Raze & Reap (34 page)

“In his old room,” Mama Tolstoi interrupted.

Still smiling, I laid another kiss to her cheek and walked through the living room and up the stairs, hearing Mama Tolstoi singing for the first time in years.

Papa Ivan was in his office at his desk, and for a moment, I could almost pretend the last twelve years hadn't happened. He was on the phone and I frowned when I heard him discussing the Gulag … discussing number 362.

“I want to know his name, where he was from and the names of the men that put him in that place.” There was a voice coming through the other end of the phone, but it stopped when Ivan slapped the desk and said, “I'll pay whatever I need to pay, money's no object, this is for my son! Find the men responsible and have them killed.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and sorrow filled my stomach. Luka was getting revenge for 362, his
friend
 … on the men that falsely accused him.

Luka wanted to do this for his only friend. It almost broke me.

Opening the door to Luka's old room, I entered to see him slumped on his old narrow bed, his head downcast. He looked huge sitting on his faded blue comforter. My stomach flipped. It was surreal seeing him now, older, in this room.

“Luka?”

Luka lifted his head and his brown eyes were shining. Shutting the door behind me, I walked to the bed. I went to sit beside him, but before I could, Luka carefully scooped me up in his large arms and sat me on his lap, tucking his head into my neck, breathing in my scent.

It made me smile how this was one trait he hadn't let go of.

I stroked his hair and pressed a long kiss to his head. “Are you okay, baby?”

He shook his head indicating “no,” and I held him tighter. I couldn't imagine the turmoil he was going through right now. The shock of being back here. The shock of realizing that he wasn't alone in the world. Quite the opposite in fact.

He was loved. He was loved so damn much.

“It will all be okay, you know,” I soothed.

Luka lifted his head and his brown eyes met mine. “I don't know what to do now. I've spent so long with one goal, one drive, and now it is done with.” His eyebrows pulled down. “What now, solnyshko? What do I do now? What if I can't do anything else but kill?”

I cupped his cheeks and laid my forehead against his. “You learn how to live again. And I'll be there every step of the way with you.”

Luka's eyes filled with tears and a single drop fell down his scarred face … and it was quite possibly the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen.

“Baby, don't cry,” I said, my throat clogged. “Everything is okay. I love you, I love you so much.”

Luka's eyes met mine, his long dark lashes wet and he lifted a hand to lay over mine on his cheek. “I'm free … I'm finally free … I can't … I can't…”

Heart exploding in my chest at the relief on his face, I held my soul mate as hard as I could against my chest.

Moving my mouth to his ear, I asked, “Can I have you?”

Luka stilled for a moment. Then I felt a decade's worth of pain and loss flee his body. “You can have me, solnyshko. You can have all of me. You always have, and you always will.”

 

EPILOGUE

Six months later …

“Lyubov moya…” I moaned as Luka moved within me. I raked at his strong back, my head tilted as he kissed and nipped at my throat.

“Solnyshko,” Luka groaned, his hips picking up speed, his cock like steel, swelling within me the closer we came to release.

Our breathing came quick, and my hands moved to fist his hair. Luka stretched out his arms and gripped the iron of the headboard, thrusting powerfully inside me, making me lose control.

“Baby!” I cried, feeling my orgasm approach, clenching my legs around his waist. Luka's head lifted to press his mouth to mine. Our tongues instantly clashed, wild and erratic.

“Kisa … Kisa…” Luka roared, breaking from my lips as his neck tensed, his muscles cording as he came, taking me over the edge with him.

Luka jerked inside me, then collapsed on my chest, his skin damp from hours and hours of lovemaking.

Yesterday we got married.

Finally. In our childhood church, by Father Kruschev.

I was officially Luka's wife, and there was no one happier on Earth than I was right now, right at this second.

I ran my hand through Luka's blond messy hair as he caught his breath. Lifting his head, Luka pressed a long, lazy kiss to my lips and said, “I love you, solnyshko.”

Running my finger down his cheek, I replied, “I love you too.”

Smiling shyly, Luka, after six months of never spending a day apart, still found his freedom impossible to get used to and he felt undeserving of my unconditional love for him.

Memories of his past in the Gulag gave him nightmares and he would wake up in cold sweats, the faces of the hundreds of men and boys he was forced to kill haunting his sleep. The nightmares got so bad, Luka refused to sleep those first nights. I couldn't stand seeing it, so I defied my papa and ignored orthodox tradition. The very next night I slept next to Luka in his childhood bed, and he never woke up once.

He needed me to sleep.

I kept his nightmares away.

We'd never spent a day apart since.

Moving his face to mine again, I ensured our eyes met and said, “I have always and will always love you, all my life.”

Luka awarded me with a blinding smile and kissed down my neck, down my chest, and down to my belly, where he peppered me with kisses.

Glancing up at me with hope in his eyes, he asked, “You think you're pregnant yet?”

Laughing, I held on to his arms and pulled him back up over me. “We got married yesterday, Luka.”

His face fell into a serious expression. “I want a child with you.”

“I know you do, lyubov moya. And it'll happen. Nothing will take me away from you again.” I ran my finger over his wedding ring. “We're married now. Together forever, remember?”

He exhaled through his nose and nodded, slumping beside me, and laid his head over my naked chest. He nuzzled his head into my breast, and I smiled, knowing what that small action meant.

I began running my fingers through Luka's messy sandy hair, loving the feel of his arms tightening around mine. He loved me stroking at his hair. Said it made him feel like the last twelve years had never happened.

It broke my heart because he
wasn't
the Luka from our childhood.

