Redeeming a Rake (19 page)

The small hands reverently took the offered
ribbon. “What a lovely pale blue. Are you sure…?”

“Yes! Now leave!” The words were harsh and
full of anger. Her eyes went wide as if he’d shot her through the
heart. “I’m not paying a fortune for privacy so I can be plagued by
children.”

The girl remained next to his chair looking
hurt and strangely disappointed. “Will I see you in the
morning?”

“No! Take the ribbon and go.”

“
But what if we were to
meet someday; would you kiss me?”

The question conjured up tempting thoughts.
Her parents would probably sell the child’s guardianship for the
right price. Having a dependent would give him someone to spend his
money on; someone to think about other than himself. He could send
the girl to his mother until the child was old enough to be his
wife. She’d be safe and she’d never go hungry again. She’d have
everything her heart desired, but she’d feel obligated to marry him
even if she didn’t want to. The ugly part of him whispered it
didn’t matter; she’d be content with her lot. He had to make her go
away before he gave into temptation. “Leave!” His throat burned as
he roared out the word and the angel fled.

His thoughts returned to the garden as the
angel flung her arms around his neck and gazed up at him with an
adoring smile that made the blood pound through his veins. He
pulled her close and gulped down a lungful of air, “Sunshine of my
heart…”

“I thought I’d lost you forever.” Geoffrey
felt blue skies and fluffy clouds fill up his insides as she rubbed
her cheek over his chest. “I’ve missed you. Well? Haven’t you
missed me a little?” Pulling her close he claimed her smiling lips
and was overwhelmed by a wave of pleasure. His blood flowing in
torrents through his veins made him ache with longing; the woman he
loved was in his arms and she wanted him. He was in heaven.
Encouraged by her long kiss he allowed his hands to admire tempting
curves. When the kiss ended he removed his lips to her neck.
Feeling her shiver increased the pressure. With his blood
thundering in his ears, his hands expertly searched for warm flesh
hidden under smooth linen.

“What are you doing? Geoffrey let go of my
skirt. I wanted a kiss not a tumble. Geoffrey, stop!” Her words
were mere noises he assumed to be encouragment. He pulled her
closer and moaned his mutual longing in her ear. “Stop sucking on
my earlobe…no, don’t kiss me there…”

Geoffrey was trying to decide how to lower
her onto the grass without removing his lips from her skin when
pain erupted in his left foot making him roar in pain. One moment
he was in heaven, the next he was shoved away with his blood at a
boil. Standing alone he stared in shock as she took several steps
back and eyed him with suspicion. “Why did you stomp on my foot? Am
I going to spend eternity being taunted with kisses and then left
to rot without hope of relief? This is my hell isn’t it?”

“I wanted you to kiss me…” Geoffrey watched
her chest heave in and out with growing disappointment as he
struggled to resist dragging her back into his arms. “…not ravish
me. You’re not the old Geoffrey are you?”

Thunder and lightning suddenly wrecked havoc
inside Geoffrey’s skull as mental blue skies were enveloped in rain
clouds. He scowled in anger at her disappointed tone. “What do you
mean the old Geoffrey?”

“You’re the one who can’t remember…”

“Pardon me Madam for having my head bashed
in. Next time I’ll prearrange with the ruffians to break my
legs.”

“I miss my friend!”

“I’m right here…with a sore foot and other
aching parts.” He cautiously limped towards her and reached out to
caress her arm. “I need to hold you. I won’t hurt you.”

She pulled her arm away and took another
step backwards. “You’re treating me as if I were nothing more than
a handy skirt. I’m your friend, not your whore.”

Geoffrey glared down at her upturned face as
he felt his chest constrict from the blow of her words. “That’s
unfair! You flung yourself into my arms. What did you expect from a
man who craves all of you?”

“I thought you’d kiss me and hold me in your
arms like a gentleman…like before.” Geoffrey stood frozen with
horror as his angel sobbed into her hands. He’d made his angel cry
again. Fighting the impulse to turn and limp as far away as he
could into the distance, he faced further rejection by lightly
caressing her hair.

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m
the same man? I give you my word as a gentleman I won’t do
anything, but hold you. You love me…you love being in my arms.”

“I won’t be used as any man’s jade. Not even
in my dreams.”

“If I thought you a jade I’d never have
asked you to marry me.”

