Read My Lips (30 page)

Authors: Debby Herbenick,Vanessa Schick

BOOK: Read My Lips

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Laser Hair Reduction

Laser hair reduction is one of the more recent innovations in hair removal. More doctor’s offices now offer laser hair reduction. Before scheduling an appointment, you may want to ask who will be performing the treatment (if it’s not the doctor, you should make sure that it will be performed by a technician who has specific training).

Advantages
Laser hair reduction has been shown to be more effective in reducing hair regrowth as compared to electrolysis. Newer lasers also make the treatment effective for a broader range of skin pigments and hair types than in years past. Often, several treatments are needed to reach one’s desired results, so you should ask questions about roughly how many treatments are recommended, how you should prepare for the treatment, how much it will cost, what the technician’s credentials are, and what you can expect as far as the treatment goes.

Disadvantages
Like electrolysis, not everyone who offers laser hair reduction is well-trained or experienced in it (again, ask before you schedule an appointment or go through with the procedure). Also, laser treatments can be quite painful, particularly the closer one gets to the outer labia. Ask about options for decreasing discomfort, such as the use of an anesthetic cream. Side effects are possible, including inflammation, hypopigmentation (areas of lightened skin), and hyper-pigmentation (areas of darkened skin).

YOUR PERSONAL PUBIC STYLE: SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER

Given the many different options for one’s pubic hair, there are several things that you may find helpful to consider as you choose your next pubic hairstyle or method of grooming:

Cost.
Try to select a method that you can afford to keep up. Some methods are particularly expensive. College women, for example, are more likely to shave than wax. Brazilian waxes, for many women, went by the wayside during the 2008 recession. And laser hair reduction? It’s not unheard of for women to choose this longer-lasting, but more expensive, method of hair removal after they get their first job or a raise.
Convenience.
Ask yourself if this is a method that you can keep up on your own. If you’re planning to go on a camping trip and don’t expect to have access to regular showers, you may find it easier to either go totally natural or to do something longer lasting (like wax rather than shave) before your trip.
Upkeep.
Consider the upkeep. Trimming, for example, may only require weekly or biweekly attention. If you shave your pubic hair, you may find that you’re smoothest with a daily or every-other-day shave. Electrolysis and laser hair reduction take less time and are done less often, but they do require one to make—and keep—appointments. How much time are you willing to put into your hair down there, and how often?
Your preference
. What pubic hairstyle helps you to feel confident? Sexy?
Your partner’s preference.
What kind of pubic hairstyle turns your partner on? How do your preferences match up?
Hypersensitivities and allergic reactions.
Some women have more sensitive skin than others. If you’re prone to razor burn, shaving may not be for you. And if you keep getting ingrown hairs, you may want to ask your healthcare provider about other options for grooming, such as laser hair reduction. Or just trim your hairs—if you’re not getting them at the root, you’ll be far less likely to encounter problems.
Steady hand.
The stories we could tell you of shaving and trimming gone wrong! Simply put, if you don’t have a steady hand, or if you approach shaving or trimming your pubic hair with a great deal of anxiety, then leave it to the pros and have an aesthetician do your pubes for you. Either that or go completely natural. Years ago, Debby was at a vulvovaginal health conference and sat through a presentation that highlighted various hair removal injuries on women’s vulvas, including many shaving strokes gone astray. Be careful out there!
When you’re down with getting down.
If you’re not a morning person, you might not want to grab a razor and hit up your downtown area until you are wide awake, alert, and have a steady hand. If your partner frequently intrudes on your showers, wait until you’re alone to hop in the shower and shave your pubic hair into your preferred style—that way, your partner can’t get in the way or make you nervous while you groom. If you’re into waxing, you may want to schedule it for a time when you are not on your period, as some women feel more sensitive while menstruating.
Personal characteristics.
Believe it or not, your race/ethnicity may influence the best method of hair removal for you. In
The V Book: A Doctor’s Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health
,
⁸gynecologist Dr. Elizabeth Gunther Stewart describes how Caucasian women tend to have egg-shaped hair shafts, Asian and Native American women tend to have round hair shafts, and African American women tend to have elliptical-shaped hair shafts. As such, she says, different hair removal methods may work better for different women. She writes, for example, that African American women tend to be more prone to bumps from shaving but often have better results with laser hair reduction. Check out her book for more detailed information.

WHOSE HAIR IS IT, ANYWAY? HOW TO HAVE A PUBIC HAIR POWWOW WITH YOUR PARTNER

In her work as a sex columnist, Debby often hears from women and men who seek advice about how to talk with their partners about pubic hair. Sometimes the question comes from a woman or a man who wishes their partner would go bare, go natural, or do something fancy down there. Other times, the question is from someone who has long had one pubic hairstyle but now wants to change it up—they just aren’t sure how their partner will react.

I feel that I am really lucky in that all of my sexual partners have been incredibly sex-positive and very educated and comfortable with my genitalia. I know from talking to my female friends that this is not always the case for many women, though, and often women are hurt or shamed by their partners’ attitudes. I wish there was more information out there to help women realize that they should stand up for themselves and their bodies and not let sex-negative male partners shame them and make them feel insecure for the rest of their lives!

