Recklessly (28 page)

He brought his face even closer and matched the rebellion in her stare when he took her face in his hands. “I
saw
the look on your face the last time we were
just fucking,
Lana. Maybe
your
memory is the one with the gaps. We were on the beach in Tahiti, you were naked, saying my name, and your nails…” Wes grabbed her hand and pressed it into his shirt past his collar. “
These scratches? You did that.
When we were
just fucking.
Not a single other woman has touched me in
...
.
God knows how long.
You’re
the one marking me up. You remember what you were saying when you were leaving them? ‘Cause I sure the fuck do! And I
need
you
too, Lana. I want
you,
too!

You know what else I remember? I saw how you were looking at me when you
came
underneath me, Lana. We woke up on the beach together and you were looking at me that way, too. Things were different. Things have
been
different. You can stand here and pretend they aren’t, but you’d completely be in denial. You
know
that.”

She shook her head. “This is my fault. This is entirely my fault. I let myself get vulnerable and emotional around you, shed some tears about Sadie, and now you think a few weeks of us
playing couple
changes things. We’re smarter than this, Wes. The reason this was working was because
we
were smarter than this. Now you’re convinced of some kind of happy ending? Us exchanging tearful speeches with things like, ‘My life is nothing without you. You are my everything. My life didn’t exist before you. I don’t know how I was living without you!’ Then some kind of stroll off into the sunset holding hands? You know where happy endings happen, Deuce? In skeevy, back alley massage parlors on the side of town your parents tell you to stay out of
.
”

“You should know me better than that. I don’t give a shit about the goddamn happy ending. I know it’s not that simple,” Wes countered. He brought his lips to her ear and clamped his hand on her side, letting his fingers dig in a little. In a whisper, he said, “But you know what? Let that guy blow your back out tonight, Lan; let him eat you out until you can’t walk straight, but don’t think for a second
I’m
not the one who’ll be in your head the entire time.”

She shuddered quietly for a moment, and he felt the trembles snake through her, but then she wrenched herself from his grip. “Close your eyes, keep ‘em open, say his name even. Dig your nails in, Lana. It’s
me
you’ll want it to be. It’s
me,
” he continued as she walked away. “‘CAUSE I’D WANT IT TO BE YOU!” His entire chest cavity was vised in his overwhelming emotions as he watched her go, and she looked back only once before she sank into the dark, oscillating crush.

Someone small wrapped their arms around him, someone who couldn’t actually stop him from going after her, but he didn’t fight against it. Dylan stepped in front of him. “Wes, let her go. Just let her go.”

“I didn’t plan on following her.”
But we don’t plan, and God laughs.

“Do you need to go home now?”

“Yup.”

“If we go outside, and she’s there are you going to act crazy?”

“Yup.”

“You
swore
.” She wasn’t angry; instead, Dylan’s smile was way too understanding, which made him feel worse. “I’m telling Abel to call—”

“No, you guys stay for the second half, baby, I can get home okay. This isn’t what you came for, my drama. Stay.”

“You sure?” She looked doubtful, as she pulled him into a hug.

“Of course…” He hugged her back before he dipped into the crowd, looking for a cab on an app on his cell phone. He passed a woman standing at the bar whose eyes widened when their gazes collided, and he thought for a second it was because she recognized him as Wes Elliott,
surfer,
but the way she paled over, he realized she’d recognized him as Wes Elliott,
guy who had been arguing with Lana.

“Where’d she go?” he asked her.

“They’re leaving,” she said flatly.

Wes took a quick stride for the exit, and Lana was easy to spot because most people were coming back inside for the second half of the show instead of lingering outside.

“Lana!” he called out. She and the guy were walking arm in arm away from the club, and Wes beat back his infuriation. The man spun around first, and Wes’ competitive instinct kicked in as he sized him up. No matter how audacious and unreasonable the alcohol tried to make him, Wes was determined not to brawl in the streets of L.A tonight.

“Lana, come here…please…” She stopped walking and whispered something to the guy, but she did walk back to where Wes was. She came back to him, and that gave him hope, even though the look in her eyes read as uncertainty. What the fuck had changed?
Oh, just everything. I just have to get her to see that it’s a good thing.
“He’s as fun as me?” he asked, ticking his chin in the guy’s direction.

