Reclaiming Conversation (55 page)

conversation(s):

in classrooms,
8
,
48
,
121
,
212
,
223
–24,
239
–41,
242

creating environments that support,
171

“death” of,
137
,
139
,
143

designing for, in work culture,
274
–81,
283
–88

difficult,
118
,
265
,
301
,
324
,
327
–29

face-to-face, see face-to-face conversation

in family,
105
–7,
118
,
121
,
136
;
see also
family

flight from,
4
,
13
,
14
,
15
–16,
19
–56

forgetting how to have (and voyages of forgetting),
16
,
17
,
116
,
339

keeping it light (in presence of phones),
20
,
21
,
160

listening during,
71
–72,
109
–10,
118
,
129
–30,
161
–62,
163
,
165

lulls in,
23
,
26
,
39
,
150
,
151
,
153
,
322

machines and, see machines

in medicine,
281
–83

mentoring for,
264
,
284

moving to mere connection from,
21
–22,
27
,
29

open-ended,
4
,
13
,
22
,
250
,
276

phone, see phone calls and conversations

physical proximity and,
271

putting people “on pause” in,
124
,
345

real-time aspect of,
22
,
35
,
129
,
143
,
148
,
149
,
240
–41

“rule of three” and,
19
-20,
30
,
160
,
254

sacred spaces for,
44
,
136
,
235
,
318
,
320
–21

“seven-minute rule” and,
153
–54,
155
,
322
–23

social scientists and,
8

in therapy,
8
,
see also
work of,
8
–11

Coursera,
230
,
231

“Cover the Night,”
294

creativity and innovation,
39
,
47
,
64
,
287
,
288
,
319
,
320

“lightbulb moments” and,
76
–77

privacy and,
67

solitude and,
62
,
67

crises,
see
catastrophe culture; emergencies and crises

cruelty, permission we give ourselves online for,
165
–66,
206
,
see
bullying

Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly,
73
–74,
174
–75

data,
see
information and data

dating,
45
,
177
–207,

advice on (from machines),
355

choice and,
182
,
183
–85

maximizing strategies and,
183

Tinder and,
38
,
179
–80,
181
–82,
184
,
185

see also
romance

Davis, Katie,
323
,
324

daydreaming,
74
,
77
,
219
,
322
–23

see also
mindwandering

death:

in family,
92
,
135
–36

mourning after,
135
–36

news of,
44
–45

750 Words and thoughts of,
90
–91,
93

De Botton, Alain,
177

deep attention,
217
,
219
,
221

deep reading,
69
,
111
,
221

democracy,
50
,
331
,
332

privacy and,
301
,
303
,
310
,
316

Deresiewicz, William,
77
–78,
173

Deschanel, Zooey,
339
–40

designing for vulnerability (and for conversation),
30
-31,
43
,
55
,
126
,
171
,
216
,
261
,
274
–76,
286
,
361

device-free times and places,
44
,
55
,
123
,
136
,
318
,
321

meetings,
275
,
285

no-phones policies,
121
,
212
–14,
259
–60

summer camps,
11
,
26
,
104
,
114
–15,
175
–76,
317
–18

diary,
see
journaling

dinner,
47
,
104
,
106
–7,
331

Jobs, Steve, attitudes about devices during,
55

phones at, see mealtimes, phones at

disagreements (arguments):

chat and texting (online) as a place for,
103
,
105
,
126
–132,
195

email and,
266
–67

face-to-face,
103
,
127
–31,
195

in family life,
29
,
103
,
105
,
121
,
126
–31,
169

in romantic relationships,
194
–96

in workplace,
15

disconnection, anxiety about,
67
–68,
74
,
75
,
286

“Disconnect to Connect,”
360
-361

documentation, as a life aesthetic,
125
,
167
–68

Google Glass and,
168
–70

dolls, psychological differences from sociable robots,
343
–44

downtime,
70
–71,
164
,
250

see also
daydreaming

Dropbox,
258

earphones, as way of signaling desire for solitude,
286

Edelman, Lee,
240

editing messages,
21
,
22
,
28
,
36
,
37
,
54
,
107
,
128
,
139
,
143
,
149
,
200
–201

