Reason to Wed (The Distinguished Rogues Book 7) (17 page)

He sat down across from her. “You look beautiful posed like that.”

“Thank you.” Her eyes softened. They talked of the weather, his journey until she seemed at a loss for words. “Why are you here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He frowned. “I reached the end of your list and have come to extend you an invitation to return to Windermere. I feel badly about how things ended between us.”

Her brow rose. “The purpose of my leaving was to get out of the way.”

“You were not in my way. I wanted you to stay, remember, and you turned me down. You sent me off to seduce other women, which I have to say wasn’t as pleasant to do when ordered to it as you must have imagined a man could find it.” He’d felt lost, uncertain, while they’d been apart. As much as he’d tried it her way, there had been no one on her list who could ever replace Esme in his affections. The time wasted on others had only revealed how utterly wrong she’d been about who would suit him for a wife. “I was surprised to find you’d given up London for this place.”

“I was leaving tomorrow.”

Richard’s pulse sped up at the idea he might have missed her if he’d delayed another day. “Where were you going next? Back to London, or to join Lady Ames, wherever that might be?”

“I’m not sure now,” she murmured, in a voice very unlike her usual forthright tones.

She met his gaze warily. To Richard’s eye she seemed uncommonly nervous about seeing him again. He smiled warmly. Ill kept or not, it was very good to be with her once more. He had so much to tell her of the past months she’d been away from society. “Jillian parted ways with Lord Hogan after the party and tells me she has no intention of keeping up the acquaintance.”

“I am not sorry to hear it.” She winced and glanced down at her hands. “I hope she suffered no harm from the association.”

“She seems more herself, I think. The way she was before her marriage.” Richard tilted his head to catch her eye. “You told me the truth about Hogan and I didn’t act fast enough for your taste. I learned what he was about, the truth of his nature, after the party. If not for your words of warning, my sister might be miserable today.”

“It is fortunate I knew of Lord Hogan’s past. I would not have Jillian hurt for anything.” She began to rise then sank down again. Her expression became strained.

“I should remember you are right about most things in the future and save myself the bother of questioning you.”

She swallowed. “Do give your sister my best and thank you for coming so far to see me.”

Was she dismissing him? No, she bloody well wasn’t. He moved across the room and squeezed onto the chaise beside her legs. “There are still things I need to say to you.”

Her gaze grew wary. “Such as.”

Despite the tone of her words, the practiced phrases came rushing back, but he took a deep breath before repeating them. “Esme, what happened between us at the house party haunts me. I have not stopped thinking of you. I enjoyed our time together very much. I came to specifically ask you to give me another chance.”

She winced suddenly and her hand flew to her middle, fingers splaying over her belly.

It took a moment for his brain to register that it was not a pillow she clutched to her stomach.

His eyes widened. There was a bump beneath that quilt. One he couldn’t dismiss as a product of his imagination. What the devil was she hiding under there?

He reached for the quilt covering her body and slowly drew it back, despite her efforts to keep herself covered. He struggled to breathe. There was nothing beneath the quilt but Esme—and her belly was large, rounded with the evidence of a significant development. One she’d sworn was not possible.

Esme was with child.

She slipped from the chaise and put distance between them. “A gentleman usually asks a lady for permission before exposing them to the discomfort of a cold room.”

“Usually I would.”

She licked her lips. “I was about to tell you.”

He stood but could only stare at her stomach. Lying down as she had been, smothered by a quilt and hidden beneath many pillows had concealed her condition upon his arrival. But he
had
noted the changes in her face. Standing with sunlight bathing her in a soft glow, however, revealed quite the bump where her babe rested. She was gloriously pregnant. Quite far enough along that…

He swallowed to ease the sudden dryness of his mouth.

She was quite far enough along that
he
could be the child’s father very easily. He sank down on the chaise as shock took the strength from his legs.

Why hadn’t Esme written him? She must have known he’d be overjoyed.

He glanced at her face, discovering her calm and composed now despite his shock. He would do the right thing. Surely she knew his character, and his heart, well enough to understand he would marry her immediately if given half the chance. She was what he’d come for after all.

His mind spun with horror that he might never have known if he’d followed through with her choices. If he’d married anyone on her list, their child would have been a born a bastard. That couldn’t be allowed to happen.

She exhaled loudly then moved to a sideboard, poured a large amount of spirit into a glass and then thrust it at him. “It does take some getting used to.”

Richard drained the whiskey in one gulp. “How?”

Esme laughed, a panicked sound that drove away the shock filling him.

“Sorry,” he muttered quickly. “Of course I know how. I meant to say how long before the birth?”

“Some months yet. The doctor believes around Easter.”

He glanced at her stomach again and made a quick calculation. He grinned. The child
must
be his. He stood immediately. Once, he’d been completely taken in by a woman who claimed to be carrying his child. Esme had exposed the lie, but he’d been left feeling a fool.

This time, he intended to know without a shadow of a doubt. Besides he was desperate to touch her and end the awkwardness between them.

Richard stretched forth his fingers and touched the bump. Esme’s stomach was hard beneath his fingertips, rather than the softness of a pillow that might have been bound about her waist if she wished to pretend to a pregnancy. He breathed a sigh of relief at the resistance and warmth he encountered.

Esme wasn’t the type to pretend anything.

She would be a mother at last and he was unbelievably happy to discover it. He spread his fingers over her thick velvet gown, curving them around her belly, fully intending to explore this change in her body thoroughly, lost in wonder of the new life growing inside her.

Esme backed up a few steps. “It’s true.”

