Red (Black #2) (17 page)

How can you love someone so much and let them go? Is it possible to not shatter on the inside? To not self-destruct? I’m trying to work this out, but nothing is coming to mind. He’s looking at the sky, my body tired, and sore. He tied me to the truck, my hands were pulled above my head. I couldn’t do anything. He had all the power. I let him have all the power like I let him have anything of me he asks for or doesn’t ask for. Even, my heart.

A part of me wishes I could ask for it back—I want my heart back. I want to not feel broken inside. I want to feel me. I can’t, all I feel is for him.

He steals my thoughts.

He steals my heart.

He stole my soul.

He fucked me twice, there was no love involved, it was purely sexual. Though now when his hands skim over every part of me, I know it’s all love, it’s him trying to show me in ways he can’t explain to me.

The sun is rising, I awoke to his hands drawing on my back, tickling me. Now they’re on my sides, rubbing so tenderly, up and down as he slides in and out of me. We didn’t get much sleep, we hardly spoke, unless it was in cries of pleasure. Now our time is almost up, and it’s time to say goodbye. Till when? Well, that I don’t know. But I really want to.

I bite his lip, his hands gliding to my ass, pushing me to the brink and even further, deeper, harder, softer. All at once, his lips have touched every part of my body, loved every part of me. I watch him with interest as he does it. His eyes close with each kiss. Sometimes I hear him breathing harder, smelling me.

He picks me up, and I straddle his lap. His eyes, heaven and hell.

“What am I meant to do without you?” I ask him.

He lays his head on my shoulder, not knowing how to answer me. “Live Rose, just live. Without the dilemma that comes with loving me,” he speaks, his lips pressed to me, not lifting his head.

“What do you mean?”

He stays where he is, me on his lap, his cock still inside of me, and his head on my shoulder. “I damage people, I damaged you.”

I pull back, making his head snap up. “You damaged me?”

He nods his head.

I cover my breasts. He didn’t complain or look at them like they were damaged. He watches me and pulls my hands free and shakes his head.

“Your body is perfect. I’m talking about damaging you mentally, Rose. I have damaged you, made you believe in only loving me, and that you can only have me. You can have more, so much more.”

“You did no such thing! You can’t make someone fall in love, Liam. It’s nature, it’s who we’re pulled to. It’s who our heart wants. I am not damaged for loving you. No, if anything, I survived by loving you.” His lips are fast as they land on mine.

We packed up quietly, neither of us speaking again. I had to have time to process what he was saying. He thinks being with me causes me pain, that everything that has happened is his fault. I see it now, it’s not just the work, the life he knows. He’s afraid.

Liam Black is afraid.

He’s afraid of losing me forever.

It’s safer to keep me away.

But it doesn’t work like that.

I will give him the time he needs, then I want him back. I’ve done this before, I’ve survived without him, and I can do it again. This time better, because I know he’s alive.

His shades cover his eyes when he drives, so I don’t know what he’s thinking. You can read him better when looking into his eyes. His face never gives anything away. It’s always stoic. Never moving.

He comes to a stop in front of the house, looking at it and not me. I often wonder what goes through his head, I have a need to know what he’s thinking. He’s not good with words.

“Are you coming in?” I ask turning to face him. He doesn’t answer or look at me straight away. He sits there, quite still.

“Liam?”

“No.”

“When will I see you next?” He shakes his head at me. Telling me no. “You can’t cut yourself from me, Liam. I won’t let you do that. You can’t do that. You have a child.”

“That child has done fine without me, Rose.” He turns then, looks at me for a second and goes back to looking at the house.

“You’re his father, and you’re alive. Stop being a selfish prick and grow some fucking balls.” My outburst doesn’t affect him, but it makes me angrier. So when I get out from the car, I slam the door and don’t look back as I enter the house. I know I shouldn’t have, I should have said goodbye, and I should have kissed him one last time. Because when I look out my window, he’s no longer there.

You may find this odd, I find it odd. But in my room, in a drawer in a box, I have Liam’s cards. His play cards, ones that aren’t so much for play, but for destruction. Jake brought them to me after I asked him one day to get them. He didn’t want to, they’re not a keepsake, but they were to me. He always carried them around with him, always one in his pocket. I wanted them, I wanted them close to me. It was something he always had on him, even in his darkest moments, he still carried them around.

Jake is here, he always seems to be here. Lurking around. I wonder what he’s been doing these last past five years. He’s chugging a beer, watching some trash reality television show when I enter. He doesn’t even look my way but waves his hand in acknowledgment. I kick my shoes off, my boots clunking loudly to the floor. He turns the television off, his attention coming to me. We’ve spoken, briefly, he knows in pieces about where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing. Just not the full story.

