Raw Desire (15 page)

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Authors: Kate Pearce

BOOK: Raw Desire
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She didn't answer him, and he made the mistake of looking behind him. She was furiously wiping tears from her cheeks, and he wanted to groan. “Ally . . .”
“What?”
He turned fully around. “I don't want to fight about this.”
“Too late.”
He struggled to think of something to say. “I got you the job because I wanted you to stay in Spring Falls. If that was wrong of me, I apologize.”
Ally turned around and walked down the hallway toward her bedroom. Rob heard the door slam and winced. He picked up his keys and went out the back. In his chosen career, he'd learned that sometimes it was better to retreat than to force an issue, and he was absolutely certain this was one of those times.
 
Jackson looked up as Rob came into the kitchen and frowned. “I thought you'd be staying over with Ally.”
“So did I.” Rob went to the refrigerator and took out a beer. “I pissed her off big-time.”
“
You
did? Who'd have thought it?” Jackson raised his eyebrows and waited to see if Rob would say more.
“Ally found out that I got her the job with Lauren.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Rob contemplated his beer for so long that Jackson thought he wasn't going to speak again. “She accused me of trying to manage her life again.”
“Again?”
Rob's pale eyes met his. “You know that was one of the reasons she left in the first place.”
Jackson took his coffee through to the TV room, and Rob followed him and slumped down on the tattered leather couch. “So you fucked up.”
Rob groaned. “I even tried to apologize, and she just walked out on me.”
“Women.”
Rob finished his beer and put the empty bottle on the rug beside the couch. “The thing is, I was trying to get her off the subject of her mother and walked right into another fucking trap.”
“You told Ally you were interested in what her mother was up to when Susan died?”
“I started to, and she got all suspicious on me.”
“Now, there's a surprise.”
“I was going to do what you suggested and ask her outright, Jackson, and then she brought up all this shit about Lauren and the job and I got into that with her instead.”
Jackson studied his best friend until Rob started to shift in his seat. “Do you want me to tell you what I think?”
“Sure, why not? I don't have any answers. She thinks I'm trying to control her entire life.”
“Are you?”
“Hell, no! I told her that she needed to separate the sex from the rest of it.”
“And how did she take that?”
“She went on about how hard she'd tried to rebuild her life and . . .” Rob stopped talking and stared at Jackson. “Shit, she's right, isn't she?”
Jackson simply looked at Rob. “I wasn't very grateful when you decided to fix me either. Do you remember that?”
“Yeah.”
“It took me quite a while to get over myself and accept your help for what it was—the hand of a friend. For Ally it's going to be a lot harder than that.”
“So what the hell can I do to fix this?”
“You can't. That's part of the problem.
You're
part of the problem. You'll have to wait and see what Ally chooses to do about it.”
“Thanks for nothing, buddy.” Rob rolled over on the couch and buried his face in the cushions.
Jackson raised his coffee mug in a salute. “You're welcome.”
 
Ally jumped as her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. It had better not be Rob or Jackson. It was too late, and she was too tired to start anything with either of them now. She checked the number and clicked to connect.
“Jill?”
“Hey! How are you?”
“I'm okay, I guess. How are you?” Ally settled herself back against the pillows of her bed and tried to picture Jill's smiling face.
“You don't sound okay. And your e-mail worried the shit out of me.”
Ally sighed. “I've got to stay here for a while. I have no choice.”
“With all that negative energy around you? The plan was that you'd go back, clear up the mess, and leave as quickly as possible. What happened to change your mind?”
Ally cringed as Jill, yet again, asked her the hard questions. But then wasn't that what AA sponsors were for? “I thought you said it was a good idea, Jill. It's a chance for me to reconcile with my past, or whatever you like to call it.” Jill was totally into all the New Age stuff that Ally despised, but they were still friends.
“Don't make light of this, Ally. The idea was that you find closure and move forward with your new life, not to go back and make the same mistakes again. Are any of the guys you hung out with still there?”