She rolled her eyes and tried not to smile. “He and I aren’t doing that…and he’s not…bringing up things that complicate…things, but I said everything I wanted to say tonight, Wes,” she said, but her voice wavered.

“Good, because I have a lot more to say,” Wes said. “You’re worried that I’m not safe, Lan? Since when do you even
want
safety? We don’t
like
safe. Me and you, we don’t like
safe.
I chose a job that can kill me,
knowing
it could. It can kill me every time I do it. I take a piece of fiberglass and throw myself into ten-foot waves that could easily overpower me, no matter how good I am. Reef cuts me up all the time, and I’ve hit my head on rocks. I got a job that I have no real future in. I can probably only surf well and be profitable for another eight or nine years.
If
I’m lucky. I got tattoos so I wouldn’t
ever
have to get a real job; clearly, I can’t
ever
. I say what I want. I curse too much. I drink too much. I fuck
way
too much. I party too much. And…I. Love. Every. Single. Fucking. Moment. Of my life. I chase the thrills and I love the highs. You know why? Because I’m reckless, Lana. I’m
reckless
…and so are you.

“You ride a motorcycle. A freakin’ unsecure, uncovered crotch rocket that could toss you fifty feet on a really bad day and kill you. You don’t subscribe to what the world expects from you, even when maybe you should. And you don’t care what most people think. You do whatever it is you want. You live your life moment to moment. And I fucking love that about you.” Wes turned to look at the guy Lana was with. “We fuck…
we fuck…
” he said a little too loudly before turning back to her.

“Wes…” Lana cautioned, but the corners of her mouth pushed up just slightly, and he wanted to kiss her so badly.

He brushed his lips right up against hers and kept speaking, though much quieter now. “We
fuck
each other senseless. Everywhere. I’m thinking about it now and I want to put you up against that wall, and watch your eyes roll back into your head, I want your nails to dig into my skin, I want to feel how tight and wet you are. I want to hear you come. I want to fuck you
senseless
right now
.
Even though I usually can’t move afterward, and I can’t breathe…and still all I want to do is get back in and do it some more. And I always…” He trailed off when she gasped from the dig of his fingertips into her side. “…I always have the taste of you inside my mouth.”

“So, we’re just going to pretend like you’re not you and I’m not me?” she asked.

“The only thing
we
are, is reckless, baby. And that’s perfect.” Wes pressed his lips to hers fully in a quick kiss.

“Wes,” she moaned after a smile, gathering the front of his shirt in a fist, and he tightened his hands over her waist then kissed her again, not ready to let her go or give her a moment to find a reason to refute what he was saying.

“So, let’s be each other’s drop from the helicopter, and the plummet into the pit of the ocean. Let’s be each other’s
free fall
. ‘Cause I’m in love with you, Lana Marie Langston; I think you’re in love with me too, and for people like us, what the hell is more reckless than that?”

“Thank you, man,” Wes said to the cab driver when he pulled up in front of his house. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he was hopeful it was Lana, but the screen said
Dad.
He slammed the cab door shut after he handed the driver cash and a tip as he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hey—” Noise immediately cut through. It was just harsh voices riddled with expletives, and Wes immediately knew the call was accidental. His parents were arguing, spewing vile words to each other, and he couldn’t make all of them out but their tones were sufficient enough to figure out that they weren’t being friendly. How could two people who cared so much for him and Abel, who could be nothing but loving and supportive and kind to them, be so hateful to each other and feel no desire to change the situation? 

Wes shook his head as he ended the call, hoping he wasn’t in for a night of constant calls. He filled with dread when he remembered that there was a voicemail that had probably captured one of their arguments earlier.
Don’t shoulder it. Don’t let it get to you. Let it go.
But he wasn’t Abel. The only upside to doing this as an adult was that alcohol made for better treatment than playing G.I. Joes. Wes ambled to the cabinet in the kitchen for the bottles of liquor they kept there, went back to the couch with tequila in tow, and watched two shows on his DVR. His parents combined with the run-in with Lana had really made for a shitty night in general. But a great one for drunk texting. He pulled his phone from his back pocket.

