Ready for You (26 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chiara held her cell in her hand and cried. She’d done it to herself--she couldn’t blame Rocco. She’d fought with him, snapped at him, refused to listen. Now he didn’t love her anymore. No surprise--she was unlovable.

She wallowed in the sticky mud of her misery for awhile. She believed it was the right image, since she felt stuck and dirty, and not in a good way. Taking a deep breath, she said hello to her feelings, acknowledging them. Grandma had explained how to do it and she’d heard it before. She often did that with Max and Danny, sometimes just saying “I hear you’re mad” or whatever the feeling was would diffuse it. So, she said hello to her sadness, anger, and fear. Asked them how they were doing tonight. Then she giggled.

Scrunching up her brow and biting her lip, she tried to recall the cadences in Rocco’s voice during their conversation. Something had been in his tone, a gentle tenderness, at least before his final words. It didn’t really matter, though, when she wasn’t ready to go further in their relationship, even if all that meant to him was for her to move in. She needed to get herself together or their love would never last.

Why couldn’t she be so clear with Rocco? Maybe if she was, he would understand.
But when they spoke, her words jumbled and her defenses slammed up.
Placing her phone on the nightstand, she took another deep breath and pulled the blankets to her chin, hoping the warmth would help her sleep.

“Good morning, sunshine,” her grandma said the next morning when Chiara walked into the kitchen of the flat. Chiara’s tiny smile widened at her grandma’s words.

“Good morning,” she said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “Where’s Uncle Rob?”

“Still in bed,” Grandma said. She smiled slyly.

“Grandma, you are some woman.”

“I know. Did you talk to Rocco?”

“Yes,” Chiara said. Her smile was gone.

“Didn’t you tell him how grateful you are he’s in your life, how you needed time to settle in with yourself?”

“Not exactly,” Chiara said.

“You seemed clear when you told me.”

“I know. Maybe I should wait and talk to him in person.”

“He might not wait for you,” Grandma said.

“If he’s over me in a couple weeks it wasn’t really love.”

“You don’t know much about men, sunshine.”

“Maybe not.
Thanks for giving me this time off. I’m going to have a fun week.”

“Good, you need it. Is today shopping or baking?”

“Shopping.
Baking with everyone at Aunt Sophia’s on Friday. You
coming?”

“I’ll be there, but just to amuse. I was never much of a baker. I’ve always counted on Celeste for that. Rob’s going home for the weekend on Thursday, so you and I will have a day of beauty. What about the rest of your week? Have you decided where you’ll go from here?”

“No. I’ll probably just hang around with family.” Chiara said hello to her longing and let a smile come out again.

“I think I know where you’re headed.
Ah, Roberto, an espresso?”
Grandma said when Uncle Rob ambled in, looking dapper in his dark slacks and sweater.

“Leonora, you are an angel,” he said, blowing her a kiss.

Grandma winked at him. Chiara laughed and offered to make breakfast. Listening to Grandma and Uncle Rob banter and make plans for their post-Christmas trip to Italy, Chiara grinned. She was surrounded by family and friends who loved and even liked her, the boys would be coming up for the weekend and they would have a great time getting to know the D’Angelos and doing Christmas crafts. She would enjoy this week. Then she would figure out what to do with the rest of her life.

A week and a half later, Chiara knew what she wanted, needed to do. The week before had gone exactly as planned and hoped. The boys had great fun and so did she. But, though she would keep up these new friendships and family ties, San Francisco wasn’t home. Close, but not quite. Chiara had visited and lived in different cities, but she was a suburban girl at heart.

Most importantly, her heart belonged to Rocco. Gianni had pursued her, pretty relentlessly for a bit, but Uncle Max finally shut him down. Apparently it had happened before. She sat on the couch Wednesday afternoon, holding her tummy while she sipped hot cocoa. She smiled. Her period was a week late now and she felt different, lighter. Maybe Rocco wouldn’t want a baby, but he couldn’t blame her. He had initiated the three times they’d forgotten to use a condom and he knew she wasn’t on the pill. Maybe he would be thrown at first, but she knew he loved children. Somehow it would all work out. Phil had asked her to have lunch on Sunday with him and the boys. She would move back to Isabella’s in the morning and go see Rocco after lunch.

On Saturday, Aunt Sophia threw her party with all the families there so they could visit since Chiara might not be back for awhile. She hoped Mrs. Buffone would still want her back at the job and Rocco at his house. Once she and Grandma got home to the flat that night, they visited for a bit and then Chiara went to pack. Changing for bed, she saw it. She had just been late. She wasn’t pregnant. She cried herself to sleep.

“Are you sure about this?” Grandma asked her the next morning as she set her bags by the front door.

“Yes,” Chiara said.

