Recklessly (30 page)

But he still didn’t kiss her, only placed his lips at the corner of her mouth and dug his fingers into her sides. “Listen carefully ‘cause I can’t put this in a drawing. You are so fucking under my skin, Lana Langston, I can’t feel a goddamn thing without thinking about you. I’m
never
going to recover from you.
Never.
So don’t ever do that again. Don’t ever do that to me again. Look at me, and say you won’t.”

“I won’t.”

“Now, can I get you out of these wet clothes?” he asked, and she nodded. He carried her back inside without letting her set a foot on the ground. She stripped out of her clothes right at the base of the stairs, and he smacked her backside as she traipsed up the steps. “Any shirt you want. Second drawer.” Wes pressed out a text to Abel and begged him to stay out a few hours longer. “You hungry?”

“Yup!”

“I was going to make a quick veggie and beef stir-fry. You want that?”

“Cooking for me, Wes? You’re already the best boyfriend ever.”

“Boyfriend, huh?” Wes said.

Lana giggled. “Something like that. And can you please forgive Grayson? He was just doing what he thought I really wanted, which I insinuated I did want ‘cause I thought it would be easier. He feels horrible and he wants to apologize but he thinks you hate him. He’s not really speaking to me.”

“Yeah…I’ll send him a text. I get why he did it. Water under the bridge.” Wes walked to the laundry room, took off his wet clothes, and grabbed a pair of clean sweatpants. He tossed both sets of their clothes in the dryer.

The rain didn’t let up while he was cooking, and he was actually glad for it as he moved for the couch, leaving dinner simmering on the stove. He wanted to lie down, hold his girl and read a good book while they had the house to themselves, and Wes smiled when she appeared at the bottom of the staircase holding
The Great Gatsby.

“Hey…sorry I took so long. I just went ahead and took a shower.” She had put on one of his light-colored t-shirts, and it was clinging to her damp skin, highlighting all the arches and bends and curves of her body, providing a semitransparent view of her bare skin beneath. Lana twirled her wet hair in her hands and smiled.

Instant happiness. Instant erection.

She set a pensive look on her face and she bit her lip, like she had to physically restrain her thoughts from fleeing her mouth. He’d bet his surfing career that she was focused on all those worries about the two of them. Maybe if Lana were an enigma, some puzzle left unsolved, he’d have an easier time. He couldn’t understand what he couldn’t understand. But he
knew
what she was. She saw the world with perception slanted too identical to his. And Wes thought that made her far more dangerous for him, for how he felt. Like a snake ingesting its own venom. Awareness should’ve made him smarter. But he wanted what he wanted. He loved whom he loved.

For a moment he considered that it might destroy him.

But in another...he decided he didn't care.

“I can’t lose myself…I can’t become
Wes Elliott’s girlfriend
. We can’t change…” She remained where she stood, as though her next several actions depended on his response. “I want us to just be
us
, okay? Even if we’re in a new stage.”

“What if Wes Elliott likes you being his girl?” he said, smirking.

“You know what I mean. Can you promise me that? Can you promise we won’t change? Can you promise we’re not making a stupid mistake?”

Wes almost laughed as he watched her nervous mannerisms, her impatience with him, her need for reassurance. Two people who could fuck in a public place without reservation were apprehensively negotiating their relationship.

“I love you. That’s my promise.”

“Wes…” she said, doubt heavy in her voice. Not doubt that he didn’t mean it. Doubt that he’d be able to promise what she asked. But he’d find a way to make her believe. Make her believe the jump was worth it.

“I. Love. You.”

Her skin flushed, the hardened exterior finally fracturing, and she was nearly squirming out of her skin. “Say it again.”

“
I
fucking
love you, Lana Marie Langston,” he said, cupping his hands around his mouth so that the words resonated all around the house. “Now come here…so I can kiss the hell outta you.” Appeased, she finally took a few steps toward him.

“You’re an idiot.” But she was smiling, and he didn’t know how much more of her being across the room he could manage. How could they be impossible when she made him feel like this? When her smile could fill his heart until it hurt to breathe?

Fuck everything that wasn’t her.

“
Your
idiot, girl. Dammit, Lana, come here.”

