waving signs and cheering
when they caught sight of the limo.

“
Someone on the inside is
pulling these stunts,” said James. He shifted and met his brother’s
anxious expression. “Just how angry is Elliot?”

“
Elliot wouldn’t do this,”
said Joshua. “He didn’t like the situation at the radio station
anymore than I did.”

Elena cleared her throat. “There is a
roadie. He tried out for Joshua’s job when Julian was trying to
replace him. He’s made a lot of comments about Joshua in the past,
talked to reporters even.”

“
What’s his
name?”

Elena grimaced. “Alec Something.
Julian would probably know. I’ll point him out to you when I see
him next.”

“
He
would
have inside
information and access to Joshua. I’ll get his name from Julian and
run a background check.”

“
How would a roadie have
access to the pharmaceutical company, James?” asked Joshua. “I
think I know which guy she’s talking about. He’s not capable of
something this elaborate.”

“
Then who, Josh?” James
demanded.

Joshua closed his eyes. “I just don’t
know, but I know it isn’t Elliot. It can’t be.”

* * *

Emily Staddler rose and shook hands
with both James and his stepmother. “Thank you so much for coming.”
She motioned to the chairs before her desk. “Please, take a
seat.”

They settled, staring at her as if
they were half-afraid of what she was going to say. She studied
them in return. James was the polar opposite of his stepbrother –
large to his small, light to his dark, his features blunt to
Joshua’s more angular, finely hewn ones.

Mary, Joshua’s mother, was a pretty
woman with silky black hair and a petite frame. She didn’t have her
son’s perfection, but there was something in the eyes that was very
familiar.

“
I’m so glad you could
come.”

Mary moved forward until she was
sitting on the edge of her chair. “Why isn’t he getting better? You
said he’d get better.”

“
It takes time,” she said,
trying for a comforting smile.

“
Time? He’s getting worse.
He tried to kill himself.” Her voice choked off in a half-sob.
James put his arm around her shoulder, comforting her.

Emily was careful to keep her face
neutral. Joshua had not wanted them to know about the previous
suicide attempt. It made explaining this latest one more difficult.
“Sometimes patients get worse before they get better, but that’s
why I asked you both here.” She twirled her pen in her fingers
nervously. They were not going to like what she was about to
suggest. “Joshua is a difficult case. Most suicide attempts are no
more than a cry for help. Joshua’s is not.”

She could see his mother curl in on
herself, shrink and wither at the thought that her son might be
beyond her saving. “Are you saying he wants to die?”

Emily nodded. “He thinks he does. He’s
so ashamed of the harm he’s done to his family, and now with the
baby’s health in jeopardy…it’s more than he can bear.”

“
But he knows we love him,
he knows we couldn’t stand to lose him.”

Emily gave her a sympathetic look.
“Not really. He doesn’t see how you could possibly love him
anymore, not after what he’s put you through. To be blunt, you’re a
constant reminder of how he’s failed.”

“
What are you saying?” said
Mary, her voice rising. “You don’t want us to be around him
anymore?”

James tightened his hold.

“
Not at all, you are
essential to his wellbeing whether he knows it or not. I just want
you to understand what he’s feeling. If you left now, he’d believe
you abandoned him because he’s brought you so much shame, but
conversely, it hurts him to have you around.” She grimaced as she
realized it wasn’t coming out as she wanted. “He’s in a very
confusing place right now and that makes the situation even more
dangerous. He doesn’t feel like he has anything to live
for.”

“
You mean his family isn’t
enough?” Mary said. The pain in her expression was stark. Emily
could see how hard that might be for Joshua to face.

She gave her a sympathetic smile. “Not
right now,” she said. “He loves you dearly, but…”

“
But he thinks we only see
what he became, not who he is, right?” offered James.

Emily nodded. “He told me that
himself. He said that if he died, you’d just remember the good, but
the way it is now, you only see the bad.”

“
He’s my son. I adore him
and I can’t stand to see him hurt so much.”

“
I know,” placated Emily.
“But right now, he needs something else to give him the will to
live, something that can’t feel shame.”

Mary frowned. “I don’t
understand.”

Emily shifted her gaze to James. “He
needs to play music again.”

“
What?” Mary
said.

“
He needs to be part of a
band, composing, singing, performing.”

“
Are you insane? That’s how
he got into this mess to start with. I don’t want him anywhere near
that again,” she said.

Emily leaned forward. “It wasn’t the
music. He started taking drugs when he was making movies. For him,
the music is pure, sacred.”

“
This is
ridiculous.”

“
Actually, she has a
point,” offered James. “He hated that last track because he was
high when we recorded it.”

Emily nodded. “Believe me, I know.
Whenever I try to play it, he lapses into silence and I can’t bring
him out of it.”

“
I don’t like where this is
going,” protested Mary.

Emily focused her attention on Mary.
She understood what she was feeling. She would feel much the same
way herself if it was her son, but she didn’t see the emptiness
staring back at her the way Emily did.

“
I think this is the only
way we can save him,” she said frankly.

Mary turned to James, but James was
staring at his hands. “James?”

James met his stepmother’s look. “I
think she’s right.”

“
Right?” Mary grabbed his
arm. “If he goes back into that business, he’ll be exposed to drugs
again.” She shifted and glared at Emily. “What kind of psychologist
are you anyhow?”

Emily almost laughed, the statement
was so like Joshua’s, even the disapproving look on her face was
the duplicate of her son’s. “I’m the psychologist who doesn’t want
to see this become any more tragic than it already has. When he
sits in here, he drums on the arms of the chair – he doesn’t even
realize he’s doing it. The nurses report that they catch him
humming, and once one of them saw him playing the keyboard James
brought him. It wasn’t turned on, but he was compressing the keys.”
She leaned forward. “Do you ever see your son leaving this place,
Mary?”

“
Of course I do,” she
answered, outraged.

“
What do you see him doing?
Surely you don’t see him sitting in your home day after
day?”

“
No.”

“
Then what is he doing?
What’s he equipped to do, Mary? Can he go to college? Is he the
sort of person to sit in a classroom and listen to lectures? Can
you see him doing that?”

Mary looked away.

“
Then what else?
Construction, auto mechanics? Would he be satisfied with any of
those things? He has a baby to support now, and a child that may
have special needs. Just how is he going to do that?”

“
We’ll help
him.”

“
And he’ll be satisfied
with that, Mary? He’ll be happy living at home, working odd jobs,
and giving all of his pay to Terry?” She stared hard at the other
woman. “What do you think the shame of that will do to him? What do
you think inaction will do to a recovering drug addict,
Mary?”

“
Stop!” She bowed her head
and closed her eyes. James put his arm around her again.

“
I’m sorry,” said Emily. “I
just want you to see it the way I do.”

“
It seems so hopeless,”
whispered Joshua’s mother. “I feel like I’m losing him every
day.”

“
I know, I know you do, but
I think this is the answer. We’ve got to get him back doing what he
loves. Even sick and high, he found a way to express himself
through music. I’ve heard the CD. It’s brilliant, Mary. I know you
don’t want to hear it and I know he hates it, but it’s brilliant,
he’s brilliant. I really believe that music is the key to saving
his life, and without it, I just don’t see any hope.”

Mary met Emily’s gaze and stared at
her for a long time. Finally, she exhaled, a weary, wounded sound.
“I don’t even know how we accomplish something like
this.”

Emily sank back in her chair. “That’s
why I asked James to come. I know that you’ve decided to leave the
business and after all these months the other band members have
moved on.”

“
They didn’t have much
choice. They’re also not equipped to do anything else.”