Red (Black #2) (23 page)

She doesn’t say anything more, she doesn’t want me.

I’m not sure what to do, how to do it. I don’t know how to prove to her, after everything I’ve done, that all I want is her and our family.

“I fucked her,” I say into the phone. I know what he’s about to say before he says it.

“You stupid piece of shit,” he starts muttering swear word, after swear word. “I told you to win her back, not fuck her back.”

“How the hell am I meant to win her back? What the fuck am I meant to do?”

“How the fuck does she love you? You… Seriously… You are fucking clueless,” Jake mutters to me.

“I’m still trying to work all that out.”

“Yeah, well, you’re doing a shit job of it.”

“A part of me wishes I’d never met her,” I tell him honestly. He doesn’t speak straight away.

“Why?”

“It was easier not to feel.”

“They fucked you up, they turned you into the shell they needed, and it worked. If they can turn you into a man they needed, you can turn yourself into the man she needs.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“She doesn’t want rainbows and flowers, Black, you should know that. She wouldn’t be with you. She wants dark and consuming. You can do that just consume her.”

“Listen to you, the guru of love,” I tease him. If he were here now, he would try to hit me.

“I don’t know love, Black, I just know Rose and you.”

“You will find her, you will find your Rose.”

“Yeah, maybe.” His voice is low.

“Where are you?”

“Around.”

“You not telling me?”

“Nope, don’t think I’m cheating on you or nothing, just need to find a new brother, someone to looove me,” he teases.

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, yeah…” He goes silent for a moment. “Start with the kids, start with getting to know them.”

“Fuck.”

“They’re good kids, Black, you will find that out.”

“Come back soon, hey?”

“Yep,” he says then the call is ended.

It’s time to win some kids over, how the fuck am I meant to do that?

Isabelle opens the door. She looks and talks just like Rose. She smiles when she sees me, opens the door wider and steps out then cuddles me. She used to do this when she was little. I remember her well, the way she was so straight forward. Like she knew lies, when lies were being told.

“Liam,” she says stepping back.

“Liam?” comes her voice as she walks into view. She flushes when she sees me, then pulls Isabelle into her. “I didn’t know you would be coming by.”

“I came to meet Liam, properly.”

Her eyes go wide, she hugs Isabelle tighter, making Isabelle pull away from her mother’s grip. “Really?” she questions me. I nod my head and she waves me in, shutting the door behind me. “He’s in his room, do you want me to get him? Or would you like to say hello?”

“I’ll go to him.” It’s dumb, I don’t know why I chose that option, it would be easier and safer to have her there. She points to his room. I walk by her, smelling her, she smells like flowers, she always does. “We need to talk about last night,” I say. She nods her head and I continue to his room. I open it to find him on the floor, his room is littered with monster trucks, small cars, and he has his iPad on, with those stupid adults that show kids games—seriously?

He looks up at me and points to his toys. “Play with me?” I give him an odd look that he doesn’t notice as he starts making noises with his cars, smashing them into each other. “Are you gonna sit, Mister?” His attitude is pretty full on, the way he said that was like
‘play or get out.’
I sit on the floor in front of him, he pushes cars around in front of me.

“Do you know who I am, Liam?” I ask when he pauses his game. He looks at me and nods his head. “Who am I, Liam?” He doesn’t look as he points to something next to his bed. It’s a picture of me in a frame. A soft knock comes from the door, Rose opens and pops her head around the door looking to me then Liam and smiles.

“Dinner?” she asks me. I go to reply no, then he speaks up.

“He can sit next to me.” Rose nods and closes the door. “You love my mom?” he asks me. He’s watching me stare at the closed door Rose just disappeared out of.

“From what I understand of love, yes, I do.”

“I love her.”

“You should.” His eyes are trained on me now, he isn’t interested in his cars anymore.

“Why do you love her?”

“Because she’s beautiful, thoughtful, and her love fills holes that shouldn’t be filled.”

His head drops to the side like he half understands what I’ve just said. “You make her cry, did you know that?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Don’t do it again!” His tone is serious. “Are you going to be my dad now?”