Ally closed her eyes and imagined Jill in the guise of a fiery guardian angel frowning down at her. “Actually, both of them are.”
“Bummer. So, have you talked to them?”
“Seen them, talked to them, and fucked them both,” Ally said flippantly.
There was a long silence. “Oh, shit, Ally. That was not a good idea at all.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to come and stay with you?”
“And use up all your vacation time? What about Steve and the kids?”
“They'll manage.”
Despite her soft exterior, Jill ran her family and her career with a ruthless efficiency that sometimes scared Ally.
“No, I can't let you sort everything out for me.”
“That's true. You've changed a lot over the past few years and made some tough decisions.” Jill hesitated. “But by having sex with these guys, aren't you just repeating your past mistakes?”
“Well, I didn't have sex with them
together
before, so something's changed. Does that count?”
Jill sighed. “This isn't funny, Ally.”
“I know that. But I like to have sex with Rob and Jackson.”
“I'm glad you're starting to think about sex in a positive way, Ally, but are you sure you know what you're doing? And I'm asking that as your friend, and as your AA supporter.”
“Honestly, it's been amazing for me to come back here and have sex with two men I trust.”
“So, what's different?” Jill asked.
“
Me.
I'm different,” Ally said, trying to think it through. “I realized that I could still stay strong in other areas in my life even if I was sexually submissive.”
“And?”
Ally sighed. “God, Jill, you make this so hard for me.
And,
admitting what I want sexually—rather than trying to pretend that what I felt was abnormal—has set me free.”
Silence followed her confession, and Ally struggled to swallow. “It's just about sex. What's wrong with that?”
Jill's voice got loud. “Ally, listen up. There's no such thing as sex without emotional payback. You could destroy all the gains you've made with this impulsive, regressive behavior.”
Ally tightened her grip on the phone. “You don't trust me to get it right this time?”
“It's not that,” Jill said. “But I want you to keep questioning your choices. You're still in a very vulnerable place in your life, and you can't rely on Rob or Jackson to make decisions for you.”
Ally forced a laugh. “Trust me, they are both very keen on making me choose what I want.”
“Well, that's good, but I still want you to call or e-mail me every night and tell me how things are going, okay?”
“Sure,” Ally said. The thought of having Jill there to give her advice was comforting.
“You're strong, Ally, believe it. Now just clear the house, sell it, and come back to New York before you start college, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan.” Ally pressed the phone to her cheek and found she was smiling. “I'm okay. I really am. I'm glad I came back. It's giving me a chance to get closure. I know you like that word.”
Jill laughed. “I do, and so should you.” She paused. “Have you sorted out your mom's stuff yet?”
“I'm dealing with that. It's harder than I thought. Apparently, my mom cleaned up her act after I left.”
“But that's great! You of all people know how hard it is.”
Ally stared unseeingly at the faded wallpaper. “Yeah, I suppose I do.” She didn't want to share any more life experiences with her mother, good or bad, but she had a terrible sense that they were treading the same path. “It's kind of weird, though.”
“Why's that?”
“Because I thought she would never change.”
“You changed, so why shouldn't she?”
Ally bit her lip. “It makes it harder to hate her.”
“But that's a good thing, isn't it?”
“Because I need to let go of my anger before I can ‘love' her? You know how I feel about that shit.”
“Ally, how about you just let yourself get to know her again? Don't push it, but talk to the people who knew her, find out what her life was like since you left.”
“I'll try. That's the best I've got for you at the moment.”
“Okay. You're trying to get people in town to accept the new you, so imagine how that must have been for your mother.”
“Hard, I should think.”
“I'm sure it was.” Jill paused as if she was listening to something. “I think the boys are fighting again. I'll let you go. Take care of yourself, won't you?”
“I swear I will.” Ally glanced at her alarm clock. “I have to get up really early. It was lovely to hear from you.”
