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Authors: Kate Pearce

BOOK: Raw Desire
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“Somehow that doesn't surprise me.” Ally sat down with a thump on one of the chairs. “She'd probably worked out a plan to shoot me and make it look like suicide or something.”
Jackson left the purse and turned back to Ally. She looked exhausted and no wonder. She'd had a hell of an afternoon. He crouched down in front of her and touched her knee. “I know you probably don't want to talk about this right now, but I need to know what she was after.”
“I understand.” Jackson waited as Ally visibly composed herself. “At first I thought she just wanted to run me out of town because she's obsessed with Rob.” She glanced down at him. “That's why she doesn't like you either, Jackson. But then I realized it was a lot more complicated than that. She thinks my mom wrote incriminating stuff about her and Susan in her journal.”
Jackson frowned. “But didn't she take that journal?”
“Apparently my mom had already ripped the crucial pages out, and Jane wanted them back.” Ally shook her head. “I feel like such a fool. I
invited
Jane in this afternoon. I had no idea all this crazy stuff was floating around in her head. She thought I'd found the pages and was trying to blackmail her.” Jackson winced as her grip tightened on his fingers. “It's got me wondering about whether my mom deliberately made me leave that night.”
“Your mom?”
“Jane said she threatened to tell the police that I left this house with Susan on the night she died.” Ally studied his face. “Maybe Ruth tried to drive me away to keep me safe.”
Ally got up and headed for the boarded-up fireplace. “My mom left me a message in her last journal asking me to set the past straight.” She studied the painted-over boards. “When I was a kid, she used to pretend to play hide-and-seek with me so that I learned how to stash her drugs.” She winced, and inwardly Jackson cringed with her.
She gestured at the fireplace. “Do you think you could break this open for me?”
Jackson eyed the plywood. “Sure. I've got a pry bar in my car.”
It took him less than five minutes to pull the old plywood away from the gaping hole. He stood back to let Ally kneel on the brick hearth. She reached her arm up inside the chimney and felt around for something.
“There's a little ledge right here. . . .” Her expression changed. “Oh God . . .”
He moved closer as she pulled down a faded pink backpack and laid it on the brick.
“This was my backpack when I was a kid,” Ally whispered.
Jackson touched her shoulder. “Let me open it, okay? I have gloves on.” He unzipped the top all the way around and peered into the pinkish glow of the interior. He carefully drew out an old teddy bear and a plastic container.
“That teddy was mine,” Ally said. She sounded resigned. “It's probably got my mom's drug supply still in the back.”
Jackson turned the teddy over, undid the buttons on the back of the dress, and slid his fingers into the cavity beneath.
“Not drugs, Ally. Money.” He showed her the thick roll of one-hundred-dollar bills tied with an elastic band. “Interesting place to keep your savings.” He put the teddy down and rested the rolled bills on its chest. He turned his attention to the sealed container, which seemed to contain lots of smaller bagged items. When he opened the lid, he grimaced at the faint smell. “That's definitely weed, but it doesn't smell too fresh to me.”
Ally squeezed his shoulder. “That's probably why my mom agreed to go along with Jane. She didn't want the police in the house anyway because of the drugs. Is there anything else?”
Jackson refocused his tangled thoughts and picked up the teddy bear again. Something crackled and he pulled out two folded pieces of paper.
Ally let out a long breath. “That must be what Jane was looking for.”
“I'd say so.”
Jackson got up and grabbed the evidence bags he'd gotten from his car when he got the pry bar. “Let's put all this stuff away until we can get it to Rob.”
“Yes.” Ally sounded dazed. “I'm not sure I want to deal with it at the moment.”
Jackson took her hand and drew her into his arms. “It's okay, Ally. Everything will be all right now.”
She didn't say anything, just buried her face into his shoulder and held on. Jackson drew her even closer and rested his cheek on her hair. He was quite happy to stay like that for the rest of his life. Eventually she looked up at him, her expression rueful.
“I'm sorry. I'm behaving like a girl, aren't I?”
“You are a girl, and considering what you've had to deal with recently, you've done good.”
She let go of him and headed for the kitchen. “Do I need to go down to the sheriff's department and make a statement?”
“Yeah, at some point that would be great, but there's no rush.”
She swung around to look at him, her face resolute. “I'd like to get it over with as soon as possible.”
He nodded. “I'll call Rob, tell him what we found and ask him what he'd like us to do.” He paused as she kept staring at him. “What?”
“You're always so nice to me, Jackson, and I really don't deserve it.”
“I like you.” He shrugged, still unable to use the other L-word and not sure she could handle hearing it right now. “I always have.”