—
A
LYSSA,
24, New York

The key to good relationships and to good sex is communication, and the same is true for negotiating pubic hairstyles. If you’d like to have a pubic hair powwow with your partner, consider the following:

Try to find a time when neither of you is distracted by anything else (e.g., television, studying, work, packing the kids’ lunches). This could be while you’re lying around on the sofa or when you’re lying around post-sex.
If you’re the one who’s thinking of changing your pubic hair-style, and you worry that it will matter to your partner, bring it up. In your own words, say something about how you’ve been thinking about doing something different with your pubic hair and you’d like his or her opinion on the matter.
If you’re open to it, ask your partner if he or she would like to help out, such as by carefully shaving part of your hair, supportively cheering you on as you grow it out, or helping you create a pube-encil (see this chapter’s activity).
If you’re hoping your partner will change his or her pubic hairstyle, start the conversation by saying something positive about your partner, such as how you find him or her sexy or attractive or that you love his or her body (maybe even his or her pubic hair specifically). Rather than saying that you don’t like your partner’s style and think he or she should change it, why not start from a more positive place? Suggest that an even sexier look might be fun (natural, trimmed, shaped like a lightning rod). Or say something like, “I thought I might enjoy/get turned on by grooming your pubic hair, if you’d let me.” If your partner’s not into your ideas, try not to take it personally. After all, it is his or her hair—you just get to play with it.
If your partner wants you to change your pubic hairstyle and you’re up for it, great! There are many ways to add variety to one’s relationship or sex life, and this can be one of them. If you’re not into your partner’s suggestion, politely say so. You can always suggest an alternate style or ask if there are other things you can do, outside of the pubic hair realm, to please him or her.
If you do decide to groom each other’s pubic hair, be careful—especially with scissors or razors. When you shave yourself, it’s easy to feel if you cut yourself or if you’re shaving too hard. When you shave another person, it’s not necessarily so clear, so be gentle. Also make sure to groom each other in a well-lit space—and not when you’re drunk (save the wine or champagne for later on in your romantic interlude).

ACTIVITY: DIY PUBE-ENCILS

If you’d like to customize your pubic hair into a shape, such as a heart or flower or the first letter of your or your partner’s name, we invite you to consider making your own at-home pube-encil.

What You Will Need

a washable marker
scissors
paper

Use your marker to draw your preferred shape on a piece of paper. You may want to hold up the piece of paper to your mons to make sure it’s the size you want.
Cut out the shape by cutting along the lines that you have drawn.
Hold the shape up to your mons while you or a partner use a washable marker to trace around the shape. This will result in a shape drawn on to your vulvar skin. If you have questions or concerns about ink getting on your vulva, we recommend that you talk with a healthcare provider before trying this activity.
Trim the hairs outside the line, then shave or wax them off for total removal. This should result in a neat shape of pubic hair, which you can further trim or keep their natural length, depending on your preference for the finished look.

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR HAIR

There are many ways to enjoy your pubic hair. For example, you might

Check out a pubic hair dye
. Make sure to use one specially designed for the pubic area, such as Betty Beauty, and even then, make sure to patch test it away from your pubic area before using it there. Follow the instructions to reduce your risk of irritation.
Love your grays!
Even Samantha from
Sex and the City
went gray. If we live long enough, every single one of us will. Though it’s a little unclear exactly when this happens for everyone, most people we’ve asked say that they get their first gray down there years after they go gray up top.
Give it a little tug.
Some women find it pleasurable to stroke or tug their pubic hair during masturbation, foreplay, while receiving oral sex, or during other types of sex.
Make it even prettier.
If you’ve got a lot of hair down there, why not go all out? Tie little bows around a few strands for a fancy look. Bare women shouldn’t have all the fun, a la vajazzling. Besides, bows are way more affordable than crystals or rhinestones. You can color coordinate your bows with your outfits. And if you’ve got a Pride party to go to, do them up in rainbow colors!
Get down with pube-encils.
Create your own stencils to more easily fashion your or your partner’s pubic hair into the shape or letter of your choice.
Ask for help!
Many couples find it erotic to groom each other’s pubic hair. As noted earlier, just go slowly, do it sober, and be careful. There’s nothing sexy about accidentally nicking one’s partner with a razor.

GIVING BIRTH BARE—OR WITH HAIR?

When Katherine Heigl’s character gave birth in
Knocked Up
, many moviegoers noticed that her vulva was bare. For many women, this was surprising—after all, as one approaches her due date, the vulva may be more sensitive with increased blood flow to the pelvic area. Would one really want to risk the pain of getting waxed? And with a large late-third-trimester tummy, would one really be able to easily reach one’s own vulva to shave?

Nurses, midwives, and OB/GYNs we spoke with had a different take on the matter. Some said that women in their labor and delivery rooms routinely had their vulvas shaved as a matter of course. Others noted that although pubic hair shaving had previously been common when women were admitted to the hospital to deliver, the practice had largely fallen out of favor where they work. At least one nurse said that it didn’t matter, though, as many of her patients came to the hospital with their vulvas already bare from having waxed or shaved on their own.

Several studies have been conducted on the topic of shaving women’s pubic hair for labor and delivery, with some finding that the practice has no impact on perineal infection or healing.
¹⁴If there’s no benefit to the practice, one can see why the practice has largely fallen by the wayside. If you’re pregnant, you might want to ask your OB/ GYN or midwife about his/her viewpoint on this matter and his/her plans for your pubes. That way, you can also weigh in with your own pubic preferences and ask the questions that matter to you.