“Are you sure you don't want me to come down?”
“I'm quite sure. I'm handling this on my own.”
“Ally, you are not. You have me, and I'm going to find out a couple of local contacts who can be available for you if necessary, okay?”
“Okay, I get it. I need help.”
“That's right, you do. Now go to sleep.”
Ally shut her phone and stared down at the patterned yellow bedsheets. She
was
handling it—most of the time. She'd been surprised at her own assertion to Jill that she could be strong and yet sexually submissive. Why hadn't she realized that when she was arguing with Rob?
Even after their argument, she hadn't contemplated leaving Spring Falls, heading for the nearest bar, or quitting her job. Surely that showed she had changed and that she had staying power? A small pocket of pride blossomed in her chest.
But was Rob right? Was she overreacting to his attempt to help her out? She'd just made a declaration of intent to Jill, and yet she'd already undermined herself in her argument with Rob. He'd been the one to point out that accepting a helping hand from him didn't mean she had to be a doormat—or that he wanted her to be one.
Ally punched her pillow. She'd wanted a job and had been prepared to do whatever it took to get one. The fact that Rob had helped her shouldn't really rankle, but it did. She rubbed a hand across her tired eyes. Was it possible she had overreacted just a little? She groaned and thumped her pillow again. She'd have to talk to Rob again, and that scared her to death.
14
A
lly gathered her courage and rang the doorbell of Rob and Jackson's home. Rob opened the door and stared down at her, his blue eyes narrowed and his hair ruffled. He looked like he hadn't slept well either. Ally held up the plate of pie.
“I brought a peace offering. It's the rest of Jane's chicken pie. Can I come in?”
Rob stepped back and Ally followed him inside, through the untidy family room and into the big kitchen at the back. She placed the pie on the countertop and turned to face Rob, who had leaned up against the sink.
“I think I might have overreacted to something you said last night.”
Rob raised an eyebrow.
“Might?”
“Okay, I did overreact, but I wanted to tell you why.”
He held up his hand. “It's okay, Ally. I pushed your buttons; you got pissed. I get it.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He pushed a hand through his short-cropped hair. “I tried to tell you how to think. I got you a job behind your back. I did all the things that make you nervous about being with me.”
Ally stared at him for a long moment. “You figured that out all by yourself?”
He winced. “With a little help from Jackson, who also regularly tells me to get the fuck out of his face.”
“It wasn't all your fault, Rob. I freaked out. I'm trying so hard to be strong and independent that I get a bit touchy when I feel like someone is trying to manipulate me.” She tried a tentative smile. “I did want the job.”
“But you would've preferred it if I'd asked you first. I get that now. I promise I won't do it again.”
He still wasn't smiling and Ally wondered why.
“Would you like a soda, Ally?”
“No thanks, I have to get back to work at three.”
Rob opened the refrigerator and got out a can of lemonade and popped it open. “Lauren's still working you hard, then?”
“She is and I'm determined not to let her win. She's stuck with me until I either leave or die on the job.”
He took a seat at the table and gestured to the chair opposite. “Sit down a minute, okay?”
She sat and studied him carefully. There was a faint frown on his face and trouble deep in his eyes. “What's up?”
“I've got to go away for a few days.”
“When?”
“Tonight. They offered me a spot on the gun-safety procedure course Jackson finished up a couple of months ago, and I really need to go.”
“So go.”
He reached across the table and took her hand. “I'll only be away for five days.”
“It's okay. I think I'll survive.”
He tightened his grip. “It's not that.” He hesitated. “It's just that in the interest of full disclosure, I want you to let me know if you find anything . . . unusual . . . as you clear out your mother's house.”
“Unusual?”
His pale blue gaze met hers. “Anything that might seem out of place, or anything your mother mentions in those journals of hers.”
“For what reason?”
“Some of that unfinished business I mentioned the other night. I've got a bad feeling in my gut about all this.”