“You don’t look happy to be going.”

“It’s not that. I’ll miss you, though.” Chiara rubbed her stomach.

“We’ll see you for Christmas Eve. The Buffones are having a party.”

“I don’t know.”

“I do.” Grandma hugged her tightly and sent her out the door. “I’m always available for you, sunshine,” she said with a wave before she shut the door.

Chiara smiled and hauled her bags to her car. Back to Isabella’s, back home.

Isabella wasn’t home. She’d left a note saying she was having brunch with a friend. Some welcome so far. Chiara unpacked and got ready for lunch.

The boys
were loving
and Phil was very pleasant. They could finally all enjoy a meal together without Chiara feeling the pit in her stomach she had for the last few years. Chattering on, the boys mentioned Suzy so many times, Phil’s face flushed. Chiara sat taller and smiled. This must be why Kitty had stopped calling her and Phil was more receptive to her requests. Since it was raining, Phil excused the boys and let them go play a video game. Chiara reached for the plates to clear the table, but Phil put a hand on her arm.

“I’d like to talk,” he said.

“Sure,” Chiara said, folding her hands on the table.

“As you must have known, we’ve been spending a lot of time with Suzy.”

“Yes, she’s good to the boys. They like her a lot. And I know you’ve been friends for awhile.”

“She likes the boys too. Loves them, and me,” he said, staring at Chiara’s hands.

She swallowed. “Great,” she said, trying to sound cheerful.

“We’re going to get married, as soon as the divorce is final. I want to make sure you’re okay with it all. We want to live here, but we’ll need more room, so we thought we’d move into Suzy’s until we get this place redone. Then Suzy’s parents will be moving out here and live in her house, so they can be closer to their grandchildren,” Phil said. He fidgeted with his napkin.

“They call the boys that already?”

“Well, you see…Suzy’s three months pregnant, they think it might be twins.”

Chiara hugged her stomach and bit the inside of her lip. “Do the boys know?”

“I wanted to tell you first. Is it okay with you? I mean, living at Suzy’s and all?”

“If the boys want to, it’s fine. I’m happy for you, and Suzy.” She patted Phil’s hand and managed a small smile. “When will you tell them?”

“Tonight.
We’re going to Suzy’s for dinner.” He stood and stacked the plates. “Thanks. We’ll call you later tonight so you can talk to the boys about it.”

“Okay.” Chiara rose and went to say goodbye to the boys. Their hugs and kisses released some of the tension in her stomach, but one name beat in her as the balm for her ache: Rocco.

She drove around to his house, trying to figure out what to say. But she didn’t want to talk. Phil and Suzy together didn’t bother her. It was all the mess Phil had put her through when he was no better in his behavior, it was what he and Suzy had that she wanted with Rocco but had been too afraid to admit.

She knocked on the door. He opened it. Sportscasters’ voices from the TV swirled in the background. Staring at her with his deep brown eyes, he stepped aside to let her walk in. He appeared much the same as he had the first time she’d seen him: short hair, tee outlining his muscles, jeans, only socks, though, no work boots.

“Back in town?” he said.

She nodded and gazed at him. She didn’t care that he seemed angry, his brows pulled together and a frown. She kissed him. For a moment, he kissed back. But he must have sensed her desperation and he pulled away. She touched the frown lines, wanting to see the laugh lines, the broad grin and sparkling eyes. He grasped her hand.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

“Phil and Suzy are getting married. She’s pregnant,” Chiara said. It was easier to start with that than admit everything in her heart.

“Christ.” He shook his head and threw her hand from his grip. “I’m tired of being used. If you’d been upfront in the beginning that you just wanted sex and to complain about your husband, maybe I could’ve worked with that. But instead…I don’t get you. Maybe I don’t want to. I was watching the football game.” Striding to the couch, he sank into it and faced the screen.

“It’s not like that. Please listen--”

“I don’t want to hear it. You’re upset because now you’re out in the cold. Nothing to do with me,” he said. He rose and went down the hall.

“Let me explain.” She ran to him and grabbed his arm.

He pried away her fingers. “Go home,” he said.
“Wherever that is.
Go cry on someone else. I hear you have good prospects.” He slammed his bedroom door on her. She pounded on it.

“Let me in,” she shouted. The door was locked.

Music blared from behind the door. She beat her palm on the door until her hand went numb. Swallowing, she stopped. She could try to wait him out, but maybe she should let him cool off for a few hours. Then she could call.
If he answered.

Chapter Thirty

Rocco lay on his bed and waited. He figured Chiara would leave eventually. She’d almost gotten to him with her deep kiss, but something about it had been too needy and now he knew why. Let her go kiss that Gianni. Rocco wasn’t going to fill in when she
dictated,
her rotating utility player.

