Red Flags (20 page)

“Not really, but if you made food, I can
eat.”

“I threw some tri-tip on the grill; let’s go
out to the patio.”

Jason led me back to the patio where he had
two place settings ready for dinner. I had to give him credit, when
he wanted to be considerate, he could be. Making our way through
dinner, I almost finished the entire bottle of wine. It was
building up my courage so I went back to my line of questioning,
trying to be direct – leaving him no loopholes to jump through.

“So what was so important that you had to
rush home Jason?” He lowered his eyes, and I had to assume it was
from the shock of my frankness.

“I already told you Cara, I will tell you
when the time is right.”

I sighed, frustrated as ever by his
elusiveness. “That’s part of the problem; you can’t be forthcoming
and honest. What happened to no secrets?” I knew throwing his words
back at him would have an effect on him.

“It’s not a secret, but I’m not going to give
you half a damn story and can’t complete it. Look at you now,” he
said, throwing back the last of his drink.

“Well are you okay with whatever happened or
didn’t happen?”

“I guess I have to be, why?”

“Just wondering. I just hope the amount of
time you spent down there, not thinking about me, you figured out
or solved whatever was wrong.” I could see him getting angrier by
the second, but he was making a valiant effort to conceal it.
“Jason, what’s more? You’ve been in contact with Mila, and that
pisses me off. She and I had an argument this morning.”

“Why?”

“Because, as my friend, she should have clued
me in that you were back, and contacting her.”

“I asked her not to. Didn’t know I was
getting’ the poor girl raked over the coals.” He ran his hands
through his hair in an obvious display of frustration.

“Are you so clueless that you couldn’t
predict how angry I would be?”

“I honestly thought you would question me,
but as angry as you are, it’s like I slept with her or something.
And speaking of which, seeing you with Chase made me want to
fuckin’ destroy that guy. Did you fuck him?”

“Are you shitting me? You can’t be
serious?”

“As a heart attack baby and watch your
mouth.”

I wasn’t going to be scolded by him, and
certainly wasn’t going to allow his absurd line of questioning when
I wasn’t the one on trial. He was the one that should be answering
questions.

“You are insane Jason. How could you think
that?”

“I know that fuckin’ idiot wants in your
pants, and based on what I’ve been hearing, you have been pretty
vulnerable.”

“So you think I would just jump in bed with
someone to solve my problems?” I was insulted and my fury was
growing rapidly.

“You jumped in bed with me.”

My mouth fell. I couldn’t believe he said
that with a straight face. True, I did sleep with him the first
night that we ever truly talked, but that was out of the norm for
me, and I now wished that I could take it back because I could see
he was going to hang it over my head.

“Fuck You Jason!” And, I slammed down my wine
glass and stood up, storming back into the house, and grabbing my
keys while heading for the door. He came running after me and
stopped me at the front door. Grabbing me by my waist, he pleaded
with me to stay and apologized, blaming his outburst on the
whiskey. I was further reminded that I couldn’t legally drive
myself home anyway, not after finishing an entire bottle of
wine.

“I’m going to keep on you,” I said, frowning
at him, while feeling my heart beat a mile a minute.

“Keep on me?”

“Yeah. You’ll eventually crack, so I was
told.”

He looked at me, liked a dog trying to figure
out a command. “Who told you that?”

“It’s not important.” I walked past him
straight for the living room, plopping down on the sofa and
appreciating the soft cushion underneath, He trailed me, still
looking puzzled.

“Who told you that?”

I knew he knew; he just wanted me to say it,
so I gave in.

“Jacob.”

His face turned so red that I thought he’d
blow. The fury that spread across his face alarmed me, and I wished
that I had kept my mouth shut.

“You’re still talking to Jacob? What else did
my dear fuckin’ brother tell you?”

“Not much, so whatever your secret is, it’s
safe. He was just asking if you were okay, and if we were
okay.”