“Come back here. I’m not done with you yet. A very wise woman once told me I had to look beneath the surface.” He followed her retreat, aware he was all but chasing her around the room.

“Are you not needed back in London?”

Stubborn, foolish woman. They made quite the pair. “To find this elusive perfect woman you spoke of? Esme, I came here today to again ask you to marry me.”

Her eyes widened and her breath caught.

He peered into her face, seeing at last how uncertain she was. “I
was
prepared to wait out the banns, but since there is a child involved, I insist we return to London immediately so I can acquire a special license. We will be married before the week is out and then I’ll take you home to Windermere, where you belong, so we can spend Christmas there together. Where you are needed and wanted.”

She lifted her hand to her temple. Richard pressed his advantage and draped an arm about her shoulders, drawing her near. “Come now, surely you can see the sense in a match between us. The child will have a father, and my name. You can take over the running of the house from Jillian without any difficulty. You’ve always stepped in when needed in the past and Jillian is very fond of you. She already loves you as a sister.”

She broke away. “Is that enough for you?”

Richard stared at her stiff back in irritation. “How about the reason to wed being I am still completely, irrevocably, in love with you?”

Her head turned the slightest amount. “How could you love me still after I sent you away? I ran from you.”

“So you did and I’m sure then you believed it the right thing to do. I did what you demanded of me too. I met with Lady Beauchamp and the whole damned list. Wined, dined and discovered I didn’t care one whit more for them at the end than at the beginning of our acquaintances. Why didn’t you come back to me?”

Her shoulders tensed and then she rubbed her finger over her lip. “I was afraid to believe I was pregnant for a long time, and then I was more afraid I wouldn’t keep it. I’ve been quite unwell, you see. At all hours. Women lose children every day and I didn’t dare travel. I was so afraid that if I left here, I’d ruin this one chance I had.”

His heart flipped at the tremor of fear behind her words. “Nothing will go wrong, and if it does, I’ll bear the disappointment with you.”

Esme sniffed.

He drew her into his arms, quite alarmed by her behavior. “I don’t give a damn about anything but you. I don’t care what you said before or why you left. You are the most vexing, frustrating, exciting woman I’ve ever known. I love you with all my heart and soul. Marry me. Please, Esme. I don’t want to lose you again.”

If he had imagined Esme would accept him immediately, he was bound to be disappointed. She didn’t utter a word.

He gently set his hands over her shoulders. “I will camp outside your door, follow you everywhere like a pathetic, lovelorn fool. I cannot pretend I don’t care for you as much as I do. Berate me, scold me all you like, but I’m here and I’m not leaving without my wife.”

Irritated beyond belief by her continued silence, he raised her face to his. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she silently wept.

Damn it, that wasn’t the response he’d been hoping for when he’d confessed how she’d changed him. He hadn’t meant to upset her. He’d come to win her over and make her his own once and for all.

Richard crushed her against him. “Don’t cry.”

She burst out in loud, fresh sobs. “I cry at everything.”

“Oh,” he whispered, uncertain if that boded good or ill for their future. He’d never known her to shed a single tear, real or pretend, until their last night together. It was one of the many things he’d liked about her. She did not resort to sentimental theatrics to get her way. This new Esme, his soon-to-be wife and future mother of his child, would undoubtedly take some getting used to.

As he held her, peace settled over him. He could be reasonable. Wasn’t Esme worth any sacrifice? “Well, continue if you like. I’m sure I can grow used to it.”

Her sobbing renewed in strength and she buried her face against his neckcloth. She clutched his waistcoat and because it was Esme, and he was in love with the woman, he held her against him tightly and left her to it.

When she quieted, he moved a hand to touch her belly again. The knowledge Esme would bear his child gave him so much satisfaction he couldn’t begin to describe it. He’d hoped but had never dared picture this day. A soft laugh left him. “You really were the one, the perfect woman for me all along.”

She sniffed. “Well of course I’m the one. Who else could put up with you?”

He kissed the top of her head. He could see a happy life ahead, but not always a peaceful one. “Who else indeed? I promise you will have ample opportunity to test that theory. We will mold our children into strong-minded individuals who will never suffer fools. Our progeny will have every advantage in life and we will love them with our whole hearts, as we love each other, because we will tell them every day just how much of a miracle they are.”

She sniffed again and glanced up. Despite looking at him with glassy bright eyes, Esme had never been more beautiful to him. “Why are you so certain?”

“That I love you?” He touched his chest. “I feel it here, every time I think of our days together, every time I recall being told you’d already left my home without a word of farewell and left me with a list of potential wives to consider as replacements. I have ached to hold you against me, talk to you, every moment since you left me. I am so sorry. I should have followed you. If I had, you would never have had to be worried about the babe on your own. I would have reassured you that no matter what happens, I would always be in love with you.”

Richard smiled gently. “I might not always make the right decisions for myself, but you’ll have to grow accustomed to me knowing you better than you think. The list was a grave mistake.”

She laughed a little. “I think so too.”

He kissed her then, passionately and with all the longing he’d tried to contain for the past months without her in his life. He held nothing back in showing her how much he’d missed her. He was still as wild for her as their last night together in the woods.

He led her back to the chaise lounge and, with her permission this time, lifted her skirts to see her belly. The slender body and flat stomach he’d admired months ago was even more beautiful when rounded. As he stroked her skin, his breath caught as the child beneath his fingers moved as if drawn to his touch. “We will have smart children.”

“Please do not get ahead of yourself,” she chided. “One child is all I have ever hoped for. Don’t expect more than this. Please. I couldn’t bear to disappoint you.”