“You can’t treat me like a cheap slut and
not expect me to think you’d treat your wife the same.”

“I beg your pardon for misunderstanding your
intentions, but you can’t blame me for caressing you when you threw
yourself into my arms. You make me feel things I’ve never felt. I
love you!”

“Wanting to bed a woman doesn’t mean you
love her. It means you find her desirable. It’s a good thing I’m
leaving London. It’ll give you time to see that wanting me in your
bed will fade as soon as you meet a more desirable object.”

Her voice cracked on the last two words as
Geoffrey’s misery and anger slowly deflated into utter dejection.
“You’re leaving? When? For how long?”

“Tomorrow morning…for my country estate. I
hope to return next spring.”

“But you can’t go…I couldn’t bear it. It’s
hard enough being separated from you by a mile. Don’t leave. I’ll
stay away. I’ll do anything…”

His companion looked up at him with a pained
expression. “My reputation is in tatters. I can’t walk through the
park or shop without unpleasant comments. I don’t feel safe and
you…”

Geoffrey reached out to touch her face; the
desire to protect her was so blinding he forgot he was dead. “You
could marry me and…”

“Geoffrey, we discussed this…”

“Let me finish!” It was an imperious
command. “We could marry…” Geoffrey closed his eyes and grimaced.
Open, his eyes were filled with resolve, “…and if after several
months or a year or however long you choose. If you still don’t
wish to share my bed or be my Duchess I could sue for an annulment
on grounds of…impotence.” Saying the word made him shudder with
horror. “I could at least repay you for saving my life.”

“You might not find another woman who’d
marry you.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Geoffrey, I could never marry you with such
a contingent…”

“Truly?”

“No, but I can’t marry you.”

“Is that your final answer? Is my angel
determined to refuse me? Am I never to know your love?”

Geoffrey’s heart filled with hope as his
angel reached up and touched his cheek. “Of course it isn’t.”

Catching hold of her fingers he pulled them
to his lips. “Would you have accepted an offer of marriage if I was
the other Geoffrey?”

She hesitated before looking him in the
eyes. “Yes.”

Geoffrey tightened his hold on her hand as
he was emotionally pulled between delight, sadness, anger and
jealousy. He had to show her that she could trust him like before
or she’d never change her mind. He raised her hand to his lips and
closed his eyes as he pressed it to his cheek. He reluctantly let
go of her hand and boldly reached out and tucked a stray lock of
long white hair behind her left ear as silence filled the garden.
It was several minutes before Geoffrey could think of something to
say as she stared up at him with sad eyes. “Do you remember staying
at an inn about twelve years ago and a gentleman giving you a pale
blue ribbon?”

Sad eyes transformed into the smile that
beamed sunlight into his heart. She was smiling at him not the
other Geoffrey. “Of course I remember, you were my knight in pale
blue velvet.”

“Is that what you called me?” He returned
her smile feeling uncomfortably youthful. “You were my angel. When
you smiled you knocked the wind from my lungs. You were the
loveliest creature I’d ever seen. You still are.”

The smile inexplicably wavered as her eyes
filled with tears. “And you’re still making me blush.”

Geoffrey’s silent laughter seemed to echo
through the garden causing the birds to sing louder as the wind
rustled the willow. “Forgive me for being a thoughtless tyrant.”
Geoffrey slowly reached out and caressed her cheek. She didn’t pull
away. “I was angry and hurt that you didn’t want me. I don’t know
how you can think I’m kind…”

“Sometimes the smallest acts of kindness
mean the most. That night you gave me a ribbon, you didn’t just
ensure I was allowed dinner, you saved my life. Married to Charles,
almost every day I wanted to walk out into the garden and sample
every poisonous plant I could find, anything to avoid another hour
with that hateful man, but I’d take out your ribbon and remember
that there was kindness in the world and I’d choose to endure
another day in the hope…”

“Then why won’t you marry me?”

“My head says you’re just another hardened
rake hungry for love, but my heart…”

“Your angelic heart?”