She reached for him and cupped his cheek, her gray eyes full of tears. “Weird, because I like you too.”
He briefly touched her fingers in response and struggled to find the right words. “How about you put on some coffee? Seeing as neither of us can drink responsibly, we need something to get us through this.”
Her smile flickered out. “Sure, that's a great idea.”
He went to leave and then turned back to her and yanked her right into his arms. He kissed her with a thoroughness that drew an instant response from her, making him hard and ready to fuck her until she clung to him and begged him never to stop.
He managed to pull away. “Shit, I'm sorry. That's not exactly appropriate, is it?”
She licked her lips. “You behaving like a caveman and staking a claim on your woman? Sometimes you and Rob are just the same.”
He nipped her lower lip. “I want you to be my woman—mine and Rob's. Do you get that? Do you understand?”
She stared into his eyes. “I hear you, Jackson, but we're all so emotionally screwed up at the moment, what with Jane and my mom and everything. . . . I can't bring myself to just let go, because at this moment if I did, I'd just want you to take me to bed, strip me naked, and fuck my brains out.”
Jackson's cock kicked hard against his uniform pants. “Don't say things like that, Ally,” he said hoarsely. “Not fair.”
“Because you'd do it, wouldn't you? And that goes against everything you've been trained to do, which just illustrates my point that we're not emotionally ready to deal with this yet.”
Jackson took some long, slow breaths. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Ally raised her eyebrows.
“I'm going to let you go and I'll call Rob right now.” Jackson took himself back into the dining room and radioed Rob. The scent of coffee drifted down the hallway to him as he waited to be patched through.
“Hey.”
Rob's calm voice steadied Jackson immediately.
“Boss, we found a whole bunch of stuff hidden up the chimney, including pages from Ruth Kendal's journal.” Jackson glanced at the bagged-up items on the table and saw the teddy bear. Emotion clawed at his throat at the thought of Susan, who hadn't deserved any of this, hadn't deserved to be treated like shit by him and certainly hadn't deserved to die. . . .
“Jackson?”
He tried to turn his focus back to what Rob needed to hear. “Yeah, so Ally wants to come in and give you her statement. Do you want me to go ahead and bring her?”
“Sure, if that's what she wants. We have Jane secured, so Ally won't have to see her.”
“Okay, we'll be there in about half an hour.” Jackson shut off the connection and went back to the kitchen. Ally sat at the table drinking her coffee. She looked up at him when he came in.
“Jackson, what's wrong?”
He sat down heavily in the chair and covered his face with his hands. “What the fuck do I know about loving someone? Look what I did to Susan. How the
fuck
do I dare think I can love you?”
He was aware of Ally moving and then felt her hand on his knee as she knelt in front of him. “Jackson, it wasn't your fault.”
“I let her down, Ally. She was so mad at me, and she was right to be mad. She told me that she'd figured out I wanted Rob and that I should've been brave enough to stand up for what I wanted and not drag you and her into my mess.” He forced himself to look at her. “She was so fucking smart and honest and funny. I can't believe she went and killed herself. I just can't.”
“Susan made her own choices, Jackson. And whatever really happened that night, we can be sure Jane had a hand in it somewhere.” Her eyes widened. “Hell, Jane was here, wasn't she? My mom must have written about her.
She's
the person Susan was seen with.”
“Yeah, but . . .” Jackson swallowed hard. “Shit, I . . .”
Ally wrapped her arms around him, and something inside him, something he'd held so deep through all the long, lonely years, seemed to shatter. He leaned into her shoulder and allowed himself to cry.
“It's okay, Jackson,” Ally whispered as she stroked his hair. “It really is going to be okay.”
23
A
lly couldn't quite believe it was still the same day, but here she was sitting down to a very late dinner of pizza and barbecue wings with Rob and Jackson. She didn't feel very hungry, but she forced herself to eat, found it easier when her stomach remembered she hadn't had anything for at least twelve hours. Rob drank beer, but she and Jackson stuck with soda.
“So how was Jane holding up?” Jackson asked as he refilled his glass.
Rob glanced at Ally, but she gestured for him to answer. “She was eerily calm until she realized we weren't going to let her go home and feed her dog. Then she started ranting about Jackson being a murderer, and the county medical officer authorized her removal to the safe unit at County General for further evaluation.”
He grimaced. “They can hold her there for seventy-two hours pending further medical examination. I don't think it will take them that long to figure out she's got a screw loose somewhere.”
“You don't think they'll let her out for a while, then?” Ally said anxiously.
“Not for a while. She was quite happy to own up to everything she'd gotten up to—she was quite proud of herself, actually.” Rob shuddered. “Jane said she followed Susan to your house later that night, Ally, and that when Susan couldn't find you, she was so mad that she confided in Jane that Jackson wanted me.” He glanced at Jackson. “Apparently Jane had a thing for me even then, so you can imagine how that went down.”