“Are they your rivals?” He knows what I’m talking about, and he nods his head.

“Once he died, I cut them off. They were pissed, but now I think about it, they weren’t pissed to the extent that they should’ve been. Thousands of dollars being taken away from them, I guess you’re the reason why that is?”

“He’s in hiding. Sax has been looking for me, he couldn’t find anything.” Jake nods his head in understanding.

“I have contacts, deep and bad contacts. Pres handled that, but I have it all now.”

“You told her you were clean?” He’s referring to what Rose has said about his club.

“That’s the only way she could handle being around us. We do good Black, but we also do a lot of bad… that hasn’t changed.”

“How big have you taken it, Jake?” Shipments, guns, drugs. His father was a legend, always under the radar. No one caught him, until me, Jake’s smile is anything but pleasant.

“The whole country.” I shake my head at him, he shouldn’t be delving deeper into this, he should be backing out.

“Use your contacts, find him!”

“I’m leaving, Black.”

That takes me by surprise. He can see it on my face, his head shakes back and forth. “It’s not for the best that I stay. They are yours, not my family.”

“They know you.” He stands and walks closer to me.

“She loves you.”
He does love her.
I see the pain in his eyes when he said that.

“He lied to you.”

“Who?”

“Your father.” He takes a step back from me, having no idea what I’m talking about.

“Robbie, the Police Officer. Does he look familiar to you?”

“No.”

“He should. You have the same father.” He takes a heavy breath, then turns to the wall and slams his fist straight through it, a large hole left behind and his knuckles are bleeding.

“Tell me you’re lying?”

“How do you think Ru knew where we were that night? Why do you reckon your father was never the primary suspect in any of the killings? I set them up to trap him. My plan was flawless, everything linked to him. Except, he had an insider, someone to cover for him, to get rid of evidence.”

“He’s in her house, right now.” Jake pulls his cut from my kitchen bench, his shoes in his hands, a gun under his shirt. Then he’s gone.

It doesn’t take me long to follow him. He’s off his bike and at her door when I pull up. She smiles when she sees him, but her smile drops when she sees me.

“Liam,” she says looking at me, then back to a murderous Jake. “Jake?”

He calls the kids, I watch as they listen to his commands and all come straight away, he tells Rose to grab her car keys. She goes to argue but sees the serious look on his face and runs in and is out in seconds. Jake doesn’t speak, just waves them to their car.

“Liam, what’s happening?” I haven’t seen her for a day—one day and she’s even more beautiful. The kids look to me for answers as well, answers I can’t give them.

“Leave, now.” She doesn’t question me, they’re pulling out in the car as soon as Jake removes his weapon.

Robbie emerges, his steps are slow. He’s fully dressed in his uniform, Jake’s current look is lost. He isn’t seeing clearly, he’s lost in the haze of murder. Robbie doesn’t enter his space, he keeps a safe distance from him, and I’m impressed.

“Jake…” His tone is anything but pleasant. He looks to me, sneers and looks back to Jake.

“Drop it,” Jake commands pointing to his gun. I didn’t even notice. Robbie has his hand wrapped around the barrel, holding it tightly. He shakes his head, telling him no.

“Whatever he said, it’s a lie.” Robbie looks at me with disgust. Jake’s eyes flick to me for a second then back to Robbie.

“You think Black would lie to me?” He doesn’t hesitate as he nods his head.

“He hates me and he’d do anything to make sure I stay away from Rose.” That’s true, I do hate him. I thought he was helping me last time when I was trying to find her, but he wasn’t. He was stalling.

“You think I’m dumb enough to tell a lie from the truth?” Robbie doesn’t answer straight away, he knows he needs to tread lightly. Jake is like a bomb, and he’s about to explode.

“Jake…” is all he says, trying to make him see reason.

“Do you know what they did to me?” He steps closer, his voice lower, I can just hear him from where I am. “And it’s all your fault, isn’t it? You’re the one who told them about her. You’re the one who said I was helping him. You’re the one…” His gun raises, Jake’s doesn’t. His stays exactly where it is, tucked into his pants. He isn’t afraid, I sometimes think he welcomes death. He gets a look in his eyes that says
‘bring it
.’ He’s been through worse, he has, I know he has.

“He shouldn’t have been with her, he should have stayed away. I could’ve made her love me. I could have made her forget him.” The gun is now pointed at me, a gun in my direction is anything but smart.