“My foolish heart insists that you’re the
same kind man I fell in love with at twelve.” Geoffrey held his
breath as she pressed her cheek against his chest. He slowly inched
his arms around her shoulders and sighed in relief as the storm
cloud in his chest started to clear leaving blue skies. “I want to
be your wife. I want to take care of you and make sure you eat
three good meals a day. I want to have your children, but I’m
terrified I might be wrong about you. I can’t marry another Charles
Spencer. He was… The marriage bed was…” Geoffrey’s arms tightened
as she sobbed into his shirt. “He demanded that I love him, but
there was no goodness in him. There was nothing to love. He said
since he’d paid twenty-thousand pounds to own me he’d get his
monies worth, that I’d service his needs like twenty-thousand
whores. He degraded me; forced me to pleasure him in front of the
servants. If I refused he’d beat me until I begged him to let me do
what he wanted. I didn’t know I could hate anyone until…him. I
won’t suffer it again. I won’t! When you kissed me and threw that
coin you made me feel I was back there…the property of a
devil.”

“Charles Spencer is lucky he’s dead. If he
wasn’t…I’d make him wish he were, the bastard. The things I’d make
him do… I’m sorry I kissed you and threw that coin. I was jealous
that you love the me I can’t remember. I’ve never been loved. I
hate myself for what I did. My father was right, I am a worm.”

“You’re not a worm, you’ve had your head
bashed in. You’ve forgotten how kind and good you can be and I
haven’t been very patient.”

“I’m almost never kind Sunshine. Even Howard
says I’m a rude thoughtless tyrant. I can’t take back what I did; I
wish someone would hit me on the head so I could forget it. Why the
devil can’t I forget the bad things and remember the good things?
All I have is a box of letters and the knowledge that I’ve lost the
woman I love.”

“You haven’t lost me. Show me you’re the
Geoffrey I love.”

“How? Who is he? I don’t know where I’d
start.”

“You already have.”

“How?”

“Let go of the anger and be yourself. Why
did you give me a ribbon so I could eat my dinner?”

“Because I knew what it felt like to be
hungry; to be starved by people who are supposed to love and
cherish you. That night at the inn, I wanted to make you my ward
and take you away. I wanted to put you somewhere safe until you
were old enough to become my duchess. When I yelled at you to leave
I thought I was protecting you from a fate worse than death. I
should have rescued you when I had the chance. I should have known
another devil would try to buy you. Curse me to hell! How could
anyone hurt you? How could I hurt you? Forgive me…I beg you.”

“Oh Geoffrey…”

She was fading as if finished haunting the
garden. Geoffrey tried to hold her, but she evaporated like morning
dew in the heat of the mid-day sun. “Angel!” His arms were empty as
he roared with fury at the sky. There was no answer, except the
cheerful chirping of the birds. He was in hell after all.

Geoffrey’s wet bleary eyes opened to find
the early morning sunlight streaming in through open curtains onto
his pillow. He groaned at the pain somewhere in his skull and the
bitter taste of laudanum clinging to his tongue. Turning onto his
back he stared at the white ceiling as it slowly penetrated his
fuzzy brain that he wasn’t dead. “Howarrrrd!” His voice bounced off
the walls and ricocheted off his pain filled skull. There was a
long wait before the slow shuffling footsteps stopped beside his
bed.

“You rang my Lord?”

“I’m alive!”

“Yes Your Grace. Shall I order a bath?”

“A bath?” The thought of being able to enjoy
such a simple sensation seemed astounding. “Yes…I want a bath…a hot
bath…and I’ll have sweet bread pudding for breakfast…and Howard
tell Hawkings to double your pay and um…thank you.”

“Thank you Your Grace.” The old man closed
the door behind him with raised eyebrows. There was hope yet for
the Devil’s Corpse.

Geoffrey jumped out of bed and ignored his
aching head as he danced around the room. He was alive. He’d get to
see his angel again. He’d beg her forgiveness and treat her like a
Queen. He’d rescue her… He stopped twirling as his heart sank. What
if his angel was leaving London?

Eleven thirty found Geoffrey fidgeting with
his cravat and waistcoat while his footman knocked on the Spencer
door. Would he be allowed inside? It was improbable, but he had to
try. Several minutes passed. He sucked in air through his teeth and
nodded for the footman to knock again. At last the sound of
activity. The door opened to reveal a dishevelled footman with
sleepy eyes. “Is Mrs Spencer receiving today?” He held out his
card, unconsciously scowling as his insides wrenched with fear. He
knew he wouldn’t be waived inside like the day before, but he’d
hoped at least have his card carried to the lady so she’d know he’d
was on her doorstep.