“I thought you were talking about us.”
“We weren't the only people involved in that mess, were we?”
Ally paused to consider his words. “You want to talk about Jackson and Susan?”
“That's part of it.”
“And what does that have to do with me cleaning out my mom's house?”
“Maybe nothing, but I'd be grateful if you'd bear it in mind while you're working.”
Ally pulled out of his grasp and stood up, her eye on the clock. “I have to go.”
Rob stood too. “And you're not happy with me again, are you.”
“It's not that. I'm just confused. Why would you think Susan and Jackson have anything to do with what's at my house?” She put her hand to her mouth. “Is this because my mom sold drugs to them?”
“I don't know, Ally.” Rob looked exhausted. “That's why I'm asking you to help me.”
“Okay.” She moved in close and stood on tiptoe to kiss his mouth. He took control of the kiss, turning it into something far hotter and more visceral than she had intended, so she was soon drowning in it. “I have to go.”
He spread his fingers over her ass and drew her against his rock-hard erection, nipping at her lip. “Let me call Lauren and tell her you'll be fifteen minutes late due to police questioning about the window.”
“Rob . . .”
He tightened his grip on her ass. “I fucking need to be inside you right now.”
Ally stared at him and then nodded. She let him make the call and admired the calm finality of his voice even as Lauren squawked in protest. She moaned as his finger and thumb closed over her nipple and squeezed hard. He had one hand down her panties even as he clicked off the phone, his mouth plundering hers as his fingers slid inside her already-slick entrance.
He carried her into the family room and brought her down on the couch, moved on top of her, and shoved down his shorts. “Yeah, right now, give it up.”
Ally moaned as he penetrated her in one smooth thrust and kept doing it, pounding her into the pillows until she started to orgasm around him and cling on to his muscular shoulders. He kissed her throat, her shoulder, and then took her nipple into his mouth and sucked so hard she climaxed again.
He brought his hand up to cup her head and stared down at her. “I want you to think of me when I'm away. I want you to miss this—miss the fucking and miss me.”
“I . . .” Ally gasped as he bit down on her throat, making her arch against him. He gathered her ass into his hands and pumped harder until all she could think about was the hard grinding rhythm of his thrusts, his labored breathing, and finally the heat of his come deep inside her.
He slumped over her for a moment and then rolled onto the floor and pulled up his shorts. Ally lay there and looked at him, too exhausted to think of moving let alone going to work. Rob found her panties and shorts and eased them up her legs.
“I need to shower, Rob.”
He kissed her mound, his tongue sliding between her already swollen folds. “You don't have time, and I like you wet like this. I like the thought of you working with my come on you all day.”
“You are such a Neanderthal sometimes.” Ally winced as he helped her sit up. “I at least have to pee.”
“Then do it quick, because you're supposed to be there in five minutes, and you look like you just got out of bed.”
Ally cleaned up as best she could and then joined him in the kitchen, where he handed her a bottle of water. He'd changed into his uniform. He picked up his hat and buckled on his belt. “I'll drop you off.”
“You don't have to.”
“I
do
need to ask you some questions about the break-in. I can ask you on the way, and if we arrive in my patrol car, Lauren won't get suspicious.”
Ally cast him a sidelong glance. “It all worked out very nicely for you, didn't it?”
He held the door open for her and patted her ass as she walked by. “Sure, sex and interrogation. My two favorite things. Too bad I forgot to use my handcuffs.”
Ally had nothing to say to that; all her energy was focused on trying to look as if she hadn't just been fucked by the sheriff. By the time they pulled up at the diner and Rob got out to escort her inside, he'd stopped smiling and had his cop face firmly in place. Ally envied him his ability to switch moods so easily.
He walked her through to where Lauren was working in her office. “Here she is, sis. Fifteen minutes late.”
Lauren ignored Ally and nodded at Rob. “So do I bill you for her time as well as for the window?”
