Redemption: A British Stepbrother Romance (52 page)

N
ora wasn’t
my only client. I had to remind myself of that sometimes.

I now went through the group fighting sessions on autopilot. The women still flirted with me, but I barely noticed them. I had my eyes on someone else. Or more accurately, I was doing everything in my power not to keep my eyes on someone else.

Nora would ‘accidentally’ show up to the gym an hour or two before our lesson began, pretending to forget the time, and even appeared on her rest nights for a spontaneous workout.

We snuck around like a couple keeping their relationship secret, which we kind of were. There was no relationship yet, but something was brewing, and neither of us wanted that to happen under the watchful eye of Duke and Gayle.

I risked a glance at her whenever I could get away with it, and occasionally I would catch her doing the same thing. She’d smile and I’d lose track of where I was and what I was doing. One student had punched me in the chest because I’d forgotten to block.

Nora probably wouldn’t want to watch me fight next month, but even if she did, I’d have to tell her to stay away. She would prove to be far too much of a distraction. Ring girls never distracted me during a fight, no matter how pretty they were. I’d fooled around with them after fights—never right before—but they were quickly forgotten.

The evening’s class was nearly over, and that meant I’d be able to go over and chat to Nora. I’d have to shake off the women here first, but I had added motivation now. I wouldn’t be giving any of them extra lessons tonight. None of the women here could be a distraction.

None. Until Tracy walked through the door.

I knew instantly that this wasn’t just a coincidence. Tracy wasn’t here to use the gym. She wanted to talk to me, and whatever the news was, it didn’t look good.

A quick bit of mental arithmetic told me that she couldn’t be pregnant—not with my kid anyway. We’d last slept together six months ago, but her waist was as slim as ever. That should have been a relief, but it just had me worried for whatever news she had instead.

Tracy wasn’t exactly the quiet type, so I expected her to storm right up to me and demand to talk, but instead she took a seat on one of the benches and waited patiently. That freaked me the hell out almost as much as a round belly would have.

I ended the class five minutes early, and heard a few disappointed groans as I walked away from the group and straight over to Tracy. Duke’s office looked empty, so I motioned for her to follow me to the back of the gym.

We had to walk right passed Nora, but this time I couldn’t make eye contact with her. She wouldn’t be smiling at this, not if she knew Tracy was an ex-girlfriend.

I closed the door behind us, but Duke wouldn’t hesitate to walk straight in anyway. If Nora wanted, she’d be able to listen to every word we said by standing outside the door. The walls were so thin they barely blocked any sound, but Nora wasn’t the nosy type. At least, she didn’t seem to be, but what did I know? We’d only had one full night together.

Tracy and I hadn’t ended on particularly good terms, but I’d grown up with her brother so we had to keep it civil. As much as I wanted her to leave, I could tell she was struggling not to cry and needed some support. I could do that much at least.

“Hi,” she said, trying to force a smile. “It’s good to see you again.”

It’s only been a few months, Tracy
.

“Sure, it’s good to see you too.”

What do you want?

“I don’t really know how to tell you this,” Tracy began, looking down at the floor the entire time. I’d never seen her look scared before. “I’m posting a message about it online tonight, and I’ll send out a few emails, but I wanted to tell you in person.”

This sounded fucking serious. I took a step closer to her to try and be supportive without actually putting my arm around her.

“You have me a little scared now,” I admitted.

Tracy gave a little laugh, but it disappeared again just as quickly. “Like you could ever be scared of anything.”

She meant it as a complement, but it left me feeling rather uneasy. Had she always thought of me as being so… robotic. Sure, I wasn’t scared of the usual physical threats that might bother some people, but I sure as hell knew fear.

I’d watched people get shot in front of me. I’d watched people die. Fear is being in charge of the family at the age of sixteen. Fear is not knowing if your brother is ever going to draw another breath. Fear is watching him die.

“What’s wrong, Tracy?”

“It’s Nick.”

I should have known. Nick had been a good friend over the years, but the guy had issues. I’d done everything in my power to keep him out of prison, but I shouldn’t have bothered. He still broke the law every other week.

She probably needed bail money. She’d come to the wrong guy. I beat people up in an underground cage for money; I was hardly flush with cash.

“What happened?”

“He died.”

For a few seconds, I couldn’t feel my feet on the floor. The walls appeared to move further away, and Tracy’s voice was distant in my ears.

My brain desperately reached out to recollect the last time I’d spoken to Nick. I couldn’t remember. Too long ago for such a close friend.

“He’s dead?”