education,
211
–48

attentional pluralism and,
219

collaboration and,
244
–45

databases (E-Memory), impact on,
224

grazing and,
222
–23

hyper attention and,
218

lectures in,
74
,
215
,
228
,
231
,
232
,
234
–35,
236
,
237
–38,
241
,
242

MOOCs and, see MOOCs

narrative and,
222
–23

online,
48
,
230
,
232
,
234
,
238
;
see also
MOOCs

Project Athena (MIT),
234
–35,
236

technology and,
232
–33,
242
–44

see also
classrooms; college students; schools, schoolchildren

educational (online),
220
-21

edX,
211

elderly, robot companions and the,
358
–60

Electronic Freedom Foundation,
312

Eliot, George,
170

ELIZA (computer program),
341

email,
28
,
29
,
148
–49,
320

answering,
149

apologies and,
32
,
265
,
267

appellate court justices and,
263
–64

contrast with face-to-face meetings,
262
–64

conversations avoided via,
264
–67

misunderstandings and (in the workplace),
266
,
267

privacy and,
86
,
303
,
304
,
305
,
312

sending in bursts (in the workplace),
280

sending late at night (in the workplace) ,
277
,
280

in student-faculty communications,
54
,
247
–48

as “talking,”
149
,
252

work-related,
149
,
261
–63,
264
–67,
275
,
277
,
280
,
319
–320

E-memory,
224
–25

emergencies and crises,
293

catastrophe culture and,
299
–301

phones and,
26
,
53
,
158
,
160
,
299

and responding to messages,
299

emojis,
132

emoticons,
23
,
170
,
189
–90

emotional exposure, fear of,
265

emotional intelligence,
162

collective,
347
–48

emotions:

brain's processing of,
41
,
318

children's learning about,
356

communication methods and,
23

control of,
129
–30

and hurting others' feelings,
162
,
164
,
165
–66

multitasking and,
213

negative and positive,
41

and punctuation in messages,
132
–33

social media and,
25
,
40
–41,
314

technology and,
40
–42,
51
–52,
138

empathy,
3
–17,
25
,
36
,
41
,
55
,
66
,
111
,
117
,
118
,
161
–62,
171
,
172
–73,
180
,
323
,
358

as accompaniment and commitment,
172

apologies and,
32
–33

capacity for,
172
,
276
,
317

Louis C.K. on,
59
,
61

in college students,
21
,
170
–71

device-free summer camp and,
11
,
317

equanimity and listening in,
129
–30

eye contact and,
170

face-to-face conversation and,
165
,
170
–71

family conversations and,
106

and hurting others' feelings,
162
,
164
,
165
–66

learning,
117

literary fiction and,
69

machines and,
338
,
340
,
347

in middle school children,
5
–6,
7
,
68
–69,
165
–66

modeling of,
27

in romantic relationship,
199
,
202
,
205
,
206

technology and,
21
,172,
360
–61

workplace and,
276

empathy gap,
3
,
33
,
360
–61

empathy machines, idea of,
168
–70

employees:

hiring, using conversation as a criterion,
45
–46

see also
work, workplace

engineers, and “difficult conversations,”
324

Erikson, Erik,
64
,
77
,
113

“Ethics, Biotechnology, and the Future of Human Nature” (Harvard Course),
241
–42

etiquette,
136
,
254
–55,
345

evocative objects,
81
,
88
,
131
,
228
–29,
359

eye contact,
4
,
36
,
108
–9,
170
,
325

Facebook,
11
,
12
,
24
,
41
,
43
,
63
,
70
,
72
,
75
,
81
,
82
–83,
88
,
117
,
118
,
137
–38,
140
–43,
151
,
152
,
167
,
168
,
174
,
301
,
303
,
309
,
357

cruelty on,
165
–66

data collection by,
311
,
315

getting off of,
147
–48,
167

highlights collage of,
87
–88

journaling vs.,
82
,
83

mood experiment by,
314

performance and,
24
,
83
,
84

politics and,
295
,
296

profiles on,
137
–38,
139

romance and,
178
,
186
–87