In a flash, Jason darted for my purse and I
ran after him. He reached in and grabbed my phone. I tried in vain
to pull it out of his hands, but I was fighting a losing battle. He
tapped the Facebook app, and my messages opened. I tugged on his
arm and struggled to free the phone from his grip, but he was
relentless in his quest to know what we had been talking about.
Calling his name and trying to take possession of my phone was
doing nothing but exhausting me.

“So, he wants you to come to Texas? This sly
little attempt to fill you in is so Jacob. What a fucking
bastard!”

“You are so gosh damn vague that I cannot
possibly understand the depth of your hatred for your brother. You
have to give me something Jason.”

“I have. I told you not to communicate with
him; that I can’t fuckin’ stand him, and that we will probably
never get along. That isn’t enough?” His breathing was erratic; he
shut his eyes.

“No it isn’t. Why can’t I know why?” I
crossed my arms, determined not to relent and, just like that, he
walked out of the room and into his office. I followed him and
found him on the phone.

“Heather, its Jason, where’s Jacob?” He
barked, in a rather brash tone. “Well, put him on the phone.”

I stood in the doorway, disgusted by his tone
with Heather; she looked like such a nice wholesome girl, and
didn’t deserve the wrath that he had for his brother. I couldn’t
hear Jacob on the line, so I only got a one-sided conversation, but
trying to fill in the blanks, I could tell that Jacob wasn’t
intimidated by Jason in the least bit.

“Seriously Jacob? You think it’s okay to talk
to Cara behind my back?” He paused, waiting for Jacob’s
response.

“Well, she is off limits to you. I thought I
made that clear.” And, there was another pause.

“You know what, fuck you, you piece of shit.
You’re lucky I didn’t beat you to a pulp while I was there and had
the chance to.” Jason’s fists were clinched, and I knew if Jacob
were here, they would be in a full on brawl. “I’ll tell you what,
contact her again, and I’ll be on the first flight to give you and
old fashioned ass whoopin’.” Then he slammed down the phone and ran
his fingers through his hair. He looked up at me, eyes stone cold
and froze me right where I stood.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I stared
at him, almost positive I wasn’t going to get a straight
answer.

“Cara!” he yelled, looking at me
exhaustedly.

“What?”

“Don’t what me. Why is it so important for
you to talk to him?” His southern drawl so thick that it made me
painfully aware that he was on the verge of erupting.

“It’s not. He was asking how I was doing, how
we were doing, so I answered him, didn’t want to be rude.”

“Rude? Fuck being rude. You were fishing for
information and he was hoping you would find it without him
implicating himself.” He walked over to me, like a predator
stalking his prey. “He is a fucking snake, and will use you Cara,
use you to get to me. Stay the fuck away from him.”

I looked down, and Jason tugged me into him,
my head in his chest, and I began to sob. This day had been yet
another rollercoaster. How did I go from feeling powerful and in
charge, to being reprimanded and crying? We stood in each other’s
embrace for a few minutes, and he allowed me to cry. He ran his
fingers through my hair, apologizing repeatedly, while trying to
stop my cries. I pulled away and looked at the clock on the wall
showing eight fifteen. I told Jason that I had a bag full of
clothes that I kept in my car, so he went out to get it.

When Jason returned, I was in his bathroom,
running the water for a hot shower. He asked if he could join me
and I obliged. The shower was just the right temperature, and the
overhead stream was therapeutic, which I desperately needed after
the day that I'd had. We got into the shower and stood under the
overhead, taking in the gratifying message as the beads hit our
heads and rolled down our bodies. He cupped my chin in his hand,
and tilted my head up ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry babe. I can’t let my temper get
the best of me,” he whispered, “not where you’re concerned.” and
with his other hand, he wiped the slow, trickling tears from my
face.

I put on a brave smile, and slowly nodded my
head. Words failed me at the moment, and somehow, it’s okay, just
doesn’t seem sufficient.

Jason took the sponge and proceeded to wash
my body. I returned the favor, and soon we were both covered in a
rich, decadent smelling lather. After a few moments of just basking
in the lather and steam, we rinsed off, and exited the shower.