He was damaged.

Jaded.

Tormented by his past.

Permanently changed … but he was the man I loved now, the man who was always my protector. Now he was even more so. And although life was hard for him now, with me, he was at peace.

We were each other's peace.

“Read to me,” Luka murmured, completely relaxed in my arms. Smiling, I reached out for our favorite old book that was worn and aged through years of overuse. I had never thrown it away.

Maybe I always knew I would need it again someday.

“You ready, lyubov moya?” I asked.

“Mmm…” he murmured in reply. “Read to me.” He reached up and held my free hand in his.

I smiled.

I was so unbelievably happy as we laid here in our new bed in our new home, our new brownstone, three doors down from his parents' home.

“
They were always meant to be together, one boy and one girl, two hearts split into two, sent to far-off lands on their own. For God wanted to see if true love could be tested. He wanted to see if two halves of one soul could find each other again, even against the odds. Years would pass. They would both be hurt. They would both be sad, but one day, when they least expected it, they would stumble into each other's paths. The question is: would they recognize each other's soul? And would they find their way back to love…?”

Looking down at Luka, his eyes closing as he traced his finger over my belly, a small contented smile on his lips, I knew he was praying I was pregnant.

I was too.

“You recognized mine,” he murmured sleepily, slowly opening his eyes. I stopped reading and lowered the book. “You recognized my soul when I was lost.”

Tears building, I replied, “I did, baby.”

“And you brought me back to you,” he finished and pressed a kiss to my stomach.

I shook my head. “Now that's where you're wrong.”

Luka raised his head, tilted it to the side, and pursed his lips in confusion. My heart flipped at the action and, releasing his hand, I stroked my thumb along his stubbled cheeks. Taking his hand again, I pressed it against my heart.

“I couldn't bring you back because you never ever left. Not in here.” I patted my chest where my heart was.

Luka smiled and laid his head back down. Closing his eyes, he picked up my hand and placed it back in his hair, nudging me to stroke him again.

My heart melted as my fingers began to move back and forth through the silky blond strands. I picked up the book and started where I left off …

“Their love story began on the day she was born…”

 

RAZE PLAYLIST

The Avett Brothers—“I and Love and You”

Little Big Town—“Live Forever”

Labrinth—“Jealous”

Lana Del Ray—“Gods & Monsters”

Coldplay—“Lost”

The Script—“Superheroes”

JAY Z—“Young Forever (feat. Mr. Hudson)”

Jennifer Nettles—“This Angel”

Marina and the Diamonds—“Happy”

Eminem ft. Sia—“Guts Over Fear”

One Republic—“I Lived”

Whiskeytown—“Everything I Do”

Breaks Co-Op—“The Otherside”

Emeli Sande—“River”

Greg Holden—“The Lost Boy”

Jonny Fears—“Boyfriend”

Ellie Goulding—“How Long Will I Love You”

Adele—“Don't You Remember”

A. A. Bondy—“Killed Myself When I Was Young”

Sam Smith—“Stay with Me”

 

RAZE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Raze
was a very different book for me to write. It was a lot darker than I'd attempted before, brutal and complex … but I loved every minute of it! And, as always, I have lots of people to thank!

Firstly, my mam and dad. Thanks for all of the support. Love you both!

To my husband, for putting up with me releasing TWO novels in December. Love you. It was crazy, but we got there!

To my fabulous beta readers: Thessa, Rebecca, Kia, Rachel, and Lynn. Your comments and advice were invaluable and you worked like the clappers to get them to me in record time!

Thessa, my lovely, thank you for manning my Facebook page and keeping me in check. Thank you for being a RAZE/Luka enthusiast and encouraging me to write this novel. Love you, missus!

Kelly and Have Book Will Read Book Blog for hosting my blog tour and just being a fabulous friend. I appreciate everything you do for me. You're priceless.

Cassie, my fantastic editor. Thank you so much!

Lysa, my wonderful web designer. I love you!

Liz, my fabulous agent. Thank you for all of your support. I'm so excited about the projects we have planned for 2015! So much to look forward to!

Gitte and Jenny from TotallyBooked Book Blog. You know how I feel about you sassy gals! Love you both to bits!!!

Neda from Sub Club Books. Love you, girl!

And a huge thank-you to all the many, many more wonderful book blogs that support me and promote my books. I adore you all.

Tracey-Lee, Thessa, and Kerri, a huge thank-you for running my street teams, Tillie's Hot Cole's and The Hangmen Harlots. Y'all kick ass! And to all of my street team members—LOVE YOU!!!

And lastly, my wonderful readers. Your support, your enthusiasm, and your love means the world to me.

Here's to 2016!!!!

Big Hugs,

Tills xx

 

To music, for the constant inspiration.

To Johnnyswim, for inspiring this novel.

You and I, we're fire and water …

We're rain and thunder …

—Johnnyswim “You and I”

 

PROLOGUE: 221

Poison.

Pain.

Burning.

Unbearable fucking burning.

Rapids of lava raced through my veins.

My skin … my skin was too hot … too tight around my flesh …

I panted with anger … so much fucking anger to keep inside … stabbing at my brain, driving me insane …

Rip someone apart,
I snarled in my head,
break bones, tear flesh … feel wet blood on my hands.

I paced, my heavy iron chains wrapping around my wrists and ankles. I needed to kill. I needed to get out from under these chains.

Must kill to stop the poison.

Must kill to stop the pain inside.

“You're back in New York?” a voice suddenly spoke from across the room. “The Georgians have finally made their great return?”