“But no beating on your chest,” she said, scrunching her nose. “And you can’t ‘brand’ me or whatever, okay? None of that ‘Grr! Argh! I, man. You, woman. We fuck. You’re mine! Grr! I own this pussy! Argh! Grr! Your pussy is mine—’”

“Wait…why would I suddenly start speaking grammatically correct in the middle of my caveman sex rant?” Wes joked as he pulled her down onto his lap. He could smell the stir fry, forgotten and unattended on the stovetop, but Lana had already monopolized his attention.

“Wes…I’m not the ‘pussy as property’ girl. Pull my hair…bend me over
for days
…fuck me
upside down
, but none of
that,
okay?” He was picturing all of it, and he was so hard that Lana sitting on his lap was actually painful. She threaded her tongue into his mouth, and he sucked on it before their lips sank into a sensual rhythm. Between them, kissing always escalated quickly. Lips then teeth. Breathing then not. Soft then ferocious. Memory-killing, reality-bending ferocious.

“I’m not the pussy claiming guy, Lana…at least not out loud and not to your face…” Wes leaned forward suddenly and set her on the carpet in front of the couch.

“Wes! What the hell?” she said, giggling and petting his hair as he raised her knees to his shoulders. He dropped his mouth to her stomach, inhaling the scent of his soap as his lips moved below her bellybutton. “I thought we were going to eat?”

“We were, but…” He looked up at her and pressed out a grin. “…You keep saying ‘pussy’ and it’s so goddamn hot, so now I can’t stop thinking about yours.” She quenched his lust for her, fed his desire, and yet rendered him insatiable nonetheless.

She smiled and squeezed the sides of his head with her thighs. “Well, in that case…dinner is served.” She sighed on the last word as one of his fingers slid into her, and balancing on her elbows, she kept her eyes pinned to his when his tongue glided over her clit. God, he loved when she watched him go down on her, and it turned him on so much, Wes reached into his sweatpants and pumped himself with hard strokes. He didn’t care if he got to his climax; he was just happy to please her.

Lana gripped his hair with a forceful yank up. “Oh my God, I love you…” she whispered, falling back to the carpet with little twitches.

“Me or my mouth?” Wes dropped her thighs to the floor and she spread them out herself.

“That—Oh! That…too!” Her toes dragged along the carpet at his sides.

He took her hand from his hair and placed it on her stomach. “Can you touch yourself for me?” His skin ached from a flood of blood rush as he watched her finger inch toward his mouth, and he brushed his tongue over it when it reached where he wanted it. The more he licked, the harder she worked her finger. The harder she worked her finger, the more he stroked himself.

“Wes…Oh my God, Wes…” Lana said, and she was wriggling and jerking like she always did, but there was actually sharp panic in her voice, not ecstasy. “Something’s burning!”

“Oh fuck! The food!” With Lana laughing behind him, Wes dashed to the stove to salvage dinner. It had only just started to blacken, so it was still edible. After he and Lana managed to settle themselves, she set the table and he dished out the food with only a little teasing from her while they ate. Wes was in such a euphoric state from having her back that he couldn’t stop staring at her, finding everything she did intriguing: how she didn’t drink her water until all the ice had melted, the way she bit the sliced bell pepper centimeter by centimeter, how she avoided the broccoli and ate the snow peas with her hands. And maybe it would’ve been crazy to someone else, but he really couldn’t help it, and he was looking for the slightest sign of uncertainty and discomfort.

It’s not like he could ignore the weight of his reservations either, though.
We’re just going to pretend like you’re not you and I’m not me,
she’d said. They were two people accustomed to living their lives a certain way, and who’d had something far plainer than this, something less worrisome than this. He’d been truthful while drunk that night at XS; he wanted to take the chance. He loved risk, but even
he
got a cold sweat when facing down a wall of water that he
chose
to get into.

They
both
loved risk, and this kind came with a heavy cost. He knew that well, and he was betting she understood it. Two people sharing feelings, two people becoming passengers in each other’s lives, would be complicated. Love could hurt…badly. Lana could hurt badly. But God, he wanted her…more than his common sense could control right now. Deep down he knew being with her would be hard. But being without her would be much harder.