“Is that what you want?”

He purses his lips. “Yeah, the other kids have dads. You’re bigger and scarier than them, it’ll be cool.”

A child… I’m having a conversation with a child. More so than what I have with adults. He’s marvelous, and he’s mine. I can see it in him, in the way he moves his hands, to the way he crinkles his forehead. But it’s her that I see the most, his eyes may be mine, but the love in them, the way they shine for those they love that’s all her.

He stayed in there with him and I listened from the door. I don’t know why he’s here, I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to talk about last night. It happened, it was wild, hot, and sexy. Casey knew as soon as I walked through the door, she pointed to my neck and screamed with happiness. She knew he’d come, they told him. What I didn’t expect was him turning up today, asking for Liam and not me.

They both come out when I call, Liam takes a seat at the table, little Liam sits right next to him passing him one of his cars. Hayden walks in, he stops when he sees who’s at the table and looks to me. He smiles and sits the other side of Liam.

“Mr. Black, it’s good to have you back,” Hayden says. I stay quiet while they all make conversation with him. It’s interesting, to say the least, as he gets hounded with questions. He looks to me for help when they ask him where he’s been, I’m amazed he hasn’t run yet.

“Someone took me away, took me away from your mother.”

“Will they do it again?” Isabelle asks, his eyes are watching me as he answers her.

“Never.”

He stays until their bedtime, and I watch as they say goodnight to him. Isabelle gives him one of her famous cuddles, and he pats her back. Hayden nods to him, little Liam walks and takes his hand and pulls him, asking him to pick him up. He looks to me.

“He wants you to pick him up.” He leans down and Liam grabs his face. He kisses him on the cheek then lays his head on his shoulder. My heart beats faster.

“Come on baby, time for bed.” He comes to me willingly, Liam watches me with interest when I take him.

“Say goodnight.”

“Goodnight Daddy,” he says half asleep. My eyes go wide, my hands start to shake in what he will think, or say, or even do.

“Goodnight, little man.”

He isn’t in the house when I come back out. At first, I think he’s gone, that it was too much for him, that it’s all too much for him to take. That makes me angry, angry that he could do such a thing. Then I see the front door open, it’s raining, hard. I don’t see him at first when I open the door, but there he is, standing under the street lamp, his head down to the ground and he’s soaking wet. “Liam!” I call to him and he turns. I can just make out his features. He looks pained, I don’t quite understand why.

“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?” he asks taking me back to that first night. Those words I asked him, he’s now asking me.

“I have.”

“Who was that person, Rose?” I walk closer, stepping out into the rain. He watches me with interest. The rain coats his face, droplets fall from his eyelashes.

“You, Liam Black,” I admit. It hurts, it still hurts.

“I think I understand it, Rose. I think I understand after all these years what you were talking about. It hurts.” I want to reach out and touch him, to hold him. We just aren’t there yet, I don’t know if he’s there yet. I don’t know if he’s safe yet.

“Why does it hurt, Liam? Tell me why it hurts?”

He blinks a few times, his body staying still as he watches me. “You want to know?” I nod my head. “That… that feeling in there, I understand how you survived, I wouldn’t have been able to if it was you. I would’ve jumped willingly into that black hole and never escaped. But that, and you… I finally understand. It’s you, it’s you who did that.” He points to the house his voice uneven. So unlike him. “It will always be you, won’t it? It will only be you that makes my heart pound when you’re near. When you laugh, something cracks, something extraordinary. Is it love, Rose? Is that what this is?” He steps closer to me closing the distance.

“For you, I think that’s what it is. It’s different for everyone. For you, I think it would be all-consuming. You haven’t loved, you run from it, kill for it. For you, I think your whole love would be scary, but beautiful.” It would be, I know it. He’s a man that is like no other.

“People use the word so freely, I don’t want to do that. I want to mean it. I meant it with you, you know that right? With them, I felt it. How did I feel it?”

My hand touches his face, I run it over his cheek and down his beard. He’s wet and it’s sexy. “I think you should go, Liam. I think you should go home.”