“If you like.” Rob stepped forward and kissed Lauren on the cheek. “I'm going out of town for a few days. Talk to Jackson if you need anything. Later, Lauren, Ally.”
Ally smiled and moved out of his way. She turned back to find that Lauren was staring at her.
“What would you like me to do first, boss?”
“Get your claws out of my brother?”
“We've already had that discussion, Lauren. He's a grown-up and so am I.”
Lauren swung around and presented Ally with her back. “Go and bus the tables and then wash dishes, okay?”
“Sure.” Ally turned to leave.
Fig waved at her from the kitchen as she gathered up her cleaning supplies. Even one of the waitresses smiled when she saw Ally coming. Two weeks on the job and she felt quite at home, despite Lauren's lack of welcome.
 
Jackson parked at the old courthouse, took off his jacket, and walked around the corner to the diner. It was well after closing time, and the lights in the front were off. As he came closer, Jackson sniffed the night air appreciatively. Coffee and fries always put him in a better mood, and the diner smelled of both.
The back door was open, and Jackson could see Ally talking to the other busboy as they carried out the trash. He'd been so busy covering Rob's shifts that he hadn't seen her for five days, so the sight was more than welcome. He caught her eye and nodded slowly. “Hey.”
She smiled at him and then went back inside. He wasn't worried; she'd come out eventually. He checked his radio but everything was quiet. Jeff had the late-night shift, and Jackson wasn't due back on until six in the morning. His hand went to his gun as another shadow overlaid his.
“Evening, Jackson.”
He took a long, slow breath. Despite all the years since he'd been in Afghanistan, his nerves still jangled sometimes. “Hey, Lauren.”
“What are you doing out here?” Lauren came out of the kitchen, followed by Ally and the other guy. Lauren locked the back door and then walked around to the front of the diner.
Jackson followed her. “Just checking up on you.”
Lauren keyed in the alarm and shut the front door with a decisive bang. “Did Rob ask you to?”
“Of course.”
Lauren checked him out, her lip caught between her teeth. “Are you still on duty?”
“No, I'm off for the night. I've got a meeting to go to.”
“That's a shame. We haven't had a good talk for ages.” Lauren set off for the rear parking lot.
Jackson was aware of Ally still waiting at the back door, but he kept his attention fixed on Lauren. “We ‘talk' now?”
Lauren stopped and looked over her shoulder. “I'm worried about Rob. Since
she
came back he's—” She suddenly noticed Ally. “Why are you still here?”
Jackson cleared his throat. “She's waiting for me.”
Lauren made a disgusted sound. “Don't tell me she's messing with your head, too, Jackson.”
Jackson held Lauren's angry stare. “She's coming to the meeting with me.”
“What kind of meeting?”
“The kind that addicts go to.” Jackson held out his hand. “Are you ready, Ally?”
She came around Lauren and took his hand. He noticed her fingers were shaking. “Thanks, Jackson.”
He turned his back on Lauren and kept walking. “Are you okay?”
Ally paced alongside him, her long legs easily keeping up with him. Without her heels on, they were exactly the same height. “Are we really going to an AA/NA meeting?”
“Yeah, it occurred to me that you might not know where they were held around here.”
“I didn't, but I was going to look them up.”
He squeezed her hand. “We don't have to look too far. There's one in the Baptist church hall right here in town twice a week, or if you want to go more often, Jamestown has way more choices.”
Ally stopped walking and looked at him. “Why do you go to meetings?”
“Because I'm like you.”
“An addict?”
He smiled at her serious expression. “Yeah. Me and alcohol? We don't mix.” He kissed her on the forehead. “So let's go show our faces, and then we can have dinner together, okay?”
 
Ally looked up at Jackson as he unlocked the back door of the house. “Thanks for taking me, Jackson.”
“You're welcome.” He hesitated beside her, his fingers brushing her cheek. “I know I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I regularly saw your mom at the meetings before she died.”

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