Lana sighed, breaking his creeper concentration. “What’s up, baby? What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“Is this crazy, me and you? Is it?”

“Yes, gorgeous. Very crazy. As in,
me
is
very
crazy
about
you
. Like it or not.”

She grinned. “I like it. In fact, I love it. I love
you
…”

“Come here,” he said, gesturing at her, and when she reached him, he lifted her up and she wrapped her arms and legs around him. Wes carried her straight into his bedroom with his lips fastened to hers. When they landed on the bed, he scooted until his back was against the headboard.

With half her hair covering her face, Lana bit her lip and crawled toward him at a deliberate pace, back arched, movements feline. She slinked up his body, crawling until her knees were between his legs, leaning until her lips were right against his.

“I want to
feel
you tonight, Lan. Nothing between us. No condom, okay?” he said. She sat back on her haunches, an apprehensive look settling on her face. “You don’t want to do that? We got tested a while ago…and I haven’t been with anyone else.”

“I know…and I haven’t been with anybody, either.” She shook her head, skin flushing. “It’s just that…I haven’t done that since…well, you know, since I got pregnant…”

Wes’ eyebrows jumped. “Not since?”

“Never.”

“Okay, we don’t have to,” he said with reassurance as he stroked the side of her face. “We don’t have to do that until you’re comfortable.”

“No…I want to. With you.” She pulsed out a soft, nervous smile, seeming so incredibly vulnerable for a moment. He’d never seen her look so naïve about sex before. “It’s just kinda overwhelming. I have, like, virginity jitters right now.” She giggled. “This was always a really big deal to me…this
bare
thing, as weird as it seems.”

“Not weird. Condoms were always more than just protection from STDs and pregnancy for me.” Erin and Sloane had been the only ones so far he had gone unprotected with.

“Yeah…it’s an intimacy thing. Without it, it’s just skin on skin. It’s just
me.
It’s a huge deal.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’m glad you get it. Guys in the past haven’t. They always thought I was keeping something from them.” In a way, they both had been.
Ourselves.
What was more temporary than a condom?

“So, does it really feel that different when you’re in there raw?”

“Hell yeah
,” Wes said emphatically.
“It’s like the difference between McDonald’s apple pie and the one you have to special order from a mom and pop bakery.”

“Holy shit. You just compared my vagina to baked goods…” Lana cackled, throwing her head back. “Awesome. Just when I thought I couldn’t like you more.”

“You just…you feel
everything
. Much more friction, which is incredible, so it’s good for you, but bad for me ‘cause I’m ready to tap out in four.”

“Minutes?”

“Seconds.”

“This explains Brody.”

“Yeah, I can’t knock the guy from not being able to handle himself. Plus you’re really hot, so I really can’t blame him.” But Wes got serious as he held out his pinkie. “Jump.
Jump.
We’ll plummet together.” Lana’s smile was relaxed as she folded her pinkie around his and they kissed the edges of their fists. Wes set her astride his lap, and with their gazes locked, she guided his penis into her body.

“Whoa…” He gripped her hips, groaning in pleasure as he slid her down, and a burn of ecstasy flared in a trail from his chest to his groin. The sensation, her every clench, her every movement, was already luring him dangerously closer to his peak as he thrust up into her.

Lana gripped the sheets at the sides of his head, her own head going back just slightly. “Wes…we should probably slow down…”

“Easier said than done,” he breathed. Wes put his hands on her butt, gripping it as Lana leaned down to drop her lips on his, and he concentrated on her mouth, devouring it in a way he couldn’t do with the rest of her body. It was so tempting to just flip her over and take the lead, but he wanted to savor the occasion. She sat up, head rolling back as she balanced on her arms, and he always found it so captivating to watch her when they were intimate. As he rubbed her clit, she gasped hard, mouth staying open, body undulating. He sat up slowly, and when they were nearly chest-to-chest, he folded her legs around his waist, pulling her as close as he could get them as their bodies moved, united in a rhythmic connection.

She rubbed his back with soft circles and she buried her lips in his shoulder. But he wanted her to see that he was right there, that they were there together and feel him beyond the physical, and know that he’d meant everything, so he cradled her face to look into her eyes.