Jason towel dried my hair, and I was reminded
of how much he enjoyed my curly tresses. I actually enjoyed him
doing that, so I relaxed and let him work his magic. When he
finished, I put my panties on, and walked over to the bed. I was
emotionally spent, so bed was all that was on my mind. He fished
some boxers out of his drawer and after putting them on, walked
over to the bed to join me.

“Cara, I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am
for losing my temper with you today.”

“We both got a little out of hand today. I’m
sorry too.” I sniffed my nose, and shook my head. “Today was so
unlike me.”

“I know and the alcohol didn’t help.”

“Didn’t help you either, I think whiskey
fires you up.”

“It’s one of a few.”

I knew his brother, and even me were on that
list. He handed me the remote control to the TV, and I placed it on
the nightstand next to the bed.

“I don’t feel like watching TV right now, I
just want to lie in your arms and fall asleep.”

He smiled at me, “then that’s what we’ll
do.”

In what felt like a matter of seconds, I was
lost in a deep sleep.

<>

I woke up, alone and glanced at the clock to
find that it was only two thirty-three in the morning. Where was
Jason? We went to bed on such a good note that I was hoping he
didn’t start thinking about the absurdity of me and Chase and throw
himself back into a violent rage.

I walked out of the bedroom and followed the
blue light of the TV into the living room. Jason was on the couch
with a beer in his hand, staring at the TV, but not necessarily
taking in anything that was actually on the screen. He was startled
by my presence, but shifted to a welcoming smile. He tapped the
couch, signaling me to come over and sit next to him.

“Why are you up?” He asked, his voice full of
concern.

“I don’t know. I woke up and you weren’t
there. Why are you up?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning
all night, and you were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’t want
to wake you.” His tone was low and longing.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Everything. I wasn’t sure if you had gone to
bed with us being okay or not, and I couldn’t bear for you to go to
bed being mad at me. If there is one thing my Mama has always told
me, it’s never go to bed angry. I’m trying.”

“Guess that’s why I’m up. I wanted to make
sure we were okay after the horrendous day that we had
yesterday.”

He smiled a genuine smile at me and laid me
down with him, my head on his chest. He gently massaged my head,
and I allowed myself to escape with his touch.

“You are so amazing Cara. I mean, I know I
don’t deserve you, and yet somehow, you’re here.”

“Shhh,” I replied, “too heavy a conversation
at this hour. Plus, I’m still tired.”

He propped me up, stood, carried me down the
hall, and laid me down in the bed. He joined me, and I ran my
fingers over his beautiful face. There was definitely something
eating away at him, but right now was not the time to play Perry
Mason. He took my finger and kissed it, softly. I felt my skin
tingle at the sensual touch of his lips, and I leaned over and
planted an emotionally charged kiss on him. He thrusts his hands
into my hair, while his tongue entered my mouth. I joined him, and
the passion that was the foundation of this dysfunctional
relationship had entered our realm once again. As we pulled away,
we gazed into each other’s eyes, not saying a word. We gave mutual
smiles, and I lay my head down on his chest. No words necessary, no
sex necessary, just our affection for one another, and the
realization that as fucked up as this relationship had been, we
both wanted it, so we were going to make it work.

Jason fell asleep before I did, and while
staring at him while he slept, I saw a guy who was relaxed and
content, which was gratifying to say the least.

<>

When I woke, courtesy of the bright San Diego
sun, I glanced over to Jason and found him still dead to the world.
I was shocked. It was nine fourteen in the morning; I never slept
in that late. I guess it could have been the horrid day I had the
night before, the alcohol, or the mid-night wake-up. Then again, a
combination of the three lead to quite the concoction, and I sighed
heavily. Had we solved anything, or did I just agree to back off? I
think it was the latter, but for the moment, I was content with
that. Even though Jason was furious with Jacob for communicating
with me, I was heeding his advice, and I would stay on Jason.

I left the room and tip-toed to the kitchen
to check my cell phone.

from Chels

*You stayed, so I’m hoping things are better. You
deserve the world Cara, don’t forget that.*