Tracy nodded, and burst into tears. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in so she could cry onto my shoulder. It had the added benefit of letting me hide my own emotions from her.

I’d never cried in front of a woman, and I didn’t intend to start now. Not so that I could appear strong and brave, but to support her as best I could. I’d lost a friend, but Tracy had lost a brother.

“What happened?” I asked.

Tracy lifted her head from my shoulder and pulled a tissue out of her bag to dab away her tears.

“I don’t want to talk about it here,” she said, looking around at Duke’s messy, dirty office. “This place holds too many bad memories.”

Nick used to train here, and Duke had tried to recruit him as a fighter, but whereas I had knuckled down and got to work, Nick had messed around and hadn’t taken it seriously. He’d been destroyed in his first fight, and had quit the next day.

I couldn’t think ill of him any more, but deep down, I knew that Nick had partly brought this on himself. He’d been given the chances. I’d tried to save him, but it hadn’t been enough. Everything I’d done had been for nothing.

I found myself more angry than sad. That would pass; then I’d just be left with grief.

“Want to go get a drink?” I asked.

Tracy shook her head. “I can’t talk about Nick in a loud bar.”

“My place?”

She shook her head again. “Can we go back to mine?”

I agreed. Tracy had never liked spending the night at mine, because she didn’t like the neighborhood. I didn’t like hers much either, but that was because it felt sterile and dull. It was one of those areas that used to have style until it was gentrified with loads of new apartments and health food stores.

As we stepped out of the office, I saw Nora stretching on the mats getting ready for her training session. She was going to hate me for this, but I couldn’t worry about that now. I’d rather not be going back to Tracy’s apartment at all, but that seemed insignificant compared to Nick dying.

“Hey,” I said, standing behind Nora while she bent over trying to touch her toes.

“Hi. You ready for our session?” I caught her glance over my shoulder at Tracy who was waiting for me to leave, but she didn’t let any reaction appear on her face. Maybe she didn’t actually care.

“I need to cancel tonight. I’m sorry, but something came up.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I didn’t think I’d ever cancel on Nora, but I couldn’t be with her right now. I still felt like I was living a dream. Or a nightmare.

“I’ll make it up to you. Extra long lesson tomorrow.”

“All right.”

Nora moved over to one of the treadmills, but I knew she hated running. She’d probably stop as soon as I left. I grabbed my gear from the locker room and headed back to Tracy’s apartment.

I deliberately didn’t look at Nora as I left. I knew she’d be hurt, and she had every right to be. That didn’t change the fact that right now I needed to be with Tracy.

But I would make it up to Nora. If she gave me a chance.

T
onight’s training
session should have ended with another date.

We didn’t have any official plans, but another dinner felt inevitable. As did a night together for dessert.

It looked like only Riker had a date for the evening.

In all my thoughts about tonight, I didn’t once think that Riker would cancel our training session and walk off with another woman practically hanging off his arm.

Riker and I had been sharing glances all day. I’d look at him, while he was teaching his class and he would look at me when I was pretending to work out. Occasionally our eyes met, but neither of us let the look linger for too long, lest Duke or Gayle notice.

I’d seen attraction in his eyes. I’d been sure of it. I didn’t claim to be an expert on men, but at the very least, I thought I could recognize basic lust and desire. Apparently not.

I hit the treadmill, and turned the speed up as fast as I could handle. Normally, I found myself looking at the timer from the first minute until I reached a level where I felt comfortable quitting without feeling guilty.

This time I ran and ran and ran, until I’d done forty-five minutes and five miles. I spent the entire time thinking about Riker, and didn’t feel any better by the end of it.

Riker hadn’t asked me on a date, and now I had a horrible feeling I knew why. He’d already had one planned. Maybe they’d been dating for a while.

My dating experience was limited, and when I had done it, I’d been a traditionalist, only dating one person at a time. But I knew that wasn’t the way things were done these days.

Riker had every right to date more than one person at a time. I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t even be annoyed at him for it. I was more annoyed at myself for feeling so jealous about the whole situation.

I had no right to feel jealous. She was just some random woman, and for all I knew he was going on one final date with her to end the relationship before ours officially began.

Or maybe he would do that with me the next time we went out.

By the time I stepped off the treadmill, the sweat was dripping down my face, but I still had energy left. A month ago, I’d have struggled to get through five minutes of running, but all that training with Riker had done wonders for my stamina, and hanging around a gym meant I’d done more cardio than I’d realized.

Whereas usually a post-workout shower left me feeling as mentally refreshed as physically, this time it made little difference to my mood. I knew I was sulking and being childish, but I couldn’t help it.