“Not very well,” Jackson replied.
“Jane said she and Susan kept arguing about it, and eventually, Jane got so mad she pushed Susan off the bridge.”
“Accidentally?”
“Jane says not. She then left Susan and went back to Ruth's house to make sure your mother didn't say anything to incriminate her.”
Jackson nodded and Ally checked him out. Apart from a little redness around the eyes, he looked his normal self. If he felt anywhere near the measure of relief she was feeling for no longer being solely responsible for Susan's death, he was hiding it well.
“Do you think she'll be back here eventually?”
Rob sighed. “I don't know, Ally. They'll evaluate her and determine whether she's a danger to society, examine her claims to have pushed Susan off that bridge, and take it from there. We also have your mom's journal as evidence of exactly what happened that night. My gut feeling is that she won't be getting out for a long while, especially if she still insists she intends to harm you or Jackson.”
Ally rested her elbows on the table. “I'm beginning to wonder if my mom engineered that last argument with me to make sure I left for good.”
“What do you mean?” Rob asked.
“I think she was trying to protect me after all. She probably knew that Jane wasn't going to let it go, so she made sure I didn't want to stick around.”
“We'll never know for sure, but I'd like to think it was true. Ruth certainly did turn her life around,” Jackson said quietly.
Ally swallowed hard. “But it sure took a lot to make that happen. I wonder whether it was worth it.” She took a deep breath and cradled her glass in her hands. “I'm still going to sell the house.”
Jackson glanced at Rob, who cleared his throat. “Yeah? I can't say I'm surprised. I wouldn't want to live there if I'd been through what you have recently.”
“Don't you care?”
Rob frowned. “Well, it will make things a bit cramped here, but we do have three bedrooms, so I'm sure we'll be able to fit all your stuff in.”
Ally fixed him with her most intimidating look. “You
assume
I'm moving in with you both, then?”
“You know what they say about assuming anything, don't you?” Rob shifted in his seat. “You could just see it as a temporary thing until you find a new property in town.”
“Again you're
assuming
I'm going to stay in Spring Falls.”
Rob reached for her hand. “You're staying, honey. Jackson and I have discussed it, and we just can't let you go.”
Ally snatched her hand back. “You've discussed it.” She turned to Jackson. “Didn't you clue him in on that discussion we had earlier about it being too soon to make such decisions when we're all so emotional?”
“I told him,” Jackson said. “But he's a stubborn ass. You know that.” He hesitated and looked at them both. “Ally, if me getting out of the picture makes your decision easier, then I'm quite happy to leave.”
Rob frowned. “You're not going anywhere. We're all in this together.”
Ally scowled back at him. “I'm quite happy for Jackson to stay. We understand each other. I love him.”
Rob raised his eyebrows. “So you think I'm the problem?”
Jackson stood and held up his hands. “Hey, how about you two have a chat and then call me when you've decided, okay?”
Ally waited until Jackson had left and then turned her gaze onto the empty pizza box. The silence lengthened until Rob cleared his throat.
“Aren't you going to talk to me?”
She shot him another glare. “After all I've been through today, I would think you'd be the one wanting to talk to me!”
“I'm not sure what you want to hear. It's much easier to just keep on blaming me for everything.”
“I don't blame you for
everything
—just the parts where you deliberately abused my trust and used sex to get around me.”
He raised his eyebrows. “That's all?”
“That's more than enough, don't you think?”
He shoved a hand through his short dark hair and pushed back from the table to pace the kitchen. “Ally, you drive me fucking crazy. You're right. I should never have gotten back into bed with you.”
She marched over to him and jabbed him in the chest with her index finger. “Well that's good to know, because I feel exactly the same.”
His mouth came down and covered hers, and she didn't stop him kissing her. She let him force his tongue into her mouth and possess her with a thoroughness that told its own story.
He wrenched his mouth away and looked down at her. “Here's the thing, Ally. Let's stop lying. I'll always want to get in your pants, and you feel exactly the same, because at some level we trust each other to make it right.”
She swiped a shaking hand across her well-kissed lips. “How can you say that and then not admit to using me?”
“Because it's never been about
using
you. Sure, if I had any sense, I would've kept my pants zipped. But I couldn't. You think I'm using you? How about this? I can't imagine fucking anyone else but you and Jackson ever again—that's how dumb I am.”
“And you expect me to believe that?”
He raised his gaze to the ceiling and set his jaw. “Believe what you like. I'm trying to be honest here. At least I'm fucking trying. . . .”