A fine line of sweat beaded on his brow at the thought of her with someone else. But she probably already had been. Uncle Rob told him how she and Gianni had been out several times over the last few weeks, how Uncle Rob had seen them kissing in Gianni’s car. Uncle Rob seemed to think this would spur him to action but it only made him feel sick and determined to forget Chiara. He wasn’t going to bother about that yet, though, since Shawn and Sabrina would be here next weekend. They planned on staying with him until Christmas Eve and then going to their mom’s.

The music blasted, but he still heard Chiara’s pounding. Even once she stopped, the beat in the music kept the sound of her pleading knocks alive in his ears. He flipped the radio off. His ears still throbbed. He covered them for a minute and shook his head. She owed him an explanation. He had let her off too easily.

Opening his door, he jogged down the hall. She wasn’t in the living room. A door opened behind him. She stepped out from the second bathroom. Her eyes widened briefly before she licked her lips. Walking to the coffee table, he picked up the remote and turned off the TV.

“What did you mean, you heard I have good prospects?” she asked from behind him.

“Gianni.
I won’t be used.”

“I haven’t used you,” she said. “Gianni pursued me. I can’t help that.”

“Right.
Must be nice never to be to blame.”

“Gianni, and whoever you may have dated these last weeks, has nothing to do with us.”

“You kissing another guy
has
nothing to do with us?”

“He kissed me,” she said.

“This is pointless.” He wouldn’t face her. Staring at the blank wall, he shook his head.

“The point is I love you. I came back because I love you and I missed it here.” Her voice was soft and his anger simmered down, as if she’d turned down the flame under him.

“But the first thing you did was go see Phil? The first thing you mention after not seeing me for weeks is him and Suzy?”

“He said he needed to talk to me. It was easier to tell you about them than me. Please look at me,” she whispered.

He did. Her eyes searched his, pleading. He took a deep breath to try and ease the pressure in his body.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“You,” she said inching closer.

“Already knew that.”

“I’ve thought about the future, believing I should figure out where I wanted my life to go. That was a mistake. It only leads to disappointment. Can’t we just be together? Enjoy the moments as they come?”

He frowned, not understanding what she wanted.

She caressed his face and gazed at him. “For now, can it be enough?
Just us.”

“So when you asked about not seeing other people…”

“I meant it. I wanted to tell you I’m grateful for you, how much I love you, but I needed time to sort myself out.”

“I liked you the way you were,” he said.

“Not everything.”

“Didn’t like you being married,” he groused.

Chiara smiled, her dimple winked. There was the woman he fell in love with--bright and teasing but with a tiny edge. “Me either,” she said.

His stomach clenched. What if she meant to anyone? He blew out a breath. All this thinking and planning was stressing him out. She put her hands on his chest, studying him. Briefly, she peeked down before slowly raising her eyes, veiled a little under her lashes. Her cheeks blushed pink. He whirred to life, like a power tool at the ready. She was here, she wanted him, loved him, what was the problem?

Chiara brushed her lips on his. No problems. Too much thinking had been the problem. Chiara took care of that issue for him. She explored his lips, chest, thighs, teasing her way to removing his pants. She gently pushed him onto the couch where she leant over and kissed him again while he fondled her. How could he have lasted so long without her? He wouldn’t again, no matter what it took. She overwhelmed his senses: her shiny hair as she maneuvered her way down, her low murmurings of enjoyment, the lingering orange flavor of her kisses, the readiness of their scents mingling, her strokes on his inner thighs and balls.

Making an okay sign over her lips, she grasped his hardening tool with her other hand and went to work. She slid him in and out, sucking and licking, wet and wild. But she was in control and he leaned back--all the tightness and tension of the last weeks drained away. He smiled and focused on her. He knew she had talent, but usually he strove to do something for her, except when she’d done it when he was half asleep. Now he surrendered to her touch, let her bring him to the edge, teetering. She bagged him before finishing the job. Groaning, he released everything into her, shuddering as her hot tongue caressed him.

Droopy-eyed and satisfied, he breathed deeply as she sat up and smiled. He chuckled as she bounced onto the couch next to him. She gave him
a parting fondle
before she kissed his cheek.

“I love you,” she whispered in his ear. Her warm breath traveled through him. No way was she getting away from him again.

“I love you,” he said. He snuck his arm around her and pulled her close into his chest. Enjoying her nearness, he waited in silence.

Sure enough, she spoke. “Isabella’s expecting me for dinner.”

“Invite her over here,” he said.

“My stuff is already there.”

“I’ll move it for you.”

“I can’t move in here.”

“Why not?”
He blew out a breath. She’d sucked away all his worries and now she piled them back up.