Riker had aroused feelings in me that had been dormant for so long I’d almost forgotten they existed. Now he aroused a familiar feeling: despair. Not the same level of despair that I’d felt over my mom’s death, but it was the same emotion nonetheless. I hated it.

I tried to sneak out of the gym without bumping into Gayle and Duke, but I failed miserably. Duke had nothing better to do, so he was wandering aimlessly around the gym and headed over the second he saw me.

“Did Riker cancel the lesson tonight?” Duke asked.

“Yeah,” I replied casually. Or at least, I hoped it sounded casual. “He had another commitment.”

Duke frowned. “It’s not like Riker to bail out. Especially not the lessons with you; he loves them.”

“One missed lesson won’t hurt.”

“What’s he doing tonight?”

Who is he doing tonight? was probably the better question.

“I don’t know. He just left with someone. I don’t know who she was.”

“
She
? What did she look like?”

I shrugged, as if I didn’t have a crystal clear mental image of her in my head that had been haunting me for the last hour.

“Tall and thin. She turned up in a skirt and blouse, so she wasn’t here to use the gym. Just wanted to speak to Riker. I think they spoke in the office for a bit.”

“Blonde? Kind of looked like Shakira?”

I nodded, trying to repress a shudder as I acknowledged that I stood no chance next to her.

“Damn,” Duke muttered. “I’d hoped we’d seen the last of her.”

“You know her?” It must have been serious if Riker had introduced her to Duke.

“Sounds like Tracy. She’s an ex-girlfriend of Riker’s.”

“Ex?” I asked, focusing on the one positive piece of information instead of dwelling on the fact that Riker was now out with a former lover.

Were they hooking up? They might have kept a friend with benefits situation going after breaking up.

“The two of them split up a few months ago,” Duke explained. “She’s a nice enough girl, but I can’t deny being pleased when they went their separate ways.”

“Why’s that?”

“Riker’s close to Tracy’s brother, Nick, and he has been bad news over the years. Riker went out of his way to help the guy, but it never worked out.”

“Maybe that’s what tonight is about?” I asked. “An issue with the brother.”

Please say that’s what it is
.

“Yeah, probably. God, I hope not though. Not after the last time.”

“The last time?”

“Nick… oh, it’s not my place to say. Riker will tell you when he’s ready. You two are close.”

I nodded, although I don’t think Duke had meant it as a question.

“Then he’ll tell you,” Duke said with confidence.

“I don’t mind either way. He’s just my trainer.”

Duke nodded, but his grin made it clear he didn’t believe me.

“I hope you’re not going home without a workout?” he asked.

“I ran for miles.”

“Running’s just a warm up exercise. You need to fight. I’ll see if anyone else is around to teach you for a bit.”

“No,” I said quickly. Riker might be out with another woman, but if I trained with someone else, I’d still feel like I was cheating on him.

“Tell you what, let’s go down to the cage and spar for real.”

“I’m not ready for that,” I replied. “I wouldn’t know what to do in a cage.”

“That’s why we need to get you down there. Gotta practice at some point. Besides, unless I’m very much mistaken, you look like you need to hit something right now. Am I right?”

One hundred percent
.

“I suppose I have some energy to burn off.”

Duke knew exactly what I needed in that moment. For the first time since I’d started training, I fought like a fighter. I landed punch after punch with an aggression that slightly scared me, but Duke egged me on all the way.

We didn’t stop until Duke needed a rest. He was in better shape than I’d expected for someone of his age and size, but he could only take so many punches.

“Thanks,” I said to Duke. “I needed that.”

“Yeah, I could tell. Want me to give you a lift home?”

“No, I could do with the walk tonight.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow?”

“Unless Riker cancels again,” I joked.

My prevailing thought as I walked home, was that I wanted to talk to Alison. I should have told her about Riker from the start. At least that way I would have someone to vent my anger on right now. She’d always been a great listener and a much better friend than I had been to her over the years.

Alison would know why Riker had me in such a mess. My experience with men over the last few years had been limited. I’d been with boyfriends, but I’d always played it safe. Good matches on paper that didn’t raise any eyebrows. They just didn’t do much else for me.

The second I started telling Alison about Riker, she’d know it was serious from the tone of my voice. Just the fact that I was talking to her about a man would give it away. Previous break-ups had been solved over a glass of wine, a movie, and some ice cream.

I’d only been on one date with Riker, but I already knew it would take a lot more than alcohol and comfort food to move past him.

A lot more.