Ally sat back down at the table and studied his clenched fists and defeated expression. She'd been quick to judge him, and his tangled attempts to explain weren't making her feel any better about what he'd done. But she wasn't eighteen anymore, and this time she wasn't going to walk out until she'd gotten to the bottom of the mess. At some level she did trust him; they'd known each other for so long.
She took a deep breath. “When I arrived here, why didn't you just come right out and ask me what had happened at my mom's that night?”
He grimaced. “Because it wasn't the first thing on my mind.”
“You thought you'd try and get in my pants instead.”
“No!” He took the seat opposite her. “At first the two things were separate. I'm a guy. Touching you, fucking you . . . was just too tempting. The rest of it was my job, something I'd been wondering about ever since I found Susan's body.”
“You found Susan's body?”
“Yeah and when stuff started happening to you, I couldn't help but make that connection.”
“And I didn't exactly make it hard for you to get what you wanted from me sexually, did I?”
He grimaced. “I fell just as hard, Ally. All that crap we both spouted about it just being about sex wasn't true, was it? I just wanted to get close to you again and took any chance you offered me.”
Ally looked into his eyes. “Okay, I'll buy that. But what about my mom?”
“You and Jackson have been looking at this the wrong way. I only made a serious connection between you and Susan's death after I'd started to worry about what was happening to you right
now.
I tried to ask you about Ruth, but you always changed the subject, or we started arguing about something else. Hell, you've never wanted to talk about your mom.”
“Okay, I'll talk about her.” Ally placed her hands palms down on the table. “That same night, Ruth and I had an argument, and she threatened to tell everyone in town I'd been sleeping around and cheating on you. She said she knew all the kids and that they'd believe anything she said if they wanted her to sell them some weed.”
Rob reached across the table and took her hand. “Why didn't you come and tell me?”
“Because I didn't want that kind of. . . filth touching you. My mom could be very convincing when she wanted to be. That's why I went to Jackson. I thought I'd tell him and he could tell you, which was pretty damn immature of me. But things got a bit more complicated, because I forgot Jackson had his own issues to deal with.”
“And he ended up persuading you into his bed.”
“And it seemed
right,
you know? Because by that point, I thought I would never be good enough for you and that my mom was just going to make everything worse.” Her mouth quirked up at the corner. “And there I was, with Jackson, doing exactly what she'd accused me of. It seemed easier to break your heart myself than have my mom do it for me.”
Rob contemplated their joined hands. “I'm not sure what I would've done if you'd tried to tell me this then, Ally, and that's being honest. I was already panicking because I thought I'd scared you about sex. When I found you with Jackson . . . it seemed easier to get angry and push you away than admit how I really felt.”
Ally looked up at him. “By the time I'd had it out with you and got back home, Ruth had already packed most of my things and was screaming at me to get out. I didn't know Susan and Jane had already been by, so I just ran and barely made the bus.”
She studied his familiar face, saw the lines of strain etched on his tanned skin. “It felt like my whole world was crashing down around me.”
Rob brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “When I first saw Susan's body in that creek, I thought it was you. I thought I'd destroyed you, and I knew I'd lost the best thing in my life. I don't think I've ever gotten over it.”
He took a deep breath. “I don't want to lose you again, honey. I love you. Please fucking stay.” His voice cracked. “I don't think I could survive it if you left me again.”
Ally closed her eyes to savor his words. She hadn't believed he would have the courage to ask her. Could she do it? Could she trust him again after all the hurt, the lost years, her own struggle to find herself? Ally took a deep breath.
“I'll stay, Rob.”
“Here with me and Jackson?”
“If that's what you both want. But I'm still going to college in the fall.”
“Of course you are.” His chair crashed to the ground and he came around the table and picked her up. “Honey, that's the best thing you've ever said to me.”
She allowed him to hold her, relished his strength even more now that she knew she was capable of standing on her own. “The best thing? Surely ‘please get naked with me and Jackson right now' has to be better than that?”
He crushed her against him. “Okay.”
She raised her head to stare at him. “I haven't decided if I'll live with you yet. I might rent my own place near the college and just come down and visit.”
“Sure, whatever you want, honey. We'll make it work, I promise.”
Ally hid a smile against his chest as he shouted for Jackson and strode down the hallway toward his bedroom. She doubted he'd let her leave quite so easily when he calmed down. He'd always want to be in charge, and she and Jackson would have a hell of a time stopping him—although that might be fun. She imagined Rob tied up and gagged while she and Jackson fucked him. . . .
Sharing a home with two guys was bound to raise some eyebrows in Spring Falls, but what did she care? They'd been gossiping about her all her life. At least now what they whispered and imagined would be true.

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