“The boys, for one.
I have them next week--”

“They can stay here.”

“Bad idea.
Besides, aren’t Shawn and Sabrina here that week?” She tried to sit up, but he held on.

“Yes, but they won’t mind. Sabrina or Shawn could always stay at my parents’. No more excuses. Suzy’s pregnant, right? I don’t see the big deal, you being here.” He ran his fingers through her hair.

“Danny hates you,” she said.

“Max doesn’t. Danny’ll come around. He likes Shawn and Sabrina, likes the house,
gets
along fine with the rest of my family. He doesn’t have to talk to me, just sit at dinners with me.”

“I can’t, not now. I know they like Suzy, but it’s enough change.”

He closed his eyes, trying to stop the bubbling anger. She could avoid anything. Standing, he pulled up his pants and stretched. “Stay this week then,” he said.
More thinking and planning to get her to remain after that.
But if she was here, stress relief would be quick and frequent.

“Everyone will know, they--”

“Like they don’t already?” He spun around and lifted her to him. “Who are you?” he asked, using his hands to remind her. “Huh?” he said as her eyes flickered.

“Your dirty girl,” she whispered, grasping his hand before he could go under her panties.
“This week only.”

He chuckled and kissed her. Somehow, he would get her to stay.

“Let me go,” Chiara said almost exactly a week later. A week of enjoying her, even the everyday tasks of working together in the kitchen or planting flowers had an added pleasure. They took care of each other, not just in bed, but in so many small ways. But still she wanted to leave. Her words stung like a low-level electrical current.

“Shawn and Sabrina will be upset if you’re not here,” he said. They stood together in the living room. He edged closer.

“You told them I was here?”

“Yes.” Reaching out, he caressed her arms.

“I asked you not to say anything.” She pushed his hands away.

Her irritated, superior tone made his jaw clench. He worked his mouth back and forth. He had to remember his goal and not get caught up in this one inning. A win by any means necessary.

“They would have found out from my mom, anyway.” She’d had lunch with Chiara earlier in the week. “I prefer to be honest with them.”

“Have you heard anything I’ve said? Phil’s moving everything into Suzy’s while the house is remodeled. I’m not bringing the boys here while the rest of their life’s being turned around.” Her eyes glimmered, but not only in anger. She hurt and it caused him to look at his feet or he would lose his determination.

“They’d have their own room here,” he said. “You told me they don’t like it at Isabella’s.”

“My parents said we could stay with them. They have two extra rooms and my mom has the whole place ready for Christmas.”

He frowned and tried to meet her eyes, but now she looked away. When did she make up with her parents? “Why would you want to do that? So your dad can treat you like shit in front of your boys? Better they come here and see how to treat a woman with respect.”

She set her mouth in a line, but her chin quivered. “He said he’ll behave.”

“If?”
He knew Santo Junior well enough to guess what Mr. Vitale was like.

“If I don’t see you again until my divorce is final.”

“You agreed?” His stomach churned.

“It’s only another month. I have to make peace with them, for the boys, for everyone.”

“What about you?” He had to make her see this was the wrong choice.

“For me too.
He’s my father.” She picked up her purse and searched the room with her eyes.

“Giving in to his ultimatum is the only way to make peace? Sounds more like you’re caving.”

“I don’t expect you to understand. I’m trying to do what’s right.”

“For who?”
He followed her to the door, wishing he could restrain her. But it wouldn’t be by mutual consent, so he had to rely on words. Not his strong suit.

“Everyone.
You know I want to stay, but I can’t only think of myself.
Or you.
I’m sorry. I hope you can try to understand and forgive me.” She
stopped,
her hand on the door knob. “Can I call and see you next month? You’ll be the first to know.”

“We can talk to your parents together. Let me talk to your father, man to man. Maybe--”

“Sometimes you are such a chauvinist.” Her tone dripped disgust. “I’m surprised you and Santo didn’t get along better.” She opened the door.

He gripped her arm. “What about your things?”

“I packed the car while you were in the shower,” she said.

He released her. He couldn’t win, not this game. But the series wasn’t over. He ran in front of her as she walked down the path to her car. Grabbing her, he kissed her until she pushed on his chest. She blinked and trembled.

“Just reminding you what you’ll be missing,” he said.

Her fingers fluttered over the sweet hollow beneath her throat. She nodded. “I love you,” she said, her voice wavering.

“I know,” he said. “This is your choice, your play. But I don’t need to follow your rules. I’ve got my own playbook.”

She studied him while his grin eased some of the tension in his face.

“Please don’t cause trouble,” she said.

He raised his eyebrows in an innocent gesture. “Give everyone my best,” he said.

“Say hi to Shawn and Sabrina,” she said as she opened her car door.