Wes:
Me ant every Th/ingI said I miss

Wes:
You s o muc

Wes:
muuc.h
Lan A

Wes:
Lana Mess yo,u

Wes:
Miss

The front door opened suddenly and Wes shoved his phone between the cushions when Abel, Dylan and Charlotte walked into the house. Charlotte laughed when her eyes landed on him, but the other two were far less amused.

“Are you still drinking?” Dylan asked, her hands propped on her hips.

“I didn’t…yet…” Wes tried to get up and collapsed back to the couch as the room tilted.

“
I’m over it
,” Abel said in a mocking tone.

“Eat me,” Wes replied.

“Abel…help me…” Dylan motioned to him. Hoisting Wes up, they dragged him up the stairs and straight into his room. After they dumped him in his bed, Abel just shook his head at him, maybe in pity, maybe in disgust, but he didn’t speak to either of them at all before he left.

“You’re a hypocritical prick, Abel!” Wes yelled. “Jamie has a boyfriend and that didn’t stop you!”

“Oh, shut the fuck up!” Abel yelled back through the wall. “Drunk dummy.”

“My brother is mad at me,” Wes said, a bit amused, but he got solemn when he turned to her. “Are
you
mad at me, Dyl? Did I kill your night?” He peeled off his shirt and tossed it into the laundry basket as Dylan pulled another out of his drawer.

“Of course not. But I don’t like seeing you like this. What the hell happened after Tahiti?” she asked as she walked back to the bed and sat.

“She’s been ignoring me. Tonight, she said I was crowding her and she needed some space. We’re not exclusive, so it’s fine, but I’ve never had a girl I wasn’t even dating break up with me. Those were breakup words.” Wes scoffed. “She was acting like I was her ex or something, you know?”

“Uh…don’t act like she’s the only one treating it like a breakup, Mr. I Can Do
All
Those Shots in Under Ten Minutes.”

Yeah, she was right about that. “I drunk texted her too. Fuck. Okay, the shit got to me. It
is
getting to me.” Wes put on the shirt Dylan had gotten for him. “
Fuck, Dylie,
I want her. I want her so bad. To myself. And it’s stupid to go down this route because anybody would look at this and say, ‘Hey, you’ve got the perfect situation. You get to sleep with a beautiful girl, who gets you so well, without ever having to take her to dinner or stay up late on the phone with her, and she’s really okay with that because she’s not anxious to do that stuff with you either. So why are you trying to ruin it,’ but I can’t talk myself out of not wanting more. I’m in love with her. And I saw it in her eyes. She loves me, too, and she’s trying to talk herself out of it.”

Intoxicated or not, he’d seen her putting up a wall. Ms. Glutton For An Orgasm was also Ms. Stingy With the Feels.

Dylan placed her hand on top of his, a sympathetic expression settling on her face before she spoke in a frank tone. “Sounds like she’s afraid…or she’s afraid and actually trying to get over it, Deuce. That’s a reality you might have to deal with, but I’m thinking it’s the first, though.”                                          

“I think it’s the first, too.” Wes put his head on her lap. “I just want to try, Dyl…but I’m not going to be some puppy dog following her around if this isn’t what she wants. I just want to try.”

“Okay. And I think you should. But if she explicitly tells you to leave her alone, you know you have to quit, right?”

“Jesus, Dyl, I’m not a stalker!”

“I know, but guys can think a girl is playing hard to get when she’s not. Just make sure there’s a point when you’ll give up. This isn’t the movies…‘cause sometimes those
romantic
gestures border on restraining order-eligible. ”

Wes laughed. “Oh, definitely. And I’m broken up about this, but I’m not about to get under the covers with the lights out and listen to Kai White slow jams, either.” He sighed after Dylan chuckled. “But what do you think I should do?”

“No idea, puddin’.”

“Speaking of movies, though, didn’t that guy in that one movie all you girls like do something really cheesy but romantic, I guess? Build a house and write letters for a long time? The guy with the wife with Alzheimer’s who’s telling the story?”